The Entitled Child

I have been trying to teach my son to say please and thank you, and even now at age 11, he still doesnt say it unless I prompt him. I am relieved to know that it is NOT all me - although some of the blame is mine.
I have not taught him enough about consequences. I cant spank him or they will tell the teacher and then we parents get into trouble and the kids KNOW this. You know what really is to blame for this entitlement attitude?
Political correctness.
We can no longer discipline our kids the way we were disciplined and THIS is why they have grown up being so selfish and ungrateful!!!.

If children are rude, it's because their parents allow them to be. They aren't born knowing to say please and thank you.

When kids get out of my car without so much as a "thank you," I always point it out to my own children and let them know how horrified I would be if they behaved that way in another parent's car. The problem is that so many parents are tuned out, to busy on their cell phones or whatever, to really engage with or even pay attention to their children...much less say "no" or demand that their children be accountable for their behavior. Many children are selfish and ungrateful because parentscare neglecting to instill these basic values in their own homes.

It's about saying "please" and "thank you" - but it's more than that. We ourselves have become accustomed to so much material comfort. Advertising tells us that we "need" and "deserve" this, that, and the other thing. Our parents wanted us to have things better than they did, and we in turn want our children to have things better as well. So the way things are headed, kids are becoming more and more materialistic and bratty. Unfortunately, with the way the economy is heading, we may just all learn our bitter lesson and be forced to work harder and have less. The idea scares me - having lived such a "cushy" existence all my life - but sometimes I wonder if G-d sees how spoiled we've become and knows that it's not good for us and things need to change.

It may sound like I'm bitter but I'm horrified and disgusted with the parents of rude , spoiled kids. These morons support their children in complaints against teachers even when they know their child is lying. Their inflated egos do not allow any negative comments or advice which are intended to benefit the child. Our society is producing gang affiliated children, sociopaths, people with nonexistant morals ,ethics and twisted values. Wake up America! If you can't be a strict but loving parent do not have children.

I completely agree with you Sheila. You cannot imagine how many times someone has gotten upset with me because i have pointed out, that due to their lack of parenting, that their child is completely out of control. Parents seem to find it funny when their child repeats rude comments that they have heard. I think parents are too busy to have kids. They have kids because that is what you're "suppose" to do. Its the child that really suffers. If you don't have time for a child..don't have children

thanks for this important article! I wanted to tell readers about a really nice tradition we started at our home. I noticed a few years back that my kids would come home from school and right away they would start complaining about the school bus being late, or the teacher's unfair test, or the school trip that was no fun whatsoever. And I came up with the idea that when my kids come home, each child has to say 5 "Thank You G-d's" Five nice things that happened that day. My kids absolutely love this! Recently, one afternoon I wasn't there when they got home from school, and they did "Thank You G-d"s on their own. I think this tradition has really helped to infuse our home with more of an atmosphere of gratitude for all we have. I think this could be a nice "tradition" for other families as well.

A simple NO is all that is needed to demanding requests of your children. Often we do not want to give everything.. but we simply can not say NO. Learn to say it, its a great word. 2 letters but so much meaning. You will see the change in kids in less then a week...

yes, you are so right. I am a third grade teachers and I love children, but they become increasingly more full of themselves every year. Their parents practically worship them

Each time I used to visit my sister's house my nephew, on greeting me, would say 'Hi Uncle Ash, can I have some cash?' Seriously. My reply, being the doting uncle that I was 'OK. What for? Let's go shopping'. My sister would stare at me as if to say 'Ash, don't'. I got the message. The next time I visited my sisters house my nephew asked again 'Hi Uncle Ash, can I have some cash?' I had worked out a way to disconnect this sense of entitlement in my nephew. 'What can cash give you that you can't give yourself?' He looked at me strangely, as if I had just told a funny joke without giving away the punch-line. Then he stood there, staring at my face for a reason, an answer. What could my nephew give himself that my cash couldn't? I'm not sure, but I know for sure my nephew knows & he's too proud to tell me. He has never asked me for money since...but my nephew knows his Uncle Ash delivers on his birthday...

Don''t look at the kids, look at the parents. If the parents are idiots & morons, then their children will follow suit.

Not only is this generation ignorant, they are clueless as to how to respect family members, such as Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles... the list is endless.

I have a niece who is over 30, yet she acts like she is 3, her daughters are 6 & 2, they are more mature than she is.

