It was one of my most frightening incidents of being a father so far. I was studying for my MBA. It was a typical Tuesday; I was able to go home to be with my family for lunch because my classes for the day finished in mid-morning. What was atypical was the way I was greeted at the door – my son was screaming in a manner I had never heard, and my wife appeared quite shaken.
After some deep breaths, my wife informed me that she had just she tripped down the stairs holding our 9-month-old son and landed hard on the floor. She heard his head hit the tiles, but she wasn’t sure of the extent of his injury. Was he injured or just very startled?
After ensuring that my wife was okay, I held my son, eventually calming him down. But he seemed more subdued than usual and it looked as though he was in pain.
The doctor's office advised us that if he wasn't back to his regular self in another couple of hours, we should bring him in. A few hours later the doctor was checking for a head injury, but found nothing. He began to check other parts of our son's body to see where an injury might have occurred. When he stood my son up, holding his hands, my son lifted his right foot, showing that he wasn't able to apply pressure there.
We were sent for x-rays and while waiting for hours in the waiting room, we witnessed our son's gradual improvement. We almost decided to take him home because, in our estimation, everything was probably all right – and we were exhausted.
My wife and I felt a sense of gratitude. It could have been much worse had he fallen from higher up the stairs.
But the x-ray results indicated otherwise. Our son’s femur bone had a crack just above his knee and they would have to put his entire leg, from his waist all the way down to his toes, in a cast for at least a month. Our precious little boy behaved so well while they plastered his leg, after which they finally sent us on our way, with a referral to see a specialist the next morning at a different hospital to reinforce the cast with a layer of fiberglass.
Through this dramatic episode, my wife and I expressed how appreciative we were. No, a cracked femur bone for our son who was on the verge of crawling was not going to be easy, never mind all the additional time and resources that would be required during the month of my final exams. Nevertheless, my wife and I felt a sense of gratitude. We recognized that if he cracked his femur bone from a short fall (only a few steps up from the ground), it could have been much worse had he fallen from higher up the stairs.
But I remember being asked, somewhat incredulously: Appreciative?! He fell down the stairs and cracked his femur bone and his walking was delayed by a number of months! Was I appreciative that God made my wife and baby fall?
And then an interesting parallel occurred to me. Passover was a few days away. Millions of Jews from around the globe were going to be celebrating the fact that God miraculously saved the Jews from 210 years of grueling slavery and led us into the Land of Israel.
But why thank God for taking us out of Egypt? Didn't He put us there in the first place?
This question weighed on me for a couple of days, until I watched a near-horrific incident which clarified everything.
Over Passover while my wife and I were taking a pleasant stroll down the street, we saw halfway up the block a young mother pushing her infant in a stroller while her husband walked alongside their toddler daughter. Suddenly the young girl turned and headed for the street, running at full speed. On cue, just like it happens in the movies, a car appeared, moving too fast for driving on a residential street. Everything seemed to move in slow motion: the father's shocked expression as if he were thinking N-O-O-O-O as he chased after his daughter, while the mother watched helplessly, in horror, from the side.
My wife and I stood there stunned, not knowing how to prevent the seemingly inevitable from taking place. The girl was darting into the road and the fast-approaching car did not seem to see her.
Then a small miracle happened. The little girl tripped and fell hard onto the ground. Astounded, her mother and father scooped her up and embraced her, feeling renewed appreciation for having her in their lives.
After my wife and I let out a sigh of relief, we watched an interesting scenario unfold. The little girl was crying in pain and her parents were just so happy and appreciative. The girl looked at them, confused: Don't you love me? Don't you care about me? Why are you so happy when I'm in so much pain?!
What this little girl perceived as a terrible misfortune, the parents perceived as the greatest gift. Their prayers to save her at any cost were answered, but this little girl had no perception of the greater damage that could have occurred. All she knew was the pain of her scraped leg.
This taught me a powerful message. Very often I’m like that little girl. My scope of understanding is limited and there is a Higher Source whose view far surpasses that of my own. He sees what came before and what will come after; He knows what is truly best for me, even though I think I know better. And most importantly, He loves me and cares about me far more than I can possibly fathom.
Just like that little girl, I can cry and get upset that I got hurt. But if I recognize that what just happened was done with the greatest attention, love, and care possible, I rise above that arrogant spirit inside of me that feels like it knows it all.
My wife and son fell down the stairs. Thank you, God. Thank you. Understanding that for whatever reason there had to be a fall, I am so appreciative that it was only from the second step and not from the twelfth step; I am so appreciative that it was only a cracked femur bone and that my wife and son are otherwise all right; and I am so appreciative that You gave me the insight to view this incident with such an outlook.
