When reading a recent Newsweek editorial by Christine Flowers extolling the virtues of same-sex education, I was reminded of a Shabbos guest we once had. A middle-aged man (am I that age now too?), he apparently had a regular joke when meeting teenage girls. So he asked my daughter how old she was.
"Seventeen," she replied.
"Me too" he said. "What grade?"
"Twelfth," she answered.
"Me too." So far so good. "What school?"
"Bais Yaakov."
"Me too!" he proudly asserted.
The joke was on him. "It's an all-girls school," my daughter politely admonished.
The concept of separating boys and girls at school has become so unusual that our guest was completely dumbfounded. It never would have occurred to him. And that's a real shame, because there are many benefits to taking the male-female dynamic out of the education equation.
A number of years ago, Karen Stabiner published, "All Girls: Single-Sex Education and Why it Matters," detailing many of the problems of a coed system (and some of the imperfections within the single gender ones as well). It's hard to read Mary Pipher's groundbreaking work, "Reviving Ophelia," which describes the drop in self-esteem and grades of girls as they approach adolescence and become more conscious of their male counterparts, without pain and revulsion. Previously bright and talented girls watch their grades drop dramatically as they focus more on dates than academic success. Is this really a benefit to our daughters? You don't have to be religious to think not.
Despite intense pressure for egalitarianism and the subsequent requirement for integration (why can't they be separate but equal?), some parents and students are slowly waking up to the power of an all-girls or all-boys school.
As the author of the Newsweek article reminds us, school is about academic accomplishment. And the studies show that girls perform much better without the pressure of looking good for the boys. Not only are they free to focus on their studies, but all that energy that usually goes into hair, makeup and clothing could be channeled into their classes. (Okay, maybe I'm stretching a point here!)
It's a tremendous relief to be able to just be yourself and not have to be "on" at school. It's a tremendous relief to feel free to state your opinions and thoughts without trying to impress. It's a tremendous relief to keep school for... well... schooling.
Our minds are only open to certain types of learning at particular times in our lives. To forgo that opportunity in favor of some elusive social goal seems an unfortunate waste. While I don't harbor any illusions that there will be an immediate and widespread return to separate-gender education, I like to cherish the hope that thoughtful parents will consider this alternative. That we will think carefully about what is really best for our children, not just do what everyone else is. And that some parents will have the courage to go against the tide and give their children and deep and full educational experience.
High school interactions between girls and boys frequently have long-term consequences, most of them negative. There are so many challenges to parenting. There are so many difficulties in schooling. Wouldn't it be nice to remove one of them from the playing field?
And it sure sweetens the pot to hear Christine Flowers say, "At Bryn Mawr, the women I encountered were brilliant, independent and focused. Not all of them arrived that way, as this writer can confirm, but all of them exited confident of success in whatever fields they chose to enter."
(16) Anonymous, July 9, 2011 2:29 PM
check each school
I wish I'd attended an all-girls school because it might have afforded me essential same-sex bonding that should occur at the outset of puberty. Our sons had similar needs for male companionship beginning in late elementary school. When reviewing high schools for our sons, however, we were dismayed to find that same-sex schools in our area (Catholic and one independent) teach mysogeny - girls are not complements of boys but "have their place" and not in an equal-but-complementary position. Physical use and abuse of girls is tolerated and even encouraged. While we of course did not study girls' schools with the same intensity, we have heard that some of these schools (again, Catholic or independent) tend to foster hyper-competitiveness and anti-male attitudes. Girls learn that a high-powered career has value, but wife and motherhood do not. We ended up sending our sons to independent co-ed schools and do not leave their education up to the schools (especially for matters pertaining to sex and sexuality). Our conclusion is that concerning the choice of co-ed or single-sex school for your child, it all depends on the school, your family, and the needs of your child. Parents must carefully evaluate the atmosphere in the school, not just the academic curriculum and sports facilities or the social prestige of the school.
(15) Liora Sitelman, July 14, 2010 1:10 PM
Bryn Mawr College!
Rebbetzin Braverman--what a charming article! It was a pleasant surprise to see Bryn Mawr mentioned, because that's where I did my college education!
