There is nothing easy about telling your mom you are moving to Israel. It might have been easy two years ago, but not now.
Even though my mom knew that I'd been planning this trip ever since last summer, once the second Intifada began, she assumed I had abandoned the idea. She was wrong. I'd just gotten quieter in my planning.
So after too many months of stalling and time spent practicing my response to mom's inevitable freak-out, I thought I was finally ready to tell her. I drove over to her condominium one sunny Monday afternoon. We sat down together in her living room and began a light conversation.
Periodically rubbing my sweaty palms along my blue jeans during our chat, I waited for an open door where I could insert my announcement. My mom started talking about the political situation in Israel. A perfect segue. My cue.
"I would just kill myself if you were in Israel right now!"
I took a deep breath, waited for her to finish her sentence, and just as I was about to say it, mom enthusiastically declared, "Thank God you're not going to Israel. I would just kill myself if you were there right now!"
So I decided I should probably tell my friends first before telling my mom. Their reactions could help me gauge exactly what her anxiety would look like and how best to counter her attempts to dissuade me. My speech to my friends was direct and simple: "I just wanted to let you know that I am moving to Israel to study Torah in a yeshiva for an indefinite amount of time."
Their responses covered a wide spectrum: from dread to humor, from hesitation to encouragement.
Graham: "You're going where? To study what?"
Jeff: "Selfish and dumb. So how much time do we have left to hang out before you die?"
C.J.: "If anyone else told me they were going to Israel now, I would go to great lengths to talk them out it. But when I saw your words on the page, I thought, Jenna going to Israel may mean peace in the Middle East.
Storm: "Fret, fret, fret. I can't help but fret. Just know that I'll be doing a whole lot of fretting while you're away."
Dennis: "Now I'm gonna have to start caring about what's going on in the Middle East. Thanks a lot." But, the most common response I received, and the only question my dad had for me, was, "Now? Are you sure you want to go there now?"
Our souls are all in Israel, waiting for our bodies to catch up.
For the Jewish people, there is no such thing as a wrong or bad time to go to Israel. Israel lives inside of us, no matter where we live throughout the world. Our souls are all in Israel, waiting for our bodies to catch up. It is not a question of if we choose to go; it is only a question of when. When Israel calls, you have to go; you can think of nothing else until you do. For some of us, the time to go is now, because our homeland is hurting; our people are angry, frustrated and afraid.
I am going to Israel because of my love of Torah and my love for the land and the people that protect the Torah's teachings. As the only observant Jew in my circle of family and friends, this is a hard idea to explain and an even harder one for them to understand. Put simply: the times I feel closest to God are when I am in love and when I am studying Torah.
For the Jewish people, the Torah is the blueprint to our physical realm, our role and purpose therein, and to all the dimensions of the universe. Jews believe that the very essence of God seeps through each and every letter found in the Torah. In that way it acts as a porthole through which the divine ideal touches, however slightly, our earthly reality. To study Torah in Israel is to bring healing to a nation at war.
Many Jews believe that if more of us made the choice to embody the teachings of Torah and brought that love to Israel's wounded people, unavoidably a solution to the social crisis in the region would be found. For those of us choosing to go to Israel now, during such a dangerous time, we are hoping to be part of that healing, part of the solution. We are trying to realize the core essence of Judaism: to love thy neighbor as thy self. And this desire transcends all notions of fear for one's own safety.
Time to tell mom.
There are very few things I can say to my mom that could make her turn instantly pale.
I didn't know my open door would come during Mother's Day lunch. But when my mom looked at me from across the table and said, "Jenna, tell us what's going on with you. What's new?" I just knew I had to tell her.
"I'm moving to Israel to study in a yeshiva," I said without blinking.
There are very few things I can say to my mom that could make her turn instantly pale.
