Chances are if you think only a crazy person would put cream in his “Java” you’re a Jewish Young Adult (JYA) who may know a “bissel” Yiddish such as “Chutzpah,” “Yutz,” “Mazel,” “Schmendrik,” and “Shmutz.” But, you’ll sit in wonder as old Jews fall down in hysteria when Tanta Bella, after a half an hour setting up a joke in broken English, gets to the punchline … “And sooo … God finally said to Pishnik who bugs Him 12 times a day … Hak Mir Nit Kain Tsheinik!
A Gezunt Dir in Pupik= Good health to your belly button= “GDP”
“Wha …?!” you wonder.
I’ll put you out of your misery. It means: “Don't bang on the tea kettle.”
Wait. Was Lipton’s even mentioned? No. But Yiddish speakers had the remarkable ability to create similes and metaphors that came at you sideways and backwards – especially when they apply to the annoying or idiots.
So what’s with God and tea pots? Sit and learn, mamalas. Banging on a teapot makes a noise that could drive a person meshugge. So getting back to the joke, God really told Pishnik, “Oy, enough. Quit bothering me already!!” See it?
I ask you, is this clever or what?
Now, imagine the beauty of texting your friends and foes using Yiddish expressions! Not only are we talking a different language, but one with meanings that no one but the CIA or a Jew could figure out.
For example, say you started texting a person who seemed sane until he shares with you his hobby: “Highways.” Five times a day he texts you the vital statistics of the Williamsburg Bridge. You need this? He’s also a doctor, and in therapy so once a week you’ll consider.
In regular text you might for example write: IGTP (I get the point), or more to the point, SUYF (Shut up you fool!) How much more heimish (convivial) to instead text the above Hak Mir Nit Kain Tsheinik or HMNKT? Far more finesse.
So, for you my darling JYAs, I suggest you text – in Yiddish. Yes. Not only will you be able to not say exactly what you mean, but as few will understand the depth of your response, you could go viral from the questions alone.
TEXTING IN YIDDISH: A CRASH COURSE
YIDDISH PHRASE: A Gezunt Dir in Pupik
LITERAL MEANING: Good health to your belly button.
TEXT: GDP
DEEPER MEANING: “You should only have good health.” It’s a blessing. Why “belly button?” If no one cut it where would you be? (OK, mamalas, some of you may still be attached to a cord mama could use as a lasso, but why announce it?)
USAGE: You love your roomie Rhoda even though she says she’s been sick since that wasp bite at Camp Kapporah when she was five. Between her Q-Tip allergy to her zit affliction that flairs when in any city with a zoo, she’s a whole chapter in the Handbook of Jewish Diseases. Your text, GDP, not only shows you care if she has a bulke on her nose, but God-willing she’ll quit shnarfling.
SECOND USAGE (Sarcastic): Melvin Weiner is a whiner. For two weeks he’s been complaining that he thinks his roomie, Meyer’s humming is giving him indigestion, even though you told him it could be the two pounds of chopped liver he downs for lunch, but by texting GDP, he thinks you’re wishing him good health, especially if you add an . Much classier and highly confusing. Plus, with this ploy you’ll get rid of your indigestion.
And speaking of …
YIDDISH PHRASE: Gehakteh Leber:
LITERAL MEANING: Chopped liver
TEXT: CL? OR WAICL? (What am I? Chopped Liver?)
DEEPER MEANING: We Jews have a deep connection to this dish that shows up on every buffet, wedding, and nosherai. Face it, it’s cheap. You won’t find chopped liver as a gourmet basket ingredient on the Food Network. So unless you’re serving it, you’re comparing it as in, “You’ll try bog snorkelling with her but not me? What am I? Chopped liver?!”
USAGE: You met an interesting prospect on YoungJewsMeet (YJM). He tells you he’s going on a trip. You ask where and he says that YJE (Young Jewish Events) is sponsoring a tour of Jewish Art in Pahrump. Six are going. Does he ask you? Attach a brochure? No. Texting WAICL? tells him you’re eager, annoyed, but not desperate. Much better to keep your dignity than to text W/E (whatever), IDC (I don't care), YS (you stinker), followed up by WYCM (will you call me?), all of which makes your loserosity as attractive as goat droppings.
YIDDISH PHRASE: A Vue Shtet Geschreiber
LITERAL MEANING: “So, where is it written?” “Who says it's so, you?”
