Being Mom Enough

Breastfeeding is beautiful yes, but I agree that there is no need to display it in such an aggressive, unnatural way. I also take issue with time's caption. "Are you Mom Enough?" Whether a woman breastfeeds, and for how long, is a private issue between her and her baby. We need LESS people weighing in on every decision a mother makes. This just encourages those busybodies who want to tell random mothers that they are "poisoning" their baby with formula or weaning too early. The idea that you are more of a mom if you choose extended breastfeeding is ridiculous. My friend was emotionally unable to breastfeed at all, due to some abuse in her childhood. It broke my heart to hear of people bashing her for her refusal to do what was "best" for her baby. People need to mind their own business.

all this fuss over how long a mother should breast feed but does anyone realise what it is like if you can't. you are not a good mother is you don't? i breast feed my children for only a short time because i became ill and the milk stopped. am i not a good mother because of this? stop making breast feeding a criteria and make how you treat your child the real test.

Thank you Slovie for taking the time to express this important issue so well!

He will never be able to live down the fact that he was photographed in this position. His friends will taunt him forever. This was so thoughtless of TIME to take advantage of an innocent child to sell magazines. The selfishness of this mother is an outrage!

My projection: Perhaps the woman doesn't see herself as the mother. Of course she says she is, but I mean the type of mother who loves her child. One who is willing to sacrifice for her child, sacrifice nutrients, safety, comfort, etc. Perhaps the child is simply a prop, a statement... say for those who no longer believe in the holiness of marriage. Perhaps she wants to rewrite fatherhood also or erase it. Perhaps this is the same type of woman who wants to rewrite every type of relationship know to man and blessed by God.

what a wonderful article so true words of wisdom to live by and practice to be better people

I understand the value of privacy and I'm not sure if the author is insinuating that a breastfeeding woman should not do so in public but I think if people truly ask themselves why they are so bothered by a woman breastfeeding, particularly an older child it is because they have been convinced by society that breasts are purely sexual. Not so. They automatically make milk when a woman is pregnant and gives birth, making it such a precious gift from Hashem for our babies. And to those who say it should stop at a certain cut off age why? What do you base that off, science or your own comfort level?

The "problem" is not nursing; the author of this article clearly writes about the defiant expression of the mother on the magazine cover, and the lack of modesty our society has accepted. Not every body part and human act is meant for public display according to Our father in Heaven, the One Who clearly spells out what is appropriate.

I just want to say 1. that you're missing the whole point of this eloquently written article. 2. As Jews, we don't need to look into science neither should rely on our comfort level (because our comfort level may be a little warped due to the influence of the culture we live in - as stated so beautifully by Mrs. Slovie Jungreis-Wolff). You see, we have it easy - whenever we have a question we just go into our guide book - the Torah. Good Shabbos & good Yom Tov!

I feel the need to say two things about your comment on this eloquent written article. 1. I think you need to reread the article because you missed the whole point. 2. No we, cannot rule according to our comfort level (because it may be warped thru the influences of our culture as Mrs. Slovie Jungreis-Wolff beautifully explained above) or science to make decisions. You see, we as Jews have it easy - when we need to decide on something, we simply go to our guide book & ask Daas Torah! Have a good Shabbos & Yom Tov!

When I was told about the cover photo (very unfortunately, since I never would have heard about it otherwise, since I dont follow popular media), I literally felt a wave of nausea overcome me, swiftly followed by the urge to burst into tears. What is our world coming to? I shudder to think that our collective insensitivity is so freely taken for granted by multi-media moguls. How shameful. How utterly tragic that humanity is perceived so cheaply as finding something like this entertaining.

Time should be asked to reprint your article as a "fair-time" response for those who were deeply offended by such flagrant disregard of basic human dignity and sanctity. We human beings are not just bodies; we also are souls. If we ignore this soul, i.e., spiritual, component, we are living like animals in the zoo and no longer worthy of the name "human being."

Thank you for this article I loved it . I feel like this message isn't spread enough, love and simle attention is what kids need, but some reason that's so hard for so many parents. Sheva @ myshtub.blogspot.com

Slovie, Thank you! I always enjoy reading your articles. In this one, you really conveyed what is happening in the world today. With my own kids it is REALLY hard to fight this natural tide of breaking down barriers and to teach children about dignity, respect, sanctity. Though I know in my heart all the things you are saying are true it is quite a challenge to give it over to my children.

"What this mother does in private should be kept that way," "She's on the cover of the wrong magazine," and other comments that sexualize the topic of feeding one's child are way off the mark. Time to unlearn what our society has conditioned you to think. (P.S. This includes statements of across-the-board timeframes for nursing. [e.g. " A child of three should be sitting at table, eating regular food..."]. Is three months too short? Is 28 months too long? Frankly, unless it is your child and your situation, I don't think it's any of your business. IMHO, that is.)

