JEWLARIOUS SATIRE -- Richie Lewistein is about to become a man and his parent's are in crisis mode. Not because he hasn't studied or the affair is over budget, but because of his theme. In this day and age of over the top bar-mitzvahs and million dollar parties, Frank and Valerie Lewistein are at their wit's end.
The latest trend, especially in Manhattan, is themed bar-mitzvahs where the reception following the religious ceremony is not just dinner and dancing but an extravagant over the top production. Three of the most recent themed bar/bat-mitzvahs the Lewistein family has attended were; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, A Night with Austin Powers and Texas Hold'em Poker.
When asked how he wanted to celebrate his bar-mitzvah, Richie Lewistein, a bespectacled lanky 12-year-old, said he just wanted Entenmann's. Lewistein's parents were at first puzzled by his choice but were excited about the challenge of making their sons bar-mitzvah theme come true.
A bar/bat-mitzvah is an important moment in a child's life, it is the moment when they enter adulthood and take on legal responsibilities according to Jewish custom. However, the Lewisteins appear steadfast in their desire to eschew the traditions of the day and emphasize a high priced party to follow the ceremony. "What better chance do we have to show off how smart our son is and how rich and successful our family has become," said Frank Lewistein.
"What better chance do we have to show off how smart our son is and how rich and successful our family has become."
Valerie Lewistein has been dreaming of this event since her son was born and has been planning this event since he was 10 years old. "Three years ago I reserved the grand ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria and the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center, but so many of our friends have had events there they seem very played. Last week I jumped at the chance to book the Top of the Rock which recently opened at Rockefeller Center. Richie's is going to love it."
Frank Lewistein, a successful lawyer and partner at the law firm Sterling, Shinewald and Rosenberg, is particularly excited about his son joining the ranks of Jewish manhood. "My son will be entering a tradition that spans almost 6,000 years, and what better way to celebrate Judaism and manhood then a live rendition of 50 Cent's hit single, ‘Thug Love.'" Lewistein has also arranged for Billy Joel and Elton John to play a medley of their hits to accompany the "horah" or celebratory Jewish dancing.
For Richie's part, he prefers something a little bit more low key. In a meeting with his parents to discuss his upcoming bar-mitzvah he said, "I really appreciate all of the planning you guys are doing but when I said I wanted Entenmann's, I meant that all I wanted was to eat some Popems at the kiddush room of the shul."
The Lewisteins rebuked their son and asked him what exactly he though a bar-mitzvah should be, "I'm happy saying some prayers, getting an aliyah and reading from the Torah. Afterwards I figured we could celebrate with some Cheese Danish Twist, Crumb Coffee Cake and Chocolate Chip Cookies."
Feeling angry and betrayed, Mr. Lewistein responded, "The kiddush room has terrible acoustics. What are Billy, Elton and 50 supposed to do?" Mrs. Lowenstein added, "Do you really think Paris Hilton is going to show for a kiddush? Where's the paparazzi supposed to set up?"
As Richie left to go study his Torah portion, he replied, "I just want to read my Torah portion and eat some Entenmann's doughnuts." When asked what the guests would do at such a celebration, Richie responded, "Let them eat cake."
(16) Anonymous, March 3, 2016 5:31 PM
uchhhh what horrible parents
like so many parents like these, they miss the point. IT CAN'T BE ABOUT SHOWING OFF HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE.
they simply do not understand that this wonderful boy KNOWS
what is expected of him on his bar mitzva and such a boy will turn out to be a tremendous tzaddik. But will his parents appreciate that? how sad.
(15) Howard Sanshuck, March 1, 2016 10:06 PM
Funny Story
Obviously this is a funny story and not about anyone actually. But it reminds me of when I first started college as a 17 year old boy after high school. I was taking a required class in cultural geography and the professor was relating some information about the Potlatch Indians (sorry-I meant Native Americans.) of the Pacific Northwest in the USA. He discussed a peculiar custom of these people. They would accumulate wealth which to them meant food products, furs, and ornaments of different sort that had value to them. At some point in time, a family would decide to throw a big party for all the members of their village and surrounding villages. After this big fete was over the family would have expended all of their wealth and have to start over again from scratch. Since I wanted a good grade I kept my opinion to myself but for a 17 year old boy whose parents paid for everything, their stupidity was beyond belief. Now as a 71 year old man, I have seen all the big Bar/Bas Mitzvahs, weddings and other simchas sponsored by people, plus paying for a few myself or contributing to the cost of some has made me believe that those Indians were doing what everyone else does, spending all their wealth for a big celebration.