TEXT: VSG
DEEPER MEANING: This yutz, Joel Plotsky, thinks because he went to Harvard Business School (after his father donated The Plotsky SCAM wing) he’s suddenly an expert on the history of the baseball. Meanwhile, he was thrown out of Little League. Oy, not only is he a bigmouth but he knows nothing and makes up what he doesn’t know, such as “The baseball is a Jewish symbol from which came the matzo ball.” When you question, he mentions HBS. Since when did Harvard Business School start teaching “The Relationship of Baseballs to Matzo Balls?”
USAGE: Of course there are at least 20 text abbreviations for “lying idiot.” But, his father, the macher, happens to have gone to P.S. 89 in Brooklyn with your father (who sells fresh fruit) and is helping you through pharmacy school. This calls for sensitivity. Trust me, mamalas, texting VSG is not only not offensive, but makes you look like a Jewish scholar which will put Mr. Bigmouth nicely in his place but is an important skill when someday you’re giving drugs to people.
If you have any Yiddish texts feel free to include them in the comments section below. Until then, stay tuned for Part Two!
(8) Anonymous, September 23, 2020 5:25 PM
Yiddish phrase
Gay Oifn Yam=go to hell
(7) Ann, September 23, 2020 3:47 PM
A Vue Shtet Geschreiber
I think it should be A Vue Shtet Geschriben
(6) NesanelS, May 27, 2015 4:26 AM
A few others
How about YSHK for Yashe Koach (thank you - lit. may your strength be increased)
TZLM - Tizku Lemitzvos - may you merit doing more mitzvos. Said when one has done a mitzva like giving charity.
BDE - Boruch Dayin Emes - Blessed is the Truthful Judge - said when, Heaven forbid, a person has died. (May Moshiach come quickly and there will be resurrection of the dead).
These are quite standard
(5) Anonymous, February 10, 2015 5:14 PM
As a child of survivors who grew up speaking Yiddish and still speak it with my children and grandchildren. This was a great article. Just what Yiddish speakers old young and survivors love
marnie, February 21, 2015 12:52 AM
you made my day!
It was the language of my youth. My mother and bubbe spoke it beautifully and fluently. My dad thought he did. But ... with his Canadian accent, "they" thought his Yiddish was a riot, which ticked him off -- a lot. Imagine ... an old and younger Jewish woman, in Queens NY speaking Yiddish, and not buying my dad's version because of his "hecsent."LOL
Thanks for writing.
A Warm Shalom
(4) Anonymous, February 3, 2015 5:33 PM
Yiddish is a rich Jewish language with a 1000 year history
It is so much more than just a bunch of silly expressions and insults. This article just propagates the stereotypical and ignorant view of Yiddish and further disrespects the language of 95% of the Jews who were murdered in the Holocaust.
marnie, February 4, 2015 1:16 AM
Sorry you feel that way ...
If you've read my many articles on Yiddish, along with my books and calendars, you would know how deeply I love and respect Mamaloshen. I think there comes a time when one can feel so secure in that love, respect, and normalization of Yiddish and Yiddishkeit, that we can look at it. at times, lightly.
May I also say that I love and read all readers comments. More, I respect their right to their feelings, positive or negative.
However ... the connection between this article and "disrespecting the language of the victims of the Holocaust cut me deeply", for its inaccuracy. I won't defend my absolute dedication to teaching about the horrors of the Holocaust except to say you might want to look at the many articles I've written about the atrocities and the survivors organization I work with. Some are on AISH, and many can be googled.
As a writer I know the power of words, and therefore I had to reply to you as honestly as I possibly could.
Shalom,
Marnie, the writer
Keith, UK, February 5, 2015 12:21 AM
Dear Marnie...
...I hope it's ok for me to respond to what I've just read from "anonymous", but I feel I just had to.. I honestly could feel the pain that you must have felt on reading it yourself. I certainly did. There was absolutely no need whatsoever in that person being so incredibly insensitive and indeed just plain wrong.. Just try to ignore it, difficult though it may be.. There are a lot of people out here that enjoy your good sense of humour, even if it is a bit crazy!!!.. :)..
G-d bless..
Keith, UK
marnie, February 5, 2015 9:32 PM
thanks Keith
I feel that using the Holocaust to describe, compare, things that are wildly different actually diminishes its gravity.
