The Mediterranean Sea stretched before me, sparkling in the setting sun. Two boats sat majestically in the distance. The sky darkened; the breeze quickened.
Between me and the water stood 200 boys. To the staccato orders of the commanding officer, 400 boots stamped apart, 400 boots stamped together, and a swell of voices resounded in unison. The Israeli flag was raised and verses from the Torah were read, amid the rumbling of thunder. An officer led the swearing-in ceremony, reciting a phrase, pausing for the resounding echo of the soldiers before him. Each boy pledged to give his heart, his soul, and if necessary, his life, to protect the country. Bolts of light zagged across the horizon. Rain fell. One by one, each soldier was called up for his pledge.
“Ani nishba!” (I pledge). Boom. Thunder.
“Ani matzhir!” (I declare).
Families frantically opened umbrellas and thrust cameras into cases. The boys stood at attention, motionless.
I looked at my son. A month ago, he had refused to be told what to do. My pleas to clean his room and take out the trash were respectfully received and conveniently forgotten. Now, an order to merely move a certain way, or not move at all, was honored immediately and completely.
The boys stood at attention, strong, sturdy, soaked. If the faces had been an unidentifiable blur, I would have simply been awed. Young men and women, committed to their country, willing to confront surrounding powerful nations calling for its annihilation. But my awe was laced with personal fear, because I knew one face. I knew its shape, its dimple, its stubble, its scar.
Our pride is shrouded in anxiety. We try to ignore it, deny it, subdue it, but it lives like a tenacious weed, breathing toxicity into our lives.
Aliyah forces us to confront a new reality: our sons in uniform. Our pride is shrouded in anxiety. We try to ignore it, deny it, subdue it, but it lives like a tenacious weed, breathing toxicity into our lives, like an unexplained illness.
How can we delight in the inspiration and hope that brought us here, instead of shrink from the dangerous realities we are forced to face?
One strong response to fear is to acknowledge it. It’s there. I get to know it. How big is it? How dark? Does it stalk me by day, or does it cast a shadow in the quiet of the night? I try not to analyze, criticize, or judge. Just observe. Merely noticing fear disarms and diffuses its power over me.
Another way I deal with fear is to stay present. Fear is always about something that might happen, not something that is happening now. As Mark Twain said, “I have known many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Since many of us expend so much energy compulsively revisiting the past or worrying about the future, living in the present moment dispels worry and brings about a sense of calm and joy. I can harness the power of now at any moment by drawing my awareness to my immediate experience. What’s happening at this instant? What do I hear? Smell? What sensations am I aware of in my body? What does the seat I’m sitting on, the floor I’m standing on, feel like right now?
Finally I find the polar opposite of fear: faith. Fear involves contraction and tightening of the senses, whereas faith involves letting go, leaning into, and trusting the unknown. For me, fear and faith cannot co-exist. This resembles the myth of multitasking, where it appears we are performing two tasks simultaneously while in reality we are actually shifting at lightning speed between those tasks. I find myself fearful in one moment and faithful in the next. I explore ways to strengthen my belief in an omniscient, compassionate Higher Being. Faith is powerful. Nestled in this cloak of conviction, I am able to choose the way in which I respond to life.
In three years (or five, or seven, or ten), our child’s military service will end. Like a roller coaster ride, the years will pass regardless of how tightly we close our eyes or how desperately we grip the seat. We can go through this period anxious and tense. Or we can experience it with equanimity, tapping into the original pride and sense of belonging that brought us here.
“Ani matzhir!”
I look across at my son, and sense the smile beneath the solemnity. I coax my thoughts away from the future – from imagined horror and feared tragedy. The cool Mediterranean breeze touches my face. The water drips off my neighbor’s umbrella onto my arm. I breathe. I trust that all this fits into a Master Plan. Right now, I accept, and I am calm.
(22) Aunt Liela, January 29, 2012 3:57 AM
You Make Us Proud
Dear Aviva, Your article is beautiful - and written from the heart. While reading your words, I felt as though I was standing with you. You make us very proud. Love, aunt Liela
(21) Chaya, January 27, 2012 1:45 PM
You speak for every mother
Dear Aviva, I am so proud of you! I may have read it before, but it gets better with each read. It is not just reading your words, it is reading your voice, your heart, your thoughts, your soul. It is not just your voice, it is the echo of every mother of every Israeli soldier and perhaps, the mother of every soldier in every army around the world. Congrats on your recognition. May Hashem bless you and your family. With much love, Chaya
(20) Ande, January 26, 2012 11:01 PM
My daughter the sailor
Beautiful article. My daughter is serving in the Navy in a combat support unit near the border with Gaza. Even though we are a religious family I supported her decision to serve her country that we made Aliyah to 7 years ago. She wears a skirt all the time and is the only religious girl in her unit and I am proud of the example she is setting for all the women at her base. Yet when I first saw her with a rifle I had to stop myself from crying. Then when I asked her if she sleeps in a bomb proof building she told me not to worry she is so close to Gaza the rockets fly over their heads. But the worst experience was when I drove her to the bus station closest to her base. The station was filled with soldiers carrying all kinds of weapons, Uzis, M-16s , and heavy automatic rilfes. I kept saying to myself that I should be protecting my daughter yet here I am sendng her off to war. B"H there won't be another war but with our neighbors that is unlikely. I am proud of my daughter even though I realize now I wasn't mentally prepared for this. I am now truly an Israeli parent.
