Three Reasons Couples Grow Apart

I've read these tips dozens of times and they don't answer the real issue. People who have genuine affection for each other don't grow apart. Sure, life gets in the way sometimes and we forget to make the fun happen, but couples who truly care about each other will usually do these things naturally at some point, will gravitate towards each other, miss the good times. I really believe that only couples who are distant emotionally to begin with for whatever reason, will not make any effort in these areas and I'f they need these tips, will probably not want to or know how to follow them. The thing is to get help regarding the lack of natural feeling of wanting to be together, and then learning how to keep it there.

So what do you do if your spouse already wants to quit the marriage? That's what is happening to mine right now. Married for 22 years and my wife wants to split. I think it's a bad decision. But her mind is made up. I just want it over now. Been going back and forth to court for almost ten months now. Once the court gives us a divorce decree I won't hesitate to go to the Bais Din and give her a get.

We have no problem with the years of our marriage . . . 61 years.

Some couples do it and some don't. We probably lasted this long because I am married to my sister (step sister, really).

Be well

Time away is very important. Freedom is very important. Freedom to do what you need to do. As long as no one gets hurt, it is moral , legal and affordable, you need to have your own life some times.Nothing risky, sometimes just a day away and a little bit of fun. I've heard date night is important. I've always known couples who go out, but don't plan it ahead and don't go often. Even a short date can be fun.

To help staying together, both partners in a marriage need to discuss and share their thoughts and emotions. They should seek, and especially give encouragement from and to each other. When given properly, positive criticism serves to strengthen the bonds between husband and wife. It develops the feeling of concern and care for each other and develops a feeling of oneness.

As succinct and as on-target as I have ever heard it expressed. We are seeing way too many good marriages and families devastated by divorce.

I understand how the excuses go. But it all ends up with one statement "My marriage wasn't important enough."

My wife and I have been in a raging battle over the last seven years. When we married I moved into her home that was filled with furniture and chachkies that would do the entire population of a nursing home proud. It's not that I didn't like her stuff, it was that there was so much that there was no room for anything new. No room for anything shared. And the life we lived was like island hopping through her stuff to find the things we needed to actually live our life. We were constantly living in a mess, moving crap from one place to another, losing things that were important in our real life.

When we made aliyah we put only the things we needed in the apartment and the rest in storage. The apartment is clean and neat and functional. And since we included the best stuff from her possessions as accent pieces, its elegant too.

She sent me back to the storage room yesterday to push yet some more stuff we didn't need out of our home. The stuff thats in storage...the stuff that was the subject of violent arguments...that she could not live without...its been there for three years and she's never needed to get anything out.

Its not that these people divorce over boredom or separate lives or stressors, its that these people make entertainment, their separate goals and stressors more important than their marriage.

Like my wifes stuff in storage, those things are still there married or not. They just prefer to live with those things instead of their spouse.

A marriage is a tool that puts those things in perspective. I doubt anyone lies on their death bed wishing they had had more fun or less stress or a better career and more money. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna wish I had more time with my wife and daughter. That's all that's important.

My wife and I learned that it is crucial for our shalom bayis to go away at least once a year for 2-3 nights ALONE -- with no kids.

It refreshes our relationship and renews our attachment to each other.

Try it, you'll like it!