SHalom with love,
Marnie
Anonymous, February 9, 2015 7:34 AM
Why I think Yiddish is no laughing matter
Thanks for the honest response. I believe that you love and respect Yiddish. However, I would urge you to reconsider the light in which you portray the language in your articles. The fact is that Yiddish is very often stereotyped as a "funny" language, a "mishmosh" of silly words like "shmendrik", "shlemiel", "shmuck", and many other words that begin with "shm". Some of these are actual Yiddish words, others are not. In Europe, however, there was no sense that Yiddish was inherently funny. I believe it says a lot more about American Jews and how they viewed their immigrant parents or grandparents and very little about the Yiddish language itself. I did take the time to look at some of your other articles on Yiddish and others on AISH. All the ones I viewed did nothing to disabuse your readers of the received notions they likely have of the language. You justify this lightheartedness with "normalization of Yiddish", but unfortunately, almost complete ignorance of the language is the norm among American Jewry. I don't believe the perpetuation of the false and harmful stereotypes of Yiddish to be a successful way of expressing one's respect and love for the language. I have not seen that you have written articles on Yiddish as a full-fledged language capable of the complete spectrum of expression, of (Nobel Prize-winning) literature, poetry, song, and prayer, as something beyond jokes. I was not raised surrounded by Yiddish, but have had the fortune to discover its power and beauty in the last few years. If only a small portion of your readers could be inspired to do the same, that would be doing them, in my mind, a real service.
As for my reference to the Holocaust, I certainly did not mean to imply that you disrespect the events of the Holocaust itself. But the Yiddish language encapsulates in many ways the culture and soul of Eastern European Jewry, and portraying it as a mere joke is, I believe, a form of disrespect to them, even if an unintended one.
marnie, the author, February 10, 2015 3:45 AM
my response
Thank you for clarifying. I do suggest you read my articles on this site on "Stereotyping." You are right. There are scholars and linguistic experts who have written serious treatise on the language. This is a humor site. I respectfully disagree with your point of view that "normalization" and humor are disrespectful, as you'll see in these articles on stereotyping. Indeed, even the great Leo Rosten in his "Joys of Yiddish" used a great of humor in describing Yiddish words and phrases. Again, if you read my articles on "We Jews:" You will see my devotion to the majesty of this remarkable language, and in other articles have described the background of Yiddish.
Shalom,
Marnie
Marnie, February 10, 2015 3:47 AM
Just a few fast line I've written I quickly found ...
Today, they're gone, these Yiddish speakers of my youth. I miss them every day. Yet their voices still echo. The words spoken in shtetls throughout Europe reverberate with a richness that is far more a Jewish experience, than merely a language.
My mother always called me 'a shaineh maidel.' When she died, I remember thinking no one in the world would ever call me a shaineh maidel again ... and mean quite the same thing.
ReuvenF, September 22, 2020 4:36 PM
I have, too.
There have been days, when I'm feeling depressed, that
I haven't appreciated the humor, either.
I, therefore, understand Anonymous' point of view.
After all, you can't please ALL the people, ALL of the time.
In the meantime, I texted my wife about adding
WAICL and HMNKT to our texting page.
I'm also thinking of more.
It seems to me there should be LOTS.
Anyway, thank you for your article and
Gemar Chatima Tovah!
Nina Kotek, September 22, 2020 9:58 AM
you ARE in humor section here
Why would you come to the humor section and complain the article is funny?
Miriam, February 4, 2015 12:25 PM
It is so much more than just a bunch of silly expressions and insults!
It's the language of love and that's why I love Marnie's articles so much! I laugh and laugh and feel the love! They make my day!
(3) Montana, February 3, 2015 4:51 PM
lol
Plz, give us some more! These are great!
(2) Chaim Wasserman, February 1, 2015 12:51 PM
Bad Yiddish
The corrct phrase in A vu steit geshriben - and not as listed in your textimg yiddish
marnie, February 1, 2015 8:19 PM
SPELLING YIDDISH
Shalom Chaim:
Thanks for writing. I did research both spellings while writing this and once again, and found the expression as it appears from several reliable sources. Again ... I appreciate you're keeping me on my toes!
Shalom with love,
Marnie
Anonymous, September 22, 2020 10:05 AM
geshriben is correct
I speak German, not Yiddish, but understand it passably as they are so close, and 'geshriben' would be correct in German, and I think Yiddish as well, as you can see from the song title 'Lomir zich iberbetn'-Let's reconcile. 'reconcile' and written', 'geshribn' and 'iberbetn' are the same parts of speech, a participle.
Anonymous, September 22, 2020 3:41 PM
I totaly love this article!! It is so good and Funny! Well i speak english, yiddish and german. And in German you certainly don's spell ''geshribn'', that way. You spell it ''Geschrieben'', i don't think it makes a different in this article, because anyways you don't write english with ''English'' letters but with hebrew letters, so there can't possible be a right way how to spell it. Thanks again!
(1) Miriam, February 1, 2015 11:43 AM
I love it!
Reading your stuff is awesome!