We naturally like to feel that we are in charge, that we know it all. But letting go and realizing our limitations is perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Leaning on the Source far wiser than ourselves provides us with a great sense of comfort, serenity, and happiness. Everything does happen for a reason – a reason that is ultimately for our greatest benefit. If we can internalize the fundamental principal that God loves each and every one of us far more than we can possibly comprehend, then we can begin to inch toward understanding how the different variables in our lives were uniquely tailored for us, allowing us to reach our individual mission in this world.
What you can accomplish, I cannot; and what I can accomplish, you cannot. Therefore, we each are given different circumstances in which we lead our lives. Our families, our unique talents, our geographical setting are all designed solely with us in mind, serving as our guidepost for direction.
With this in mind, generation after generation, we have been celebrating Passover – thanking God for having taken us out slavery – because we understand that, notwithstanding the apparent need for us to be there (commentators provide numerous reasons for this), we are eternally appreciative for having been taken out in such a miraculous fashion.
The little girl who tripped taught me an invaluable lesson. As much as her parents might have tried to explain to her that had she not tripped she could have been hit by a car, she was simply too young to have understood.
So, too, with us – if we recognize our smallness, we can truly reach a level of greatness.
Excerpted from the newly released book, The Gift of Stuttering (Mosaica Press, 2016).
(4) Anonymous, April 23, 2016 2:30 PM
But what if?
Both stories here (the child falling down the stairs and the toddler about to run into the street) ended with less rather than more injury. If his son had irrevokable brain injury instead of a broken femur, and if the toddler had run out in front of the car instead of falling down (I myself witnessed such an incident last year with a 5 year old who died from the impact)... would we still conclude that "... Everything does happen for a reason – a reason that is ultimately for our greatest benefit."? I think Kushner provides important perspective when the outcome is tragic.
Anonymous, April 26, 2016 4:58 PM
Important Response
Your questions is excellent. It's real, natural and needs to be addressed at length - far beyond the simple article I wrote. My book from which this is excerpted) addresses this more at length. In addition, as you bring up Kushner, I cringe somewhat...as he depicts a God that is powerless to help in our deepest struggles - the complete antithesis to what I (and many others) know to be true. So, if you'd like to do some serious digging, which I'd highly recommend, please take a look at the following book, entirely focused on responding to Kushner's approach: http://www.amazon.com/God-Good-Why-World-Bad/dp/0757301231
May we all be blessed with seeing the inherent beauty in everything that God does in this world, and thereby lead a meaningful, purpose-filled and genuinely happy life,
Moe
(3) Emmanuel Mzila, April 22, 2016 3:31 AM
Gratefulness
I think it depends on the circumstances, God's will, purpose, design. Being unlimited in how He chooses to save or destroy, it is quite irrelevant whether one falls from the top of the stairs or the bottom rung as either can produce either great pain, or worse or otherwise. However I appreciate and I rejoice in Moe's approach to seize the opportunity to be grateful, thankful and to bless his God, which I presume to be of essence having taken into account his experience.
Anonymous, April 26, 2016 4:50 PM
Thank you!
Emmanuel, Your comment was powerful, and very real. Thank you very much for your awesome feedback!
(2) Lauren Roth, April 20, 2016 4:33 AM
Loved this article
I loved this article, THEN I realized who wrote it! You are evidently as special as your mother was at your age, and maybe even as special as your grandfather ah"sh was!!
Moe, April 26, 2016 4:48 PM
Thank you!
Hi Lauren, That is very kind of you. Than you for your note, and for your complimentary words about my grandfather. Not having known him myself, I always appreciate hearing such things :)
(1) Reuven Frank, April 19, 2016 5:00 PM
Who is Naftali to you? and What could have been
First a personal to Moe: Do you have relative called Naftali Mernick? (Father, uncle, etc.?) I went to Yeshiva with somebody by that name in 1979.
Next, point well taken. We never know when we slip and fall what could have been.
Sometime in the late 80's there was a spate of bus bombings in Jerusalem. Someone leaning in Kollel with me, came in white as a sheet, and told the following story.
He had been running a little late and just missed the bus that would have brought him to Kollel on time.
He was staring after the bus in frustration when, 75 meters down the street, the explosion in the middle of the bus destroyed everything from that point to where the driver was sitting.
As what would have been the last person to board the bus,
my friend would probably have been standing somewhere in that area, and been killed immediately.
I never run for buses since that time, and if I "hurry" and still miss it, I think:
"No one EVER gets anywhere a second before or later than God wants him (or her) to."
Thanks for sharing YOUR story!
Chag Sameach!
Anonymous, April 26, 2016 4:52 PM
Wow...
Reuven, I greatly appreciate your comment. Indeed, my Uncle Naftali (ob"m) was a very special person.
And in terms of your story, wow... That is incredible. Thanks so much for sharing! (I actually had a similar experience, near Sbarro's), that I write about in my book.
May we blessed by seeing the gifts in everything God sends us, however they may be packaged.