Recently we had a Shabbos guest who we hadn't seen in a long time. She had moved to New York and was back in town for a friend's wedding. We were having a good time, reminiscing about people and places. At one point she turned to my husband and said, "Nachum, I've known you about 20 years now and you haven't aged a bit. You look exactly the same as you did when we met."
My husband beamed. And I sat waiting patiently for my turn. I waited and waited (Hullo! Over here!) and waited and waited... Then the conversation turned to other topics.
But I'm okay with that (really). I can accept that I look my age (well I can accept that I don't look 25 or even 30!). And I didn't give that conversation a second thought (okay, I didn't give it a third thought) until a few months ago when I had one of those birthdays. You know the kind I mean -- big, scary numbers. As much as I couldn't believe all those years had passed they have and I decided not to buy into the PR -- 50 is not the new 40 or 30. Who are we kidding? It just isn't.
It may be true that people are living longer, and the expectations and energy of a 50-year-old are not what they were 100 years ago (thank God!). But you can't erase 10 or 20 years. I know the date on my birth certificate. I can't pretend I'm really 30. And I'm not sure I want to.
It's also not true that "you're only as old as you feel." I like facts. I'm as old as the calendar says I am. And I prefer it that way. Because even though there are days when I feel like a kid, there are also times when I feel about 70 or 80!
However I feel, I'm still 50. And that's okay too. It's even okay that I look it (most of the time, and as long as I avoid those magnifying mirrors!). Because I've earned most of my wrinkles and a few of those gray hairs.
I frequently point out to our children which wrinkles they are individually responsible for (a pastime they really appreciate!) or, on a good day, just claim they are all laugh lines.
But it is what it is. At the end of Abraham's life, the Torah teaches us that "he came with his days." This expression means that he used his days fully, made each moment productive. And while I'm certainly not laying claim to the greatness of Abraham, nor can I say I've used every minute fully, I can say that this is my goal, that I try to make full and meaningful use of my days, some days with more success than others.
And if the price is that I look like I have, so be it. It's worth it.
I'm grateful for all the opportunities in my life thus far, the joy, (most of) the challenges, and the hard work. It's okay if my guest doesn't say I haven't aged because I have. I just pray that I have also "come with my days." And that I am granted many more chances to do so. Maybe the new 50 can just look at life through new eyes every day, anticipating the future instead of dwelling in the past.
There's more to say but there's a new anti-aging cream on sale at the mall and I just need to run out...
(17) Anna, May 12, 2015 3:04 PM
Love the article of turning 50 and one on 60.
I'm turning 50 soon and I love that these articles point out to pause and review what we.ve accomplished so far in life. It's all about giving and growing.
(16) Maria, November 5, 2009 11:07 AM
I like to shimmy and kick and stretch and kick; I'm 50!
I google of women turning 50 in November brought me to your blog and I am delighted. I had no clue what 50 would look like and for that I am thankful. Everyday opens on its own and invites me to share in as much as I choose. When I finally rest, there are times that the day has been packed, pounded down, and refilled; yet others that are light as fluff. These days I honor either and both. I have learned the value of rest and play and being. I thought 50 would mean a big party, a gathering, an open celebration of all that I am with those I enjoy sharing time with. Instead, as the day approaches, I find I prefer the quiet of my family, my home, and my life. I will however, shimmy and kick and stretch and kick! I'm 50!
(15) Tim, October 17, 2009 6:06 PM
I will be turning 50 this month and don't feel any different than I did at 40. I don't hurt any more than I did then. I look about the same. I remember people that were over 50 used to tell me, "Wait till you turn 50" Well! it's just around the corner and it's no big deal. As long as you keep your health, and have a roof over your head and food in the cabinet, no age is a big deal.
(14) , October 16, 2009 1:56 AM
I'm having a pitty party. And the only one invited is me
(13) Carrie Connolly, September 24, 2008 12:57 AM
It is 11pm and my husband and kids are asleep. I was doing some work on the computer (well, research) and decided to look around a bit. I am turning 50 in a couple of days. All I can say is that I, too, have earned the wrinkles as well as the wisdom and wouldn't trade any of it. I lost my best friend 5 weeks ago to cancer-she was 50, too. With the loss of my older brother last year and Mary's death, well, I just look at my life as a true blessing-everyday. Happy New Year!
(12) MESA, July 13, 2008 2:19 PM
There was a Holocaust survivor who once said "As long as you breathe, affirm life, even at the very last moment." LeHavdil, this applies here. If you're older, you should still be taking care of your health and doing productive things with your life. Unfortunately, I have known women who get older and assume that life ends after 50/60/70/etc., and these are the women who just deteriorate. Then there are women who stay active and vital as long as their health permits. These are the women who earn their wrinkles and just look beautiful.
