My Son the Doctor-Murderer

The only time I believe in capital punishment is for the crime of murder. it is the one act that is so completely beyond redemption, that there can be no forgiveness. A person who has murdered, has lost his right to live. Along those lines, as much as I do believe in a mother's unconditional love for her child, the one exception I make to that is if her child murdered somebody. The act is so completely evil, that even his mother should not be expected to forgive him.

See what I wrote below between 40 and 41 on October 11, 2011 11:13 AM

Thank you for your article. Just because somebody does something wrong, even terribly wrong doesn't mean that he doesn't do good or care about doing good. 99.999% of the time you can find something to love about somebody. While the murderer may be executed, that doesn't mean he doesn't have wonderful deeds that you can love him for. I believe unconditional love is recognizing that each person has their own failings but we love them for what good they do have. and if you can find a new good in somebody then 99.999% chance is that he was not raised with proper values or he was influenced by his wicked surroundings. Who knows if we would have done any better under his circumstances with his nature and abilities. I am not sure if there is such a thing as a person who is given the right opportunities to be a good person and yet has accomplished no good in his life as The godly soul that each person has desires to do good. We have all done wrong but we choose to view our selves based on what we do correct. This applies to all levels of bad.

In G-ds eyes we are all sinners as filthy rags
but His love is unconditional and forgiving so
what right do we have not to forgive the ones
who have hurt us and worse, people we have
hurt intentionally. G-d forgives us and we must
do the same then we have His shalom.

In G-d's Eyes all of us are nothing but filthy rags? That is a Christian concept, NOT a Jewish one at all.

I don't think visiting your son the murderer is a good response. And I don't think telling your son you did bad but I still love you is appropriate either. No need to discuss love when reprimanding our children; the two issues are not relevant to each other, and it sounds confusing to our children as well. Can a mother love her son no matter what choices he makes, just as G-d will always love His children? Yes, she can always love him. But can she relate to him differently based on his choices, just as G-d distances Himself from us when we sin? Yes she can, and I believe she should. In these days of liberal enlightenment, evil is "understood." Compassion and consequences are confused. It doesn't seem to be a healthy path for mankind.

http://dafyomireview.com/article.php?docid=396
by Rabbi Rabinowitz former chief rabbi of SA

I believe that the situation described would be wrenching and a parent would almost not be able to predict his or her reaction to such a monstrous behavior by one's son.Perhaps what is being asked more that what I would do is what is the right thing to do in this situation. A separate issue is whether one is able to do the right thing.



It brings to mind the story of King David and Avshalom. David cries for Avshalom even though Avshalom was trying to steal the monarchy and would have been willing to have his father , the annointed King , thereby killled. David does not have the heart to have his son slain, it is Yoav who takes matters into his own hands contravening David's wishes, and invoking his anger. David the prophet the King, the talmid chacham, helpless in his love for his son who reached an incredible level of wickedness.



We must love our children in the way that the Torah wants. Not simple to interpret . And even if we feel the Torah is telling us something, who is strong enough, to carry out a difficult task in contradiction to what our heart feels towards the child? A situation one would not wish on one's enemy.



Regardless of whether the mother visits or not, there is always the Kadosh Baruch Hu to turn to. A person can experience the "hiddeness of G-ds love" just as the Jewish People experience "hastarat panim". But we beleive that Hashem will never leave us even if our parents leave us.

Read the tochacha, if you listen to me, I will love you and bless you and multiply you. If you don't, I will make you suffer beyond your wildest dreams.
Hardly unconditional
That's a Christian concept

The tochacha never, ever, says if you listen I will love you and if not, I won't! It says, if you listen I will shower you with blessings, and if not I will shower you with curses. G-d's love for the Jews is reiterated throughout the Torah, over and over. It is very much a part of Judaism. Both the blessings and the curses come out of His love.

Brilliantly, beautifully written!

I am not sure that not visiting is equal to not loving! In fact - although one may speculate, that things must have been seriously amiss if this young man killed in panic/cold blood/anger - maybe the mother is suffering terribly because she may be torn between her love and her bewilderment about her son's act.