(19) yojewmama, January 25, 2012 4:52 AM
me too
well, my son will be drafted in 2013. he's had his army interview, and has been to "gadna" (a preview week of soldier training for kids in 11th grade), and now he has his draft date. we came here for idealistic reasons. we answered the mysterious, illogical call to return to our Land. this is part of the walk we walk. thank you so much for putting into words what is stirring inside me already. these are the things i can't talk about with some of my US family who think I was nuts in the first place for moving here. but when the topic comes up with the other mothers in my neighborhood, they smile an understanding, reserved smile. well, you know that there is a whole nation behind your son. i pray often when i see soldiers. i pray nearly each time i hear a jet overhead. thank you for your sacrifice. may this experience help your son into manhood in safety and peace. please G.d may your son, along with all the soldiers of the IDF, be strong and courageous, safe and righteous.
(18) Pinchas, January 25, 2012 1:58 AM
a dad reflects on his daughter
My daughter is a "madrichat chir", an infantry instructor. She and her colleagues train young infantrymen - not unlike Aviva's son and his colleagues - how to use the heavy guns that are the tools of their trade. My daughter's expertise is in the "Katlanit", a 17mm machine gun mounted to the roof of an armored Hummer. And we don't live in Israel; we live in the US. Our daughter, at the tender age of 19, made Aliya on her own. Kudos. It is not expected that my daughter or any of her colleagues will ever be placed directly in harm's way; that is not what they are trained to do. But soon after my daughter started basic training, Israel swapped over a thousand terrorists for Gilad Shalit; one of these murderers plowed his vehicle into a Beer Sheva bus shelter that was filled with soldiers, many of whom were killed in the attack. My daughter's base is just outside of Beer Sheva. At that moment I realized that anyone who wears the olive-green of the IDF is a primary target of Israel's enemies, whether they are on the battlefield or off. Our children's service is essential. And while our hearts swell with pride at the fierce dedication of these young people to the State of Israel and the safety of her citizens, we pray daily that Hashem safeguard our children - His children - and keep them all out of harm's way.
(17) Margie, January 24, 2012 4:37 PM
Just beautiful!
Just beautiful, Aviva. Reading this, I felt like I was right there next to you. Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine what it feels like to be you right now, and have such tremendous respect and gratitude for the commitment that you and your family has made to Israel.
(16) Joe Baum, January 24, 2012 2:48 PM
Our kids in uniform
The comments are mostly by women, mothers, maybe wives. Let's hear from men.
(15) Jackie Schiff, January 24, 2012 12:08 PM
Inspiring Truthful Real Wonderful
(14) Anonymous, January 24, 2012 6:09 AM
thank you
So beautiful. Thank you for raising a son that is willing to help protect us all. Agreed about the faith and not fear - that is what we say each motzei shabbat - "henai kel yeshuati, evtach, v'lo efchad". You should enjoy his years of service with nachat and simcha!
(13) carol loglisci, January 24, 2012 1:07 AM
written from a mother's heart
Aviva....I could almost smell the air that day, so beautifully written and mind set to carry all through our lives...thank you for sharing your wonderful writing....love carol
(12) miriam w Cohen, January 23, 2012 11:56 PM
my grandson is 17,will be in the army next year
My grandson in Israel is 17; he is my daughters "Ben Yachid", 4 daughters, and he will be in the army next year. He is handsome and smart, and I will worry. War is dangerous and Israel lives in constant war. I will pray for him and for his friends and classmates. These young people are to be admired and supported for their dedication and for their willingness to sacrifice their lives so that Israel can continue to exist. Kol Hakovod to them all.
(11) luden,mayer&helga, January 23, 2012 11:28 PM
what a beautiful article you wrote Aviva! How touching ,of course it made us cry a little for all the reasons you so well described especially since we are the grandparents of your soldier son!We are indeed very proud of him!! Am Israel Chai!
(10) Reuven Grodner, January 23, 2012 7:28 PM
The Jewish Army Uniform
Aviva Luden's poignant essay "Our Soldiers, Our Sons" highlights the emotions of every parent in Israel whose son or daughter serves in the IDF. As a grandfather of a soldier in an elite combat unit, I would add the emotion of pride. For nearly 2,000 years, Jews wore army uniforms of countless countries. How miraculous it is that today's youth are privileged to wear a Jewish army uniform. May the Almighty bless each and every one of our IDF soldiers with safety, security and success in their noble mission.
