At 84, Leona Fallas has boundless positive energy, a winning smile and is about to celebrate her 67th wedding anniversary with her husband whom she met as a teen.
“We started dating when I was 18 and spent a lot of time at the Bradley Beach Resort. At the end of the summer I came home and we were calling and writing. He wanted to possibly get engaged and continue a long-distance engagement.
“My aunt said, ‘That’s ridiculous, let them get married and go back together.’ So my mother organized a wedding in only ten days’ time, and we went back to Pittsburgh as a married couple!”
The happy couple, early days
Eventually they moved back to Los Angeles and began to build a business together while simultaneously starting a family. “We stuck together and built a beautiful life.”
With 67 years of experience under her belt, Leona has loads a marriage advice, some of it unconventional. Here are three pearls of wisdom.
Go to Bed Angry
Most people advise, “Never go to sleep angry. “ Leona strongly disagrees.
“I find that it’s all right if you go to bed angry. You don’t have to make everything lovey dovey or smooth things over. If it’s important, it will be there tomorrow.”
She claims that going to bed angry is one of her secrets to maintaining a happy and long-lasting marriage.
“If it is that important, it can wait, and if not, it will disappear. Don’t jump. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. They love you, and you love them. Put on the brakes; don’t jump. The first answer isn’t always the best answer.”
Commit Even When It’s Hard
Marriage requires commitment. There are good times and bad, and one has to learn to navigate and go along for the ride.
“Many years ago when I was young, I remember wanting to leave. I don’t remember what exactly transpired, but I was upset in the relationship.”
Leona chuckled to herself as she reminisced over this moment, and then continued, “I decided I wanted to head down to Palm Springs where we had a vacation condo, to get a break and think for myself. I even started driving down the highway.
“On the road, I began to think, ‘What’s the matter with you? Get yourself back on track! Turn around…’ And so, I came home…
“My partner is a strong person who often takes the lead. This added a challenging dimension to our relationship at times, but served him well in business.”
Leona thinks that a lack of overall commitment today is weakening marriages. She finds that the younger generation is avoiding marriage altogether because of it. Leona urges young people to commit to marriage and stay together, despite inevitable challenges.
“Marriage is like an investment; it will eventually pay dividends. The investment needs to be protected. That means holding off from reacting at times, and waiting to respond. Don’t allow your anger to overtake the moment.
“You’re not always on the same page, not always feeling good together, but hang in there and give the benefit of the doubt.“
She further noted, “We all get tired and experience times when our mates won’t be doing or saying the right thing, at the right time. Relax. You have a long-term investment here.”
Count Your Blessings
Leona strongly believes in counting one’s blessings to enhance a marriage. Despite the major health issues she has had throughout her life, Leona has maintained a positive outlook. She also makes sure to recognize the positive in her spouse.
In fact, when I asked Leona what she felt her husband did to maintain a successful marriage, she said it was undoubtedly his positivity.
“My husband had a road map. There was an end goal that he wanted to reach and let nothing negative get in his way. I’m very proud of his accomplishments. He sustained a synagogue and started a school [Gindi Maimonides].”
Leona sums up three keys to her successful marriage: go to bed angry, commit despite challenges, and count your blessings. Utilizing these will help couples reap the dividends of a successful investment – a long-lasting, happy marriage.
(11) Essie Fechter, May 17, 2019 9:17 PM
Reading this story was somewhat like looking into a mirror.
I was 18 and my husband was 31 when we met and married after 6 months of dating. We were married 67 years this March 16th, but he just passed away shortly before on March 5th. Ours was a truly love relationship for these 67 years. There was not a day passed that he did not tell me that he loved me and called me his BTW (beautiful wife) to others. We had a loving and caring life together working together in the beginning and started a business and raised 4 children all successful in their chosen careers. I am having a very hard time waking up mornings without the love of my life not being there. He always trusted me and I always trusted him. Our long life together was one of love and trust and giving to the other. I am now 85 and he was 98. For any "ups and downs" we always worked it out.. I loved Leona's story and saw it much like ours in so many ways. One big difference was my parents did not help us in getting married. We "eloped" and wrote them a letter announcing our marriage as we thought they would not approve a Jew marrying a non Jewish girl. It worked! His mother, a widow, accepted me immediately although she was the daughter of an orthodox rabbi who would not have approved of the marriage had he been alive, but he would have "come around" knowing our marriage gave him 4 Jewish great grand children..
(10) Pauline Sonboleh, May 16, 2019 5:03 AM
My husband and I have been married for 68 years!
I have been asked what's your secret. My reply is,if you decide to get divorced, you could possibly end up with someone who is even more "mishuga" Make the best of what you have.
(9) Mikhla dauer, May 15, 2019 11:28 PM
Keep a marriage happy
Wonderful article
(8) Robert Richter, May 15, 2019 12:10 AM
math error!
Either she's 85 or she married at 17, not eighteen.
(7) Ernest R. Freeman, May 14, 2019 2:51 PM
Right ON!
I would add have a great deal of tolerance for your mate's psychological foibles. The two major "disorders" are anxiety and obsessive-compulsive (OCD). As we age these may become more obvious. Have patience and love! I am an 85 year old male and we are celebrating our 65th anniversary next month. We also had four children though one of them succumbed to cancer several years ago.
(6) Eric Wood, May 14, 2019 2:36 PM
Agree after a succesful 50 year marriage
Mine is a male perspective but it falls in line with this, I had 50 years before my wife died and it had its ups and downs but then we stayed together as life had its impact and we were both fulfilled whilst never in total agreement.
(5) Shifra Itzkowitz, May 14, 2019 2:30 PM
how true
if only all young adults would know these important Torah principles.
(4) Anonymous, May 14, 2019 1:38 PM
Be kind to eachother!
And a sgn of a successful marriage is you're building eachother up!
I was happily married for 45 years.
(3) Leah, May 14, 2019 12:53 AM
Thank you so much for saying go to bed angry if that needs to be. I can't stand when some will say never go to bed angry or we never ever go to bed angry. I think, why not? Why push the issue to have everything figured out in two seconds flat?
I wouldn't want to be pushed to say or feel something that I feel I'm being pushed into doing or feeling.
She is right on the money!!!!
Leah, May 16, 2019 10:05 PM
Totally agree
Much better to sometimes go to bed angry. You might be angry more because you are moody than anything else. In the morning you might realize that and be glad you kept it to yourself instead of making an issue out of nothing. Also, so important in marriage to be mevater-let things go- sometimes.
(2) Elliott Katz, May 13, 2019 5:55 PM
This wise advice should be read by every married
Investing in the long term in wise advice. I saw it in my own parents.
(1) Aviel, May 13, 2019 11:51 AM
not everrybody can do to bed angry and sleep welll
it works for her but better seems to me to let anger at ones spouse fester overnight. commitment is essential it's like commitment to Torah even when one does not feel like it. A husband and wife have obligations in a marriage just as to ones kids.Love is great but making marriage work is continuing to behave as a loving spouse even when the love is not felt but the commitment is still there