We were in Starbucks last Sunday when a stranger approached my husband. “Are you Jewish?” he asked. My husband responded in the affirmative. “I just wanted to let you know that I stand behind Israel and believe in Israel.” He then muttered some deprecatory words about the current American administration and reiterated his support. We thanked him and left.
We will never see him again (and probably wouldn’t recognize him if we did) but he left an impact on us. It wasn’t so much his support of Israel that affected us – although we were certainly moved and grateful. It wasn’t his simple and sincere wishes – although they were definitely appreciated.
Rather it made us stop and think about how people see us. We are constantly being told that people are looking at us, that we are representatives of the Jewish people, that it’s our job to make a Kiddush Hashem, a sanctification of the Almighty’s name in this world. But these ideas can seem very abstract and remote.
Am I really walking around imagining people are looking at me? Observing and judging my behavior? I’m not but I think I should be. It’s an awesome privilege to be part of the Jewish people. And it’s an awesome responsibility as well. People are watching. People are noticing. People have expectations. And we are only human after all. The pressure seems too great…
I started to look at my clothes. I had just thrown them on to drive one of our kids to the airport. Were they too schlumpy? Had I even bothered to brush my sheitel? I know I didn’t put on any makeup. Were there stains on our clothing? Were we smiling and friendly? Were we in the middle of an argument? (I don’t think so!) We need to constantly be aware of this. Sometimes I’m really put together; I’m teaching a class and I know I have to look my best. But I may have violated my own principles and dressed down when I was just “running out with my husband.” Yes, it was just an errand. But we were together and I should have been more sensitive. Now I have to worry about my husband and anonymous strangers!
And yet our interaction was very simple and heartfelt. In our situation we hadn’t behaved in any unique way at all – it wasn’t our actions but my husband’s kippah that gave us away. We hadn’t actually done anything particularly kind to attract or particularly rude to deter him. It had nothing to do with us. But it could. It certainly would be nice (make that wonderful) if people would look at our actions and say “God bless the Jewish people. Look at their caring. Look at their consideration. Look at their thoughtfulness.”
It would be wonderful if people would look at me and notice a dignity, an inner peace, a sense of my place in the world and my relationship with God. Okay, who am I kidding?! But a girl can dream, can’t she? And all of us, the whole Jewish people, need to share this goal. We should all be aware of the impression and impact we make on those around us – and try to do even better.
That unassuming man whose name I’ll never know did a god job of reminding me of the tremendous potential we all have and of the importance of the mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem, being God’s ambassadors.
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(9) Radu, July 31, 2019 6:52 PM
Un articol de nota 10 , cu un titlu care spune TOT....felicitari
(8) Yoni, May 24, 2019 4:35 PM
As the Rambam says
וכן אם דקדק החכם על עצמו והיה דבורו בנחת עם הבריות ודעתו מעורבת עמהם ומקבלם בסבר פנים יפות ונעלב מהם ואינו עולבם. מכבד להן ואפילו למקילין לו. ונושא ונותן באמונה. ולא ירבה באריחות עמי הארץ וישיבתן. ולא יראה תמיד אלא עוסק בתורה עטוף בציצית מוכתר בתפילין ועושה בכל מעשיו לפנים משורת הדין. והוא שלא יתרחק הרבה ולא ישתומם. עד שימצאו הכל מקלסין אותו ואוהבים אותו ומתאוים למעשיו הרי זה קידש את ה' ועליו הכתוב אומר {ויאמר לי עבדי אתה ישראל אשר בך אתפאר}
(7) Carlo Pinotti, September 12, 2018 7:41 PM
Thank you
IYour articles are very interesting and I learn a lot from reading
them. I do occasionally send a small, very small donation to you
and it's wonderful that this information is being given out. All
you need is a connection to Hashem!! Thank you!
Carlo Pinotti
(6) yisroel, April 8, 2015 9:22 AM
Great Scott! you are so right! The gemara Yoma defines kiddush hashem
And "chillul haShem" With whom would you find "kiddush haShem?" Someone who (1) learns Torah, (2) repeats Mishnah and (3) "serves scholars (meaning, he learns gemara and the halachic conclusions)" AND (4) his dealings with "the creations (people)" are with nachas, that is, gentle (please, thank you, open doors, polite), WHAT do People say? Happy is one who learns Torah, I want my son to learn Torah, etc. With whom would you find "chillul haShem?" Someone who (1) learns Torah, (2) repeats Mishnah, and (3) "serves scholars," AND his dealings with "the creations" are NOT gentle, what do People say? Woe is to one who learns Torah, I don't want MY child to learn Torah, etc! I heard the famous Maggid, Rav Shalom Schwadron, qoute this gemara and then ask, "Do the People test us on the Torah, the Mishna or the final halacha? NO! They only test us on the 4th item,our dealings with them.... And today, he added, a Yeshiva bochur with a yarmulka represents that person in the gemara who is an accomplished scholar! (to our chagrin) and he represents Yiddishkeit to the person on the street! Therefore, he concluded, we must be oh so careful with our interpersonal dealings to make a KIDDUSH HASHEM, because it is WE that do so by our actions. I also had the zchus to drive him once from Lakewood to NY several years later, and, when going past a toll booth, I greeted the toll taker warmly. He questioned me as to why I did so? I responded, "to make a Kiddush haShem!" He was very pleased....