Jewish or not Jewish, is part of Adam, infused with the breath (divine essence) of God, part of God. We are all God's children. His love must be infinite, because He is infinite, no aspect if him is limited... Least of all the Love that created the universe

And if your child left the Jewish religion? In the past the parents cut them off, today it is not always like that. but what fo you think???

There are no general rules when it comes to love, especially your own children. Different cases, different measure of love. In this case, not only her prodigious child committed a monstrous crime but also murdered her own child, as now this grown-up person is no longer who she knew as her child but a stranger who is a murder. In her heart and soul she cannot comprehend that this is still her child. In our mind, we keep pictures of our children as they were born and little but once they become adult, we see them differently because they no longer need us and are in control of themselves, so we hope. There are different kind of crimes and love for children should be subject to each one, same for other people who commit crimes, each has to be evaluate differently and so should be love. It’s up to the individual to react to any situation.

I think it helps a child to know there are limits. I have visited a child in prison. He knows I have unconditional love for him. But once, when he shared with me his anger about something he was justified to be angry about and threatened to act violently if I didn't find a way to solve the problem (re-another person) when during his threat he stated that then I would need to visit him in prison, I responded that I wouldn't. He had a look of both shock and recognition that there are indeed limits and after a few moments of quiet thought, changed gears 180 degrees. Yes, the children have to know there is conditional love, but that love doesn't necessarily know that you will always be there regardless. Sometimes tough love is the only way to show uncontional love. I hope, Sara, that you read this.

I am 58 years old. My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. Two years latter my dad and grandpa had an falling out. In 1972 my dad died of an heart attack. the issue was never resolved. the anguish and pain this caused them (grandma, grandpa and dad) isn't worth it. I know my dad loved his parents. I asked him a few months before he died. I don't agree with everything that my children do but my love for them will never change. and I hope it is the same for them . shalom

or just for Jews? What kind of unconditional love does G-D have and what kind should we have? that's the one point that wasn't clear to me in this overall very moving, poignant article.

Hi David, It's not a simple task to try to explain what G-d's love means with respect to the Jewish people and the other nations of the world, but Sukkot is a holiday where the Jewish people would sacrifice 70 bulls, one for each nation of the world and then just one additional bull on the 8th day to signify the Jewish people. Every single human being is made in the image of G-d and is worthy of His attention and affection. This idea comes up many places in our tradition, though most poignantly, I think, on the holiday of Sukkot.

We expect HaShem to forgive us of our wrong doings than we need to forgive others of their wrong doings as well. It is a give an take situation. Nothing is to one-sided! We are not to hold grudges towards each-other even our ememies. Everyone makes mistakes. I found the story moving and out of the mouth of children comes the truth!

Interesting article. Unfortunately, there have been instances where children murdered their own parents. What did the parents feel for their child just before they died? I don't think that anyone can really know for sure how they would react to these extreme situations and my prayer is that there should be way fewer of them. Many parents have to figure out how to deal with their kids after misbehavior in school. Perhaps, if we are more successful with our chinuch in those situations there could be fewer of the extreme events. Chag Sameach!

My father used to pose such questions about LOVE and about LIFE. Which would YOU rather, to be blind, or deaf? He would keep asking more of these and I would think about them and grieve because they were hard, and perhaps the most difficult to contemplate, and to place oneself in this situation was unbearable for me, and yet people are constantly thrown into these situations. I have trouble with cruelty, but I also know in deep ways, that our own stories, do bring us, at times towards and into deeds that are despicable, and wrong, by any ethical moral judgment, and yet forgiveness, unconditional love, too, is a concept worth exploring and working towards. How much can you forgive? Can you forgive, a mass murderer? Can you forgive, Hitler? Do you need to do this? Is it a requiremet of G_d? Simon Wiesenthal explored this subject in his most poignant book, The Sunflower. Perhaps there are no definite answers and perhaps, to exhibit angst about them, is the answer. To think deeply about such an issue, as you did, and to answer your son, in your way, created a healing, a necessary healing. For others, it might be different. We cannot judge the human heart, and all those tugs that tear at us, and often tear us apart, and create oceans of salt water tears. Thank you for a most provocative and loving piece of writing.

