“My son just said the cutest thing,” chirped my daughter. Excited to hear the latest bon mot from my adorable grandson, I eagerly implored her, “Tell me, tell me. What did he say?”
Just as eagerly my daughter replied. “He said, ‘Mommy, your face is all smooth. When you get old will it be crunchy like Bubby’s?’”
Crunchy?! Yes, I’ve written about my wrinkles – about owning them, about affirming the life that produced them, even about other such “flattering” comments by the aforementioned (and now less adorable!) grandson. But it seems that I don’t quite believe my own PR.
It seems there’s still a piece of me that’s bothered. I’ve spent the last week staring at the faces of my contemporaries and marveling (read: feeling jealous) at their smooth, unlined skin. Frankly, it’s becoming an obsession.
And with it the potential for tremendous dissatisfaction. Added to the list of those who are taller, richer, healthier, and happier, are now those with smoother skin. It’s a road I really don’t want to walk down.
So I need to nip it in the bud. I made an appointment for Botox and filler injections – not. (I don’t have a principled objection; it’s just expensive and doesn’t last!) I didn’t make a commitment not to look in the mirror either (although those ones in the airport restroom with the fluorescent lighting should be avoided).
Instead I made a commitment not to care – not to care about the wrinkles (this is the skin the Almighty gave me), the bigger houses (ditto), the longer legs, the fatter bank accounts...Everything I have is exactly what I need to achieve my potential, to be the best I can be, to get closer to my Creator.
It’s not a new idea. It just requires constant review. Because the possibility for jealousy and resentment is everywhere, bombarding us from all sides. (Do I really need to see those models with the perfect dewy skin every time I want to buy some groceries?)
I actually don’t spend that much time thinking about my wrinkles (compared to the time spent thinking about my weight for example!). It was just that offhand (and supposedly cute) remark that triggered it and that ongoing reflection about the danger and destructiveness of comparisons.
I’ve made a commitment not to care. I’ve made a commitment to remind myself that I have exactly what I need. But, to paraphrase Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, I can’t help but wonder “would it be so bad it I were an unwrinkled woman?”
I guess the answer is yes!
(10) Anonymous, May 9, 2014 10:00 PM
I understand
It is very difficult to see the signs of aging ; and yet how fortunate we are that we not only have the gift to see them ; but that we have come this far. I think this is a miracle in itself.
(9) Nieve, May 9, 2014 3:40 AM
but your wrinkles CAN go away!
...by eating healthier -aka vegan, and more raw vegetables and fruits in your diet. Remove all dairy from your diet, and you already will contribute to your skin's heath. Have you noticed how all Asian women (and men) who haven't assimilated into the Western culture, and therefore don't eat any dairy products, look REALLY young? Yes, that Japanese lady you saw the other day was 80. Not 50 like you thought. Yes, that Chinese young man you talked to the other day, was actually in his mid sixties. And so on...
That, only by removing toxins from one's diet (and they're not even vegan!). Being vegan they'd look even younger.
It's just so simple... the body is sending us a message when its skin wrinkles. Now, will we answer?
http://veganlifenow.blogspot.com/
Jan Elle, May 9, 2014 10:58 AM
Have you never heard
Have you never heard of the saying 'a dairy maid's complexion.'
A compliment, i take it
Nieve, May 9, 2014 10:56 PM
dairy maid's complexion?
No, I've never heard of that... but does anybody here know what dairy products do to our bodies? http://www.rense.com/general26/milk.htm
And that is just the beginning...
visitor, May 10, 2014 5:56 PM
health is good but not everything
As a rather wrinkled forty-something who's gotten enormous health benefits from eating vegan/nearly-vegan, I would encourage people to enjoy their beans and veggies with a bit of salt, and with a lot of love and humor. Wrinkles also depend on how much melanin you've got in your skin vs. how much sun exposure you've had.
I enjoyed this article and its emphasis on what's most important!
(8) Janice Kenner, May 8, 2014 10:14 PM
Old Woman Mystery
My husband and I recently went on a JLI tour to Israel. Looking at the photos from our trip, I found that I wasn't in any of them. However there was an old woman often standing next to my husband wearing my clothing. I have no idea who she is.
leah, July 17, 2014 2:14 PM
Lol.
(7) Anonymous, May 8, 2014 6:20 PM
It's hard.
Emuna, I'm around your age, give or take. And since age 50 or so, I see a new "something" in the mirror every couple of months. It's hard. We remember ourselves looking younger, better. That's how we think of ourselves: the way we looked for most of our adult lives, until a few years ago. It's not easy to ignore the signs of aging. People can say all they want about wisdom and life experience and mitzvos, but let's be honest: we don't look as good as we used to. The challenge is working on accepting it. Wishing all of us aging ladies the strength to deal with it and get on with the business of living.
