I grew up surrounded by survivors -- my grandparents, heroes from the books I read, elderly neighbors. You could say that I was a third generation Holocaust victim. I remember waking up from nightmares, darting out of bed, my teeth chattering as I rushed into the safety zone of the light bulb hanging from the closet ceiling. The Nazis that chased me through the streets, their long rifle aimed at my back, their vicious sneers taunting me, were all as visible in my dreams as if I'd actually be reliving something I'd experienced.
While other kids my age feared a nuclear war, the PLO, or the Evil Empire, my mind was preoccupied with strategizing escape routes, conjuring up hiding places, and deciding which gentile could be entrusted to hide us and not betray us, should the necessity arise with the return of the Nazis.
Mrs. Weinreb lived on our block. An elderly widow, the sole survivor of a large family, she lived in abject, harsh loneliness. My parents welcomed her into our home and made her feel that she was part of our family. She would try to find vegetables to peel, dishes to wash, or she'd resort to her own creative tactics, always to reassure herself that she was needed and useful.
"You will never know what went on there. I myself find it hard."
Occasionally, when she was ill or simply feeling forlorn, my mother would send us children to visit with her. We'd play table games and listen to her reminiscence about the good old days. Her walls were plastered with pictures of an era gone by. Portraits of her mother and father, her grandparents, uncles and aunts, her sisters and brothers, all stared down at us, silent testimony to a world that once was. But the photos I found most difficult to look at were those of her beautiful twins charmingly dressed in sailor outfits, huge white bows pinned to their hair. Children who were snatched out of her arms and tossed into the fires of Auschwitz.
When Mrs. Weinreb would unburden her painful memories to my mother, I'd look on with wide eyes and a lump in my throat. Once she turned to me, her palm spread over her forehead, her eyes filled with anguish, "You will never know what went on there," she said. "No one will really know. I myself find it hard. I ask myself ‘How did I go through this war and remain alive, with my wits intact?' No," she said shaking her head wisely, "you will never understand it."
As I grew older, I learned to put aside the Holocaust. There was a happier side to life as well. Life was too short to allow oneself to be pulled into an abyss of dismal stories of tragedy and sorrow.
But come Tisha B'Av, the day set aside for us to mourn the destruction of the Temple, the ultimate destruction which inevitably led to all future tragedies, I allow myself to contemplate the tragic stories of the Holocaust. Although this day primarily commemorates the destruction of the Temple, it is a day that's fitting to reflect on the many other tragedies of the Jewish people.
And the Book of Lamentations that we read on the Eve of Tisha B'Av is as appropriate today as it was in the time of the Holocaust and the Spanish Inquisition and no less true then during time of Destruction of the Temple when Prophet Jeremiah penned those words.
On this day I think about victims such as Mrs. Weinreb and cry for them, the survivors who emerged from the ashes with nothing but their aching losses, excruciating memories, and, often painful guilt feelings, to accompany them for the rest of her life. With them in mind, the Book of Lamentations comes alive:
Alas – she sits in solitude! The city that was great with people has become like a widow...She weeps bitterly in the night and her tear is on her cheek...Those who I cherished and brought up, my enemy has wiped out. (Lamentations, 1:1,2, 2:22)
"We were set to work packaging bananas to be shipped for the front," Mrs. Weinreb related to me. "You have no idea how the sight of those bananas tormented us. Could you imagine the tantalizing smell they emitted? The Nazi guard stood over us, menacingly fingering his whip with one hand, his rifle with the other. Our hunger tore at our innards, the temptation was humanly impossible to withstand."
The Lord has delivered me into the hands of those I cannot withstand...Pour out your heart like water in the Presence of the Lord; lift up your hands to Him for the life of your young children, who swoon from hunger...(1:14, 2:19)
"One young girl standing at my side succumbed. For a moment, it appeared as if the Nazi turned aside and she hurriedly slipped the banana into her mouth, banana peel and all. We all froze, our fingers continued working on auto pilot.
"‘It tastes good, doesn't it,' the guard sneered superciliously. ‘Here, I'll give you another one, open your mouth.' He aimed his rifle. The bullet shot straight into her mouth."