I am with Baruch on this one, my Torah knowledge is limited, but from what I know our relationship with Hashem is CONDITIONAL If you do this, I will.... If you do't do this I will... I also vaguely remember verses where Hashem says he will "hide" from his people..... "If my people pray ......" Conditions formulate boundaries, boundaries give us the rules of engagement and facilitate respect and honorable conduct - I do not see anything wrong with boundaries and I think "unconditional love" is signing a blank cheque to self exploitation and martyrdom, this does not help the offender, neither does ithelp the family. I am unashamedly estranged from my daughter, her values are incongruent with our family values and her criminally delinquent conduct, threatens the health and welfare of my family dynamic. She is my daughter, I love her, but I deplore her conduct, once she rehabilitates, she will enjoy the benefits of the family she has threatened. I have lost a number of friends who are very critical of my "tough love" the criticism, naturally comes from Parenting Oracles who are totally inexperienced and therefore their opinions are totally invalid and irrelevant. Like Baruch, I wantto see Torah references that support/endorse the value of Unconditional Love, thise application only fuels tyranny and manipulation.

In the time of the Sanhedrin if there were two witnesses to a murder the murderer was put to death. If there were no witnesses but the Sanhedrin was quite sure that the accused was the murderer they put the person in something called "kipa" and basically caused the murderers death. From the above it does not appear that G-d forgives a murderer. Only for accidental killing did a murderer go to a city af refuge.

Not sure about the Halacha, but I hear you, from an emotional perspective I am with the Mother..... she knows her investment in her child and the values she nurtured, she knows his strengths and weknesses. So he was accused of fathering a child he claims he never did.... and his response is .....murder.... nothing justifies it..... consequence is the price we pay for Gd's gift to choose righteousness or thuggery. The tragedy is his anger towards his mothers contempt, when he really should be showing remorse and humility after the hulmiliation he brought on his family. Unconditional love is hippie/ new age notion to breed more anarchy.

G-d is full of compassion, gracious, long suffering.... That statement is more than the expression of unconditional love, but a love of even those who are not his chosen people. The question is not would you visit your heir (son) in prison, but does the unconditional love compel you to give your son for those imprisoned?. Love that is less is conditional and not the true expression or example of the true character of G-d. Could you state your love as so unconditional that, "even if my only son were to give their life to rescue an evil person, you would still love them both." For then is the expression of unconditional love that which begins to touch the character and nature of G-d.

I think everybody understands the title without explanation. Feeling 'unconditional love' must be great. However, we need to think, not just to 'feel.'

I just wanted to say thank you for your article. Your abundant faith and longing for truth is inspiring.

Nice article. Is there a source for the idea that God loves us unconditionally? I do not believe it is true. We say every morning, "God loves the righteous." Sure, you'd have to be pretty darn rotten to be so un-righteous that God's love doesn't extend to you at all; but "unconditional"? Says who?! I quote from Nachmanides to Deuteronomy 9:4 : "God only loves those who are good, as it is written, 'An evildoer and lover of malice does God's soul hate'.." Perhaps what people mean when they talk about unconditional love is that it's never too late to epent. This is true. But the unrepentent evildoer is hated by God. Would you visit your son the unrepentant murderer? If Hitler or Yusef Mengele were your son, would you visit them?