(11) Freda Freeman, May 30, 2008 11:16 AM
HelpI am a grandmother in need of advise
I know this has little to do with being over 50, which I am, but more of trying to say and do what is right.My family is from the deep south and we have had very little to no Jewish influance in our life, yet it is there. My son has chosen to be very involved since he has moved to Topeka. The problem is his daugther, age11 has been seperated from our family and in a bad situation until her father finaly got custidy.This child is so full of anger and defiance that I am crying most of the time. She accuses me of saying things, hurtful things that I had never thought much less said. I love her and would want nothing more than to help her. In this case love is not enough. There is so much hate in her eyes and even her smile that you would cry. She needs help. I do not know what to do. It is like one of these ''bad seed movies'' on TV.I know there is hope for her, but I don''t know where to look.So far prayer has had no effect.
(10) Judy Goldberg, March 11, 2008 2:19 PM
Dear Emunah,
I have read some of your articles over the years and I have found them to be well thought out - a message with good humor. I don't know if you remember me - my husband and I came to California about 23 years ago - sent by Aish Hatorah and we ate a Shabbos meal by you. Anyway you look great in the picture and the face is the same. Thank you for the wonderful articles. You have a terrific talent in expressing what many of us feel and you know how to put a positive and meaningful spin on the topics.
Sincerely yours,
Judy Goldberg
(9) Raquel de Almeida, March 8, 2008 11:42 AM
wrinkles? what are they?
When I mention to people that I will turn 50 in a few months they laugh and want to know "what my secret is"! I guess the reason is that my youngest child is 4 years old and I have a happy attitude to age and the grey hairs that have appeared from nowhere, as if by magic - says my 6 year old!
So, when I am told I look thirty I often reply: Do I also sound that immature?
I feel great that I have lived to be fifty and healthy and the wrinkles are there - or are they?
In any case, olive skin, damp and grey UK weather, young children and the absence of sunshine does wonder for your skin! (she says with a smirk!)
(8) Aliza, March 7, 2008 5:50 PM
I'll be 50 in a few days
I'll be 50 in a few days and saved your article to read, as kind of a present to myself. I knew it woul dbe insightful (it was!) and funny (it was that too!) and make me glad that I had left it in my inbox to read when I had made the time for it.
I too, celebrate my age - every laugh line (and there are many!), every grey hair, every bit of wisdom and experience I have gained from being on this earth for half a century.
I rejoice in every bit of time I have here because my life is a gift. I have always looked at it that way, as I am adopted. Perhaps in this day and age I might never have been born (that isn't to say that I'm pro-life - that's a whole different conversation!). So yes, my life is a gift. Every single second of these almost 50 years are a gift from God, that I aim to use in the best ways I know, by being a loving person, good mother and trusted friend.
(7) José Paz, March 2, 2008 3:09 PM
My words exactly.
Same comments made at my persona but not said to my wife and that hurts...her (ha)This a great article, daring and bold, I like it very much, than you.
(6) Anonymous, February 29, 2008 12:21 PM
a word on aging
I have to admit, I am very afraid of getting older and not feeling as attractive. This is something I think about a lot. I am sure that life is not just about "me me me" and how attractive I feel, but I realize that so much of how I feel about myself is tied to my looks and I feel I won't feel good about myself if I lose them. This is a scary thought since we all lose our looks eventually and need to rely on other things as we get older to make us feel good about ourselves.
(5) Brenda Cohen, February 28, 2008 7:36 AM
Dear Emuna
Thanks for putting a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart - an extra laughing line and thanks to the anti wrinkle creams we can continue to laugh.
(4) marta, February 26, 2008 4:45 PM
Dear Emuna: I´m 53 and I feel exactly the same. I´m here with my days.
The most awful problem is to try to avoid getting fat !!!!.
Regards
Marta
Argentina
(3) Anonymous, February 26, 2008 3:41 PM
Be grateful for every year
My mother was niftar at the age of 41. I grew up believing that I too would leave this world at that age. I am about to turn 48 and am thrilled with each birthday I celebrate. I don't care about wrinkles or grey hairs(well, that's easy to say coz' they're covered anyway!!). Each year is a gift - actually each moment is a gift.
When people complain to me about their being old - I always remind them that staying young is not the alternative to aging - it's being dead. Revel in your aging. It sure beats the other option.
(2) sarah shapiro, February 26, 2008 11:44 AM
Amen!
.
(1) the Oracle, February 26, 2008 9:47 AM
Who's kidding?
My mother, now 88, was much more energetic than I at 50, still being Mom. She always used first class skin care, ate well, and exercised.
Being 60, I know we now don't eat or exercise like my Mom. So, I don't know that 50 is the new 40.
One thing is sure. Watching my daughters, I do believe that 30 is the new 20. lol