She stared at me, stunned. In her eyes I saw a stream of terrifying images: burnt out buses, suicide bombers, police checkpoints, political demonstrations, the burning of American and Israeli flags. I recognized that this conversation was the very one countless mothers across the world would give anything to have again, so that they could forbid their child from going to Israel and prevent them from never coming back. I saw in my mom's stare pictures of all of those mothers weeping for our faith, for their lost children, for the sacrifices we make as Jews, and the suffering we know as a people who are hated. But I also saw that my mom understood, maybe for the first time, that her daughter had come to understand her role in the world, as a woman and as a Jew. The debate in my mom's eyes ended there, and she surrendered.
And in perfect Jewish mother fashion, she finally replied, "Well, do you have the right clothes? Should we go shopping?"
(45) Anonymous, February 15, 2015 3:25 AM
chem trails in Israel???
This is a question for anyone living in Israel…are there chem trails in Israel? Lines in the sky from jets. Criss-crosses etc. I have heard that they did it at one time but I am wondering if they do it currently??? Thanks and Shalom
(44) Luz Vega, December 16, 2010 6:10 PM
It never late to go back home, our Holy Land for the Jews!
There is no right or wrong time to go back home to where we all decended from!
(43) lillian, August 3, 2010 9:37 AM
my heart is in isreal waiting for me to come home!!! im on my way b''h!
i love all the articles i read and hopefully my mom and dad will finally sayy yes to letting me move!!!!! im on my way home!!!!
(42) Sarah, May 10, 2006 12:00 AM
Well Said
I too had to pick a time to tell my mom. I'm glad yours came around :-) and congratulations on making the move! My mother is coming around - she's atleast stopped trying to talk me out of it - progress ;-).
(41) eddie (lay-lay), April 10, 2006 12:00 AM
well Ms Ziman i was a previous student of yours in 2003 and i never knew the stuff you have went through but no wonder you are one of the greatest teachers. I have definetly enjoyed reading your articles and I don't like reading! well hope to see you some day
(40) Trevor, July 28, 2004 12:00 AM
Beautiful story
Although I am not a jew, I found your story quite touching. You express yourself very well.
(39) Orr, July 24, 2004 12:00 AM
Israel
Reading this article has made me feel close to a person whom i don't know. I am jewish and israeli and have always felt the need to be in israel with my family and where i believe all jews belong. I am now a junior in high school and after i graduate i plan to move to israel permanently. I feel that israel is in dire need of support, for if we the jewish people don't support our country it will be taken away. I would like to congratulate jenna because so many people see israel for its terrorist crimes, and not for all else the country offers. Israel will always be a home to jews from all around the world, and i think that it is time for more jews to step it up and contribute to this country for all that this country has given us.
(38) Anonymous, May 8, 2003 12:00 AM
Understanding
After reading your article, I felt such a connection to myself and my mother. Perhaps its harder for me because I am only a child (only 16 years old) but I still feel that my heart is wanting to be in Israel and thats where I belong. I am scared, not knowing what to expect, whether I will go through with it. Still I see how it hurts my mother thinking about my idea of moving to Israel and going to university there. She doesn't want to lose here daughter. But how are we supposed to explain to people our feelings towards going to Israel if its something that comes from within. One day more Jews will realize this and join their 'family' in Israel but until then it doesnt mean its not the right time to go there now.
(37) Amy Squires, July 3, 2002 12:00 AM
Jenna's friend
I'm one of the friends that will worry about Jenna while she is in Israel. But to know Jenna is to love her, and to know that this is what she has to do.
(36) Miles Herman, June 7, 2002 12:00 AM
In a New York Minute . . .
Dear Jenna: "Outstanding!" My wife is converting ... I have aleady announced that I intend to go to Israel as soon as is practicable. The present situation there has no negative bearing on my decision. If anything, I am more motivated to go NOW. My wife will accompany me as we belong together. Meanwhile, I am supplying financial support to Israeli businesses through co-ventures, establishing pen-pal relationships, sending flowers, gifts, letters to soldiers and victims of terrorists. One step at a time for me again because I love my wife and she needs to go a bit slower than I. Today I ordered the Israeli flag to fly below my American flag in front of my house. My wife is nervous about THAT ... so you understand the "go slow" part! Oh yes, we'll get to Israel. Jenna: one more time: "Outstanding!" Support our brothers and sisters the best that you can!