...Her enemies saw her and gloated at her downfall...From on high He sent a fire into my bones and it crushed them...Oh bring the day You proclaimed and let them be like me! Let all their wickedness come before You and inflict them as You inflicted me for all my transgressions...(1:7,13, 21,22)
On Tisha B'Av I think about the unfathomable hunger. Human beings were, at times, reduced to crawling on their legs in pursuit of a morsel of bread and I remember the chronicles of desperation that I heard spoken:
A train from France arrived to Auschwitz. This elite group of prisoners descended, still wearing their silk high hats, fur coats, and carrying designer luggage – bankers, businessmen, wealthy citizens -- Jews brought to Auschwitz.
Two weeks later, one of them, a former world-famous banker stood trembling at the far corner of the barracks. The striped prisoners garb now replacing his fur coat, hung over his emaciated body facing an S.S. officer leaning calmly against a wall, smoking a cigar. The banker reached into his pocket, removed a black velvet pouch and emptied it into the Nazi's outstretched palm. A bag full of diamonds fell into his hands. In exchange for that, he received a loaf of bread.
This was a loaf of bread in Auschwitz.
The enemy spread out his hand on all her treasures...All her people are sighing searching for bread. (1:10,11)
On Tisha B'Av, I mourn the loss of those who died al Kiddush Hashem, sanctifying God's Name, and I do not forget those who lived their lives al Kiddush Hashem.
One day, while all others were marched to their labor sites, two concentration camp prisoners were ordered to remain behind to clean the barracks. While sweeping the damp floors, one of them discovered, under a loose floorboard, a loaf of bread and eagerly called out to his friend to come and share this spectacular sight.
A loaf of bread in Auschwitz!
"I know who this belongs to," said one. The bread belonged to a Polish prisoner, a vicious anti-Semite, also an inmate in that barracks. For one long moment they eyed each other, their hunger pangs entreating them, until the decision was made, "Let us return the bread. Let the Gentiles say that Jews don't steal!"
Here leaders were like deer that found no pasture, but walked on without strength before the pursuer (1:6).
Throughout the long exile, the Jewish Nation has been targeted again and again by hatred and persecution. Yet the indomitable spirit of the Jew has lasted throughout the generations.
The tears we shed on Tisha b'Av, year after year, is testimony to the fervor of our longing and hope.
Today, so many years after the destruction of our Holy Temple, it's difficult to comprehend, let alone mourn the enormity of the loss. We've never seen its splendor, nor experienced the feeling of closeness to God it engendered. Yet Tisha B'Av has remained a day of tragedy throughout the generations, a potent reminder of where we are and were we belong, a time of communal mourning in memory of the Jewish past, both recent and ancient, throughout the years of exile.
On this day the destruction of the First and Second Temple occurred, the expulsion of Jews from England in 1290, and from France in 1306. In 1492, the Inquisition edicts were signed in Spain. Pogroms and World War One which culminated in Germany's "Final Solution" have all occurred on this momentous day. And let's not forget the tragedy of our times. Today, we live in an era of spiritual darkness, an epoch where mass annihilation of Jewish souls is happening around us.
My eyes shed streams of water at the shattering of my people. My eyes will flow and will not cease – without relief – until God looks down and takes notice from heaven...Remember, Lord, what has befallen us, look and see our disgrace... Bring us back to You, God, and we shall return, renew our days as of old. (3:48, 49, 5:1)
The tears we shed on Tisha b'Av, year after year, is testimony to the fervor of our longing and hope. In the future, this day of mourning will transcend all suffering, and become a day of indescribable joy. Tisha b'Av is the birthday of Mashiach who will bring us back to Jerusalem of old.
May the tears we shed this Tisha B'av be the last tears for all time, and may we rejoice with the fulfillment of the blessing, "Those who mourn over Jerusalem will witness her joy!"
(30) Karen Sloan, July 30, 2020 1:16 PM
Amazing
I have read so many Holocaust books and articles.. I have loved Israel..The Holy One of Israel..His people Abraham Isaac and Jacob.. this story was sooo beautiful I cannot stop crying...how you brought in Lamentations and courageous people, broken.. yet live! She chose life..Oh we Americans have no idea, but we are about to learn! TY for sharing with us..
