Once again, my clothes don't fit. Yep, the same ones that fit just fine three months ago. Perhaps they all shrank? A likely culprit: the dryer did it. I'd like to believe it myself, rather than blaming it on chocolate. Such a lovely thing chocolate is, why attach bad memories to it?
I've been watching my weight. I've watched it so well, it hasn't gone anywhere. Matter of fact, I've accumulated more of it, just by watching it! These skills are acquired, mind you.
The truth is, I know the reasons why I gain weight. I eat too much. I don't exercise enough. Plain and simple, no complications.
And I know the formula to fix the problem. It works every time: Eat less, exercise more. But as many times as I gain and lose, eventually I go through the same routine over and over again.
This pattern of failure sure doesn't help to get me motivated to try again. This same problem can often sabotage the process of teshuva, returning to be the best person I can be.
Considering I can't even seem to stay on a diet, how can I honestly say I'll never repeat my past mistake and stay committed to a life-changing mission?
NO QUICK FIX
With both weight loss and teshuva, it's not about quick fixes, but about a lifestyle change.
On some crazy diets I've tried, I push myself beyond my limit, and the first day is very successful. Then the second day is a little less successful. Each day afterward is just a spiral path downward until the diet has failed me again.
Crash diets don't work. Fly-by-night teshuva doesn't work either.
It's the same with my unsuccessful attempts to conquer my bad habits. I start my teshuva 'diet' and go on a strict plan to stop immediately. And the first day I am very successful. But just like that crash diet, my teshuva process crashes as well.
Crash diets don't work. Fly-by-night teshuva doesn't work either. Losing weight means changing my eating style and pattern, relating differently to food, and integrating exercise and healthy habits into my life. Doing teshuva means recognizing my behavior patterns that don't work, working on letting go of them, and integrating good character traits into my life.
This year, my list of Rosh Hashanah Resolutions will include: 'Get in Shape!' And I figure, the same basic principles that will get me in shape physically, will also get me back in shape spiritually:
- Believe in Myself - I know I can only have the courage and strength to try if I think I can do it. Why bother trying to lose weight or do teshuva if I don't think I can accomplish my goals? I need to believe in myself enough to really give it all I have and try my best to make it happen. So my first step is to believe that no matter what, I know I can do this!
- Make a Plan - It is very easy to say 'I want to lose weight,' or 'I want to be a better person,' but without a clear plan and goal, I don't know where I am heading, and I can't possibly find my way there. With specific planning and setting goals, I can map out the right way.
- Take Small Steps - If I take on too much at once, I will burn out very quickly. By cutting out all of my favorite treats, or by cutting out all possible slander and gossip from my life, I know that I am setting myself up for failure. I am not going to be an angel overnight. I need small steps to make changes. So the first day, maybe it will be no chocolate after 6 pm, or no speaking about anyone else in any negative way before 2 pm. And once I can handle that and move on, I can make bigger changes. Slow integration is the key to long-term effects.
- Think of the Big Picture - If I live my life wanting and expecting instant gratification, I will often regret my choices later. That brownie might taste good now (really good!) but how will I feel when I weigh myself? That clever and witty yet very hurtful remark might bring a few laughs right now, but how will I feel when my relationships are affected by my lack of sensitivity towards people's feelings? By not going after the instant gratification, I can look at the big picture and see how my choices will affect me later on. I can live without the brownie. I can love without the hurt.
- Make Lifestyle Changes - Successful weight loss and teshuva can really only be accomplished by a true change in my lifestyle and behavior pattern. By integrating new habits into my life, I am not just going on a diet that might last a day or maybe if I'm lucky, a month. I am making changes in who I am and how I relate to food. I am also making those soul choices that will transform the way I relate to myself and others.
- Resist Temptation - The easiest thing, of course, is to avoid temptation. But temptation is everywhere (Am I supposed to not go to weddings because the schmorg will be too delicious? Stop speaking with friends because we may slip up and gossip?). By being aware of surrounding temptation, I can be prepared to fight it.
