The pressure isn’t only on women. It was recently reported that actor Neal McDonough was fired from the ABC series “Scoundrels” for refusing to appear in sex scenes with his co-star. Although the actor has no regrets about his choice and his total commitment to his wife, he was a little troubled that he was then labeled a religious zealot. He is a man of faith but do you have to be a fanatic to refuse sex scenes with another woman?
It’s not his first time standing up to preserve his marriage. When hired to work on “Desperate Housewives”, he also made his position clear. Not only will he not do sex scenes but he won’t “…kiss anybody”. Initially the creator of the show was taken aback but he then responded, “All right, I guess I’m just going to have to write better.”
What a good response. Like comedians who rely on vulgarity for cheap laughs, sex scenes seem a lazy way of filling time and space, an opt-out of creative dialogue. I appreciate the more honest reaction above.
But back to Mr. McDonough. It seems funny but we have to admire his courage. It’s not easy to stand up to the Hollywood machine. It’s not easy to have principles. It’s not easy to have a marriage worth preserving and it’s even harder to take the steps required to do so. Everything and everyone is pushing the other way.
And because it’s so unusual, it causes heads to turn – and the negative reactions to begin. If we don’t label Neal McDonough a religious zealot, how can we then justify our own cavalier attitude towards these behaviors? How then can we come home to our own wives and husbands and feel proud of our work? To avoid facing uncomfortable choices and situations, we criticize McDonough.
But I believe that even in the midst of that, there is admiration as well. He’s done what few have dared. And he’s taught a community that appears to treat relationships as disposable what commitment really means. If they’re really listening and really paying attention, perhaps he’s even taught them how to enhance their relationships as well.
“Almost 20 years, five kids and just one heck of an awesome life later, to have her as my partner in everything, I’m just the most blessed guy I know,” says the actor. I couldn’t think of a better endorsement than that. He knows the benefits outweigh the costs. And others should sit up and take note.
Mr. McDonough is not Jewish but he is a man of faith, a man whose convictions support behaviors that protect and enrich his marriage. The Torah promotes similar behaviors for similar reasons. And maybe we’re zealots also. In fact I think I am – a zealot for my marriage, a zealot to keep it exclusive, a zealot to keep it private, a zealot to keep it vibrant and alive. Every character trait has its place. If I get labeled a fanatic for my efforts on behalf of my marriage, I will wear that label proudly.
(40) Deborah, January 30, 2019 2:51 PM
Hallelujah! Good for him!
I am delighted and proud of this man, whom I recognise from some "Suits" episodes. G-d bless him!
(39) Anonymous, January 28, 2019 7:12 AM
WOW! A man with principles who knows what's important!
It's amazing how far we've come since Father Knows Best; the Donna Reed Show, etc. REALLY good shows with family values and no sex. We're so used to love scenes, we forget we don't have to show everything to get it. I applaud this actor for keeping his wits about him in Sodom and Gomorrah. I've seen PLENTY of great films in the 50's and 60's that were still decent. He's right & the writer has a great outlook.
(38) Chavi, January 28, 2019 2:29 AM
He's not the first
Steven Hill, an orthodox Jewish actor (Star Trek), would not so much as touch a female, and he made that quite clear as a condition of employment. He was also very stringent about keeping Shabbos and the Jewish holidays.
Rivka Rachum, February 4, 2019 11:17 AM
Steven Hill
Steven Hill, was not in Star Trek. He was the District Attorney in
Law and Order. He was fired after many years on the show because of his observance.
(37) harold jitschak bueno de mesquita, January 27, 2019 9:59 PM
A rare expensive "bird"
These people can bring world peace.......May G-d bless him in everything
(36) Rev. Gavin Baulch, January 27, 2019 6:10 PM
Right and Holy living as Torah teaches.
Thank you aish.com for articles and reality-truths presented in the context of living in 2019.
Hebraic living is a light to all.
Sincerely.
Rev. Gavin Baulch
(35) Susan, January 26, 2019 10:04 PM
Hoorah for Honor!
I say honor this man who has the integrity to fearlessly abide by honorable standards in this world for all the right reasons. How encouraging to see the spirit of Daniel displayed in Hollywood.
(34) Trevor Wilson, January 25, 2019 8:12 PM
A mensch indeed
Dear Emuna, thanks for sharing this with us. You are correct in stating that far too few men or women will stand and draw a line, especially when a job, well paying, may be on the line. With Mr. McDonough everyone knows where he stands and they are obliged to work with him and treat him accordingly. I love it.