(29) Anonymous, August 11, 2019 4:56 AM
Well written
Evokes tears .
(28) Steve Young, July 24, 2013 4:57 PM
sorrow and disbelief
I can't believe that after all you've been through and then have some sick group of people who claim to know everything that happened and say it didn't happen. I wake up at night and my pillow is wet with tears. I'm not Jewish but I still feel for you. Take care
(27) Ady, July 14, 2013 6:42 AM
Incredible article, but true. Take note. This may apply again in this era. How will you respond when the trouble really starts again. Take note of the 2nd paragraph, and the last sentence of this article. This article and the Book of Lamentations could be a warning of this era.
(26) , October 23, 2010 4:59 AM
Aish.com did again.Wow!
(25) Baruch Miller, June 9, 2010 7:49 AM
In 2nd Lebanon war zone
Tiverya in July & aug. 2006 was a repeat of Lamentations. Almost all stores closed, almost all left town, nothing, few cars. A few times there was a loud explosion of a Katina, but no one killed. The scene was Lamentations.
(24) Chana, June 9, 2010 7:49 AM
Tisha b'Av
I enjoyed reading this article very much. Also the comments and especially those of Anny Matar. I was all but 6 yrs. old when my country was liberated from the Nazi murderers and it does me good to see that people remember the Holocaust during Tisha b'Av. The story of Mrs.Weinreb is very familiar to me and as people who managed to survive the Holocaust (through sheer luck, kind help, chutzpah and resourcefulness) I and my family remain scarred for life. But also incredibly thankful. Thankful for our food, clothes, a comfortable home, our education. Ms.Matar is right: we will always be Jews, but with that comes our people's great gifts. The gift of being known as an intelligent, resourceful, adaptable and clear-thinking people. We are all that and more. And whatever comes our way, I believe we will handle it and we will handle it well and to the amazement of others we will survive and set an example of what it is to be "down" but emerge, scarred, but with our brains intact and able to go on leading our Jewish lives.
(23) Ulrich Kraus, June 9, 2010 7:48 AM
I am so ashamed
As I was reading the article with tears in my eyes, I felt so ashamed for my nation (Germany). And as I am not Jewish - I ask you, if you can, to forgive my forefathers and my people. I wish so much that we can proove some day that we have become friend to your nation.
(22) Feigele, June 9, 2010 7:47 AM
One Day a Year is not Enough!
Do we need Tisha B'Av Day to remember the holocaust and all other times when Jews were persecuted? Not for me! Trying to lead a normal life is a huge task for Jews. Never to forget the past. New generations refuse to think about it and want to ignore it. I can't help thinking about the holocaust when reading most of your articles, I keep asking what about the holocaust? I for one cannot forget ever. They were all gone before and when I was born, no grandparents, no aunts or uncles or cousins or friends of my parents. No more family and very few pictures of some. Out of hundreds, only few survived dispersed all over the planet in order to survive. In one of your articles you mentioned the "Tapestry of Life" or the "Courtyard of Life" I couldn't help thinking at that moment what a Black Tapestry and the Courtyard of Death those camps were with no window of hope. As time stood still at that moment, was God present? what did he have in mind? As we say, in every bad there is good! Were these 6 millions jewish's lives necessary to regain the Promise Land, after wandering earth for thousand years? Was that the price we had to pay? What life lesson did we all learn from this, if any? On Tisha b'Av we cry for Temple destroyed thousand years ago, today we have to cry even more for the Holocaust and not just one day a year.
(21) Susan Rich, June 9, 2010 7:47 AM
Tisha B'Av
Thank you for all of your articles and videos related to Tisha B'Av and the Holocaust. We are packed to move and inadvertently packed all of the reading material appropiate for the day. Aish.com to the rescue.