- Get Over Minor Setbacks - There is really no such thing as a major setback. My problem is that I let my minor set-backs turn into major ones. Okay, I had a donut! So what? Get back on the program. The problem is that I tell myself, It's all over. I might as well have the rest of the dozen. If only I were able to look at that donut as minor setback and get right back on my diet, it would never be such a big deal. The way to accomplish anything meaningful in life is slowly but surely, little by little, a few steps forward and sometimes a few steps back.
- Monitor Progress - With weight loss, each week I can weigh myself and see how I'm doing. I can look back and see what's working and what's not. With teshuva, a great way to monitor progress is with 'Cheshbon HaNefesh' a daily accounting of the soul where I sit down for just five minutes each night with a notebook and pen, and I look back at my day and see where I accomplished my goals, where I was challenged, and in what areas I need to try harder tomorrow.
- No giving up - Sometimes it's hard and I'd like to quit. That's when I pray to God to give me the strength and resolve to persevere, and the clarity to know that my goal is too important to ever stop trying.
This year, may we all have success in our endeavors to get in shape, physically and spiritually!
(26) Anonymous, October 15, 2008 10:59 AM
the buddy system
My boyfriend and I both made the pledge to eat better and exercise more. It helps so much to have a buddy on this journey. To go grocery shopping together and share our healthy meals together is great. Plus someone to go for walks with and to the gym with is also great. I encourage having a group with the same goals whether its one friend or a few, a romantic partner or someone at work. It makes this journey seem so much less lonely.
(25) Anonymous, September 28, 2008 1:41 PM
Jewish Weight Watchers
My synagogue in Toronto has, I believe, the only kosher Weight Watchers group in North America. To this day, the rule is that recipes and instructions from WW instructors must be kosher.
(24) Jen, September 14, 2008 5:16 PM
Jewish Weight Watchers
There's a yahoo group out there called Jewish_Weight_Watchers. You don't have to be a member of WW to join the group, just be interested in weight loss, you don't even have to be Jewish, but the one rule you DO have to follow is that any recipes you post MUST be kosher, so that anyone who keeps kosher and is on the group can use them!
(23) lifestyledieter, September 14, 2008 2:34 PM
After trying many diets- I've hit upon a kosher one. Why bother with what Bob Greene has to say if we can glean from quotes on the Parshah from Zelig Pliskin while dieting? The Start Fresh diet does encourages lifestyle habits, explains emotional eating and understands the challenges of a kosher Jew from halachic requirements for Shabbos meals to Yom Tov feasts.
(22) Esther Nelson, September 14, 2008 11:34 AM
Comments and suggestions
Hi, I'm in the same situation as you, you are not alone. A week ago, I started Bob Green's Best Life Diet, really a lifestyle change with the emphasis on health. (He's Oprah's trainer.) Also, read "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr. Amen, which reconfirms why exercise and eating right is so important for longevity, brain, mental and physical health. His diet teaches you to eat when you're hungry, and eat right, look at your emotional reasons for eating and excercise regularly. It works. If you eat good healthy food, in the right proportions (in the U.S. we eat twice as much as those in Europe and Latin America) meaning, and exercise consistently (get an exercise buddy for support), you will change your mental and emotional health as well as your physical. If you want to write to me, feel free. Get the books and Bob Green's workbook too where you write down what you eat every day. Look at this positively, not "gee, I'm depriving myself." If you do this for the right reasons, you will be happy that you're doing this. Rome was not built in a day.....Esther
(21) Sara BZ, September 14, 2008 10:51 AM
B'Hatzlacha Raba
Shana Tova u'metuka! Your article aspired to exactly what is going on in my life also. May we both have the courage and success to attain our goals.
