I’m counting. If I can fly from my computer gobble a mouthful of hummus, and be back within 62 steps, my cable company won’t over charge me –again.
I also have “good luck” clothes (my moth-eaten shmattes and bargains), and bad luck clothes (anything I bought retail), which may account for why I show up at the Emmys looking like Gary Busey and am still waiting to do another pilot.
Pulling One's Ears When Sneezing
Then there’s the counting of left-hand blinker noises till the light changes (613). According to my calculations, I’ve racked up enough lucky stuff to end the Middle East conflict. And should I lose? I quickly change, preferring to believe God wants me to do the opposite, like George Costanza switching from tuna to chicken salad and landing a job with the Yankees.
Before you spirit me to a mountaintop OCD clinic, let’s be honest – many of us have been raised with bubbe-meises and folklore used during stressful times in our lives
Despite being an avid Member of a Tribe whose sages have made sure we’re a sane, practical people, I admit it. I tend to go along with what was written in Sefer Hasidim, the 13th Century Book of the Pious: “One should not believe in superstitions, but it is best to be heedful of them.”
After all, since we’ve done the work, the networking, the hocking, do we need to risk evil eyes? Of course not. So We Jews sometimes feel the need to a) drive them away, b) buy them off, c) trick them. As a result we have a million of “Kine ahoras”, from salting new homes, to baby-naming, to avoiding numbers, to wearing a metal pin when visiting the Negev.
Here are three of my favorite (OK weird) Jewperstitions which, if they don’t help, could they hurt? Plus I’ve added a Jewpersition Round-Up … just in case.
JEWPERSTITIONS
1- The "Pooh, Pooh, Pooh" Spit: Not only was spit a handy dandy shmutz remover, my mother, whose major athletic endeavor was putting on my snow suit, could make the Jewish Guinness Book of World Records for spitting distance, hitting walls from Flushing, New York, to Tel Aviv. Spitting and pooh-ing three times was her prevention for any demon that would/could/might/may ever be evil-eyeing us. For years, I thought I lived in a hurricane zone. Even the great Maimonides was a proponent of the positive value of saliva. Trust me. If his mama had aimed, The Dead Sea would now be “The Wet Sea.” I’ve carried on this bubbe-meise and while my son hasn’t had to take a bath since 1990, he does, however, have an inexplicable fear of sudden bird droppings.
2- Pulling One's Ears When Sneezing: We may not all be athletes, but tugging ears while sneezing does require a certain coordination and timing to avoid shpritzing the neighbors without becoming Velvel Van Gogh. What’s the sneezy story? Until Jacob, some ancients believed that one "little head explosion” and Boom! Dead. To ward off this catastrophe We Jews started saying “zay gezunt.” And you thought your mama was meshugge? Today we have an allergist on retainer and not one Jewish child plotzed after sneezing!
How did ear pulling get all tied up with nasal passage protection? Who knows? But We Jews are still fighting over details, such as “one ear or two.” It's not just narishkeit. Not only have we created a whole range of Jewish sneezery diseases, for example, as “exercise intolerant,” I have it on personal authority that in 1764 a Lithuanian badchen (entertainer), Nachum Nukis, who, from years of tugging, had ears that not only wobbled to and fro, but he could tie them in a bow. And that man gave the world the legendary song: Do your ears hang low?
3- Chewing Thread: My bubbe used to make me chew thread! “Mamala, on you, I noticed a button was loose. Stand, I’ll sew.” For years I thought she was, God forbid, afraid she’d lose the spool – or swallow the needle. Who knew that “ALWAYS CHEW THREAD WHENEVER WEARING SOMETHING WHILE SOMEONE IS SEWING ON YOU” was yet another bubbe-meise? According to folk legend, this may come from either “Mir zollen nit farnayen der saychel" (no one should sew up the brains), or again with the dead, as shrouds are sewn around them. Chewing, then, proves to demons you’re still kicking. Personally, I’d rather prove it with chopped liver breath. And what normal human sews on a person anyway? You couldn’t fix the button before a) sewing it to my chest; b) then making me choke on thread to keep from hitting a vital artery?
