Last week I attended a dinner for a friend’s 60th birthday. Last night I made a small surprise party for another friend’s 60th birthday – 60th birthday! I am freaking out; my friends are turning 60!!
“You also made me a party for my 40th birthday,” she said. (I don’t know what happened to 50) I didn’t remember (is that part of being close to 60?!) but I promised one for her 80th as well, please God. And if the time goes by as fast as the last 20 years, I better start baking soon!
I wanted to share some words of Torah with her in honor of the occasion but when I looked into Ethics of our Fathers, I found the idea that 60 is for ziknah – being old! I just couldn’t go any further. Yes, I know it really refers to the elders, yes I know you can break it down to “zeh kanah – this bought” – and discover that at 60 we have bought wisdom, through our troubles and travails, through our highs and our lows, through what could now be called a lifetime of experience. It’s good to have wisdom, it’s certainly good to have grown during the last 60 years. But 60 years!!OMG!
I was sharing with my class the other day the beautiful parable about a ship. In the early days of shipping, a celebration would take place at the launching of the boat – a ribbon cutting or champagne bottle smashing. Our sages suggest that we have it all backwards. The celebration shouldn’t take place when the ship goes out to sea but rather when it returns successfully, cargo intact – having battled storms and pirates and sun and sleet and a mutinous crew.
The same is true of our lives. The real celebration, the real “Mazel Tov” should not occur on the birth of a child. At that moment, it’s all potential. Nothing has yet been accomplished by this brand new human being. The real rejoicing should take place at the end of our lives when we have (hopefully) navigated life’s stormy waters with calm and wisdom and we have reached the shores without regret, with our humanity intact, and our relationship with God flourishing. That would be a “Mazel Tov” indeed.
While some may think “60 is the new 40,” I prefer not to pretend. I'd rather celebrate the accomplishments of my 60 year old friend – the wisdom earned, the good deeds accomplished, the family raised, the students taught, the relationship with God developed. Sixty is really a chance to look both backwards and forwards – to ensure that we really will be able to say that mazel tov at the end of our lives and to commit to use the time remaining to deepen and broaden and enrich all those accomplishments.
Yes, we’re all a little grayer and a little more wrinkled (I speak of myself now not my friend). Yes we’re a little creakier and a little slower (I will only play games now that don’t require sharpness and speed!). Yes, everything doesn’t work the way it once did (“the old gray mare she ain’t what she used to be!). But we have ziknah – or I hopefully will when I’m 60 (I plan to remind my friend that she’s older than me for the next 2-1/2 years) – we have experience, we have wisdom, we have acquired the status of an elder of the community. And it’s something to be grateful for and to celebrate! Pass me the chocolate cake! (and Lipitor…)
(14) Eric, July 8, 2015 7:48 PM
Talmud: turning 60 is a reason to celebrate
See Moed Kattan 28a: R' Yosef made a feast when he turned 60, positing that he was no longer liable for כרת.
(13) Anonymous, May 20, 2015 6:32 PM
Emuna, you B"AH look great. How about sharing some tips on aging gracefully?
(12) Dvirah, May 13, 2015 4:10 PM
I'm looking forward to 60 - the age at which I can officially sit in the front of the bus!
(11) Anonymous, May 13, 2015 10:24 AM
Turning 60
Like you, I was anxious prior to my turning 60 and I think the anxiety made me age. Eventually, when it happened, I stopped playing games to hide my real age. I became finally, more stable and felt more intelligent.
(10) elaine hochman, May 13, 2015 12:54 AM
I LOVE your new look!
(9) Fay, May 12, 2015 8:17 PM
We're lucky when we reach 60 and above!
We all know what the alternative is! I'm 63 and feeling it; but loving every minute of life. Can't do many of the things I used to; but there are many compensations to reaching this age: expectations of us are much lower - whatever we do is good!
Enjoy your family and your life and thank Hashem for every minute.
(8) Karen, May 12, 2015 8:11 PM
Great responses below
I can now stop freaking out about turning 42!
(7) Anonymous, May 12, 2015 5:21 PM
becoming 60
Emuna,, becoming 60 and feeling inside like forever young. But then becoming 70, was that really me ? I still remember the day that my parents became 60 and 70, wow, and there I am already myself and my hubby.
But my soul stays "young". The external package gets worn out but what's in the package stays forever young.
(6) bea Green, May 12, 2015 3:44 PM
Haha! I've just had my ninetieth birthday and I still walk, talk, think and use my computer.
I did have a birthday party but the problem was that most of my contemporaries are dead.
Most of my friends now are in their sixties. Lovely people!
Bea G.