(20) Anonymous, September 14, 2008 9:14 AM
registered Dietitian
One part you forgot, there are professionals called Registered Dietitians that help. Just like a Rabbi can help with a halacha dilemma, a Registered Dietitian is a professional that can help. You are so bombarded with false advertising that you may need a professional.
(19) Anonymous, September 21, 2006 8:18 PM
I can vouch for that. Been there and done that.
As someone who has lost over 50 pounds and has kept it off for the past 2 1/2 years, I certainly can appreciate the practical applications and applying them to Teshuva. This article has definitely inspired me on how to work on doing Teshuva. I hope I will be successful at Teshuva as I was at batteling the bulge.
(18) bryan, September 14, 2006 5:10 PM
I looked quickly and thought it said weight loss at yeshiva!
(17) ShalomFreedman, September 14, 2006 12:25 PM
Be more specific
You are talking about Teshuva about the Jews efforts to come closer to G-d, and live the way Hashem demands. But you need to be more specific.
My sense is that some people may think that Teshuva refers only to 'learning' and not to their whole relation to other people including the whole 'Derech eretz' dimension. I believe emphasizing the relation to others outside one's own Yeshiva world is especially important, as one of the biggest averot is showing contempt and disrespect for those outside one's own world.
(16) Nathan, September 13, 2006 9:11 PM
Just the right moment
Wow! I was just talking about these two things with some friends -- and how hard it is for me to stay on track. As I tend to be an "all or nothing" sort of person, this article really hit home -- in a good way.
(15) Anonymous, September 13, 2006 7:50 PM
Useful article
This is a great article. It seems to me that much of the obstacles we find in trying to stick with a food discipline we also encounter in our spiritual tasks. Perhaps if one can make improvements spiritually, they can draw upon that same strength and apply it to something as seemingly mundane as a food discipline.
(14) Austin, September 13, 2006 1:35 AM
Encouraging article-Thank You!
I can very much relate to the author's points and it was encouraging to see a plan to achieve one's goals. Thanks to Ayelet for helping me to map out a plan for teshuva this year.
(13) Devorah, September 12, 2006 8:04 PM
Thank you so much for the article by Ayelet.
Thank you so much for the article by Ayelet. I really enjoyed the comparison between dieting and teshuva because it made teshuva much more practical. Now I see that it is something that can really be done on a daily basis. After hearing different speeches on teshuva, I felt that this short article really hit home!
Thank you.
Ayelet-May you always continue to inspire others! Hashem gave you a special power-continue using it well!
Devorah R.
(12) Anonymous, September 11, 2006 1:30 AM
It's Our Responsibility
In response to Rene: The character traits [middos] involved in controlling our mouths, are the same traits that effect every other aspect of our lives as G-d fearing Jews. The connection between thinking about what goes into and what goes out of our mouths is very clear. Ayelet's humorous, wise observations of the parallel between doing both physical and spiritual teshuva in the month of Elul are deeply appreciated.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our communities could be held up as an example: that Torah Jews observe a mitzvah called "nishmartem es nefeshechem"--guarding our health, by exercising and eating simple, health-promoting foods?
Wouldn't it be wonderful if statistically, frum Jewish communities could be seen to have less diabetes, obesity, heart disease and cancer? Because we "choose life" when we choose what to eat. (not just what is convenient and tasty. It is not "convenient" to have headaches, stomache disorders, fatigue, heart disease, diabetes,and many other illnesses that can be helped, prevented or alleviated by sound nutrition.
Every day I see Jewish children being bombarded with bisli, bamba, lollipops, toffees, sugar candies, etc.--"rewards" for every mitzvah, or blessing or good deed they do... without any acknowledgment of the long term effect this kind of "education" has on our community's health. When will we wake up to our own responsibility in promoting good health habits?? Children don't just "grow up" and easily give up their sugar addictions when they become bar/bat mitzvah, as all adults who struggle with emotional food attachments know. We are creating the problems that we could be solving.
