Sometimes I wonder why the Torah likens embarrassing someone in public to murder. Why it is such a grievous offense? Of course, I realize embarrassing others is not a good thing to do, but aren't there worse transgressions that warrant the comparison to murder?
In an effort to get to the bottom of this, I conducted an informal poll. One of the interesting results of my less-than-scientific research was that anyone who has ever been embarrassed in public remembers it, no matter how trivial the matter, no matter how irrelevant the issue, and no matter how long ago it occurred.
I consider myself a case in point. Unlike my husband who claims to remember staring out from behind the bars of his crib, I don’t have a good memory for incidents of the past. It’s mostly a blur of emotional and psychological impressions, rarely detailed, infrequently specific. But I do vividly remember the details of an embarrassing incident in 6th grade. It was during a classroom spelling bee, two teams of 12-year-old students.
It was in the final moments of the bee and I got flustered and made a dumb mistake and spelled a word wrong, losing the spelling bee for our team. (Of course I remember the word – and the mistake. "Cathedral" which I spelled "cathredal" – in case you’re wondering.)
The teacher then hit me on the head with a book. It was just a light tap. Even in today’s more enlightened world, it wasn’t abuse.
But I was humiliated. It was mortifying.
I remember nothing else of 6th grade. But the memory of that embarrassment has lingered throughout my life.
I don’t remember what happened after that. I assume there was a mild celebration on behalf of the winning team and then we returned to our desks and back to our studies. I remember nothing else of 6th grade (or 5th for that matter). But the memory of that embarrassment has lingered, not even that buried in the dark recesses of my subconscious.
And that gives me pause. Because I think that such an important part of what the Torah is teaching us is to focus on the impact of our words or actions – all of them, even those that seem relatively small or insignificant. And to remember to treat other human beings with respect.
I don’t think that teacher meant to hurt me. I think he would be shocked to discover I’m writing about this incident today. But I do believe that if he would have thought before he acted, he wouldn’t have done it.
This idea struck me powerfully as we approach Yom Kippur. Sometimes when we look back on our year (or our lives!) we can’t find that one big mistake, that one gigantic faux pas, that one life-changing or devastating error. And that’s a good thing! But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have work to do. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have to examine our actions and make changes. Because it’s frequently the small things that make the difference, the small criticisms, the little teasing or “jokes” that hurt that most. And that’s where should put our focus, that’s where we all have room to grow. It takes small acts and words to build us up and equally small ones to tear us down.
One of my daughters recently moved. As she was unpacking, the neighbors kept showing up – to introduce themselves, to invite her kids over to play, to deliver cinnamon buns. They made my daughter – and even more importantly her children, feel so welcome in their new neighborhood. None of those individual actions is so remarkable, but they each made a significant difference.
If we treat people with respect, like they count, like we see them as valuable individuals, we are less likely to be so insensitive as to embarrass them in public. And unfortunately, the converse is also true. Indifference leads to insensitivity which leads to...
If my 6th grade teacher had realized that his actions would be remembered and recorded 50 years later, he would have taken a minute to reflect before letting that book fall on my head. We can all determine where to make use of this lesson in our own lives.
(4) Anonymous, September 24, 2020 10:06 PM
This brought tears. Not only do I vividly remember embarrassments from the past, but I had a terrible embarrassment just the other day. I feel as if I died a thousand deaths & I know that I will never forget it. I just hope that I never do that to anyone.
(3) Barbara Eldred, September 21, 2020 8:02 PM
Teacher's motivation
Another aspect of this incident is that Emuna may not have any idea of the motive behind the teacher's action. She said it was a light tap. It was not necessarily a rebuke or intended negatively.
Perhaps he was feeling disappointed for her and it was a tap of affection. After all, he is not allowed to hug her or even touch her. Perhaps he was sympathsing with her and it was a tap of reassurance or acceptance. or maybe , or maybe ,or.
There are a hundred reasons I can think of that are positively motivated but she interpreted negatively. Which is totally understandable. That is what we do.
So we need to keep remembering that the way we see things is not necessarily what was intended. We need to seek positive reasons for someone else's actions. We need to clarify with them.
We also need to try to be more transparent and aware of others' positions in our actions.
Life is so complex.
(2) Carole Paul, September 21, 2020 5:09 PM
I still was blammed.
I was totally humilated by a adult teacher in the hall of my synagogue. Teacher thought I was sensative and I have forgiven. I dont know why this happened and I never will. She saw nothing wrong with what she did even though she taught never to do that. One man in my building left the Shul and never came back. I try to get over it etc. etc. I know what this author is going through. Carole
(1) Sylvia, September 21, 2020 2:01 PM
Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Emuna. In my life what I have realized in situations like these that it was my "perception" of what happened that I needed to work through. Sometimes in a moment when I feel like I messed up in public, like what you shared, there is an immediate disappointment in myself and an embarrassment because we want to do well in front of others. And then something happens...maybe someone says or does something in that moment we are feeling disappointed it feels to us as if our first initial thoughts of disappointment and embarrassment are solidified through the action of another. What I have realized is in those moments, I am seeing life through a certain lens. Through that lens I perceive hurtful things from those like parents, teachers, and friends whom I look up to, but that is only my perception at the moment. That is why it is so important to go to the person that we think hurt us and clear the air. In those moments most of the time we find that out perception of what happened was wrong and it frees us to let go of the hurt. I think most of us don't realize that we could have done something that someone else perceived as something hurtful in the moment, but if that person comes to us, we can share what we truly meant by our words or actions putting their minds at peace. Have you ever said hi to someone and they just look at you and mumbled a hello. Sometimes we can walk away feeling like, "Is that person mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" We could even possibly agonize over it. And when we finally ask the person about it, they mentioned how they were having a bad day or got some bad news or something that had nothing to do with us. Needless to say, our perceptions of things can usually take us down the wrong path. But when we go to the person and share, it really clears things in our hearts. I encourage you to reach out to that teacher and share your heart and I think you will find that teacher put your heart at peace. :)