JEWPERSILLY-STIONS: A ROUND-UP
*Eating garlic. Not only will rotten spirits run from you, not one person can have an intimate chat with Uncle Moishe, which considering that his conversation consists of details of the Myrtle Avenue El train, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
*Licking a screaming baby's eyelids and spitting 3 times. The good news? No evil eye. Of course there’s always the possible of pink eye.
*The Hoopoe Love Potent: If a man hangs the tongue of the hoopoe (a “boid” found in Afro-Eurasia) at the right of his heart, he’ll win her hand, hands down. If a woman hangs its left eye on her neck, her husband will love her forever, even if she’s a mieskeit. So, if you want a chuppah, go find cut up a hoopoe.
*To open a lock, smear snake fat onto the right foot of a male raven than open. Who am I, Audubon? Much better to call a Gentile with a tool.
*Don’t whistle! Apparently, in addition to snatching Jewish happiness, demons like whistling, which of course is why gym teachers are constantly bleating at nice Jewish children who, like me, think softball has to do with matzo density.
*If you pass under a camel, you’ll become stupid. If you pass under a vilda chaya during sales day in Loehmann’s you’re stupid. A camel? They should name a whole town after you – Chelm.
*If you put a finger in your nose you’ll live in fear (Talmud, Pesachim 112a) – no doubt of not getting a second date.
So mamalas, should you have anything to add, please do. We all know We Jews need more bubbe-meises to make our world even more complicated! Oh, and safer.
(14) Sarina, January 14, 2014 8:44 PM
Sephardics do it too.
If you drop a kife or fork,expect a male visitor.A dropped spoon expect a female. Always wear a blue bead or carry one in your car,so to keep away the evil eye. Don't put your shoes and socks at the head of the bed,as this will bring nitemares.to get rid of recurring nightmares, put our bible under the head of the mattress. I could go on but enough already!
(13) Helen Schwab (Chaiah), August 26, 2013 1:37 AM
Hey, don't knock garlic!!
Who knows, maybe my frequent snack of real garlic with butter on whole wheat crackers/matzos/bread was the reason my oncologist said I was the only patient he had ever seen who tested "zero % chance of return" of my cancer! B"H, pooh, pooh, POOH!!
(12) Anonymous, August 25, 2013 2:03 AM
"Superstitions" = "avodah zorah"
Sorry to throw cold water on what's meant to be a humorous story, but the superstitious actions you describe are in direct opposition to the Second Commandment.
To attribute ANYTHING that goes on the world to anything OTHER than Hashem is avodah zorah and demonstrates a lack of emunah.
Anonymous, August 26, 2013 10:37 PM
@ 12
Perfectly said!
(11) TMay, August 24, 2013 12:55 AM
modern medicine
Personally I was always confused by the idea that the evil eye might hear. ( But then again I was always confused watching the majority culture as to why rabbits were carrying eggs at Easter.)
On the other hand, they are finding out more and more about garlic and how good it is for one. Some of my grandmother's cures are just starting to get recognized by modern medicine and now doctors are trying to trademark them.
Remember that most modern medicines come from the men and women who used herbs for medical problems.Look at the history of Aspirin. Now multi -national companies are trying to patent flowers as if they created them and as if they are the first people to know their healing properties and to limit use by others or have to pay them.
(10) Lois Homer, August 22, 2013 6:06 PM
more superstitions
My mom believed that if someone gave you a compliment, they could give you a kinahorie and something bad would happen to you afterwards. Also she said sweeping the floor or whistling at night caused the devils to come. My dad's mom told my mom's mom that if you sew on Saturday night you sew for the dead. My mom's mom stopped darning my grandpa's socks on Saturday night after that. Both my mom and mother in law believed that your face can freeze that way if you make funny faces. My mom learned to tell fortunes with playing cards from someone when I was a kid and she told me if I asked to have my fortune read too many times, the cards would get mad and give me a bad fortune. She actually scared the daylights out of some neighborhood women who came over to have their fortunes read, no charge, because what my mom told them really happened even though she told them very general things that could happen to anyone. Wooo Wooo. Mom believed that if something was bershert, did I spell right, it would happen. There's so much more. Mom's mom used to throw eggs out the window of her apartment because she believed that would cure my mom's little sister of illnesses for some crazy reason and she would toss out handkerchiefs so somebody else would pick up her troubles, crazy and kind of mean. Oy Vey, my mother in law's favorite expression.
