JEWLARIOUS SATIRE -- In a celebrity wedding to end all celebrity weddings, former US President, Jimmy Carter, and current leader of the terrorist movement Hamas, Khaled Meshal , "tied the knot" in a star-studded, secret ceremony in Damascus's historic Our Mosque of the Holy Dictator. Guests tell Jewlarious (which paid $1M for exclusive rights to the story and accompanying photos) that Carter was "beaming," as he walked down the aisle in his black Giorgio Armani tuxedo and that Meshal looked slightly nervous as he wore a white Vera Wang gown, strapped with explosives. Janine Garafola, a guest of Meshal's commented, "Khalid looked exquisite dressed entirely in white, except for his hands which were stained red with blood." For his own part, Meshal commented, "I could have been nervous, but with Jimmy, such a good friend of Hamas, at my side, I started to feel so at ease."
Meshal looked slightly nervous as he wore a white Vera Wang gown, strapped with explosives.
The wedding of "J-Khal," as the media has taken to calling this celebrity couple, truly was an unexpected event. President Carter told Jewlarious, "I have been sympathetic to Hamas for many years, but, at this stage in my life, I never thought that I would fall head-over-heels in love." Weeks ago, on a visit to Damascus, Carter and Meshal met across a mine-swept field. The two had dinner, jointly declared Israel to be an illegitimate aggressor nation and then danced the night away. The rest, as they say, is history. Meshal commented, "Ever since Rosalyn died, I just haven't seen Jimmy this happy." When Jewlarious informed Meshal that Rosalyn Carter is still alive, Meshal remarked, "Really? Nothing a suicide bomber can't take care of. Who wants seventy… no eighty virgins!"
Israeli intelligence reported and high-ranking Hamas sources confirm that guests included Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Mohammar Khaddaffi and Jane Fonda. Mahmud Ahmenadinajad served as the couple's flower girl. Guests walked away from the wedding with gift bags which included Jimmy Choo's, Godiva Chocolates and a Kassam II Rocket among other baubles– valued at $2MM. Regardless of their high-profile wedding, Meshal and Carter claim to be "just like any other couple" and have been asking for their privacy since their nuptials. According to Meshal, the two have been "keeping it real," waking up late and walking to a Damascus Starbucks or driving there in their brand-new Prius.
(14) Nechama, August 13, 2008 11:43 AM
Truly Jewlarious!! I couldn't stop laughing!! This article should get a reward. I just wish this were true. Jimmy deserves to have a spouse like Meshal. Let them take care of each other.
(13) Jerry, May 12, 2008 8:06 PM
Hamas?
I thought hamas is what jews in the mideast dip their bread into, you know like guacamole or salsa.
(12) Nuclear Cowboy, May 2, 2008 3:10 PM
Family Resemblance
I think they are related.
Check out the nose.
(11) Mike, May 2, 2008 9:15 AM
Jimmy Carter-who pays him now?
All american Presidents are more or les monkeys who play and dance after some One's music. Who pays Jimmy this time with what reason? Mike
(10) Jimmy D. DuBose, May 1, 2008 10:19 PM
Carter was always a peanut Brain when he did not see flying saucers
Carter never was good at being a Govenor or President and I think he ate to many peanuts and lost al his gray matter. He does not believe what the bible says about honoring the Jews so now He has to answer to a higher power.
Oh yes I thing he should no longer be called an American because his actions dishonor all the Americans that have died in Irac. GOD BLESS ISRAEL AND AMERICA
(9) Mike, April 30, 2008 1:59 PM
Jimmy Carter
It makes me ill to know that I am related to Jimmy Carter, How could he do this, America's Judas!
(8) Marc G, April 30, 2008 12:03 PM
Not Kosher
We always knew the peanut farmer wasn't Kosher, this confirms it.
(7) ldw, April 30, 2008 7:22 AM
Out Of His Mind
Jimmy Carter is out of his peanut pickin mind. In his case, Arab money for his library is more important than his soul.
(6) Vic, April 30, 2008 6:38 AM
Was this as sudden as they claim?
I think this romance has been brewing for a long time before the 'mine-fields'...check their MySpace!
(5) hadassah, April 29, 2008 10:53 PM
funny
Ha ha, I really enjoyed this. Maybe you could send it to People magazine. Don't you just wish?
(4) tom tell, April 29, 2008 6:18 PM
I just can't believe it
For a man who who calls himself a believer in the holy bible, Iam ashamed.
(3) Rifkah, April 29, 2008 4:40 PM
I always cry at weddings, especially this one.
Why wasn't Farrakhan the best man? Will the Wahhabis accept this union, or will the newlyweds have to flee to Syria for a Shi'ite blessing? It's not a bad outcome for a chance meeting of ships that pass in the night if Meshal has to wear a burka and cover up that face!
(2) Michael, April 29, 2008 11:21 AM
Rethink our ties to the Democratic Party
I used to pull the big Democratic Party handle on the voting machine every two years. It's time we rethink our alliances. It is the extremist left of the democratic Party as well as their friends in the EU who we need to fear. exorcise from power in America and Europe.
(1) Anonymous, April 29, 2008 11:16 AM
Disgusting.
Birds of a feather flock together.Mr. Carter's actions ... there are no words adequate to describe the disgust for him.