My family was pretty strict with character traits growing up. As kid I was embarrassed when told to say please when ordering pizza in front of friends but I realize now I never would've been a "mentch" if my folks weren't so strict. Parents think they're doing their kids a favor by not being a nag but if you don't properly teach them manners, they may graduate Harvard or learn in the Mir, but they won't have the most important root and precept for life - proper manner. Good Luck and teach by example!

Maybe the reason why many children are rather ungrateful today is because parents all too often call their children by "prince" and especially their daughters by "princess". Would anyone agree not to use those labels on our children in order not to spoil them, where they will likely feel too ungrateful with what they already have and how fortunate they really are?

I agree with the posters who say that children must be taught manners. I also second DB's comment about how we interact with others. My son knows to thank the clerk at the store, the bus driver, etc. because he sees me do it everyday. Adults must model good behavior.

That's all I had to say.

I raised 10 kids, thank G-d and they all had good manners. That is, my husband and I taught them good manners. Now I have been blessed with a load of grandchildren but not all of them are being taught how to behave. It's so disappointing to have kids run out of the house when I show up and look at my hands to see what I've brought them. Some of them even ask me how much the little gift cost. And of course, there's is no "thank you" at all. This is only in a few of the families and the reason is very obvious. These poor kids are being raised by parents who think that it's "unnatural" to tell children how to behave. I say poor kids because they're not being provided with proper social skills to get along with others and of course, to really care about how others feel. I once read somewhere that good manners is a way of saying, "I care".

Thank you for the reminder - thank G-d my children are grateful for what they have and are aware that resources are not unlimited. My oldest daughter spent a weekend with a friend. The mom dropped them off at the mall on Sunday and gave each of them a little spending money. The other girls looked at my daughter and asked why she hadn't spent her money - and she told them she didn't spend it because she was taught to buy things when she needed them - and she told them she didn't need anything....I am so grateful.

I think what is said in the article is true, but there is an equeally significant problem in jewish days schools, particularly as children get older to their teen years. The schools have, I believe, engendered a sense of entitlement by trying to "bribe" students to come to their school and then ensure they have a fun time while there. In high schools, from the moment one attends an open house to choose schools, the students are offered gifts of sweat suits (with logos) and other items. Once there, they are offered out of state trips on a yearly basis (paid for by parents of course), required ski trips and other such activities in the name of either school spirit or seeing God's world. If schools teach students that just for being there they should be offered such things, if schools don't require students to earn privaleges, then why shouldn't the students feel entitled. I think it's time for parents to start saying no to such things and for school principals to stop confusing selling the school with doing what's best for the students in the long run. The two are not the same thing.

...from reminding my teenagers to say "please", "thank you", etc. But I've noticed that while they are sometimes a bit lax around the house, they are generally polite to their grandfather, friends' parents, waiters, etc. I'm not excusing failure to be polite at home (which is why I repeat the same etiquette reminders over and over) BUT I'm gratified to see that it seems to be sinking in. I will say that I'm a boomer and we were NOT raised with a sense of "entitlement". "Life doesn't owe anyone a living" was my parents' refrain. In fact, I kind of like "princess parties" and "I'm special" shirts -- my parents loved us and gave us everything we needed (not everything we wanted) but they were also very critical and we felt we had to earn their love. As for cellphones -- yes, my kids had them starting in 6th grade b/c they were taking public transportation alone & I saw it as a safety measure.

Our 2 year old son often reminds either me or my husband to say thank you to eachother when we have done something. They are never too young to learn!

I teach in a private Jewish Day School. My students know one Yiddish word - chutzpah. I am so shocked by their entitlement attitudes that I sometimes can't control the word Chutzpah as it pops out of my mouth. Amazingly they repeat it and think it's funny. By the way they are very bright and really good kids. Unfortunately the abundance of stuff is misplacing their values.

I thank all of the Isha's of the world that have provided us guests with a wonderful Shabbat--we do not do that enough, and it is worse that we don't thank Isha enough than the children that might not know better....

My disagreement is that we have already raised the most selfish generation. They are the children of the Baby Boomers in the U.S. Their parents wanted them to do better and have more. Unfortunately this turned out to be more selfish and inward directed than any generation preceeding it. It reflects not only a lack of civility, politeness, concern for community, and other forms of civic engagement. Let us only hope that that generation's children learn something better than their parents. Yes, I sound like a curmudgeon and probably am one. But I was never asking for anything of a material nature from this generation. Just a set of values that would direct them toward making the world just a very little bit better.