MARNIE, THE AUTHOR, August 23, 2013 8:52 PM
A RIOT
Oy mamala, was your mom BUSY! LOL Thanks for sharing. Shalom with love, Marnie
(9) Anonymous, August 22, 2013 5:57 PM
My aunts always used to say that you shouldn't step over a child laying on the floor - he/she won't grow. I must never have done it, since my girls are 5'9" and 5'10" and my son is 6'3"
(8) MOT Mom, August 22, 2013 1:21 PM
What an ugly baby!
Another anti-ayin hara tactic is telling a stroller-toting, kvelling Mamma or Bubba that her child/grandchild is so ugly. All MOTs understand the compliment!
Other versions of your #1 superstition:
Precede pooh, pooh, pooh with kina hara/k'neina hara (both garbled versions of kein ayin hara - lit. without evil eye). After kina hara pooh, pooh, pooh, knock on wood. I never saw actual spitting. The pooh, pooh, pooh is onomatopoeic for spitting and I guess that suffices. ln Israel, the onomatopoeic equivalent for spitting is tfu, tfu, tfu, to be said while knocking on wood and preceded by the words Bli ayin hara (the Hebrew equivalent for the Yiddish kein ayin hara).
By the way, the sneeze thing is based on Jewish sources. Our sages wrote that in early history, there was no illness. When it was time for a person to die, a person sneezed and the soul left the body. (That is not to say that every sneeze meant death; it means that at the time of death, one sneezed.) Our forefather Jacob then prayed for mercy that there should be illness prior to death so that a person can put his accounts in order before dying. That's why, even though since then, there was no correlation between sneezing and death, people say things like bless you, gezundheit, tzu gezunt, asuta, labriut and the like. (Zei gezunt is what you say when parting - be well.)
As far as the chewing on a thread when someone sews something that's on you, it's based on not doing things the way you do them during a tahara - when preparing a body for burial. That's why one should not sew a garment when it's on a live person (as one sews up the shroud below the feet on a dead body). One should not pour drinks rotating the hand outward, only tilting inward because pouring outward is how one pours the water on a dead body. I wouldn't label this category under the header 'superstition.' They are customs.
marnie, the author, August 23, 2013 9:00 PM
wow
thanks for the added info! About the ugly baby, I must share ... If my bubbe, God forbid, should see an ugly baby, she'd say: "Oy, not very good-looking, nebuch." My mother and I used to plotz. No explanation worked. We just avoided ugly babies:) And you're right ... these are really folk customs, rather than superstitions, but with all our tsouris ... it kept us busy. Shalom with love, Marnie
(7) Schwartzie, August 22, 2013 12:31 AM
The absolute best of Aish ever!
I've been in outreach in LA for the past 43 years . Thts even B4 Reb Noach had the idea . All the Aish rabbis know me . This was the best I have ever read . My mother had me when she was 44 & I'm now pushing 70 . She was the yngest of 10 in Matersdorf where her father was the SHOCHET there where the Chasam Sofer was the chief Rabbi B4 he moved 2 Pressburg . She brt the " chew the thread " with her 2 the US . So there gota B something 2 tht .