Deuteronomy 4:37 Because he loved your forefathers and chose their descendants after them, he brought you out of Egypt by his Presence and his great strength, Deuteronomy 7:8 But it was because the L-rd loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Psalm 25:6 Remember, O L-rd, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Hosea 11:4 I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Jeremiah 31:3 The L-rd appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

I am not sure that everlasting is interchangeable with unconditional, unconditional renders Gd's laws a sham. What is the purpose of a boundary / transgression without consequence.... I am not sure it makes sense... or maybe, we confuse LOVE for acceptance and complacency, is discipline not love? You can withold favour without witholding love. Rebuking undesirable is love.

yes, the murderer is bad but he can become good if the is given a chance. to repent to G-D and then to do something for the family of the one he murdered. he is a lost soul and can find himself by ding something to change the world. Love is great and can go a far way. if the murderer turns to love he can accomplish much for others. people like murderers who change their path and become good. an old lady who was a murderer and now is a nurse in a hospital is admired by her patients. they know she will never return to her evil past but become a good future for others.

This is a beautiful article and I know I felt a push to improve on my unconditional love for my child as well. The very popular speaker, Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller has a wonderful series on raising Jewish children at http://Naaleh.com. I highly recommend it for anyone working on parenting. Have a happy Sukkot!

Everyone has sympathy for the murdered woman and noboby ever has sympathy for the man who murders. Nobody ever asks "why?" Nobody ever sees that the man who kills believes that his life is gone. Nobody sees that perhaps the woman was blackmailing the doctor to destroy his life and this is why he did what he did. I personally don't know either. Still, we are taught to judge favorably but we as humans judge only women favorably.

Kyle - this is not a gender issue - the woman may very well be responsible for black mailing / extortion and a list of other perversions, but there are ways of dealing with this. Paternity Tests / counter charges of defamation of character / perjury / restraining orders etc etc ..... Murder - is a very extraordinary, unreasonable and exagerated response to the issue he had with her.

iWe have children. My husband and I were happy to become parents. It was my expectation to provide whatever that child needed for the completion of his/her character. Whatever the talent, interest or need be, we would be there to help the child to accomplish and become a mench. We are not the only influence on the life of a child. The time comes when the child grows older and makes independent decisions. Each child grows into their own skin and attempts to choose what he/she will become. Mistakes are made and even a good child who becomes an adult can go wrong and can travel in an unplanned direction, leading to peril. An awful mistake need not alienate the person from the family and friends. Through love and patience we can introduce another more productive path to that misdirected person. People can change through education, faith and trust. We can support a person's life in change. We can join in the reformation of life in distress and celebrate. Never give up on anyone. It feels better

Jewish sources teach us that God's love for us is defintely uncoditional and always there. However the way he expresses his love, as explained by the author of the Duties of the Heart, is dependent on our actions, (ie. how much we listen to Him and follow his commandments). While we don't necessarily understand everything God does, He made decide also not to "visit" us so to speak if our actions don't warrant it. Possibly the mother loves her son deeply, but he may not merit having her come visit. God works the same way.

When my nephew shot someone and killed him, I thought my world was crumbling around me I felt that I wanted to die I could not go on. I immediately thought of the young mans family and prayed for them and prayed for my nephew also. A very big part of my prayer was asking God for his unconditional mercy and love for him, I led him to the sinners prayer and hope that God would do everything in his divine power to protect him, even though I knew that he did wrong. I know that many of my friends spoke behind my back that I should not do anything to help him while he was in prison (he is out on bail now). I know that God has an everlasting love for us without any attachment to it. just pure Agape love. I feel so relieved in reading your article about this same kind of love that he has for mankind. It does'nt matter where we have been or what we have done he still loves and visits us in our worst state. I was blessed immesurably by your article. Thank you

i once knew a woman named Zelinda, who was a bookkeeper; one of her sons was murdered in a bar fight. while the murderer was in prison, Zelinda initially sought to block any parole; then, she sought to meet with him. Over time and many meetings, she was able to forgive him--& to speak in favor of his parole. At release, she picked him up & allowed him to live in her home--all the while her other children condemned her actions; her level of unconditional love speaks volumes. her story became a movie w/blair brown playing her role. legally, if you explore the Aboriginal sentencing/healing circles, you'll find many such stories, for the process/procedure routinely separates the actions from the actor--the actor is deserving of compassion/forgiveness, & the actions are punished. when both parties "ready" there's an opportunity for compassionate reconciliation. forgive the brevity of expressing this profoundly powerful process--this is but a description.