(6) Sharon, May 8, 2014 5:02 PM
I can relate
Though I devote very little energy and time into my looks, seeing myself transformed into an "older" person continues to traumatize me almost daily. And I know it is foolish, but that doesn't help. At 53, I look in the mirror and see my Alzheimer stricken 87 year old mother. My husband still insists that I am pretty, but I'm convinced that soon he'll notice that it is not so.
I'm not a grandmother so that's no comfort either.
Probably in ten years I'll look back of photos of me today and wonder why looking like this bothered me because by then I'll look a lot worse.
It's all genetic. I have not been exposed to the sun more than average.
Trivialities...but that doesn't mean that the real problems are forgotten.
Rachel, May 9, 2014 9:10 PM
Use sunscreen and antioxidants!
Every day for the rest of your life, apply a good antioxidant serum or mist and sunscreen.
If you would like to reverse some of the photo aging that has given you the wrinkles, invest in a good Vitamin-A based product and some rejuvenating peptides. Find a reputable and ethical esthetician and ask for a recommendation.
It isn't all genetic. Most sun damage is incidental exposure, going out to get the mail, doing errands, etc. It's all radiation and the effects of the radiation are cumulative. (That's why X-Ray technicians leave the room!)
I am an experienced skin care therapist, and this is what I do - advise people how to improve the health and appearance of their skin.
I strongly disagree with the person who claims that a vegan diet will make the wrinkles disappear, however, a healthy diet with lots of antioxidant fruits, vegetables, and tea will help the skin a lot!
(5) Jacqueline Bocian, May 8, 2014 2:18 PM
Wrinkles? Who sees them?
bs"d
Emunah, when I look at you I see brilliance, wisdom, kindness, compassion, hachnossos orchim to the max, and a heart always striving to help others and to improve yourself. Funny, I've never noticed a wrinkle! And I guarantee no one else in your loving and admiring community does either!
(4) Rachel, May 8, 2014 10:31 AM
God didn't give you wrinkles
Approximately 90% of the signs of aging are a result of sun damage, not chronological age. The same sun damage that produces wrinkles and inelasticity, thins the dermis, and produces sun spots (lentigenes), also steals the skin's protection against infections and skin cancer. Aging skin is DAMAGED skin, and we can prevent most of the damage by wearing sunscreen every day.
Emuna, please have your daughter put sunscreen on that adorable grandson of yours every day and every time they go outside. Along with wrinkles come actinic keratoses and suspicious moles.When you shrug off wrinkles as rejoicing in your longevity, you might overlook malicious lesions, thinking they are a celebration of the years God has given you.
You and your daughter can also protect your skin from harmful sun-induced free radical damage by wearing topical antioxidants. Great ingredients include Vitamins C&E, licorice, and green or white tea.
One mechanism of skin aging is caused by glycation, an improper combination of sugar and protein molecules. You can avoid excessive glycation by reducing the sugar in your diet - that will also benefit your heart!
Don't feel bad for wishing your skin were smoother. It's possible to wish to look younger and still be a kind person and devoted to the service of Hashem!
(3) Anonymous, May 7, 2014 2:12 PM
Natural Gravity
I agree to not care is positive to an extent. I have thought a lot about wrinkles, though and decided they are are less about appearance and more about G-d's way of letting others see that as we learn and gain experience, gravity responds. Wrinkles are a way G-d "shows" others the benefit of experience is relaxed skin.
If our insides match our outsides, we can be proud to wear our wrinkles & understand feelings about life, I, for one, didn't know at all at 19.
We're all equally beautiful only based on meritting the internal understanding and still staying young inside to care about health over temporary "fixes"(sometimes deadly) for a problem that really isn't problem or ugly to G-d.
It's still difficult for women to be perceived as distinguished with wrinkles and that bothers me more than natural gravity. But, we can't change everything and, maybe shouldn't.
The main thing is to be happy and healthy - dayenu!
(2) Nancy, May 4, 2014 5:04 PM
I agree 100% with the 2 posts above me. First of all, I have seen your photo and you have a lovely smile. If I were to meet you in person, I am betting you have a natural beauty that you carry very well. Second, NOBODY looks like a photo in a magazine. Those pictures of models and actresses are extensively photo shopped. Finally, I would much rather have wrinkles than surgery which looks phony. (Btw--I'm guessing that you have far fewer wrinkles/lines than you believe you have. I believe we women torture ourselves into believing we have physical flaws when no such flaw exists.)
(1) Alan S., May 4, 2014 10:37 AM
Not to critcize, but, your daughter should have thought twice...
Yes, out of the mouths of babes come honesty and truth. And if your grandchild said this directly to you, so be it. (And if the child says something not nice, it is proper to gently correct such behavior.)
But your daughter should have known better than to relate something that could cause you hurt, regardless of how cute it was. I am the very last person to criticize, but your daughter needs a lesson in humility. Don't feel badly, 99.99% of all parents need the same lesson, because often, grandchildren say inappropriate, not nice things. Things that should not be repeated.
Anonymous, May 4, 2014 2:08 PM
Totally agree.
Totally agree. Certain comments are best not to be repeated--even in a light-hearted way.