thank you for a lovely post that *truly* gets at the heart of the matter! it saddens me when meaning gets lost within ritual. thanks for the gentle reminder!

I love reading your articles, witty humor and real life moments that hit home. Thank you & have a happy & kosher Pesach!

The way I have handled similar situations in the past is express extreme irritation with my child, and then proceed to clean the mess up myself. I few months ago, I saw my friend's five-year-old spontaneously (and gleefully) dump a bowl of Cheerios on the floor one Shabbos morning. My friend, (who is a real Tzadik) calmly and lovingly directed his daughter to clean up the mess, and even comforted his daughter (who was crying because she did not want to pick up the cereal), but still made sure she made a good effort of cleanup. My children are much too old to grind crackers, cookies, and Cheerios into the couch, but if I could do it all over again, I would have followed my friend's example.

Thank you for sharing your human-ness. I identify with the tug-of war between the desire to refine our character traits and rid ourselves of OUR internal chometz and the difficulty overcoming the knee-jerk response (especially when we're overtired) to respond in a less desirable manner. May we all be zocheh to win the battle and escape our personal mitzrayim!! Chag sameach!

Any child who is old enough to eat real food is old enough to be taught that eating takes place at the table, not on the couch. Further, any child who asked "what's the big deal?" would find out when s/he cleaned it up. Pesach or not, I don't tolerate that sort of behavior.

It may be perfectly correct to act upset when someone does something wrong; this is one way to discipline. However, this is only if you can keep internal control of yourself. Maimonides describes this as appearing angry on the outside without actually being angry inside. If you cannot do this, then you hurt yourself. It is this aspect that Emuna is focusing on.

Cookies on the couch?! Excuse me but since when is it OK to upend cookies right on the couch?? With all due respect, this is no behaviour neiter for Pre-Passover time, nor for the rest of the year!

Perfect timing for this article and as a busy working Mom of 5, I know how I feel after a bout of screaming (and Pesach cleaning seems to bring out that screaming Mom more often than I'd care to admit)- I really haven't gotten anymore done than I would have in a saner state - truth is my family might have helped if I were nicer. And this idea of a "clean house" that is "spiritually a mess" carries through all year long. You can go through the motions of observance but if you don't pay attention to the emotional and mental state of everyone in your home (including yourself), you're really still a mess. Thank you for these timely thoughts.

Call me a naysayer but I think it's perfectly acceptable to get upset when someone does something thoughtless/selfish even if that someone is a child. The child is not an infant and should learn not to bring food in that area at any time of the year. While we would rather not scream, sometimes that is the response to a thoughtless action and the one that is heard.

This is a great article. I especially love that a home can be "physically clean but a spiritual mess". So well said. This is something to remember EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I used to do a lot of entertaining and make adventurous dishes for chagim. I got cancer so don't have the energy to entertain anymore. Unfortunately my son doesn't even remember that we used to entertain or all the days of preparation I would put in. All he remembers is my screaming because I was frazzled from lack of help or from my husband not coming home on time. So let Emuna's story and mine be a lesson to anyone trying to do the Jewish Martha Stewart schtick but freaking out at their family.