One question : what's a nice Jewish girl like U doing with a surname like tht ?
marnie, the author, August 22, 2013 8:06 PM
THANKS TO YOU I STOPPED POO POOING TODAY;)
Oy, what a day I had today! I was on pooh pooh overload. Thanks to your lovely message I stopped poohing. My name ... you may have to sit:) My Canadian father was originally a Melamud, which was changed when his family came to Russia to Weinstein. When he came to New York City to start a business it was changed to Winston (as they did in those days). So I was born Marnie Fertel (my mother's maiden name) Winston. I married a British convert, Ian T. Macauley. So I sound like an Irish folk song. Then again, Marnie Malamud Macauley would have been so much fun:) But I'm truish Jewish through and through. Shalom with love, Marnie
(6) Nettie, August 21, 2013 11:10 PM
Drei Varber Zitzen affa Banc (Three Women Sitting on a Bench)
Ainer zucht yuh. Ainer zucht naine. Der driteh frau zucht fin vonit zis gkimen, dort zoll ihs gain. Translation for my Yiddish: Three women sitting on a bench. One says no. The other says yes. The third woman says where ever it came from that;s where it should go. That is one that my mother used to say and I still remember it as if it were yesterday.
Anonymous, August 22, 2013 8:07 PM
MAKES SENSE TO ME
I see it as a lovely spiritual comment -- unless she was talking Loehmanns:) Shalom with love, Marnie
(5) Arielle, August 21, 2013 9:23 PM
Hilarious!
I've never understood the spitting thing -- it grosses me out. One further reason I'm premed -- to build a healthier and more sanitary world :) Hadn't heard of the hoopoe thing but it's hilarious! Not the least of it being the mere name "hoopoe"!
Anonymous, August 22, 2013 8:12 PM
GROSS YES, FATAL NO:)
True it's not attractive, especially at Chassenahs. And the bird thing cracked me up too. I now scout for Hoopoes in hopes of reviving this amazing bubbe-meiser ... and freaking out my butcher.:) Shalom with love, Marnie
(4) Andrew Stiller, August 21, 2013 5:13 PM
Funny
This article gave me a few good chuckles. Thanks for the much needed laughs. Amazing, some of the zany things we do.
(3) Menashe, August 20, 2013 9:30 PM
Pathetic
It's idolatruos to believe in these pagan idiocies.Only G-d decides what will happen to us,not these sad and pathetic Golden calf-like superstitions.Shame on the ones among us who don't put their trust in Hashem but in these darkhe ha Emori aberrations!
Ra'anan, August 21, 2013 7:01 PM
Pathetic?
"Pathetic?" Why such strong language? "Shame" on them? Why "shame?" Why not just explain your position w/o saying strong, hurtful words? Speaking of idolatry, do you know about the generation that worshiped idols, yet had unity??? Unity is achieved through speaking & acting kindly.
Anonymous, August 26, 2013 10:40 PM
Read n. 12's comment to learn why it's pathetic.
MARNIE, THE AUTHOR, August 21, 2013 10:39 PM
WOULD IT HURT?
I agree of course. But would a few little added bubbe meisers hurt?:) And it's in fun. Shalom with love, Marnie
Shainfy, August 22, 2013 6:26 AM
For goodness' sake, lighten up!
Honestly, it was an article meant to make you smile and laugh. (Which it did for me!). Seriously, get a grip. My husband had a great-aunt that does the 'pooh pooh pooh'. Always makes me smile. Thanks for the reminder and a fun article Marnie!
Marla, August 23, 2013 7:03 AM
OY!
Menache,Boobie.......Lighten-up,boychic! You must have REALLY gotten up on the wrong side of the bed (world) today, if you dont realize that this all falls under the heading of KIBBITZING..ie..having FUN----which by the way is one of HaShem's greatest pleasures to see us happy and laughing...so dont be a DOWNER,ya know??
(2) Eileen, August 20, 2013 1:01 AM
Jewperstitions
And don't forget to step out of the house right foot first, if you want a tsuris-free day. And never open an umbrella in the house
(1) Feivel, August 18, 2013 11:17 PM
Accurate as usual
A sneeze WAS a last act before departure from this world; consequently we do say "Gesundheit" or Zeit gesund.
My zeideh was a tailor and of course one would chew thread so as not to have his brains sewn up.when there was a button or other repair on the garment being worn.
marnie the author, August 19, 2013 8:42 PM
denks God
Denk God, he didn't make you chew the button! shalom with love, Marnie