I would guess with reasonable certainty that the writer would visit her son the murderer in prison, but would not attend his interfaith prison wedding . That is to me a consistant and entirely logical position. After the wedding I hope she'd visit her son. Not attending a child's interfaith wedding and not visiting a child in prison seem to me to be different situations. A decision to never VISIT a child who marries outside the faith or who converts him/herself might be similar to not VISITING a child who was a murderer.Not attending an interfaith wedding may be an intended and appropriate sign of disapproval of the act on the parent's part. Not to attend I would guess would be the position of the vast majority if one asked Orthodox rabbis. That is by no means a rejection of the child in total or his spouse, and is night and day different than cutting the child out of one's life completely. I'd guess the parent in both cases loves the child and prays for his return. Now, would the Shechina visit the soul of a Jew in the succa who had married out or converted to another faith. It seems to me that that the answer is an unqualified yes unless it's possible to forfeit one's pintele Yid. It's great to have a season of rejoicing. Happy holidays to all.

I really appreciated this article. I feel that this will bring a very special meaning to my sukkos and knowledge that Hashem is loving me always.

My daughter was murdered in 1984 at age 18. Her murdered is in prison until 2023 at least. I volunteer at my local prison teaching Jewish studies. I deal with murderes, rapist, child molester etc. Most of these men are in contact with their families. Those families who ingnore their sons are missing out on a great deal. No one should be ignored. The worst crime does not abborgate a parents love: like maybe, approval most definely not, love no. No spell check, sorry.

David (15) has asked: But would you go to his wedding if he married a gentile? Can the author of the article or anyone else answer this question? I think it is more common than specualting whether you will visit a loved one in prison if he/she murdered someone. It is more likely your son/daugher will marry a gentile. So how about a tolerance factor here? Is it conditional? Just testing....

I have always felt that unconditional love is built into mothers (biological and God given). It is another way our Holy Spark show us the way. Not that we wouldn't go through some kind of change in order to accept that our perfect beloved child could do something unimaginably horrible in our minds and hearts, but most of us would still love our child. Ms Rigler mentions the Holy Spark within us. I did not realize that this is a concept specific to Judaism, but apparently so. Two Christian friends were offended when I made a reference to the Holy Spark. I was dumfounded. They felt the implication was that we are Holy. For my part, I cannot imagine surviving so many difficulties thrown our way if I did not have this belief. I get the impression that they believe that all humans are inately evil.

As the New Year starts and the old year ends--There's no better time to make amends--For all the things we sincerely regret--And wish in our hearts we could somehow forget---We all make mistakes, for it's human to err, But no one need ever give up in despair, For God gives us all a brand-new beginning, A chance to start over and repent of our sinning---And when God forgives us we, too, must forgive--And resolve to do better each day that we live--By constantly trying to be like Him more nearly--And to trust in His wisdom--and love Him more dearly---Assured that we're never out of His care--And we're always welcome to seek Him in prayer. HSR

God's love for us never fails and is never conditioned upon our goodness. However, just as we sometimes have to discipline a wayward child, God sometimes has to discipline us with some blessing withheld until we reconcile our actions with His standards. He is loving, faithful, long-suffering, and never disciplines us with an unloving anger, but if we persist in our rebellion, He has no choice but to be our spiritual parent and set us straight.

For an observant Jew visiting a child who converted or married outside the faith could be more chalenging than visting a murderer. Not making a claim that they are equally reprehensible! I'd still hope one would make the visit for the same reason. As I understand it there is always the potential for tshuva. By visiting one does not imply acceptance of the persons's deeds. #18 It's possible you are Rabbi Miller out of context. Maybe he said or meant no compassion should be shown a murderer when deciding his fate as a judge or juror. Maybe not as Torah giants often have differing views.

Thank you!

