SATIRE: As is widely known, the P5+1 countries have negotiated a framework deal with Iran to allow them to develop their nuclear program under the watch of international monitors in exchange for sanctions relief. The deal is highly controversial and its most vociferous opponents include Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. As the web’s leading Jewish humor geopolitical analysts, Jewlarious canvassed a number of international experts for their thoughts on the proposed plan and all of their assessments were markedly negative. What follows are 10 of the top reasons why these experts feel that the nuclear deal with Iran is a bad idea:

  1. Sanctions relief will generate billions of dollars of new revenue for the Iranian regime that will go straight to support Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s insatiable paper mâché egg collection

  2. It will mean more airtime for CNN’s Wolf Blitzer

  3. Iran, the world’s fourth largest holder of oil reserves, needs nuclear energy like the UN cafeteria needs another kimchi appetizer on the menu

  4. It will do nothing to rectify the wrongs committed against Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri, otherwise known as the Iron Sheikh who was unjustly stripped of the World Wrestling Federation championship in 1983 by a then unknown Hulk Hogan

  5. Because Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif’s mother Fatima’s scrapbook titled “Great Achievements by my Beloved Son in Bamboozling the Infidel Fools” is already full

  6. Because if as promised by the P5+1 countries this could usher in an era of peace and harmony with business, cultural and sport exchanges between Iran and the West, no one wants to see an exhibition football game between the New England Patriots and the Shiraz Goat Famers

  7. Iran is the world’s number one sponsor of terror – what in heavens could go wrong?!

  8. If Saudi Arabia thinks that the Iranians are a bunch of crazy extremists, maybe the rest of the world should listen

  9. Because if reports are accurate that Jack Bauer has retired, then we’re all in trouble

  10. Because when the Iranians chant “Death to America! Death to Israel” at mosque every Friday, at every major political rally and sporting event, odds are that they’re not joking