(14) Harold L. Vaughn, January 10, 2007 4:26 PM
Need for studies
I like the perspective offered, but I don't like the idea of experimenting with our childrens education. Many school district and people are jumping on a band wagon for seperate gender classrooms. I have not found one conclusive study that gender is making the difference. Only that good teaching skills are needed. Which insures that gender differences are taken into account.
(13) Terry Weathers, November 12, 2005 12:00 AM
It all boils down to where to children come from and do we want the product and not the process.
It will be a very lonely world if we all pair up boy to boy , and girl to girl. At least it will be the end of America as we know it, but that is exactly what the muslim faith wants.
Either get a life or stay West of the Rockies and leave America alone. Or quit attempting to push the agenda on those love life as God intended it to be.
(12) Tanya, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
Separate but Equal
Our son aged 14 goes to a co-ed High School with a difference, the first graders in High School have separate classes but joint recesses - his results have on average improved by 10-15 % per subject, next year the classes revert to co-ed and he asked us to look at an all Boys school so we have enrolled him at a Traditional Boys school. We were also given results of recent research implying that girls fare better on their own as they do not have to balance popularity with academics and boys fare better on their own as they are able to explore "emotives" eg in poetry without having to be "macho" to remain popular with the girls.
(11) B. Perlman, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
response to Marni Rosen
You are right -- an all girls school doesn't mean no problems. In my reading of the article, however, the is not what Mrs. Braverman is claiming. She merely claims that it removes one (big) problem. The problem that your daughter had can be had in any school, all girls or coed, private or public (I had some very similar experiences in a regular public school). Such problems sometimes have solutions (a school which is a better fit), but they are orthogonal to the issue of single gender or coed education.
(10) Ilbert Phillips, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
All Girl's school are an excellent alternative.
My youngest daughter was in public school in the 4th grade and getting very mediocre grades. Her brother and sister had became frum and recommended that my wife and I (who are not frum) put her in an Orthodox day school that had just moved into our neighborhood and was uni-sex from the fifth grade on. We did. Our daughter's grades (and standardized test scores) improved immeasurably. When a conservative friend asked her why she had selected an all girls high school (a boarding school no less) and not the coed Orthodox school in town, she responded very cooly, "At this point in my life [age 13] I do not need the complication of boys." She finished high school and has just finished her third year of college,in all girls' schools. It was a blessing. Her grades just get better, and her spiritual development is off the chart.
(9) Holly, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
More miserable at all-girls college than at local community college
I went to an all-girls college for the last two years of my college education for the same reasons cited in the article. My father felt that I would benefit from being around other women without the distraction of boys, but I got better grades and was happier when I attended our local community college that was co-ed.
What I experienced at the all-girls college was complete and utter rejection and taunting. And since it was college, you couldn't just go home at the end of the day, the taunting followed you back to the dorm and these girls did all they could to make life miserable. I only made one friend in those two years and got terrible grades because I barely got any sleep (it was part of their fun to keep my friend and I up to all hours of the night).
I think maybe an all-girls school might be a good idea, but I'd be extremely apprehensive to send my daughter to one. I have less self esteem and terrible problems socializing now thanks to those girls.
(8) Hannah, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
research done on this subject
I was once told about a lady in South Africa who did a Masters degree on this subject. Her findings were that the best achievers academically, were boys at an all boys school. The second best were girls at an all girls school. Then third came girls at a co-ed school, and the worst achievers were boys at a co-ed school. It would be very interesting to see similar studies on the subject in other countries. Perhaps if someone knows any links to studies like these they can post it on this site? My own two boys attended an all boys school, and they were the top in their grades.
(7) Christine, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
Thank you, Ms. Braverman
I wanted to thank you for your perceptive comments about single-sex education. As the writer of the article you mentioned, I am amazed at the number of people who continue to believe that a same-sex education doesn't prepare girls or boys, women or men for interaction in the 'real world' whatever that means. We live in a coed world, and we won't be able to avoid interaction with the opposite sex. At least at the educational level, we should be able to create an environment where sexual tension is not an element. This is true for both sexes. My warmest regards, and your daughter sounds delightful,
Christine
(6) ella blesofsky, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
in entire agreement re single sex education
Another common phenomenen with coed education is that boys tend to be much more vocal and demanding and get an unequal amount of attention which disadvantages girls.Girls have the freedom to be individuals and shine academically at all girls schools
(5) Marni Rosen, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
All-girls
As a teacher and mother of a teenage girl(now 17), I cannot fully agree with your viewpoint. My daughter attended an all-girls school from 1st grade through 10th. She was miserable most of the time due to cliques and the mean girls who didnt accept her as she hadnt been born in their community and they were a real xenophobic bunch. As for prettying herself up, she had to anyway to compete with these girls. So while I do agree with some of your article, I cannot totally accept that all-girls schools mean no problems.