It is easier to talk about loving like God because liptalk is absolutely easy thing to do. In a case of someone who kills accidentally, I may be incline to forgive the person and even help them to recover from remorse etc. However, in a case of someone who in COLD BLOOD kills? NO. No visit. If it was that easy to love a cold murderer, then why some of us still hunt down those nazzy who killed in cold blood during the Holocaust? Ask the people who went through hell with the soul-less killers what they think about love-your-neighbor-thing. Listen, Ashem HIMSELF in Malachi 1:2-3 declares, “’I have loved you,’” says the LORD. But you ask, 'How have you loved us?' ‘Was not Esau Jacob's brother?’ the LORD says. ‘Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.’” Listen, there are things we read in the Torah which we should simply let God HIMSELF deal with it or take care of it how and when HE wants. We shouldn’t pretend we can be like HIM 100%; henceforth, we should not also try to make people by into our personal dream. It is not because someone has had a (nice-dreamland-experience) with his or her son that she or he must conclude that everyone can have the same experience. The love which God has is an extreme favor to anyone who is able to experience such love toward others. It is almost like a good wife. HE said “he who found a wife (not a woman) receives a (favor) from God”. Countless people are married; yet a high percentage go through turmoil in their marriage while others just live a life of bliss and romance. Should we conclude marriage is bad or good? I think we can say marriage (can) be good (and) can be bad. Therefore, (unconditional love (can be achievable) but (can never) be achieved as well.). “Who is the Judge? God is. Why is HE God? Because He alone decides who wins and who looses; not my enemy” (in The Great Debater). Shalom.

Thank you for a most thought provoking article. I agree that God loves everyone's soul which is a part of the divine, but is the person a murderer has become beloved by God? I agree a person is not only an aggregate of his actions but it seems to me he is also more than his/her pintele Yid that he was at birth. In any case I would think that a mother or anyone else so inclined should visit a murderer in jail even if the person did not do tshuva as a visit from a mother as with the Shechina in the succah seems to me to say that I'm not giving up on you. Is that automatically implying unconditional love, or is it saying the loving relationship can be restored and I believe that you can and will attempt tshuva in order to be again be my beloved? The soul is imprisoned in this physical world but as I understand it in this prison the soul grows The murderer in jail may require confinement in a real? prison and there have the chance to do mitzvoths and grow his soul. I don't know if complete tshuva is possible as that may require capital punishment as well since restitution and forgiveness are not possible here as the victim is dead.

My Rebbe;Rav Avigdor Miller Z'T'L,wrote and said that when a person kills someone else,even if he does a complete Teshuva,and raises Talmidim like Rebbi Akiba,NO COMPASSION should be shown to him.

My father always bragged about me to his friends and I always felt his love was conditional on me bringing him extraordinary nachas. When I was offered a top positon I always wanted I refused the offer. After much internal work and introspection I finally accepted that I deserved to be loved period. Not because of my job or size etc. In my 32 years of life I have pushed myself to the limit in many ways including losing weight and work but I have come to the realization that it is but a cover. The real me deserves to be loved as I am not because of what I do or how I look. Furthermore, when my son was diagnosed with Aspergers, his difficult behavior required me to rethink how and why I loved my 5 children. I work on loving him just because he is my child. In spite of grieving for the son I always wanted, I have learned to love him in spite of his difficulties. Thank you for sharing your story.

I had never thought about any of my children doing anything like you described but after thinking about it I do not think I would have any problem visiting them. I could not imagine that there would not be something that would make me at least understand. Bizarrely I have more problems thinking about visiting them if they married out of the faith or converting. I cannot imagine anything that would make me accept or understand. The disparity is striking and seems weird. Any thoughts?

“I would visit you in prison even if you committed murder. I’m there.” But would you go to his wedding if he married a gentile?

Hashem's love is ten-thousand times ten-thousand times stronger than our love of our children, and i believe in that love we are supposed to learn to love equally. we sin, yet Hashem still loves us. It is no dofferent for us. Our children misbehave, sin, it is our reaponsibility to forgive and love no matter what when it comes to our children. No matter how bad a person looks like on the outside, the soul still has room to recover and Hashem love that soul. Otherwise, He would never forgive.