(33) Mazal, January 25, 2019 7:50 PM
Sodom and gomorah
Our generation is getting to the 49th level of impurity.
Everything decent, honest, refined,chaste, modest is offensif and abhorrent.
(32) Jimmilea Berryhill, January 25, 2019 6:09 PM
wow is an understatement
When we elect people who will not stand for what is right and when we hear the words of public people and then see their actions that are opposite to the words they speak, this story is truly refreshing and encouraging. There are still a few men who will keep their covenant with their wives. Few think a little kiss is anything, but it is an emotional connection of two people and that cannot be ignored. Praises to him and his family!!!!
(31) Raymond, January 25, 2019 2:35 PM
Mike Pence Was Ridiculed
Donald's Vice Presidential choice Mike Pence, was openly ridiculed by the Left due to Mike Pence's policy of not dining with a woman by himself who is not his wife. So even when political conservatives behave with such incredible virtue, that does not stop the Left from mocking them.
Part of me admires the actor mentioned for his refusal to do love scenes with women who are not his wife, although I have to say, that if I were in his position, i might also refuse, not because I am necessarily that virtuous, but simply because I would feel embarrassed to display such affection for the whole world to see. It seems to me that any kind of romantic intimacy is meant to be expressed in private between one man and one woman, not as some kind of public show.
As for Hollywood n general, well, I have long given up on them having any sense of morality whatsoever, which is why I stopped owning a television 32 years ago. From what I have heard about it, I haven't missed much of any value.
Rachel, January 27, 2019 5:11 AM
Comments
1. The problem with the Vice President's position is that he rules out interaction with half the human race on the basis of sex. A sandwich in a coffee shop is very different from an intimate candlelight dinner in a darkened restaurant.
As for your sensibility, I respect that. However, trained actors' job is to realistically portray all aspects of the human experience. I gave up my acting career because it's essentially impossible to be shomer Shabbat and get work, as well as concerns about tznius, etc. However, just as an actor can stage a fight, theft, rude behavior, etc, you shouldn't judge those who "display affection" in a play or film because they are acting. It is not generally real romantic intimacy, it is the portrayal of intimacy.
Likewise, I respect Mr Mcdonough's choice, and I hope he is taking up the matter with his union.
Nancy, January 27, 2019 1:22 PM
To commenter Rachel
Re: Mike Pence. There is another factor that nobody else has mentioned. When is he ever REALLY alone? If he were to meet with a woman without his wife, would he not be flanked be Secret Service Personnel? I'm sorry you had to give up your acting career. There is a lovely community theater group in my area, but I am not involved in it for the same reason you mentioned. It would be impossible to be Shomer Shabbat and get to rehearsals/perform in the productions.
YG, January 27, 2019 3:55 PM
Reply to Rachel
While it is incredible that you gave up your career, surely "the portrayal of intimacy" is one of the many tznius issues of this industry for the believing and practicing Jew?
Tznius is not just what you wear, it's how you relate to the other gender whether acting (lifnei iver?) or for real.
Rachel, January 28, 2019 1:12 AM
I was including physical intimacy on stage
I didn’t include a detailed discussion of tznius because I didn’t think it was necessary.
Furthermore, while an actor has some leeway in which role to choose, there is no such flexibility for scheduling. I could play the nurse in Romeo and Juliet without worrying about costumes or inappropriate content, but in the US, plays are always performed on Friday and Saturday evening.
(30) Anonymous, January 25, 2019 11:05 AM
This article shows the bullying mentality of Hollywood. Instead of praising a person gut following his beliefs he is labeled a fanatic. It is only admirable to stand up for what they believe is worth standing up fora It is refreshing and encouraging to see someone stand up to their norms and uphold traditionalvalyes.
(29) H.E.Brown, January 25, 2019 6:59 AM
Morales
Well what do you know. An actor with some morality. I know of a few people that have morales. Not many but some.
(28) Em, January 25, 2019 5:13 AM
Why is he even on TV?
Why on earth would he choose this line of work? If you have certain morals, you choose a career that supports those morals. I dont get how he even thinks he can work on TV and not be asked to act in a compromising way.
Boca Mom, January 28, 2019 5:58 PM
why should he not do what he likes?
Why should have have to choose a career he doesn't like? If he enjoys acting, he has many parts to choose from that he knows will not compromise his morality, and he can decline those that do, which is what happened. Good for him for trusting G-d to provide - that is why he felt ok walking away from the problematic role. He will find a more suitable one. I wish him all the best - a good role model!