Ra'anan, October 29, 2015 4:22 PM
beautiful, thank you for writing that!
beautiful, thank you for writing that!
(5) Zsolt, March 20, 2015 12:13 AM
Light onto the nations
I just copied these two parts of this fantastic article:
"...It’s an awesome privilege to be part of the Jewish people. And it’s an awesome responsibility as well. People are watching. People are noticing. People have expectations. And we are only human after all. The pressure seems too great…
...reminding me of the tremendous potential we all have and of the importance of the mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem, being God’s ambassadors."
Most importantly our responsibility is not individual but collective. We are a Nation of "one man with one heart", we eat, feast and pray assembled together.
What is crisis ridden, desperately helpless world mostly wants to see from us is the practical implementation of mutual guarantee, the unlikely, "super-natural" interconnections and mutually complementing cooperation above and despite our inherently self-serving nature.
Only this unique Jewish method, taught to others through positive example can give global humanity hope and a platform for a better future.
(4) Nancy, March 18, 2015 11:31 AM
We can all do SOMETHING.
Whether we hold a door open for someone or help a person out financially, we can all do some type of mitzvah. As someone who has made her share of mistakes in life, I do my best to learn from these gaffes so that I can grow.
(3) J Efram, March 17, 2015 5:31 PM
Impressions
I forget which Rav said it: "Bad press is not always a chilul hashem." Sometimes the deck will be stacked no matter what. There are certain sine qua non v-a-v derech eretz that [should] apply 24/7, but we can't please everyone, nor should we try.
(2) Anonymous, March 16, 2015 1:52 PM
People Make Excuses
I suggest that if a person is secular and wants to stay that way, they can point to rudeness or much worse in so-called religious Jews. But I believe it cuts both ways. If you are a religious Jew, you can look at the rudeness and much worse among the secular Jews...and decide that you are staying as you are.
scott, March 17, 2015 8:24 AM
who will go first?
I assume that you're responding to my comment. And you made my point.
On a recent visit to the states I had to visit the consulate. While waiting I chatted with a woman who had emigrated to Ohio of all places.
She talked about jobs and home prices and all the other stuff that people use to justify moving to the states. When I asked her if shed made enough money to go back and buy a house and start a company in Israel she said she had. But she didn't want to move back because people just weren't nice there. No one said thank you or you're welcome. No one let's you in in traffic and everyone is always arguing over nothing. People were nice in the united states.
Then I asked her if she ever considered returning and changing the level of public behaviour in Israel. She could let people in and say please and thank you and you're welcome. She could be part of the solution because she now understood there was a better way to live with people.
She asked me why she should go first. She was fine where she was.
How many great things are missing from the world simply because people say look at that secular guy, he's not on board. Why should I go first?
Obviously you aren't interested in going first. Hopefully someone is or things will never change for the better.
(1) scott, March 16, 2015 6:21 AM
worry about what your own people think first.
I agree wholeheartedly. But I care much less about how gentile perseive Jews than I do about how Jews perceive Jews.
I'm in the restaurant business. I don't wear black and wear a baseball cap over my kippah and tuck my tzitzit in most of the time so while I might be considered religious by the average bear I don't look it.
You'd be surprised the number of people who are surprised that I'm religious simply because I'm nice. I hold open doors and give seats to pregnant ladies and let others go first. I don't fight over pennies. I'm nice to people-even "secular" Jews.
Now I gotta say I live in a town full of religious people and I find them to be fine people. I consider myself blessed to be a part of their lives. None of them are any ruder than the average Israeli. But that's my point.
You see when you put on religious garb I believe you take on an obligation to be more polite more kind than the average Israeli. You are wearing the garb of holiness and your actions should reflect that. Not to G*d...he doesn't need uniforms to tell the players apart.
Being rude in tzitzit is putting a stumbling block in front of the blind. So many people use the behavior of religious people as an excuse to remain secular.
They remain blind to Torah because they do not like how religious people behave. Its a weak excuse, but its not uncommon. The work of a thousand tzaddiks can be undone by one rude Jew.
Do I accept the idea that religious people are more rude than others? No. But when you choose to wear religious garb you represent Torah and when you double park or cut in line or argue over pennies or refuse to let someone in in traffic or any of the other sins that Israelis commit every day...what are you saying about Torah?
Jerusalem was destroyed because Jews couldn't work together. Rudeness. If religious Jews aren't going to take the lead to rectify that unkindness in Jewish life then who is?