Less than one tenth of one percent of the world's population is Jewish. If the planet were a carton of skim milk, we would be the fat. In some places, like Montana, we belong on the carton. Have you seen this Jew?

Upon meeting yours truly, most surmise I'm a member of the tribe. But there are lots of other real (and not so real) characters we're not quite sure about. With the aid of my highly developed Jewish radar or "Jewdar," allow me to shed some light:

Superman? Jewish, when "man" is pronounced the way "man" is in Stanley Myron Handleman. All that persecution at the hands of his arch nemeses is starting to make sense now, isn't it? His other Achilles' heels: Kryptonite, white bread and mayonnaise. Who knew that Mr. Wonder Bread, himself, Clark Kent (birth name: Irving Cantor) is hiding two identities? The full retail-priced glasses make for an effective disguise.

Superman? Jewish, when "man" is pronounced the way "man" is in Stanley Myron Handleman.

Superman observes the high holidays with the Batmans, Spidermans, and Wonder Yenta. At least that's what they call her.

The Incredible Hulk is half Hebrew. He's Jewish until he bulks up. (Or converts.)

Donald Duck? Not Jewish.
Daffy Duck? Jewish.

Miss Piggy? Not Jewish. Or kosher.
Porky Pig? Jewish. F-f-feels g-g-guilty about not being k-k-kosher.

Roger Rabbit? Not Jewish.
Bugs Bunny? Jewish. "What's up, Doc?" The career direction his mother wished he'd hopped toward.

Mickey Mouse? Not Jewish.
Ratatouille? Jewish. Cooks a mean blintz.
Hamsters? Jewish. Cheeks store food for time-released noshing.

Felix the Cat? Not Jewish.
Sylvester the Cat? Jewish. "Suffering succotash!" Make sense?
Stimpy the Cat? Jewish.

Lassie? Not Jewish. Also not a lassie.
Benji? Jewish. AKA: Benjamin.

Benji? Jewish. AKA: Benjamin.

Mr. Clean? Not Jewish.
Mrs. Butterworth? Jewish.

Casper, The Friendly Ghost? Not Jewish.
Alice Ghostly? Jewish. At least she looked Jewish.

The Addams Family? Not Jewish.
The Munsters? If Grandpa wasn't Jewish, Woody Woodpecker wasn't Jewish.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

Snap? Not Jewish.
Crackle? Not Jewish. Pop? Jewish.

: ) ? Not Jewish.
: ( ? Jewish.

The important thing to remember: Whatever our nationality, religion or creed, when it comes right down to it, we're all one big, happy family.

Argumentative family? Jewish.