The TV show Father Knows Best has come to symbolize the stereotyped gender roles of the 1950s. The father, Jim Anderson, worked as an insurance agent while his wife, Margaret, stayed home. Their three well-behaved children, Betty (“Princess”), James (“Bud”) and Kathy (“Kitten”) loved and respected their parents.
Presenting an idyllic family of the times, Father Knows Best ran from 1954 to 1960. It won six Emmy Awards and in its final year was the sixth most popular show on television.
In each episode Jim came home and dealt with problems in his family – usually involving friends, relationships or school. Following their father’s wise advice, the problems were resolved.
Over the past decade when the role of fathers is discussed, Father Knows Best is often cited as reflecting gender roles so out of date there isn’t anything today’s father could learn from the show. I disagree. As I watch the show today, I see important lessons for fathers that address common complaints wives have about husbands. These complaints include not paying enough attention to what is going on at home and not helping sufficiently with parenting – the kind of tensions that can lead to breakups.
Jim Anderson was a very involved father. In each episode, he was aware of situations at home that needed to be dealt with, and he dealt with them. Though it might be unrealistic to portray a father as being able to solve every problem, the important lesson for today’s fathers is that Jim stepped forward and got involved. He didn’t ignore what was going on in his home and expect his wife to handle it.
For example, when Bud was applying for his first job – to work in a stock room – and wanted to put phony job experience on his application, Jim told him that if he lied on the application, he might get the job but he wouldn't keep it. Bud followed his father’s advice but became upset with this advice after his friend Eddie, who put phony experience on the application, got the job. However, Eddie’s deceit was soon uncovered and he was fired. Bud was given the job.
Jim understood what many fathers today haven’t been taught – the importance of showing their share of leadership at home. His wife did not complain, as I’ve heard women do today, that her husband was not taking responsibility on the home front. How common is this complaint? In a 2011 survey by TheBump.com and ForbesWoman.com, 24% of working mothers and 28% of stay-at-home mothers said they sometimes feel like “married single moms.”
Jim chose a work-life balance that made his family a priority. When he had to choose between going to a PTA meeting to see Kathy read a biography she wrote about him or to a Chamber of Commerce meeting that could benefit his career, he chose to see Kathy. Today, that could be a career limiting move. It could have left him “daddy-tracked.” His priority was his family, and his actions showed it.
Jim spoke calmly. He didn’t raise his voice – even when, for example, he was under financial stress. After being persuaded to buy a mink coat for his wife, Jim was overdrawn at the bank and unable to even pay the newspaper delivery boy. He calmly said to Margaret. “What’s come over us? We used to buy only things we could afford.”
Some parents may think it’s unrealistic to expect them to keep their voices down – except to stop children from doing something dangerous. Think about when you see a father yelling at his children. He looks like he’s out of control and hasn`t got a clue how to handle the situation calmly. A father has to realize that if he blows up at his children, they may blow him off and have little to do with him. That should get him to lower his voice.
From what I’ve seen in coaching fathers, many families would benefit from having fathers who have learned these important lessons. Sadly, I have seen how problems like fathers not shouldering their share of leadership, not making their families a sufficient priority and frequently raising their voices have led to marriages disintegrating. Although people might dismiss Father Knows Best as a relic of another era, some aspects of successful fatherhood are timeless. Housewives are relatively rare these days and it’s hard to unglue kids from their smartphones, but many dads could do worse than keep old-school Father Knows Best in mind.
Originally published on USA Today.com
_(english).jpg)
_(english).jpg)
_(english).gif)
(4) Anonymous, June 17, 2018 6:58 AM
I wonder if the writers were Jewish?
The article was very thought provoking. As I was reading it, it made me think that the values Jim Anderson showed his children were very Torah based. Granted, there are non- Jewish writers who know good values. But I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the script writers were Jewish.
(3) Anonymous, June 27, 2016 9:43 AM
Real life vs. fantasy
I grew up in the 50's and 60's, so I remember "Father Knows Best" very well and I watched it every week. I even vaguely recall the episode where Kathy read the biography. However, there is one point that the writer failed to mention. "Father Knows Best" was fantasy. It was not real life. Of course, it was easy for the actor Robert Young never to raise his voice and to always to be patient with his children when he was getting a nice salary for it. But at the end of the work day, when he went home to his real family, was he also so patient and never raised his voice? Then and only then will you know if it is for real. When he convinced his son not to lie on his job application, it is very nice that in the end that Bud got the job. But, as we all know, life doesn't always work out like that. And the next time Bud had that temptation did he also not lie, whatever the outcome? That is the real test. In a Q & A session I once heard, a great Rebbetzin was asked if it was ok to watch reruns of "I Love Lucy". She said it was not ok. Because in the lives of Lucy and Ricky, Hashem was not in the picture. And therefore, it is not a realistic view of life. We don't make decisions because in another 1/2 hour everything will work out perfectly. We make decisions according to what the Torah tell us to do.
Elliott Katz, June 27, 2016 6:08 PM
Men should implement these lessons
The Torah teaches, "Who is wise? He who learns from all people." (Ethics of the Fathers 4:1) Though Fathers Knows Best was a TV show, we can still learn lessons that will improve family life.
It may be hard for a man to come home from a hard day of work ready to show his share of leadership at home, but he needs to do it for his family's sake -- just like he worked hard all day for his family's sake.
I am puzzled by your comment about telling Bud not to lie on a job application. It's a father's duty to teach his son to be honest.
It is easier for Robert Young not to raise his voice than someone stressed after a day of work. A father still needs to exercise self-control and not raise his voice to his children. It may be hard but he needs to do it as raising his voice will damage his relationship with them.
When I discuss the ideas in my book "Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants" and tell men the importance of showing their share of leadership at home, many say they have never heard this before. Where would they see it? On today's TV shows that portray men as incapable buffoons?
Today's men can learn a lot of important lessons from Father Knows Best.
Anonymous, June 28, 2016 1:11 PM
Thank you
Thank you for responding to my comments. I will definitely think through carefully what you have written.
However, there seems to be a misunderstanding. I did not mean that Jim should not have told his son not to lie on a job application. I was referring to the outcome, that it worked out for him and he got the job. But a father should teach his son not to lie no matter what the outcome. When he got the job, he should teach him this also.
I thoroughly agree with you that Robert Young should also not raise his voice, even when he is not being "Jim Anderson".
My only point was to keep in mind that TV is fantasy and not reality, and should be viewed as such and many times does not reflect what happens in real life.
(2) Reuven Frank, June 21, 2016 5:20 AM
Gee, what a coincidence!
I always find it funny, in an interesting kind of way, how the values that are considered: traditional, old-fashioned and even stereotypical;
are values that the Torah put forth, what is it now?
Say 3,000 years ago?
Well, it's NOT a coincidence, and it's partially responsible for the fact that there still ARE Jews alive and living those values in the 21st century.
Thank you for your beautiful and thoughtful article!
(1) H.E.Brown, June 19, 2016 11:17 PM
Good father's
I know for a fact this is true. Looking back at the way we raised or children, and the way my sister and brother-in-law raised their's it does make difference. Especially my brother-in-law's father influence. His son is no where to be found. His daughter committed suicide. My son's tell me they love me and we are the best of pal's. You are right with this article it makes a world of difference.