I did something illegal last year. The parking lot where a lot of us leave our cars is right at the corner of a one-way street and technically you aren’t supposed to back out onto the main road. You’re supposed to go out the right way even though it’s a bit longer and makes you wait at the stoplight on the corner. But everyone does it and apparently everyone’s been doing it for years since before I even moved into the community.
One night last year I was backing out of the parking lot and onto the main road – like I’d done a million times before – when I saw the lights flashing and knew I’d better get my story straight. I had my license and registration ready for the police officer but it was clear he didn’t have time for shenanigans. No time for “I have a clean driving record,” no “I’m a doctor and I have to get to the hospital because it’s an emergency,” and certainly no “I went to high school with Officer Callahan and we played lacrosse together.”
So all I could do was to tell him, “I’m sorry.”
He laughed and asked me, “For what?”
“For driving the wrong way on the one-way street.”
“Why’d you do it then?”
“Because everyone else does it so often that I honestly forgot it’s illegal.”
He looked at my license again and then back at me before saying, “Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to drive the wrong way. Don’t you know that it’s illegal because it’s dangerous?”
“Can you give me a break if I promise never to do it again?”
I was embarrassed. His arguments were flawless in their simplicity. I deserved the ticket he was about to write but then I had an idea and asked, “Can you give me a break if I promise never to do it again?”
“Sure,” he said. “But do you mean it?”
“I’ll try my best, that’s all I can do,” I told him.
“If that’s the case then I’ll wish you a good night and hope you’ll be safe. Remember that any friend of Officer Callahan’s is a friend of mine.” How he knew about Callahan is beyond me and I’d just as well take it without asking one too many questions.
Power of Peer Pressure
Most people don’t start their day with a plan to do anything wrong, they just happen to fall into the trap of following everyone else. Nobody teaches their children that it’s ok to smoke cigarettes or to swear but once another kid in the neighborhood is doing it, suddenly parents are finding cigarettes outside on the porch and hearing all sorts of language they never dreamed of. Stealing from the corner store is clearly immoral but if friend from class is doing it then it’s hard for an adolescent to resist the temptation. Peer pressure is a powerful force!
The Talmud (Eruvin 53) relates a story about the power of peer pressure to remind us that even the greatest of people must be vigilant of this trap. While traveling down the road, Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Chananya took a shortcut through a field. On this path, he was approached by a young girl who asked him, “Isn’t this someone’s field that you’re walking across?” To this the Rabbi answered, “This is a well-worn path that I’m walking on.” The girl was not impressed and scolded him, “It’s a well-worn path because of thieves like you who didn’t respect someone else’s property!”
Peer pressure was a problem back then and it was problem 100 years ago when Rabbi Yosef Haim of Baghdad wrote in his book Ben Ish Chai, “It is a common thing amongst children to act improperly and say, ‘it’s the way of the world.’ The proper response to this is ‘it’s only the way of the world because immoral people are making it so.’” Peer pressure is still a problem and can make the brightest and most wonderful of people do ridiculous things – clearly it played a role when a local doctor was caught driving the wrong way down a one-way street!
So while changing the culture of the world may be a tremendous job, taking stock of one’s own actions is a bit easier. As we find ourselves in the Jewish month of Elul, preparing ourselves for Rosh Hashanah, it’s a proper time to assess whether our actions reflect our own wisdom or whether we are just doing something because everyone else is. As my mother would say, “Remember that just because your friends are doing it doesn’t make it cool.” No one wakes up and says, “Today I’m going to develop a Ponzi scheme because it’s only illegal when you get caught,” yet the most common rationalization we hear is some variation of Jimmy did it so why can’t I. I get it in my clinic every day when a husband justifies mistreating his wife or a mother defends bullying her child.
Ever since my brush with the law I’ve driven the right way on that one-way street, even though it takes longer. I can’t promise that I won’t slip up in the future but I am trying my best. I think Officer Callahan -- and the Almighty – would be proud.
(8) Anonymous, August 31, 2015 2:32 AM
double parker blocking heavy traffic
my father in law was a medical doctor in Newark NJ
I was a policeman in Newark NJ for many years.
We had an unwritten rule never give a ticket to a family with a child in their car. I was not a big ticket giver usually looking for burglars in the Jewish section . Never stopped a doctor. I did tell a double parker two times in front of a YMHA to move. He moved his car. I drove around the block and he returned. I
wrote him a ticket. He said he was a good friend of the chief.
I said to him, give the ticket to the chief then. He was Jewish and so am I. I said to him,Good Yontiv.
I was age 24 at the time.
(7) Jay S., August 26, 2015 3:20 PM
Very good!
Good article!
(6) Anonymous, August 26, 2015 11:36 AM
Bargaining on paying the ticket is not taking accountability.
Bs"D I don't think it's morally appropriate to bargain on a traffic ticket if one is clearly in the wrong. One day, I was returning to Iowa from Chicago, in my car. There are sections of highway which permit higher than usual speeds. It was a long day, and after passing through Wisconsin, I had forgotten that the speed limit was significantly lower. Sure enough, an Iowa state trooper pulled me over. I just told him that I'd been driving the higher speed highways in Illinois, and I just forgot about the change of speed limit. I accepted the ticket and continued home. The next day, I wrote a letter to enclose with my check. I thanked the officer for slowing me down. I expressed gratitude that neither I nor anyone else had sufferred from my excessive speed, and thanked the State Police for helping to keep the roads safe. Then I added that it says in the Bible that one should love his friend as himself. I concluded that I'd better "hit the books" to brush up on loving my fellow drivers. It's not about money. Derech Eretz kadma leTorah. We need to be accountable for our actions, and if there is a fine, then pay it, and also show the world that we Jews do not idolize money. We live a more a G-dly life.
(5) Rachel, August 26, 2015 12:58 AM
Good story, and I agree with the officer
It is illegal because it is dangerous. Same with texting behind the wheel. As the sargeant on Hill Street Blues used to say,
Lets roll, and lets be careful out there.
(4) Adelmaidel, August 26, 2015 12:36 AM
Caught up
I agree generally people only take stock of their actions when they get caught! Hashem is like an ever-present traffic cop and we would be wise to take notice
(3) Ian S. Lovestock, August 25, 2015 2:55 PM
You're Jewish?
It's always pleasant to hear positive things about police officers, particularly in this current environment. As a retired Jewish police officer in Texas, I belong to a very small club. Thanks to the good doctor for bringing this very typical action by the officer to light.
(2) Swift, August 24, 2015 12:54 AM
Yes!
The god of the Jewish people is infinitely more kind than a boston cop and certainly more powerful!!! Thanks for the medicine doc it beats chicken soup!!!!
(1) Steve, August 23, 2015 1:26 PM
Careful of the cops!
Knowing about Gd is way better than knowing some local cop and this article proves it! Thanks Doc keep writing!
Dvirah, August 25, 2015 4:14 PM
Messengers
You are absoutely correct, but sometimes the Creator sends a cop to remind us!