The whole concept of attachment parenting is very selfish. A parent should aim to raise a child who will grow up to be a self sufficient adult, not a child who is forever dependent on a mom. A woman who is breastfeeding a 3 year old is clearly doing it so that the child is attached to her and will need her; such mothers can not stand the idea of their baby growing up. When I was briefly teaching preschool and pre-K, I saw that the toddlers of this attachment parenting model were underdeveloped, still in diapers, napped with bottles, and were brattier and needier. The children of mother who had a life were more respectful, mature, and better behaved. Attachment parenting creates monster kids. This mother either needs to have another baby to satisfy maternal urges, or get a job outside of the home or see a psychologist for her own attachment issues.

Is the photo really uncalled for? But then it's okay to show photos of women in nude and call it "artistic shot". People will complain, argue or discuss just about anything , they see. But I wonder if they have read and discussed what the "Article" really say . Just my Ten Cents

Average, not max, Average. So 3 or 4 yrs old, who cares?!? No 18 months, or 6 months or 1 year doesn't matter either. It's up to the child and the parent. There is a Stanford study that says the longer a woman breastfeeds, the less likely she is to get breast cancer. As far as modesty goes, I don't see the problem with the Time cover. And for those that think women should cover up: Do you cover up your bottle fed babies? Think what it's like to be that baby being forced to wear something it may find uncomfortable. I'm not saying a woman should flaunt everything, but if you're uncomfortable with part of a breast being exposed, Don't Look!

This photo does not depict a nursing toddler. It's rather disgusting. As the article says, nursing is a tender moment of feeding. To soothe, to bond, to feed. Look up Stephanie Brandt Cornais to see what it really looks like.

While I and several of my friends nursed our children until around their 3rd birthdays, a photo of one of us doing so would have shown a modestly dressed mom with child on lap or beside her on the couch, cuddled to enjoy this extremely healthful (for both) and nurturing activity. TIME's photo, on the other hand, was the exact opposite -- exploiting the child and even the mother. Thank you for this beautifully written article.

I have no problem with the Time cover. It does not display the actual breast and it does show any image of pain, etc. it is rather a natural act and it should be celebrated and not knock or twisted into something else by those who are ashame of God's beauty- the nourishing of a child.

That sould be inappropriate to be on the cover. Childbirth, procreation, going to the bathroom are all natural, and may be considered beautiful due to the miracles in all of them, but please, Mrs. Jungreis is so on target...there is no sense of privacy anymore. So to say "celebrate a natural act" please, do you go to the bathroom in public? How about when you gave birth-did you post it on youtube? The liberalism that seeps into our minds today and twists it is simply nauseating.

I agree almost completely -- so many people don't cherish their right to privacy, only their right to freedom of expression.

The cover was not of a sweet mother breastfeeding.Was more like provocative female saying -so what if you don,t like what you see.Her son looked like he was getting stuck into a Big Mac!!!!!Half naked woman are not celebrating God's beauty,He would prefer not the cover of Time but rather time to cover up.

Very well said!

The Straits Time on Sunday ran an article on breastfeeding, including the photo of Jamie Lynne Grumet and her son. I think that children who breastfeed above 18 months should be directed gently to drink milk from sipper cups and eat soft or blended food. My son Ishmael had demanded a change in food at 3 months :he just cried after being breast and bottle fed at his feeds time and did not stop till I gave him rice gruel with meat and vegetable. However, he had to be pushed to write and make prescribed patterns at 4. I went back to work when Ishmael was 4 months old, leaving him with a nice lady in her early 60s. She let him do all types of educational games (jigsaws, sandbox, water troughs, crayons, interactive electronic gamed) except teach him to write. My weekends with the boy was not enough. His paedriacian found that he had lower normal IQ and speech delay. After 2 years of speech and writing training at the local Kandang Kerbau Children's hospital, Ishmael caught up with his nursery class. He is 11 now and is very vocal and articulate, school grades are also rather good.

Personally I do not like this photo. What this mother does in private - should be kept that way. She seems to be very much into attention seeking headlines. IMO - breast feeding should stop as soon as the BABY IS AROUND 18MONTHS OLD.

She's on the cover of the wrong magazine!

If that kid is really only 3, he must be on growth hormones, as he looks at least twice that age. Perhaps it's all the mother's milk that does it.

beautifully expressed thoughts here.

There is a gemara that addresses women nursing in public. In fact, a woman is allowed to freely and openly nurse in a busy market place because it is not an issue of modesty since her breast is like a vessel/tool for such a purpose.

I think you wrote a very fine response to the magazine cover from the Jewish point of view. I would only add one thing: how long to nurse is each mother and child's decision; some children decide they've had enough at very young ages, while others cannot be weaned without a struggle, even at age three! I've nursed eight, so I speak from experience! What's important about this cpver is the lack of modesty and privacy, as well as the attitude expressed by the photo, which as you aptly said, does not invoke tenderness, cuddling, or connecting. That's sad. The fact is, nursing takes a lot of time. I found I could relax and enjoy that time more by having a book-stand set up so I could hold my child, feed and read at the same time. Just a suggestion. Worked for me. I learned the entire "Messilas Yesharim"! ("Path of the Just," by Rav Chaim Lutzatto)

I teach high school and try to teach the kids decency. I ask them to "ask to use the restroom" instead of cruder terms. Their comeback (sometimes) is, "Well everybody does it." It is hard not to give a rid e response. There is a time and place for everything. I appreciate the way the article expressed theositive side of privacy.