(35) Jacob Black, June 6, 2002 12:00 AM
MAZEL TOV
I think everyone should move to Israel. In the meantime, everyone should buy Israeli products, and donate to Israel. Mazel Tov on the move Jen. I wish you luck in all your scholarly endeavors.
(34) Anonymous, June 5, 2002 12:00 AM
Thanks Jenna
I came in Israel eight years ago from Belgium. I was not observant, and still, although it is difficult, I do not regret it: if it was to be done again I would do it.
Thanks Jenna, thanks to come, and thanks to speak to the heart.
Olivier.
(33) Anonymous, June 4, 2002 12:00 AM
think hard...
I dont think Jenna made a wise choice. If she had such a love for ISrael that she was willing to to move there, I think she could have stayed in America and spend her time trying to infuse this love into others who care a lot less. Torah can be studied anywhere, our history proves it, but a love for Israel must be develloped where it is needed, not only where it already exists.
(32) , June 2, 2002 12:00 AM
Israel needs us
It is a difficult time Israel is going through right now. Tourism and hospitality is an important industry in Israel as well as agriculture and high tech and at this moment it is damadged by bloodshed that is inflicted on us. I had the opprotunity to go to Israel and especially Jerusalem for 1 day, and i had a talk with Jewish owners of tourist store. They pleaded with me to buy anything i want "on any price". There completely dying there! I recall that in my last trip in Dec' 99, Jerusalem was crowded with life and joy and the stores did good and so did our economy. Our state needs us and i think that every jew living in diaspora should do something to help it. I would encourage many of us to go to there local synagogue and plan a visit to Israel. Make one that will promote solidarity with Israel, but also have security for people who fear. We shall show the world that Israel stands with one voice from all around the world!!
BARUCH ASHEM!
(31) , June 1, 2002 12:00 AM
I would like to give Jenna's mom a huge hug!
The line about shopping brought tears to my eyes; if only *every* parent were as supportive of their child's dreams and ambitions. That is what true unconditional love is all about.
My best to you, Jenna. You are truly a role model.
(30) Jossy Krasniansky, May 31, 2002 12:00 AM
The best
Israel is the best in the world. If I have the posibiliti to go and do Alia I will, iven do all the problems tha have, BUT I am a jewish and I and we mus to be togather to soport Jerushalaim. Shalom le kulam.
(29) Eduardo Aranda Bengtson, May 31, 2002 12:00 AM
Super and timely...
Perfectly timely as each of us on the inside come to grips with the continued thought of "when" is it my turn to make "ALIYAH"...very touching....muchisimos gracias...
(28) Michael Glazer, May 30, 2002 12:00 AM
Right on You Go Girl!
Right on Jenna Power to the Jewish People. Now more than ever I know so many young people who never even thought of Israel going to live there even making aliyah. Non-Jews and Jews alike. I noticed also that they are mainly young woman, the strength of the nation in Yiddshkeit has always been the yiddeshe mommas.
(27) betti miner, May 30, 2002 12:00 AM
Me too!
This brings to mind that a few years back when my husband and I visited Israel that my sister thought we would move there. She actually told me she would go all the way to Jerusalem and get me and bring me back to the US. She looked out for me when we were kids and is 3 years older than I. Needless to say both my husband and I fell in love with Israel and I'm sure my sister would be happy fo us whatever we did. My family is not Jewish nor my husbands'. Both of us chose Judaism together, then went to our ancient homeland, and plan to make aliyah when we make the plans for the move. The article is right, there is no good or bad time to go to Israel, the time is now. Thanks.
(26) chaya franklin, May 30, 2002 12:00 AM
Never be afraid
A person should always strive to do the right thing and have trust and faith in the Al-mighty to protect him/her. Every bullet has its address, and when it is a persons time to die, G-d will take them, whether it is in a mall in Tel-Aviv, an earthquake in San Fransisco or on the 100th floor of the WTC. We cannot run, we cannot hide from our destiny, the only thing we can choose is how we live our lives every day. The Rebbe of Lubavitch said the safest place in the world is the Land of Israel, as G-d does not remove His eyes from there from the beginning of the year until the end of the year. Learn well, and help bring the final redemption!