(14) rachel, January 27, 2009 3:26 PM
im amazed
i am amazed that a child can do this...rise above our materialistic world especially when his parents are pushing him to do something extravagant..wow...kol hakavod richie
(13) Eve Zukergood, January 29, 2007 9:08 AM
Very funny and very true
Both my children have long since been bar and bat mitzvahed. I like this story, because it really encapsulates what goes on today, and how far away some of us from the true meaning of the experience. I agree, let them eat cake, the kid has the right idea!!!!
(12) Anonymous, November 7, 2006 6:42 PM
If you liked this, you will LOVE the recent movie, "Keeping up with the Steins"
(11) Elaine, October 28, 2006 12:03 AM
Good for the boy
These celebrations have gone too big and too far.
(10) Abraham, October 26, 2006 7:48 AM
Welcome to the future
This is an excelent article that explains what people think Bar-Mitzvas are about today. I had my Bar-Mitzvah 2 years ago in Tsfat at a modest outdoor amputheter. Just 2 months before that my friend had his Bar-Mizvah that costed 10,000$ at a halll in Colorado. The jewish people are not understanding what their son taking on his lifes' religion is all about. The jewish people are faling asleep and falling into secularity. WAKE UP!!
Abraham Truitt
(9) b.Higgins, October 22, 2006 12:16 PM
Excellent
You go kiddo! I luv ya, luv ya!
(8) DoseofReality, October 10, 2006 8:28 AM
THIS ARTICLE IS A JOKE!
THIS ARTICLE IS NOT REAL PEOPLE! IT's CALLED SATIRE!!!!
(7) SandiBarkye, October 8, 2006 10:58 PM
You gotta love this kid!
He apparently has learned very well from his parents...what is really important in life. It's just not what's important to them!!
He has got his head on straight.
(6) LeonaCohen, October 7, 2006 5:16 PM
Parent take heed to this mench
This is a child who really is a man. He doesn't want a show. He loves his religion.
(5) MargB, October 4, 2006 10:18 PM
this is a joke... isn't it???
Despite the article starting "Jewlicious satire" some of the commentators still seem to think it is for real - and who could blame them. I heard of one barmitzvah celebration this year which included a fireworks display that cost more than most people would spend on taking their entire family to Israel. Yet in real life, as in the article, kids often have a better sense of perspective than their parents - there have been other kids who have requested donations to their favourite charity in lieu of gifts, which can only give one hope for the next generation.
(4) DavidHandler, October 4, 2006 6:32 AM
Good for Richie
It's nice to see a bar mitzvah where the emphasis is on the mitzvah rather than the bar. I'd like to suggest that they come to Israel and Richie can get another aliya at the Kotel. My hat's off (on) to you, Richie.
(3) Anonymous, October 4, 2006 1:00 AM
Richie is right!
The world around us is sooo materialistic. How refreshing that this Bar Mitzvah (Richie) is a more spiritual person!!! He should be allowed to have just what he wants. After all, it IS his day. How should his materialistic/egotistic parents deal with this perceived "assault" on their own priorities? With introspection, t'shuva, and pride in the wisdom of their son.
(2) WilliamLiebman, October 3, 2006 9:39 PM
Outstanding
Very good tongue in cheek comment about todays over the top Bar Mitzvah's. Nothing like todays modern Jews trying to out Goy a Goy.
(1) JanetJoseph, October 3, 2006 2:40 PM
Response to simple Bar Mitzvah
The ostentatious bar mitzvah after party is outrageous. Let the parrents donate that money to Israel, or some other wowrthwhile charity. Let it be a modest affair. This is getting so out of hand, that Gentiles are wanting such a party too. Wall Street Journal (January 21, 2004)
Let the boy have his Entenmans