(5) ruth housman, May 12, 2015 2:58 PM
turning points
we are all turned on that Master Potter's Wheel. We are pushed, and pummeled, and pulled, and we are clay, and made into the most beautiful of vessels by the craftsman's hand. And we age, we who age with grace, feel eternally young, and this age thing, well it's generative. Because like many here, being actually seventy, I feel younger than ever, more vibrant, more productive, and if there are wrinkles in time, who cares. Lines tell a story, and I totally reverence mine, and the Story, a massive Story that brought me to this time and this place. There are many ways to go backwards in time, and I found my place, an ageless place, long ago, that is a magic spell, called LOVE. LOVE IS ALL HERE IS. And so it is I partnered with God, and so it is, I will NEVER stop dance sing! in truth/ruth
(4) Miriam w. cohen, May 12, 2015 1:51 PM
Happy Birthday
I wish you a Happy Birthday, hope you are feeling ok, taking care of yourself. Our persona does not feel any older, you are still you, as long as you are mentally alert. But nobody lives forever, and this is the journey, enjoy the ride!
(3) sonia, May 12, 2015 2:26 AM
60, elder, gray, etc? Not yet!
Noww let me tell you, young girl, youre wrong. Im 60 and 2 months now, and I dont feel different than when I was 45. I do the same yoga routine, walk my 8 blocks to my job and back, frankly dont feel any differnt in my little gray cells... and I am enyoying life a little bit much more than 20 years ago. Baruj hashem to that, of course...
Andrea, May 12, 2015 4:01 PM
Refuse to get old
I so agree. Refusing to play games requiring speed or sharpness is the exact wrong approach. All the research shows the more active you are, the more you challenge yourself, the better off you are. I'm closer to 60 than I admit, but I learned to knit just 3 years ago (that's hip now, not old ladyish!), I read a lot, I hike and I just bought an off-road bike! Keep learning and your brain will reward you. My husband looks at me and says if he even thinks about my biological age, it seems surreal to him.
(2) SusanE, May 11, 2015 4:44 PM
I'd Kill for 60 Again.
I think of 60 as nostalgia. I was in good health, running my small shop, traveling, sharp, still attractive, and having fun well into my 60's. My children were 30 - 40 years old and independent. And I never thought about freaking out. Now, 72 is looming next month and when I think of that number it just seems unreal. Wrinkles and hair color are two visible signs of age, but Until.......The realization that about 1/3 of my good friends, and my baby sister have died in the past few years puts everything else about aging into perspective. How did that happen so quickly? So, don't freak out about your age.
(1) Beverly Margolis-Kurtin, May 10, 2015 7:48 PM
Between the ears
That thing we all call "age" is a myth. How each of us perceives the passing of time makes us feel younger or older. It is a matter of what passes between your ears.
Toward the end of this year I will be three quarters of a century YOUNG. Imagine that! Throughout the millions of years that people have lived, the way people view their noggins have changed. Longevity hasn't changed much from what I've read, so I celebrate every morning.
I'm 74 years young and fully expect to live beyond the century mark. My mind is made up, barring accidents or disease, I see no reason not to live over 100.
I don't fear death. We all know that we're going to die, it is inevitable, so why fear it? If there is life after death, wonderful. If not, nobody knows that they're dead.
I've experienced what amounts to death a few times. I have no concept of time as it passes due to general anesthesia,
I've SURVIVED five heart attacks, open-heart surgery, carotid endarterectomy followed up with a massive hemorrhagic stroke leaving me with a nickname: Timex. I take a beating and keep on ticking.
Never did I ever think "that's it." I expected to live. My most recent surgery was a total shoulder replacement, two days in the hospital and out I went.
My doctors all agree that the reason for my longevity is my positive mind set. I accept the fact that I'm going to die, it doesn't bother me one moment. I love life. I'm in intractable pain 24 hours a day but choose to ignore it as much as possible.
So, don't waste one second worrying abut the sure fact that you ARE going to die and live life for as long as you have it.
nina, May 12, 2015 9:27 AM
until 120 with no pain, Beverly
I enjoy reading your posts every time, and marvel at your good spirits. I just turned 50, which makes me older than most of my colleagues, since the over 55s were mostly incentivized to retire
( I live in France), and THAT is an adjustment for me.
Keep them coming, and in good health, Beverly!
Anonymous, May 12, 2015 6:14 PM
Dear Beverly
I wish you a refuah sheleima- a complete recovery,and may you enjoy your life until 120.
Thank you for the wisdom you shared in this post.
Shoshana-Jerusalem, May 12, 2015 6:06 PM
Sonia
May you continue to feel so good for 120 years! When I turned 60 my children said, "Mommy, you reached the half-way mark!"