(25) Gershon Perlman, May 30, 2002 12:00 AM
I did it 24 years ago and never looked back.
Jenna, you are doing the right thing. Any time is the right time to come home to Israel. I remember telling my parents 24 years ago when I made the move. That my future children won't be faced with such a decision, because I'll have made it, already for them.
(24) , May 30, 2002 12:00 AM
Yay Jenna!!!
I hope to see you there :)
(23) josh cohen, May 29, 2002 12:00 AM
me too--same conversation--same time
Yasher koach on a finely written summation of your experience. I had the exact same as I told my parents the Tuesday after Mother's day of my plans to enter Aish Yeshiva this summer/fall. It was one of the most difficult conversations with my parents but once it was over, very emotionally relieving. Good Vach.
(22) Anonymous, May 29, 2002 12:00 AM
everything is in the hands of heaven..
This is a beautiful article. The thing that is so striking about Jenna's view is that she never considers the danger as relevant to her decision.
It is wonderful and comforting that friends and family are worried about her safety, but Jenna typifies the view one must try and adopt regarding such decisions - everything is in the hands of heaven, except the fear of heaven.
If someone who moves to Israel, G-d forbid, should die at the hands of terrorists, the fact is it was their time to die. This is in G-d's hands.
Anyone who feels drawn to move to Israel must understand that all that is in their hands is to serve Hashem in the best way they can. If its your time, its your time. The question is, would you rather die in the Holy Land or in the Diaspora?
(21) Anonymous, May 29, 2002 12:00 AM
Hard on a Shiksa Mama
I'm a Shiksa.It's hard enough coping with my children's having chosen to become Jews(they were always exposed to both sides of their lineage), but their moving to Isreal is extremely depressing for me.
When my husband and children talk Zionism, I cringe.I have always sympathized with the Arabs.It's hard to put into words how unhappy their decision makes me, yet I cannot talk to them about it without seeming either over-protective or anti-Semetic.There is nothing I can do, my children are adults now, able to think and decide for themselves.If I had a dream for myself and my decendants, it was California,not TelAviv,palm trees and La-La Land, not the Wailing Wall and suicide bombers.
(20) Anonymous, May 28, 2002 12:00 AM
Truly outstanding!!
I was reading some of the comments on your article and I was extremely dissappointed with the person who commented that he is not ready for the exile to end!!!! Does he realize how upside down things are now-a-days?? The whole world is sooooo confused and confusing. Don't you think it is about time? If Israel is in trouble we should feel the same. We have a responsibility to help our brethren in Israel and throughout the diaspara.
(19) Shmuel Bowman, May 28, 2002 12:00 AM
the right message at the right time!
Every Jewish educator and outreach professional in the diaspora should learn from Jenna's words, and impart it's importance to everyone they meet. Jenna has delivered the right message at the right time!
(18) Andrea Feldman, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Good Luck
Great article, my son is planning to leave shortly on a trip to Israel for three weeks from and I am a little nervous about him going there now with all the stuff going on. One he leaves I will count the days for him to come home but I know he will have a wonderful time as I was there my self when I was 16.
(17) An Israeli Mom, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
No greater honor and privledge.
Every mother should feel as yours.
My children are here now but we were in Israel during Desert Storm and I wish that we had stayed. I pray that my children or my grandchildren will soon return.
(16) Guila, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Going to Israel
I read your article, I loved it because I too I want to go to Israel myself. I have a great problem... I finish high school in a month, i have applied to a school in the USA, i have been accepted, i have been accepted. I am excited to go to university, but.... $y heart is in Israel? I want to go to Israel. What do i do ? If anyone has a suggestion, please email me. I will be thank ful and make the right decision... thanks.
Jenna: Great Article.
(15) David Finitsis, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
If it were only that easy!!!!