(20) Anny Matar, June 9, 2010 7:46 AM
THERE'S SO LITTLE ONE CAN ADD TO THIS ARTCLE
JEWS HAVE KNOWN LITTLE JOY, EVEN IF WELL RECEIVED AT ONE TIME THIS SOON CAME TO AN END.HOWEVER HARD MANY OF THEM TRIED TO "EMANCIPATE"TO BECOME PART OF "THE OTHERS" THEY ALWAYS REMAINED OUTSIDERS A JEW WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A JEW IN THE EYES OF THE GOYM.MANY HAVE TRIED AND WERE CONVINCED THAT THEY'VE ACHIEVED IT E.G. HEINRICH HEINE, MAHLER ETC. THEY WERE BURNED AND FORGOTTEN IN "THE THIRD REICH" AND THEIR NAMES NEVER TO BE MENTIONED. THE REAL HEROES ARE THOSE WHO SURVIVED HELL ON EARTH AND IF NOT BY NAME THEY'LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN !!!!!AND ALL THOSE WHO REBUILT THEIR LIVES AND STARTED ANEW THEY, TO ME, ARE THE GREATEST HEROES OF ALL anny matar israel
(19) Anonymous, June 9, 2010 7:46 AM
Very well written.
Sadly many people fail to relate to the losses we have gone through since Tisha b'Av. This article is an eye opener for all to relate to our loss.
(18) Joy, July 14, 2009 10:49 PM
Schedule for Tears?
It is good to have a day when our remembering intensifies and includes many tragedies that happened on the same day. However, when I think or when I meditate and I remember the Holacaust or someone beloved who was treated unkindly or murdered and is no longer here, I do not save my tears for a scheduled day.
(17) Aryeh Levine, August 10, 2008 10:05 PM
Our duty
We are the last generation that is able to hear the story from the survivers themselfs. We have the huge responsibility of hearing their storys and teling them to our children. If people are already openly denying it, while there are survivers, imagine what will be when they are gone! as a 12 year old i have always listened to the men and women who survived that hell that was the holocuast, and although i have no inkling of that pain, i know it is extremely important that others must know what the accursed nazis did. may the moshiach come and we will be able to celabrate next tisha b'av.
(16) Adela, August 9, 2008 8:45 PM
Made Me Cry
I was hoping to find something sad to read on Tish B'Av, and this did it, especially the mention of Mrs. Weinreb's chilren.
(15) ruth housman, August 8, 2008 2:48 PM
Jerusalem of Gold
Jerusalem of Gold. Jerusalem of Old. There is God in Gold and Old in Gold. What of Jerusalem? What of this promise? It has sustained us through centuries of suffering. I find it interesting that in the word Tisha B'av there is AV the Father and also ISH and ISHA, for man, for woman. There is something very holy about this time, as has been articulated in the pages of Aish.com
I do believe there is another story running, a story that runs contrapuntal to all of our lives, that is ultimately about this elusive thing we call World Peace and this elusive idea about a return to the Garden, to Eden, and to Jerusalem. A return to a different way of living. Perhaps we are already in Eden.
I do know that if this happens, the world as we know it will be effectively destroyed or God has some alchemy, that will retain and yet change, so fundamentally what we know as Nature. The lion in order to lie down with the lamb will defy the order that now exists, and yet, there are stories everywhere, amazing stories, these days, of such things and popular works of fiction that refer to lovers in this way.
Are these signs? I am seeing signs everywhere and I think the message of the prophets IS on the subway walls.
I think those who mourn over Jerusalem will witness her joy. And so we say, Next year in Jerusalem!
(14) Moshe Shualy, August 7, 2008 9:34 PM
No One Sees The Face
My parents are Survivors. I will forever carry the burden of their experience though there is not a scratch on my body. Missing in the memories and commentaries is a vision of the why? An explanation that will provide an Exodus from the Shoah. I must believe that In Every Generation Each Person Must See Himself As If He Came Out of the Shoah. That Haggadah is yet to be written.
(13) Annette, August 1, 2007 5:40 AM
Thank you Mirish for your memories. Where would the world be without Jewish people. You have graced the world with famous musicians, artists, actors, craftsman, great leaders of men, putzler prize winners, great minds, great humanitarians. Your way of celebrating life, your love of family and friends. Your uniqueness as a people who have suffered over many centuries and you still show the world that you are indominitable. You are the leaders of the free world, there you are a tiny country sorrounded by hatred. Are you not an amazing people?
