The Talmud teaches us that when the month of Adar (in which Purim falls) begins, we increase our joy (Ta’anit 29). It sounds wonderful, but how do we make ourselves joyous? Can we just pull some lever and turn on our happiness? Let’s say a person just isn’t happy?
But if we understand the message of Adar and Purim, it will give us a powerful insight into the true meaning of happiness.
When my father first became ill with cancer over 15 years ago, it was one of the darkest times in my life. My wife and I were living in Israel, but my mother desperately wanted me to be with the family in America – even though we had just been blessed with another child. So I found myself heading to the airport a short time later. Between a newborn, a toddler who just then became extremely sick, and our two older children, we were not coping well, even with me there. And the thought of leaving my wife at such a time was almost beyond contemplation.
Everything about that trip was just horribly depressing. I didn’t want to leave Israel at all, I was loath to leave my wife and family in such a state, and of course worst of all was that the underlying reason for the trip. My father had been diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 cancer, with only a few months to live. And accomplished scientist and Torah scholar that he was, he was quickly deteriorating before our eyes, almost beyond recognition.
I arrived at the airport that night thoroughly depressed and completely exhausted, mindlessly entering the appropriate check-in line. As it happened, two places before me in line was a fellow I knew slightly years earlier in yeshiva. I remembered who he was but not much more than that, and I would have at most made some polite small talk with him (not that I was in the mood to talk). He however recognized me immediately. And his first words to me were: “How is your father doing?”
It turns out that, unbeknownst to me, his mother lived in the same apartment complex my parents had recently moved to. So he was one of the few people to know my father’s situation in any detail. And he too had lost his father young to cancer. He was traveling to America on business but was planning to stay with his widowed mother throughout.
I almost cannot describe what solace it was at that dismal hour to have someone who knew what I was going through and who could relate to it. And more than the practical comfort it offered me, it gave me an even greater sense of solace recognizing that God was there watching over me and helping me out even when life seemed at its worst.
This incident helped me understand the Jewish concept of happiness. Was I “happy” at such a tragic time? Of course not. But I no longer felt abandoned. I was able to see that God was always with me and caring for me, both in the happy times of my life and in the difficult ones. Knowing that God is with us means we never have to see tragedy as senseless. God is there. He knows there is a reason why we must endure this. He has not forgotten us – and He sends us reminders to help us realize this – if we’re only perceptive enough to see them. And if we know that our challenges are part of God’s plan, we can feel close to Him – even loved by Him – during our hardest times.
Happiness means knowing God is there taking care of us – even when we feel most vulnerable to the forces of the world. Nothing can go wrong; God is with me. I may not see it on the outside, but I know everything will be the way God wants. And what could be better than that?
The Purim story, which occurred in the month of Adar, is unique among Jewish holidays in that no open miracles occurred. There was no splitting of the sea or oil burning eight days. But something even greater occurred – we were able to see God even without the miracles. By the end of the story, it was clear that all the events had been carefully orchestrated by God – that all along He had been there taking care of us and bringing us back to Him.
When an open miracle occurs, we get a passing sense of God’s spectacular power. But when the excitement fades, we are left with little to carry us from day to day – and little to make us happy. But when we are given that glimpse that God is always with us, we can always be happy. Life may not always be easy or the way we’d like it to be, but it is always with God. And with God, nothing can go wrong.
(9) Nancy, February 26, 2020 5:44 PM
My experience with G-d
I know we are commanded to be happy during the month of Adar, and I hope to experience a lot of happiness during this time. For quite awhile I have been looking to G-d to help me become a more patient person. With a lot of hard work and davening, I am slowly succeeding in this area. Yes, it makes me feel very happy. On the other hand, there are times when I feel more relieved by His presence as opposed to feeling happiness/joy.
(8) Norman Karr, February 25, 2020 6:55 PM
The state of happiness
A friend once commented about a friend, "He has known moments of happiness but not the state of happiness."
You wrote, "Happiness means knowing God is there taking care of us – even when we feel most vulnerable to the forces of the world."
There was a time in my life when I believed God had abandoned me. How encouraging is personal story that I was wrong.
-- Norm Karr
(7) Lee Ann, February 27, 2019 4:03 AM
God is always with us
I especially like the last paragraph. It makes me fall in love with God freshly. Abiding, the key to sanity.