May we all be granted a healthy new year.
(11) Hannah, June 14, 2006 12:00 AM
great diet article by ayelet
really liked the readability of this article. thanks. I am looking forward to more articles by Ayelet
(10) Alberto, October 31, 2005 12:00 AM
Inspiring
Thanks a lot, this article was very inspiring and worth writting. I hope god gives me the strength to follow your advivce.
(9) Rene, October 9, 2005 12:00 AM
Spirtual Teshuva
While there were significant messages of Teshuva in this article, which one could apply not only to diets, the article almost "rings" of secular "New Years Resolutions." I agree that Aseret Yemai Tsehuva should have aspects of "resolutions" since it IS a time for renewing our will to actively make positive changes in our lives. However, I STRONGLY feel that focusing on diets is deflecting from the true purpose of this period. The implications for Teshuva are repentance. For me, I would hope this would indicate repentance with more more spiritual implications...Of course, we are obligated to take care of our health and therefore, in a sense, this TOO is a spiritual journey. Yet,I still felt that the idea of combining diet and Teshuva, was somewhat "inappropriate." And let us be cognizant of the fact that, especially over the past few years, eating disorders within our community have become quite prevalent. Perhaps, this wasn't the most suitable time to be sharing about dieting, certainly not within the same context as Teshuva.
(8) Paul Smithey, September 26, 2005 12:00 AM
dark chocolate diet!
Let's not blame chocolate... in fact let's replace the myth with an exciting truth... dark choclate has an abundant number of riboflavins... riboflavins cause stored fat to burn! Anything in excess will do harm, but six weeks ago I read an article about dark chocolate and began eating a dark chocolate fudge brownie every day. I've lost 20 pounds! As a result of the satisfaction the brownie gives to my sweet tooth I have cut sodas almost completely out of my diet. There is nothing good about soda, except that it can give a quick energy surge because of the sugar in it. But soda puts fat on your bod. I also have started doing 30 situps about 4 times a week but other than that, I really haven' changed any of my habits. I can only attribute it to the brownies... which are just regular Hershey's brownies... nothing special... no MLM or diet brownie... Thought I'd share my new found discovery.
(7) Suzanne, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Great Article!
Ayelet - you're the best! May we all have be successful in our diets, both in body and spirit; and be granted a New Year which is a perfect fit!!!
(6) simone, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Thank you, Ayelet!
You put so very well what i am expierencing just right now..
I tarted a diet on no other date than rosh chodesh Elul, which mademe reflect on the spiritual site of it as well.
Your list of principles come in very handy!
Thank you, Ayelet!
May we be all suggessfull in our diet and tshuva!
(5) paulette, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
This article is a very thorough explanation
Thank you Ayelet for such a nice article. I highly believe in this and hope Hashem give us strength to do it.
(4) Dani, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Can I steal this?
Ayelet - I've heard so much on teshuva but this article really says it all in such an entertaining way. I am going to ask the Rabbi in charge of aish.com if I can use this article in my women's weekly Torah mag down here in South Africa. It's perfect for my readers who will all learn from it with a smile, despite all being at very different religious levels. Kol hakavod!
(3) Anonymous, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Just what I needed to read! Thanks!
This was wonderful. Just what I needed to read.
Alex
(2) Anonymous, September 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Excellent advice
I am really grateful for your article. The steps you have suggested are really very logical - yet I really needed to see them at this point to decide to put them into practice, which is, of course, why you wrote it in the first place! So, I'd just like to say, for the beneficial effects I expect these steps to have on me and those I plan to share them with, thanks.
(1) Rivka Lichtenstein, September 18, 2005 12:00 AM
Excellent metaphor!
I couldn't have said it better! Your words of wisdom are a two-fold inspiration to both us dieters and those of us seeking to become better people. Thanx much for once again sharing a special part of yourself with the rest of us!
Shana Tova and Ketiva V'Chatima Tova!