(27) Curtis, January 25, 2019 3:49 AM
your wife
Praise the Lord for men like you, And God will bless you for it.
H.E.Brown, January 25, 2019 2:41 PM
Morales
You are so right!
(26) Mario Lakey, January 25, 2019 3:39 AM
So Proud for him !
I am so proud that he stand up for his marriage.
I always wondered if there isn't at least one actor, that said "I Do" and do !
So proud of him.
God Bless him.
Annie, January 25, 2019 3:43 AM
I will, not I do
The question in the wedding is '"Wilt thou .......?' to which the answer is 'I will.' not 'I do.'
Gem, January 26, 2019 10:23 AM
Not necessarily
"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do."
Vows can be written by the couple themselves and be phrased any number of ways. As long as you include whatever legalities are relevant for your country and state, all is hunky dory.
In Australia when I got married, all that was necessary was the statement, "Marriage according to Australian law is between a man and a woman, entered into voluntarily to the exclusion of all others." Or something like that. The rest was not even necessary legally. Hear that phrase, sign the legal papers, DONE.
(25) Patsy Hill, January 25, 2019 1:47 AM
i saw this actor in Band of Brothers and was very impressed by his performance. But his great love for his wife impresses me far more.
(24) Anonymous, January 24, 2019 10:12 PM
WOW! wish we could email Mr. McDonough that we applaud his values in an industry that has no moral ethics
(23) Linda L Trujillo, January 24, 2019 9:17 PM
Great commitment makes for a great marriage!
I am So glad to know that there is a man like Mr. Mc Donough out there in the world!!! I gives me hope for the future of marriage and for our society!!! He reminds me of Joseph in the bible who would not sin again God or his master. To keep yourself clean and pure for your marriage partner is a beautiful gift that only you can give. We need more of this in our world!!
(22) Dr Alan L SmithCHRH, January 24, 2019 8:56 PM
Admirable
Amazing that someone with ethics and morals is ignored by the "media" while trollups, male and female, are idolized.
(21) Anonymous, January 24, 2019 7:59 PM
Religious zealot???
Kirk Cameron is also an actor that won’t kiss anyone except his wife. It’s wrong to blast someone who chooses fidelity !!!
(20) Vincent Maysee, January 24, 2019 7:47 PM
A Good Man!
A real mensch! He may not be Jewish but that's okay. We'll take him!
(19) Reeva Forman, January 24, 2019 6:51 PM
This is worthy of the word "love"..to be distinguished from "emotional involvement
Kol Hakavod to this wonderful actor! Infedility, flirting etc is accepted as " mans nature! " Actually behavior is a choice predetermined at the outset, as part of 'what you want that relationship to be!
(18) Sharon, January 24, 2019 6:02 PM
impressed
I'm very impressed with this actor. When the VP agreed to dine with other women only if his wife was present, he got a lot of flack. But here we're talking about a Hollywoord actor. I didn't think it possible that an actor would risk his career that way. He's a smart man to understand the value of his marriage and admit that sex scenes with other women stand to compromise it.
Anonymous, January 25, 2019 3:47 AM
I think that Mike Pence was making sure that there would never be anything for muckrakers to make anything of, and fair enough.
The refusal to kiss anyone's going a bit far for an actor, but no sex scenes is excellent. We all know what this looks like, we don't need to see it.
(17) Anonymous, January 24, 2019 5:58 PM
Here's to having Standards!
I think aish.com should send our feedback to this actor--and perhaps a copy to Variety. Hearing from the general public on this subject, will help change people's perceptions of what the audience would like to see on screen and stage.
Steven Hill, z"l, is another actor who kept high moral standards similar to this man.
I have turned down saying "swear" words in a film, when the script was changed on-set. I argued successfully to keep to the original language of the script. My role ended up being the only one devoid of such language. The writer worried that I could not portray anger without using swear words. I disproved this in the scene--and the writer/producer and director agreed. It was a tense moment, when I had to say, " No." in front of cast and crew, but it worked out ("Whew!").
I argued that not everyone swears when they get angry. Everyone reacts differently. (The Indie film about a Holocaust survivor went on to win awards, so I did not damage its message in any way.)
anon, January 24, 2019 9:18 PM
kudos to you
One of the most famous scenes in movies is the bandit in Treasure of Sierra Madre saying to Humphrey Bogart, "we don't need no steenkeen badges" ; the acting was so good, we didn't need the word they (would not have been permitted to use then but ) would certainly use in today's day and age, ;
just wondering if you would use even that?