I think that the most spoiled generation is NOT this one, but the Baby Boomers. That is the generation that got everything and slammed the door behind them, so that subsequent generations would not have what they had. The baby boomers also lide to lecture to everyone else about how they are using resources, daring to want things, etc. Let me tell you about this generation. When I get on a crowded bus, most of the time, one of them will get up and give me a seat. Once, when I slipped and fell, on snow and ice, they crowded around me and made sure that I was alright. This generation has more pressure, than any prior generation and will not have the blessings that previous generations had.

Growing up, my parents constantly said please and thank you to all four of us, and would gently remind us to say it to others. Throughout life, I've encountered many people who appreciate the thank you, people who ignore it, and yet others who don't know how to respond. Saying "Thank You" and meaning it can really make a persons day.

four children...when requesting anything-the way children start out doing-i replied to them "the way to ask for something is to say 'please,when you get ready, can i have...thank you'" This way they are reminded i love them i delight in taking care of them as Torah reminds us our Abba in heaven knows the things we have need of BEFORE WE ASK H-M. As well as acknowledging they KNOW we will provide for them. G-D is good and cannot be otherwise. And deserving of all our Modeh Ani.

Comment One When my daughter was 3, we were browsing in a shop that sells supplies to teachers. As we migrated from display to display, we were dimly aware that a teacher was browsing one row behind us. My daughter would ask, "Could you please bring that down so I can see it?" And when she had seen it, I'd put it back and she'd say "Thank you" . . . Item after item, row after row. Finally, the teacher stuck her head over the display between us and asked, "Is that an American child?" Comment Two Another area where thanks go unexpressed is interaction with others. "Thank you" to and a brief personal conversation with the grocery checkout clerk, to your office assistant, to your boss, to the dry cleaner, to the mail carrier . . . In this Aish feature we often read about how acknowledgement alters for the better the day of the person acknowledged, the day of the person who acknowledges, and the atmosphere of the universe. Nonetheless, not everyone has caught on yet.

I am a teacher and I am appalled by the way children are being raised in this generation. This behavior comes from the home. I can't fix what the parents have created, as hard I try.It seems to me the problem is that people are too wealthy for their own good and give their children everyhting and then some. I also believe the exposure to technology at a very young age is detrimental to the children. In my school 5th graders have blackberrys. There is no reason to have cell phones at that age. I am 58 and was taught manners by my mother. To this day I always say please and thank you and mean it. When I say good morning to a student most of them do not reply. It's so upseting. They also destroy property, theirs and others. The children I teach are 6 and 7 and already they are behaving as though they are being raised by wolves.

It's not only the children who think everything is coming to them, it's the adults, too. Every time I see or hear an advertisement that says "You DESERVE..." I cringe. Deserve??? Why??? What makes anyone DESERVE anything? When the adults in a child's life feel that way, the message communicates itself to the children. Our mindsets need to be "I am here to GIVE, not to take." That is the message we need to internalize for ourselves and convey to the next generation.

A very worthwhile piece of writing and one that parents should read because it starts at home, and we are the first line, the first chapter of their life story. Teach love and respect and the whys of this, and then they are off to a "GOOD" start. It's about love, compassion, respect. And humility in the face of this vast, beautiful, creation, that we are alive to share it. As share itself is to the French word, cher, to be cher ished.

Having raised six children (of whom I am extremely proud today) I can tell you with certainty that good manners are taught and start at home. Whenever we went out with my children to visit friends, while in the car, I would tell them what I expected of them, and on the way back I would compliment them on their behaviors. This has carried into their adult lives, and now I also see it reflected in their children.But... I once told my son how proud I always was of him and his 5 sisters when they were young,for I could take them anywhere... and never be embarrassed, But without a beat he answerd me: "Sure Ma otherwise you'd have killed us when we got home! He did have a point!

I don't accept grunts at my table. If something is offered to my kids, they have had the proper responses taught to them. It helps me understand what they want or do not want. It helps them understand that even if they do not want something I offer, the offer is a gift. This may be the generation of chutzpah, but it doesn't have to be my kids who fulfill that prophesy! :-)