Funny Stuff
Top 10 Jewlarious Jokes About Marriage
6 min read
4 min read
The final installment in our survey of the things that just "feel" Jewish, and those that don't.
Well, dear readers, here it is! The third and final part of our VERSUS "trilogy." But unlike The Godfather, where parts one and two make you geshrei (scream) in "joy," and part three in "oy," in typical Jewlarious style, we've maintained our impeccable standards.
Like Solomon, we've "divided." Half is "Jewish vs. Goyish," half – "Goyish vs. Jewish!"
Like Solomon, we've "divided." Half is "Jewish vs. Goyish," half -- "Goyish vs. Jewish!" we're leading off with the HF (Hamish Factor) things that "feel" Jewish even if they're Goyish! Then, switch to the GF (Goyishe Factor) -- things that "feel" Goyish even if they're Jewish.
Again, you, dear readers, have come through with your own brilliant picks, which we've chosen for special mention.
To celebrate our final VERSUS, The poster we've picked for the gold will receive a free copy of my 2009, A Little Joy, A Little Oy calendar! Autographed, yet! (And that includes our last winner from Part Two, Marlene. ("Hellman's Mayonnaise is Jewish, Miracle whip is Goyish"). Winners, write to me at asksadie@aol.com and let me know where you'd like me to send it! Remember, If you don't send, I can't send. So mazel to all contenders.
JEWISH VS. | GOYISH |
Judges are Jewish | Juries are Goyish |
Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish | Using them is Goyish |
Ordering family style is Jewish | Ordering a la carte is Goyish |
Cruises are Jewish | Walking tours are Goyish |
Laugh-In was Jewish | Hee Haw was Goyish |
Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish | Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish |
Bunions are Jewish | Flat feet are Goyish |
Simon Says is Jewish | The Hokey Pokey is Goyish |
"Bewitched" is Jewish | "I Dream of Jeannie" is Goyish |
The Limbo is Jewish | Line dancing is Goyish |
Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish | Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish |
GOYISH VS. | JEWISH |
Fruitcake is Goyish | Fruit and cake is Jewish |
Reading "how-to" books is Goyish | Writing "how-to" books is Jewish |
ESPN is Goyish | PBS is Jewish |
Tiffany's is Goyish | Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish |
Passing bars is Goyish | Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish |
DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish | PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he's doing) is Jewish |
Mary Kay is Goyish | Murray the K is Jewish |
The Chia pet infomercial is Goyish | Ronco spray-on hair is Jewis |
Morbidly obese is Goyish | Baby fat is Jewish |
NASCAR is Goyish. Period. |
EDITORS PICKS: YOU WROTE THEM, WE PICKED |
|
Tommy: | Private school is Goyish; Public school is Jewish West Coast is Goyish; East Coast is Jewish |
Anonymous: | Lunch meat is Goyish; Deli is Jewish White bread is Goyish; Rye is Jewish |
Anonymous: | Sushi is Jewish; Chopsticks are Goyish Quilt cases are Jewish; Comforters are Goyish Suspenders are Jewish; Overalls are Goyish |
Steve A.: | Waldbaum's was Jewish; A&P was Goyish. (Now A&P is the parent company of Waldbaum's!) |
Mark G: | Alan Sherman was Jewish; Weird Al Yankovic, not so much |
Antonio: | Laughing at someone else's troubles is Goyish; Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish |
Tova Wald: | "Youngsters" are Goyish, "Kids" are Jewish Buttering bread is Goyish; Spreading margarine is Jewish Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish: Standing and waving one's hands is Jewish |
Yaron Salmen: | I have just one thing to say about the Heineken can on the pic above. Maybe beer is Goyish, but Freddie Heineken, the founder of the Heineken Brewery here in Amsterdam (a very Jewish city) was a Jewish man...just thought to tell you that...well, pointing this out is Jewish too I think... |
Dennis R. Green: | WWF is Goyish, the NBA is Jewish Tattoos and piercing are Goyish; Diamonds and pearls are Jewish Ham sandwiches are Goyish; Corned beef on rye is Jewish White sox are Goyish; No sox are Jewish Saving Money is Goyish; Investing money is Jewish Snowmobiling is Goyish; Skiing is Jewish Doing Landscaping is Goyish; Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish Beer is Goyish; Wine is Jewish I am Jewish; My first wife was Goyish |
Adela: | Frizzy hair is Jewish; Stick straight flat hair is Goyish A party that revolves around the buffet table is Jewish: A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish! |
Leibel ben Yitzchak: | Making lists of what's Jewish and what's not ... is VERY Jewish!! |
Jacquie: | Picking nuts is Goyish; Nitpicking is Jewish |
OUR PICK FOR THE GOLD -- PRIZE WINNER |
|
Tova Wald! | For the overall quality of all three entries. |
OUR PICK FOR THE SILVER: |
|
Jacquie: | Picking nuts is Goyish; Nitpicking is Jewish |
Dennis R. Green: | White sox are Goyish; No sox are Jewish; |