(16) Bobby5000, January 24, 2019 4:58 PM
first things first
He put his wife first, and was respectful to his employer. The world usually does not end when one does something ethical- it seems there is a lot of pressure but then it resolves. There may be a few jobs he will not get but others he will and his marriage will continue. There is a lesson in a lot of areas.
Sandy Koufax would not pitch on Yom Kippur and he is respected for that decision.
(15) Jon Joyce, January 24, 2019 4:15 PM
Outstanding!
Wow! What a refreshing article to start the morning. Thank you for sharing this story. We see the world around us sliding into lawlessness, perversion, lying, deception, and the list goes on. Thank God for a man who stands up for righteous living and for Ms Braverman who is not afraid to share his story.
(14) Anonymous, January 24, 2019 3:38 PM
I bet he and those like him are happier than your average "glamorous" Hollywood swinger.
Deborah, January 30, 2019 2:57 PM
Not only happier-- but still married!
Given Hollywood's disastrous divorce rates, perhaps they should take a leaf out of his book!
(13) Anonymous, January 24, 2019 3:04 PM
True man of faith
If all married couples took this stand it would save many marriages and possibly end the filth, immoral acts, and the evil that is portrayed daily by Hollywood on TV and movie screens. There is very little on TV we watch, sports, nature shows, history, the news can't even be taken serious anymore, praying daily for the change that can only come from our Father in heaven.
(12) Haley, January 24, 2019 2:51 PM
What a classy guy His wife need never worry who he is messing with at work, she knows she is his Princess, with his total commitment o of love
(11) Shaindy Greenfield, January 24, 2019 2:45 PM
Kudos to you Mr. McDonough!! Thank you for setting and example of the beauty of life! Treasured relationships of those closest and supportive of you!!
(10) Bert schlossberg, January 24, 2019 2:39 PM
Very good, Emuna!
(9) Shari, January 24, 2019 2:36 PM
Well said my dear
(8) Bracha Goetz, January 24, 2019 2:09 PM
Wow!
How wonderful!
(7) Nancy, January 24, 2019 12:48 PM
Something to ponder
I wonder how many men and women like this actor decided to leave show business altogether. It is extremely admirable that he stands by his convictions, but it must also be exhausting. Maybe one day he will decide he wants to work behind the camera or do something completely different with his life.
(6) Sarah, January 23, 2019 8:56 PM
ETHICS: DOING THE RIGHT THING
1 JOHN 2:16! THANK GOD NOT EVER ACTOR HAS LOST THEIR MARBLES; GIVING IN TO THE FILTH IN HOLLY---D. AN ACTOR STANDING UP FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN...THE SANCTITY OF HIS MARRIAGE, RESPECTING HIS WIFE & CHILDREN. IN A WORLD OF DEPRAVITY, HE STANDS FOR WHAT IS BIBLICALLY CORRECT. HOW REFRESHING IN THESE LAST EVIL DAYS.
(5) MESA, January 22, 2019 2:12 PM
Deep down, everyone wants a marriage and family like what Neil McDonough has, but secular standards have dropped and too many people are willing to settle for less. And they justify it by badmouthing people like him. I'm very grateful for my husband and children and I'm proud to be a "fanatic" about that. Kol HaKavod to him and may he and his family be blessed with health and nachat for many years to come.
(4) Anonymous, January 22, 2019 1:53 AM
Good for him! Total respect! This is the kind of men we need more of! Blessings to you for your respect to your wife!
(3) dovid, January 21, 2019 11:32 PM
Just SOOO true!
Because of tv etc etc peoples moral standards have dropped dramatically! sigh!! Even the goyim can see this in themselves when they actually look. Its common sense that the more "inter-sex" contacts that arent with ones spouse so it affects the UNIQUENESS of what one has with ones other
(2) Andrea Mann, January 21, 2019 9:05 PM
So amazing and impressive
(1) Yvonna M. Lucas, January 21, 2019 3:59 PM
Well Done!
I believe most actors are afraid to go against the Hollywood machine. They think, "If I don't do what they want, I may lose the job; I may be blacklisted; I may never work in this industry again." But here is a young man who stood his ground, honored himself and his wife and stood firm. The Torah tells us when we have done all we can, stand, and this is what Mr. McDonough did! Well done sir!