This article by Jenna Ziman is so great, so inspiring...and it leaves out so much! I may know that it is right for me to go to Eretz and work and live there. I feel drawn to return to Israel and live. But what about the responsibility to my family here in the USA that I feel at the same time?! I am single, with no children of my own. No, it is rather my family in which I am still the child of which I speak. My family is small, and becoming old and frail. My role of responsibility within the family grows. How can I care for them and Israel at the same time? To go to one is an abandonment of the other, so I'm feeling torn apart. Does anyone else wrestle with these feelings? I would like to share ideas on this subject with whomever is willing.
(14) Rodrigo Sacca, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
I'm sending this to my parents!
I commend you on your decision to move to Israel, Jenna! I have also made my mind to do aliyah, even though my parents and my girlfriend are against it. However, my parents and I live in different countries already, so I hope it will be easier for them to accept the facts. Kol tuv behatzlacha raba!
(13) Devorah, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Israel our true home
I recently visited Israel out of both a desire to recharge my spiritual batteries as well as to show my solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Israel. I urge everyone who can to visit our holy land richful in holiness and living lessons. There is never a "bad" time to go to Israel, G-d has a special eye over the land of Israel, and it is my belief that the happenings there are above nature. Each day countless miracles happen. Remember 9/11, on that day it was Israel calling us to see if we were ok. We can never be sure of our safety and security, but we can stand by and live with our belief and faith.
(12) Anonymous, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Aliyah--wish I had done it
I almost made aliyah --way back.
Now--I certainly wish that I HAD made
Aliyah.
It has been a regret that I didn't/couldn't. B'chol ha kavod--mi
she "makes Aliyah".
(11) Anonymous, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Excellent
The above article is an extremely well-written and supportive article for those of us who are also pondering Aliyah in the near future.
(10) Marc, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
What?
Sometimes I believe that the religious people seem to think that the Diaspora is over. What about the million or so Yordim that have left Israel permanently in the last 20 years or so? It is not easy to do Aliya there, jobs are scarce and what would an American do there anyway? The Israeli's are too aggresive and I am afraid that an American would not have a chance there. It simply isnt time for the exile to end !
(9) Sylvia Bornstein, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
perfect
I have a daughter in Israel and I'm sure she sent me this Jenna story because she feels the same way and knows that I feel the same way as this mother. The shopping part put a real chuckle on my face.
(8) Anonymous, May 27, 2002 12:00 AM
Good for you!
wow. I'm impressed.
That takes guts!
Good luck and have a safe trip
(7) , May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
You go girl!
Jenna, what a great article, I could have been in the room with you it was so vivid.
I said that all the people I heard of from Aish who were moving or had moved to Israel recently had such guts; my sister said they were just plain stupid. We really do have to follow our hearts and our spirituality.
Best of luck.
(6) , May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
Very inspiring!
Jenna, I hope your article gives others the strength to follow in your footsteps. Never has it been more important to take a stand and be counted.Wishing you a safe and wonderful journey.
(5) Basya Labinsky, May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
Yeshar koach Jenna. You are about to embark on a journey to the ultimate experience on earth (and beyond). I envy your courage and determination. Enjoy every moment of your search to the truth.
(4) Ariel Layug, May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
A thing the world would not understand!
I have always wanted to convert to Judaism but I couldnt because of my love for my family ... if only I had a Jewish Mum I'm sure she would understand. She couldnt even accept that her Son wants to be a Jew ... what more if a son wants to move to Israel (a son she has only started to know and live with in the last 1 1/2 yrs). But I hope my soul in Israel will wait!
(3) titi lambeth, May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
beautiful
I read and I feel emotion,our souls are all in Israel waiting for our bodies to catch up. Is beautiful. thank you.
Titi Lambeth.
(2) Arieh Sckolnick, May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
GO ISRAEL
A friend from South Africa was to go to Israel in April but she quickly changed her plans. Jenna has the right thinking at the right time.
(1) Stuart Weiss, May 26, 2002 12:00 AM
Telling your mom you are moving to Israel.
How do you convince your wife of 25 years, to agree to make aliyah? She has no interest at all. I can't fault her. It's just how I feel - like I belong there.