(9) Dennis Cast, January 23, 2012 3:09 AM
freedom thru military victory
(8) Andy, January 23, 2012 12:13 AM
The USA had a draft once and like Israel a shared sense of sacrifice
While many Orthodox males and most Orthodox females some left leaning secularists do avoid military service in Israel the majority of Israeli Jews do serve. It seems to me it's the experience other than after a terror attack which brings a sense of unity in the country among Jews. When the USA had a draft it was also a unifying experience.I doubt the USA would have had such extended wars in Iraq or Afghanistan if there was still a draft. While I understand there are valid reasons many Orthodox Jewish families in Israel, and all the more so in the USA discourage military service as it places their children in an environment that is threatening to their spiritual well being , I believe on balance it's a positive experience for the individual and the nation.While imperfect it's my understanding that in Israel the military does try and make it possible for observant soldiers to serve in an environment that is sensitive to their values providing time for prayer, kosher food and limited interaction between the sexes.
(7) aleksandar levi, January 22, 2012 10:09 PM
They are our sons, and just because of that it is forbiden to take them against Israeli people, settlers and so. For that reason we have Police.
(6) jgarbuz, January 22, 2012 9:40 PM
What's wrong with Jews becoming a normal nation?
The Swiss send their sons and girls into the army and later continue in the reserves. Many nations have armies and reserves, even the United States. It is healthy for a people to have a homeland, a piece of their land to defend, to live on, and if necessary die for. We all have to die eventually, so as Trumpeldor allegedly said before he died from a mortal wound, "It's good to have a homeland to die for." IN all of Israel's wars to date, some 25,000 have fallen. Proportionately the same as America has lost in its wars since the Civil War. Nobody wants to die, and nobody wants to lose a child. But fighting and dying for one' homeland is about as noble a death as one can aspire to.
(5) Go'el Jasper, January 22, 2012 8:38 PM
What A Privilege
It must be absolutely awesome to know that your son gets to protect the Jewish people. May he always be safe ...
(4) ruth housman, January 22, 2012 6:32 PM
on whose side, is G_d?
There is a football player who is very well known. He gets down on his hands and knees and prays, even during the game, when he can, for success of his team, for his ability to succeed in htis game. And he is often faulted for this, because surely his G_d is everyone's G_d, and why should G_d favor him, always, just because he prays, so visibly? What is a game if it is to be fair, that G_d somehow is totally impartial, or if witness to prayers, grants them equally, across the board. Truly a human dilemma which encompasses our Middle East crisis, that is ongoing, as relates to lasting peace, to our Israeli soldiers, and to G_d's Master Plan. Surely we can all see this, the inherent contradictions in feeling G_d is just for us, the Jews, the Israelis, and not for them, too, a world peopled by so many, diverse in culture, ideas and political feelings. So how will this happen. What IS The Master Plan, assuming G_d is at the helm? For me it's got to be some form of equity, that makes everyoe joyful, everyone dance. We call this Messianic, don't we? Or is Messianism merely a Jewish idea? This I do believe, and that is LOVE itself may arrive at some deep answers for us all. In the meantime, I wish your son, all the best, and do not wish anyone to die fighting for Israel or any country. I want the world to change. And NOW. And I think this is got to be the man and woman, mandate, but that there is a Divine answer that will bring this Chapter to a close, that we can move forward in peace.
(3) lynn finson, January 22, 2012 6:06 PM
when real "aliya" begins....
I have always felt that the day my oldest son went into the army,11 years after we arrived here, was the real day of our aliya. It was the beginning of the second Lebanon war. That was a very trying time for Am Yisrael. Let's face it, we are in the front lines of Jewish history living here. One day, I believe Hakadosh Baruch Hu will congratulate not only our sons for their bravery as they don the IDF uniforms, but ourselves for choosing to leave the cocoon of the American dream. Yasher Koach for a well written and very true article.
(2) Lisa, January 22, 2012 3:46 PM
Courage
I was so moved by your words & emotions!! Hopefully Mashiach is around the corner & mothers (& fathers) everywhere will rejoice that their precious "kids" fought for our G-d given country!
(1) Aliza, January 22, 2012 12:57 PM
our Jewish country, our Jewish armed forces, our respect for our Jewishnes
As a proud mother of sons who were kravi soldiers, I felt and still feel the pride. to maintain that on going pride, which our military and it's chief Rabbi are trying to destroy. This chief Rabbi in the military is very, very weak, he does not stand for the Rabbanut, he does not stand for Torah, he must be removed, as he gives into secular corrosion, which military had been better about. We must restore the religious strength and pride in our Jewish military, and it's Chief Rabbi. You have a son in the military now, work hard that he is not put in a position of choosing between loyalty to our armed forces or loyalty to halacha, Torah and HaSh-m. make sure this current chief Rabbi is replaced by someone who is strong and proud in Torah, halacha, and protecting our Jewish people.