(12) Chana sharfstein, July 25, 2007 4:03 AM
very moving and meaningful
This article was a wonderful blend of kinus and our Jewish history. You personalized the experience of Tisha B'Av and made it relevant for us today. It is so important that we bring the past into the present to relive our history. It is essential that we recreate the past to make the experience relevant and meaningful today. I really appreciated this article.
(11) Henri Korn, July 24, 2007 9:17 PM
Excellent
Aish.com reminds me that I should honour and be proud of my Jewish background
(10) Anonymous, July 24, 2007 7:32 PM
This meanigful article brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautifully and sensatively written. I am a child of survivors and it brought me back home.
It is also hopeful and inspiring.
(9) chana tova, July 24, 2007 2:29 AM
Excellent to read, like a holy prayer on Tisha B Av
exellent to read this article by Mirish. To me it is like a prayer for the holy day of Tisha B Av. I would put it into Hebrew as another Kinnah! do it. There are not enough words to capture the Holy ideas and commentaries for Eichah and for internalizing our Jewish yearning for Meshiach and the Holy Temple and the history of the Holy Temples' destruction and our destruction as well as the current ongoing destruction of our Jewish roots.
(8) vic huglin, July 23, 2007 5:00 PM
simply humbling
The article was so strong and moving that i had to stop every few lines and just take in what had been said
(7) Anonymous, July 23, 2007 1:39 AM
Thank you for a beautiful article that put a lump in my throat and brought tears to my eyes. I'm too old and not healthy enough to be of much help anymore, but while I am not a true believer, I do believe in the words NEVER AGAIN.
(6) Jack Goldfarb, July 22, 2007 12:06 PM
Memory of a Tzaddik in Staszow
Not very long after Tisha B'Av, 1942, my uncle, a blind Hebrew teacher and Talmudist, defied the Nazi deportation of his fellow Jews in Staszow, a Polish shtetl, by secluding himself in his house. When the shooting, screams and moans finally ceased after the Jews had been forcibly marched away, Uncle Harschel emerged to stand in
his tiny street and sang the age-old lament: "How solitary sits the city...
her children have gone away, captives before the foe..." Incredibly, for several hours, Gestapo soldiers let him
sing his Hebrew song of Lamentations. Ultimately, a Lithuanian mercenary was sent for, and ended Uncle Harschel's
pious life with a single bullet. But the memory of a martyred Tzaddik lives on in our family.
(5) Yitzhak, July 22, 2007 11:36 AM
Mushiach
We all need to pray for him if we want him to come.
(4) ruth housman, July 22, 2007 8:19 AM
The Shedding of Countless Tears
This is a painful article. It brings history forward with such agonizing, true detail and this detail is about love and suffering of unimaginable dimensions and yet, surely all of this happened. I go to the Wailing Wall on these things, repeatedly, because I cannot believe God was absent from the Camps and all this horror as surely God was not, as it is said, these things brought many closer to God.
In my life I am seeing the visible presence of God everywhere and so I must say, the incomprehensible must on some level be comprehensible because I do not, cannot believe in random, when it comes to these terrible issues. Since I am leading a life of near total, recordable, visible synchronicity, I am being forced to confront this issue. Perhaps surrender is the only answer, to a vast troubling question that has everything to do with God and why these stories?
Thank You for bringing me to Jerusalem and the Wall this morning.
(3) Mary, July 22, 2007 8:14 AM
What an awesome article
Thank you for pouring your heart into this article. I mourn with you and long to witness the day the tears will be wiped from her eyes.
(2) Michal Batya, July 22, 2007 7:57 AM
A wonderful and moving article
The mixture of the Lamentations and the real suffering of human beings in our time, and the way one suits the other, impresses me. The last part of course I like most. Thank you, Mirish!
(1) Ramakrishnan, July 22, 2007 6:55 AM
The significance of the holocausts is forever!
It is my belief that, out of the many thousands of individual lamentations over the holocaust, a new theology of hope will emerge which will offer genuine insights into the many moral dilemmas of the world. Soon the last of the survivors of the holocaust will be dead. That is when the holocaust as a collective Jewish experience will necessarily have to move into the public domain of universal experience and become the basis of a new god-man relationship. May peace and non-violence prevail. Love, Ramakrishnan