(6) Erez, February 8, 2019 6:24 AM
Thank You!
Going through a worrying time and these words - that Hashem is in charge and with me, no matter what - are just what I needed to see some light. Thank you Rabbi.
(5) Anonymous, February 6, 2019 10:23 AM
Thank you
This reminder that G-d never abandons us is most timely and I needed it
(4) Gershom, February 5, 2019 7:05 PM
The author of the article - was blessed with - Hashgacat Prati.
However - Not everyone - is blessed with a recognizable - Hashgacat Prati - which helps them - in a time of need - and or distress. Many - suffer through unspoken distress(es) - not knowing where to turn - besides prayer to G-D. Nor - who to seek help through. They simply feel - absolutely crushed - and alone - and may FEAR - telling others - for a variety of reasons .
Although - it's mentioned/taught that - in Tefillah - we should pray for our needs. Often - this - is rarely openly done . OR - is done - without time for - sufficient Kavanah. As it seems like - everyone - is in a rush to get done - and leave.
So - it would be MOST BENEFICIAL IF - during each Tefillah - SPECIFIC TIME IS TAKEN - to announce that - the Kehillah - wants to join with the member(s) - to pray to G-D for - the needs - of each of the member(s) unspoken needs.
The member(s) - can openly declare - they have an unspoken need. Or - just remain silent.
It's important that - each member needs to feel comfortable - expressing a need. And - just needs to know that - the Kehillah - is there to support them - and pray for their needs.
WE - as a Kehillah - don't need to know - what the need is. As it may be something embarrassing - to the member. Or - because someone - knowing the situation - may give a false prophecy - or statement - which might be - inappropriate - to - or for the member.
And we should pray - and ask G-D that - He - G-D - will give those in need - His blessing - and a known answer - to their needs. Knowing that - it will bring such JOY - when they get a direct answer - to their needs - as a result of - the prayers on their behalf.
Which - they may be able to share - with the Kehillah - at some point.
IN FACT - it would be wonderful - if all Jewish Forums - that reach out to Jews - and Non-Jews - would make this a part of their forum.
(3) Rebecca, February 5, 2019 5:33 PM
What about when one is truly alone?
I've had no such solace for 4 and a half years. I am a widow now, and quite alone after finally selling the business I couldn't continue after my husband died. I tried out of honor and responsibility to others and children, though i was afraid every day. I did not give up, it was unthinkable. My story is one of great loss and hardship and suffering. I have tried to see God somewhere throughout this time. Circumstances continued from bad to worse with each passing week a crisis of death, loss, illness, or betrayal. But the hardest is being completely alone. My reaching out for help produced bad results each time. I must come out of this death spiral, but don't know how anymore. I was a devoted Torah student for many years, my husband and I so blessed. Having to bear all burdens out of duty, and having no one to turn to, and feeling like I deserve to pay for sins way past, has been THE worst experience of this 61 year old life. I did not guard my heart, my husband had done that. He was my great blessing. How do I trust again? I feel to beat up to risk it, and I am tired of talking about my pain to my own ears. My family, my mother, was the first to leave. The pain is great, and she could not bear it I think. But this hurt, something I only recently realized. Psychoanalysis makes it worse. This is spiritual, but it is harmful to others my being so needy...where is My God?
Gershom, February 5, 2019 7:24 PM
Rebecca - please consider that - G-D - will not give us trials - beyond - our capability - to withstand them.
Sometimes - G-D - has a plan to strengthen us - by giving us - situations - which will cause us - to call upon - and rely upon HIM - for help - and not rely on - mankind.
We ask G-D - to bless you - with the wisdom - knowledge - understanding - and courage - to continue to seek- and understand Him. As well as - identify - any changes you might need to do - for Him.
And possibly - you could join in - a Kehillah - that will at each Tefillah - support you - and pray to G-D - for your needs - spoken - and unspoken.
And - may G-D - bless you with - the answer(s) to your needs. So that - you can recognize - thank - and bless G-D - for what He does for you.
(2) Alice, February 5, 2019 11:14 AM
Very inpirational
How important it is to surround ourselves with supportive people.
May God give you much strength.
(1) Anonymous, February 4, 2019 12:06 PM
Heartbreaking circumstances, a gorgeous message.