I just e-mailed you. In addition, even though it is common practice to say ,"but I love you.." after rebuking a child, I don't think that's the time to say it. If you have a true loving relationship with your child, he will know that he loves if you've show it in a thousand and one ways plus. He should feel that there is part of you that dislikes what he did. this does not mean your love is conditional. It means that you disliked what he did. Obviously, there are a lot of unknowns... about the type of relationship he had with his parents, if there is mental illness...But if he came from a relatively stable environment, that mother is within her rights not to visit him, certainly not right away. This isn't a teen-ager who went off the derech that should get unconditional love. this is an adult who commited a crime that even general society views as extremely immoral. Thank you for your time. I love your article, and i bought your book, "Holy Woman"--the best. My son left to israel today and gave it to him to read on the plane. Have a wonderful sukkos.

Beautiful article- inspirational

You pose a difficult question, and that is, how far can one extend the concept of unconditional love. For example, to really bring this to extremes, can one love Hitler? Maybe this is an atrocity to even ask, but I am trying to make a point, and that is, when we go to the extremes in life, there is a profound and dangling question mark. We speak of unconditional love, and yet, we do not always examine the meaning of this. For me, unconditional love is best represented in the love of a dog for its master, and I have witnessed great abuse of dogs, and yet, somehow the capacity to forgive and even, to forget. Perhaps it isn't random that dog, spelled backwards is god. For me, it's a very deep and ongoing question with surely no easy answers. Would I run into the street and risk my life to save a child? Certainly, Yes. Would I do the same thing for my dog? I like to believe I would, because such is my love for all souls, and for that which is my deepest of life connects so it is. A deep and ongoing question of love in relationship.

I think that a human being is not G-d, in giving unconditional love. I think that a child should feel that there is a line that he can cross where even his mother won't visit him. There is a reason why in not such ancient history that a parent sat shiva over a child that converted. I'm not advocating that. Someone however who commits murder and has been educated and has not lived in the slums should not have a mother visit him. There is a point where a child should know that he has gone where even his mother's love is withdrawn.

I told each of my children when they started school, and before each school year: I do not deal in pride. Pride can be used in a manipulative manner. Your job is to do your best , no more , no less. Find your optimum. I will always be proud of you unless you were to do something criminal like killing someone without cause. Then i would not be proud of you, but still love you. I deal in love. It is there all your life. Visiting my children in a prison is a non-brainer. The umbilical cord always remains, figuratively speaking. Love is forever, and i sign my emails to my children exactly that way and they are all adults. G-d's love is forever and ever and ever. It sets the right standard.

I went years not knowing if my mother loves me. My father and I were always compteting for attention and affection because his mother died when he was young. It was very hard to cope and I never told anyone about it. I have been in therapy ever since.

there are tears in my eyes. You are an incredible honest person. Keep being sanctifying Hashem's name!

It's like the mitzvah of the deviant son which never happened. There is no chance in the world that such a fine young man as Yisrael will ever be arrested (unless the apple falls not far from the tree and he is arrested like his Mom for demonstrating against the Orient House...)! But if heaven forbid he did, please tell him that his one phone call should be to "Dodah" Penny who absolutely loves unconditionally all the Rigler family!!!!

I am proud of your quantum leap. I would visit any member of your family no matter where they ended up. You can count on that!

I give Mrs. Rigler respect for seeking to look at herself with brutal honesty, and to seek true teshuva where appropriate. Thank you for sharing it. It inspires.

I spent high school in a house where it was clear my presence wasn't wanted. I learned not to trust those around me and to closely guard the wall I put up around myself to keep from getting hurt. This was the first Yom Kippur I truly allowed myself to feel G-d's love through my teshuva.

Your article has given me a completely fresh perspective on the mitzvah of sukkah. I can relate to the pain of conditional love from a parent. That's why it's healing to know that G-d's love for us is unlike that of a parent, whose love can sometimes be limited. This article taught me that the mitzva is meant (among other things) to remind us that G-d is always there and loves us despite our imperfections.

you touched my core bless you