Being a professional quirky party planner, it’s never a surprise to my family when I announce I’m throwing a fun celebratory shindig that features something strangely out of the ordinary. And Purim this year will be no exception. I’ve waited many months to unveil my newest creation which I like to call, “Hamentalkin’ Hamentaschen!”

“That’s the way the Hamentaschen crumbles!”

That’s right, traditional Purim treats that display fun little messages inside! Because why should the Chinese get all the “Communication Cuisine” with their fun fortune cookies? And who says Saint Valentine gets the monopoly on his “sweet stuff that speaks” just because he invented candy conversation hearts, which by the way taste like Pepto Bismol flavored chalk.

SAY IT WITH FOOD!

Are you with me so far on this clever Purim cookie invention? Because I think I’m gonna make an absolute fortune on the idea – no pun intended! What Jew wouldn’t listen to a message being transmitted through his traditional holiday dessert? You’ve heard it said that, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” right? Well I’m about to test this theory with various Purim party guests of all ages and genders by serving scrumptious triangular pastries (in the shape of a bad guy’s hat yet!) with cleverly written slips of paper baked inside that will put bumper sticker writers to shame.

And just think of the various options you can incorporate. In fact, to get my house tidied up prior to the perspective above-mentioned Purim party, I tested the concept on my six kids by baking up a delicious batch I like to call “chore-themed.” After dinner, my children each received five apricot, raspberry, and poppy-seed filled Hamentaschen and (before the novelty of reading the clandestine cookie messages could wear off) I found my kids doing exactly what the delicious flaky dough dictated. “Empty the kitchen trash!” and “Dust the living room furniture!” and “Wipe down our patio chairs!” Success! Note: I tried this once before by slipping household jobs inside the cream filling of a kosher Nabisco sandwich cookie and calling them “Chore-eos Oreos” but nobody abided. It must be the Power of Purim.

But if you think about it, the possibilities of my innovative product are truly endless. Any Jewish woman (worth her weight in flour!) who wants to make an important announcement (Birth of a baby? Engagement or wedding?) during this holiday can put a dozen of these “Hamentalkin’ Hamentaschen” in a little basket and deliver them as creative Mishloach Manot because how many females get to say, “Look who’s talkin’?” and mean their baked goods?

Hey! It’s actually the perfect way for me to inform all our friends about my son’s upcoming 13th birthday. It comes quite naturally to combine the ancient Chinese Fortune-Teller into my Purim cookies by typing out the cute message, “Cohenfucious Say: Little Boy become Big Man at Bar Mitzvah!” But before you ask, “What in the world does Chinese culture have to do with Judaism?” perhaps you might recall where you ate dinner this past December 25th, hmmm?

Here are some other little bombs I’m planning to drop on my shocked invitees as they unsuspectingly enjoy their Hamentaschen this year. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks – We’re getting a Golden Retriever puppy!” And, “You can’t build a new house with old bricks – We’re moving!” And “You can’t get rid of an old louse with a quick fix – our six kids have lice!”

Oy vey, well maybe I won’t exactly announce that last little tidbit to our Purim party guests because it might be a really tough cookie for them to swallow. I could always save that news for Passover and deliver it via soggy slips of paper sticking out of their matzo balls.

Does my own family sometimes wish I’d turn in my party planner license and quit with my mashugana half-baked ideas already? You bet! But guess what I say to this ungrateful clan of disapproving naysayers? “That’s the way the (Hamentaschen) cookie crumbles!” You knew that was coming, didn’t you? Happy Purim!