Personal Growth
Every Last Crumb
5 min read
5 min read
A simple tool guaranteed to improve your marriage if you commit to trying it.
I want to give you a tool that I guarantee will drastically improve your marriage in one week.
Both you and your spouse need to make a commitment to do the following: Don't cause pain, give pleasure.
After doing years of marriage counseling and being married for twenty years, I believe the key to enjoying each other and your marriage comes down to this one principle. But can it really be so simple? I don't have any doubt that the answer is, "yes."
So if it's so simple, why doesn't everyone do it? It should be easy -- just stop causing pain and only give each other pleasure, right?
Here are a few reasons why more people aren't applying this principle.
First, most couples are simply not aware of this principle.
There's so much written on the subject of relationships, that everything is made to sound so complicated. Indeed, making things more complicated than they have to be is a basic problem of human nature as King Solomon wrote in the Book of Proverbs:
God has made man straight, but he creates many complications.
Life is simpler than we think. We just make it much harder than it needs to be.
Secondly, to apply this tool requires a conscious effort and much work.
Another aspect of human nature is that people generally don't like pain. Yet, when it comes to building a strong marriage, one has to be ready to accept much pain.
People often say that you have to work at marriage. But most people don't really know what that means.
I can promise you at least one thing: If you and your spouse commit to working on this tool, you both will come to understand the meaning of "working at a relationship."
A giver is someone who is committed to minimizing causing others pain.
Thirdly, to apply this tool successfully, you have to want to be a giver rather than a taker. Marriage is a great reality test. A giver is someone who is committed to minimizing causing others pain and maximizing giving others pleasure. Are you a giver?
If you want to find out really quickly, try to fulfill this formula for one week and see how you do. In order to put it into practice, here are some practical suggestions, first about not inflicting pain and secondly, how to give more pleasure.
HOW NOT TO INFLICT PAIN
HOW TO GIVE PLEASURE
Lastly, it is crucial that, every day, you recommit to the goal to give pleasure and not cause pain. Great marriages are truly built one day at a time!