(SATIRE – SO RELAX PEOPLE!) Los Angeles Lakers superstar LeBron James apologized recently after quoting song lyrics on a post to his 45.8 million Instagram followers that featured the offensive phrase “getting that Jewish money.” It wasn’t meant to be insulting, the basketball king told ESPN – he was just posting song lyrics from rapper 21 Savage’s song “ASMR”: “We been getting that Jewish money, Everything is Kosher.”

What rubbed folks the wrong way was LeBron’s using the term “Jewish money.” The Jews and money connection dates from the Middle Ages and has had tragic consequences for Jews world-wide. Nazi propaganda seized on it to justify the Holocaust, as Hitler described Jews as leaches sucking up the German state’s resources as they stained the country’s racial purity.

This is especially troubling in that LeBron has virtually established himself as the sports world’s moral conscience. He’s shown himself to be a devoted father to his own kids. He’s invested time and money in a transformative school for underserved kids in Northeast Ohio. He’s spoken out against racism and for numerous other worthy causes he believes in. LeBron is now a social authority as much as he’s a basketball star. In this way, he’s become perhaps the definitive athlete of his generation.

James, who has about 46 million followers on Instagram, often posts about new songs and quickly apologized: “The Jewish people I know are very wise with there (sic) money so that’s why I said we been gettin’ Jewish money. I never thought anyone would take offense. I’m sorry if I offended everybody never my intention I love all people,” he Tweeted.

“Apologies, for sure, if I offended anyone,” Lebron later elaborated. “That’s not why I chose to share that lyric. I always [post lyrics]. That’s what I do. I ride in my car, I listen to great music, and that was the byproduct of it. So, I actually thought it was a compliment, and obviously it wasn’t through the lens of a lot of people. My apologies. It definitely was not the intent, obviously, to hurt anybody.”

Meanwhile, ESPN reported that the All-Star forward won’t face disciplinary action from the NBA, which accepted his explanation that he’d made a mistake. Still, should I run into LeBron later at Wal-Mart and he asks me how he can make things right again with the Jewish community, I have taken the liberty of preparing some suggestions. All of these, you should know, I’ve of course vetted with the IASSNAJC – International Association of Sports Superstars Needing to Apologize to the Jewish Community.

Show Us the Money

While verbal apologies are all well and good, talk is cheap and dollars speak far louder than words. A $10 million donation to major Israeli charities would go a long way to convincing those members of the Jewish community of LeBron’s regret for the remark and his willingness to put his money where his heart is. Of course, $10 million is just a suggestion; feel free to go higher depending on how much remorse you’d like to communicate, LeBron!

Do it Like Roseanne

How did Roseanne explain away her insensitive racist Tweet? By blaming it on the effects from her Ambien sleeping pills. Of course, everyone knows that one of the side effects of sleeping pills is racism. But LeBron shouldn’t feel constrained to mentioning sleeping pills. He could choose any narcotic that makes sense for him. Surprise us, LeBron! That way, we’ll know it wasn’t you talking; it was those devil drugs!

Adopt an Israeli War Orphan

Hey, it worked for Angelina and Brad – at least until they split up. This option works on a number of beneficial levels. It helps Israel, Jews, children, and orphans. It proves you have a heart and are willing to make a long-term commitment to the Jewish people. I’d say more, but I’m worried that my tears will mess up my keyboard.

Build a Synagogue

What true blue Jewish sports fan wouldn’t cherish the opportunity to tell people that he or she worships regularly at Temple Beth LeBron. That’s right. If LeBron paid for the creation of one (or more!) synagogues, that would surely show that his heart was in the right place as far as the Jews are concerned. He could even make appearances throughout the year during classes and services to discuss what he’s learned about diversity, inclusion and anti-Semitism. Best of all, it might even be a tax write-off for him as a non-profit institution. Win-win!

Appear as Tevye in “Fiddler on the Roof”

What better way to prove LeBron bears no ill will toward the Jews than to appear, during his off-season, as Tevye in a regional theater production of “Fiddler on the Roof”? Naturally, there may be some irony and unintentional humor in, for example, LeBron’s rendition of “If I Were a Rich Man”. But I say that any man who can function as the number one superstar of the National Basketball Association obviously has the performing chops to pull off a convincing Tevye. And to add frosting on the cake, he could have audience members vote for which charity will receive his salary from the play!

Half-Price Tickets to Lakers Games for All Jews for One Year

If LeBron were to subsidize this promotional offering from his own funds, would it not be proof that he truly, truly loves and respects the Jews? At least let’s present it to him that way so he agrees to it. And the financial hit would no doubt make LeBron think twice about any future Instagram posting referring to the Jewish people. Yes, sometimes financial expenditure can be the best teacher!

Convert to Judaism

Because LeBron is often considered to be the best basketball player in the world and regarded by some as the greatest player of all time, you can imagine the impression it would make in the world of sports and in the world in general if he were to convert to Judaism. No doubt, there would be an endless number of “conversion coaches” willing to work closely with LeBron to bring him up to speed on all things Judaic. Of course, there may be challenges along the way, especially if LeBron chooses to observe Shabbat and not participate in Friday Lakers games. But isn’t that a small price to pay for being welcomed into the Chosen People?