Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah are over. We went from fast to feast. I ate enough to last a year. These holidays are tough for normal people, but for overeaters, they are insane.
I have been blessed to have kept off almost 50 pounds for about eight years. It is the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fat man inside of me is relentless. He is a liar, cheat and con man, and he will do anything to get me ballooned back up. He thinks it’s funny when I can’t button my pants. He loves me fat, out of shape and sick. I know this because I must deal with him daily.
The fat man inside of me is relentless.
Yesterday, I swore off peanuts. Today, I’ve already had three fistfuls. I later grabbed a Lärabar and said to myself, “Eat it slow.” It was gone in two bites. Then I went back for a second one. I’m hopeless. When I go to supermarkets, I might lob some “no-no” into my cart and, with the help of God (which I really mean), toss it before I get to the register, but not until I push the item around the store, talking to it. “You’re not going home with me.” “You’re not.” “I’m the boss.” Thank God people think I’m on the phone and don’t know I’m having a conversation with a bag of Skinny Pop.
A lot of people ask me how they can lose weight. I give them my phone number and tell them to call me. Ninety-nine percent of the time, they don’t call. Last week at shul, a guy told me he was diabetic and bread was his downfall. He knows what his downfall is but can’t stop.
Mark Schiff, before and after
A rabbi told me he wanted to pay someone to be all over him about his eating habits. That used to be called a “mother.” Now it is a highly paid food coach.
‘I’ve kept off the weight because it’s not about the weight; it’s about health. I’m trying to get healthy, not skinny. Skinny is the gift of getting healthy.”
There are no permanent fixes. If you want to keep weight off, get ready for the fight of your life – or join the Hare Krishnas. I’ve never seen a chubby Hare Krishna. Heart attacks, stents, open-heart surgery, erectile dysfunction, diabetes and strokes most of the time do not lead to people changing. Fear wears off. People tell me they want to change but usually stipulate they don’t want to do anything too drastic. When did having a surgeon cut you open down the middle stop being considered not drastic? (I just got up for more nuts and ate them. I’m such a lost soul.)
I’ve kept off the weight because it’s not about the weight; it’s about health. I’m trying to get healthy, not skinny. Skinny is the gift of getting healthy. Getting healthy is for people who want to get healthy, not for people who need to get healthy. You must want it and want it badly.
Most people who need things never do anything about them. It’s the people who want to do it who are driven to do it. They’re the ones who succeed. Those are the people who understand that if they don’t change, they will die. Those are the ones who make the changes. I’ve been to funerals of people who died of lung cancer and heart attacks, and as soon as they were over, you can see some of their friends lighting up on the way back to their cars.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I go back to my old habits, I’m history. I made a deal with myself that when the time comes and I must give back my body to my creator, I want to return it, to the best of my ability, the way it was given to me. That means in good shape. I want to know that when the day comes, and it will, that I did all I could to prevent it. If not, that voice inside of me will have a field day berating me on my deathbed: Please, God, no more nuts today!
(5) Raymond, November 24, 2018 7:11 AM
Encouraging to Read
Unfortunately, I am about 170 pounds overweight. I literally weigh exactly twice what I should weigh. Currently weighing 340 pounds, I have not weighed below 230 pounds for the last 40 years. And so I look for any sliver of hope I can find, that might inspire me to lose weight.
I have met and spoke to Mark Schiff on more than one occasion, but cannot honestly claim to know him well. And yet I cannot imagine that making a living as a comedian is exactly a stress-free life. On the contrary, it must be tough to make a living that way, plus living an Orthodox Jewish life takes so much self-discipline and dedication. And yet he has found losing weight his most difficult challenge of all. I find that to be very reassuring, that maybe there is nothing necessarily deeply psychologically wrong with me after all. Maybe I am not the only one who is struggling with this issue all of my adult life.
Now, as for how to lose weight, I wish I knew, although I suspect I do know, but just don't have enough self-discipline to follow through those ideas with constructive action. Basically for one's two daily meals, one should eat some animal protein, as many vegetables as possible, and a very small amount of some kind of dietary fat condiment...and that is it. If one feels hungry between one's two main meals, one could eat one of those 70% dark chocolate bars, or even unsweetened berries with a very small amount of sour cream. The total net carbs that one eats on any given day, should not exceed 100 grams. That is the ideal diet in a nutshell. The challenge is to actually follow through with it in almost all circumstances.
Raymond, November 24, 2018 2:28 PM
Some Other Details
I neglected to mention one or two other details about what is the healthiest diet to eat. First of all, to figure out how many calories one should consume, the answer to that question is, that it all depends. If one is underweight, then take one's current weight, multiply it by eleven, and that gives you how many calories you should eat each day. If you wish to sustain your current weight, then simply multiply your current weight by ten. And if you wish to lose weight, then multiply your current weight by nine. Now, your protein to net carbs to dietary fat ratio, should ideally be 1-1-2. For example, if you are a woman who wishes to sustain your weight of 130 pounds, then the ideal to eat each day is 50 grams of protein, 50 grams of net carbs, and 100 grams of dietary fat, for a total of 1,300 calories. Also, make sure that within your total net carbs intake, that at least two pounds of it, is in the form of vegetables. Also try to eat high omega 3 fish (sardines, wild caught salmon, mackerel, anchovies) for your protein, whenever possible. Avoid all vegetable oils. The best cooking oil to use is coconut oil, and the best oil to add to one's salads is extra virgin olive oil.
(4) Anonymous, November 8, 2018 10:19 AM
you'r right about wanting to be healthy so the weight goes
I've recently lost 33 lbs by not having any carbohydrates from after dinner at 7pm till 1pm the next day.In other words a late breakfast. It's called intermittent fasting and there's a lot of science on the youtube about it. Once you understand how it works it's very easy to do. Thanks for your article, but people need to know more about insulin resistence.
Anonymous, November 13, 2018 3:57 AM
Are you doing ketogenics?
In addition to the intermittent fasting, do you eat according to the keto guidelines? I've heard they go together. Or are you able to lose weight by only doing the intermittent fasting? A lot of family members have lost a lot of weight doing keto and I'm going to give it a try.
(3) Anonymous, November 7, 2018 7:38 AM
Great article!
Kol hakavod Mark! It really is mind over matter. I've lost 8 kilos (17 pounds) over the last year. It's a battle every day, but so worth it. I'm rooting for you Mark! You're stronger than those peanuts...
(2) Shelly, November 6, 2018 5:20 PM
Good Stuff
Excellent article. So many of us can relate. I recently (within the last year) lost 25#. I am keeping it off but it is a struggle. Loved your thoughts about returning your body to Hashem in the best form possible. Now THATS motivation. Keep up the good work!
(1) Nancy, November 4, 2018 1:30 PM
I understand you completely!
I personally have never liked nuts but could easily eat a loaf of challah in one sitting if I am not careful.