(4) Anonymous, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
Great Article
I myself attended 2 girls' schools in my high school years, and I am glad. It definitely does benefit a young girl to not have the extra distraction of boys. And it encourages stronger bonding with the same sex! I had family problems while in my high school years; and had I had Another distraction - and source of insecurity, I probably would have made worse grades than I did -- B's and some C's, with not many A's, which I Was Capable of making!
Unfortunately, I was treated as a sex object by boys - a lot in when I was entering into a public high school, and because of my already existing insecurities and depression brought on by abuse,emotional neglect,etc, I was promiscuis with several boys. I think it would have been much worse had I attended public schools all through high school, because there would have been More pressure from boys who were interested in me there.
My own son, soon to be 13, has been at home with me schooling him, for the last 1 1/2 years, and he acts much better than when he was in public school! He also has come to have stronger Moral Beliefs as a result of not being exposed to more Worldly boys' actions and Conversations! And there is Noone he feels a need to "Fit In With"!!! His confidence has risen quite a lot. I am more hopeful and confident now of his coming to the level of emotional and Spiritual Maturity I have always hoped for!
(3) Anonymous, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
Nice in theory, but...from one whose seen both sides
Dear Emuna Braverman,
I find your article about the pros of all girls education to be quite interesting. I agree with you wholeheartedly that much time in highschool may be wasted on boy-girl relationships that really amount to nothing. However I part company with you on the issue of girls performing better in single-sex learning environments. Having myself attended coed elementary and high school (orthodox day schools) followed by all girls seminaries for two years and then coed college, I am in a position to comment on both. I will tell you that when I first got into seminary, I also thought - wow - I can just roll into class and not worry about how I look or what I say and just focus on the learning - great huh? Well - that is exactly the way it was - most girls didn't focus on how they looked or what they said. I actually found throughout the years - that because there was no need to worry about what the opposite sex thought - their behavior was much poorer. It is well known that the manners and behavior of students in the more right wing schools leaves alot to be desired. I firmly believe that I as well as others were more apt to do better in school with the "pressure" of having to impress those of the opposite sex. I also found that when it came time to officially date or deal with men in general in life- I was much better off than my "all - girl - schooled" counterparts who were always nervous around men and boys and didn't really know how to deal with them. My friends always felt "flirty" around men and could not deal matter of factly with various situations.
(2) Anonymous, October 30, 2005 12:00 AM
Delete this article!?
Don't mistake the argument for male/female segregation in education from the rightist, Torah perspective with the leftist, idolatrous perspective. Bryn Mawr college represents liberal academia which is closer to the anti-Torah in ideology and it is known to have a prevalence of lesbianism. Trust me, Newsweek isn't promoting our conservative, holy, Torah agenda.
(1) Anonymous, October 27, 2005 12:00 AM
Some good points, but an oversimplification
Dear Mrs. Braverman,
Thank you for your interesting piece on single-sex education. Certainly I agree with much of what you said.
Unfortunately, I cannot agree with one point you assert: that women can be more relaxed around other women. In this day and age, most of a girl's truly negative teenage experiences are likely to come at the hands of so-called "mean girls" who take it upon themselves to be a girl's harshest critic. We can't be sure a girl at a single-sex institution is having a positive set of social interactions simply by removing boys from the situation.
Furthermore, if the only goal of high-school was academic, why not home-school all children? It's not just unfeasible, it misses the point. Some of what we learn in high school is increased independence, developing our own thoughts and feelings separate from our parents, and elementary social interaction. If you want to do a fair and readable assessment of single-sex versus coeducational environments (or any fair comparison for that matter), you have to honestly admit those situations in which your preferred solution is suboptimal.