I just visited a friend last friday. He is a stay home Dad and is taking care of their 4 months baby. While there, he talking about getting ready to bottle feed his daughter. At that i asked if he was giving her breast milk, and his answer was yes. He stated that his wife squeezes the breast milk in bottles before she leaves for work. I sat there and watched him feed his dughter. He shared with me that this eperience has helped him bond with his daughter. He said this has also helped him understand why mothers are so close or in love with their children. This is what mothers do in most African Countries-they breast feed their babies-breast milk is healthy food

Breastfeeding is a natural thing! We ALL AGREE, right? But when and where, is the question, and at what age, should out be weened? I'll just betcha that if the very same woman was on the cover with...a teenager doing the same thing, we'd ALL BE ANGRY! So, the question is...at what age should it stop??? I believe an old novel "Of Mice and Men" had one of the very sick subjects, breast fed back to health, but that IS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE! Discuss amongst yourselves...

You've beautifully put into words what I've been mulling over since that picture came out. Will modesty and privacy ever make a return appearance? Probably not, but, thank God, it still exists in our observant circles.

So she's breastfeeding a three-year-old for all the world to see. I find this utterly underwhelming.

Otis, It's the lack of modesty on the front cover of a magazine for millions to see with her body hanging out. Also, did she bother to think what this will do to her child years from now. I cannot even imagine the ridicule and embarrassment he will have to endure....This is the reason why as Jews we are not suppose to take pictures of our children while they are naked and why even non Jewish moms and dads as well as Jewish moms and dads will place a wash cloth over the genitalia of their child if they snap a picture of them in the bath as a baby etc...It's what it will do to them later in life in addition to the lack of modesty then. Now, picture this kid later in life and what will his mother say then? "Oh, who cares? It's no big deal."

The woman does not look motherly. She looks like what I call a "superbroad," one who thinks multitasking saves time. A child of three should be sitting at table, eating regular food, drinking from a glass or cup (and not those sippy things). Frankly, that woman, dressed in exercise attire, making her child stand on a chair to nurse rather than cuddling him in an overstuffed chair, is really offputting. BUT, the fact he is three is what truly is disturbing. What is that doing to the boy? So many adverse things are being done to boys in recent years, it is a wonder we have any left, who have true manly characteristics.

we got our values straight, and I agree, what's the mileage in being naked on the front page of a major magazine. A long time ago, Demi Moore did this, with a full spread of her belly. She was beautiful, and beautiful too, in pregnancy. So was this, the message, that pregnancy IS beautiful, and maybe this could have been inside the pages of a photography magazine. But it wasn't. So I agree we are getting mixed messages, and I also agree, that there is a lot of attention to how we look, and less to the inner person, namely the story that is about soul, in all our lives. Beauty is not skin deep, it's very very deep. I have not seen or read this article in Times so I cannot judge the content, but only what you say, about the cover. And as a grandmother who spends a lot of time right now changing her beloved grand daughter's diapers, The Times, they are a'changing, to quote a popular Bob Dylan song.

Time magazine must be suffering from lack of readers,to have done this.It is just plain poor taste. Breastfeeding a child can.be done anywhere today,but there is a moral & religious issue involved and that would be modesty!

One way to maximize modesty and dignity: Turn off that TV (it's not called "idiot box" for nothing!) and avoid Facebook, which seems to cater to self-absorbed, immature, insecure nincompoops.

One of the saddest things in our world at this time is the "trashing" of dignity and modesty. The results ot this titilating world we are seeing develop is a parallel hardness, courseness and growing lack of empathy, true CARING for others. What a difficult world we are creating for everyone. We are taught by history, religeous precepts and common sense that lives of joy are in the other direction!

That rag they call a magazine probably sold many copies.

yes do agree with the writer certain actions are done universally but behind doors they are not for public view .Well written and all issues i mean even how it affect the childern was taken into cosideration.

This article is so fabulous. Kol Hakavod for saying it all so well

That kid looks six!

That's exactly how they wanted you to see it. Cover was set up to make him look older (ie. standing on a chair to make him taller, etc.). thereby giving the provocative attention to the cover they were looking for.

I think it is worth mentioning that Jewish law DOES allow nursing a child until 4 or 5. (Of course not in such an exposed manner as in this cover shot!)

This article is very well written! I was shocked by the article Time Magazine wrote. I got alot more out of this article. There are multiple issues to cover here and Slovie Jungreis-Wolff seemed to deal with them very wisely. Thank you!