Is it just me, or are we making up new words and blending the few we’re still saying, so (God forbid) we don’t have to waste time with two words? Technically, these are “portmanteaus.” Add a suffix, mash together or just “luftmensch” (dream) up something with strange letters and we have yet another way to be misunderstood – but quickly. Certain portmanteaus make sense. “Motel” (from “motor” and “hotel”) I can understand. “Brunch” is from “breakfast” and “lunch”– although “lupper” and “linner” never caught on.

Today, we’re “portmanteauing” words I never understood separately, especially in the digital age where if you blink an eye, you’ll miss a new virtual lingo for example, “Spamdexing,” Sysop” and “Vlog.” I promise you I’ve never once “vlogged,” and if I did … would I use a word that sounds like a felony?

Enter politics. The news media – right, left, middle, out there. I suspect the networks and cable stations have a nerdy person in a small room think up mashups like “Brexit,” “Alt-whatever,” and “NRx.”

Always at the forefront, if “they” can do it, so can We Jews. Better. Just add a prefix or suffix here and there, combine words …but…in Yiddish.


1. Original Word: BULVAN: An ox, with no class. He'll move your house, with you in it – without asking.


Meaning: Finally, a place we can put all the bulvans in our lives. A whole building – the Bulvanarium—where they can BULVANESS each other or even get a BULVANECTOMY. Alt. meaning: a whole family of bulvans.

Usage: “Those Bronsteins! Such nerve! Making us wrestle for the drumstick! It’s a regular Bulvanarium in there! ”

Text: BLVIUM (a group or location)


2. Original Word: CHALERIA: A shrew. If her pastrami's fatty, she'll make a federal case, sue – and maybe win.


Meaning: Instead of chewing up your liver, it’s the ability to turn this drama queen into a Sarah Silverman so you don’t become a CHALEROPHOBE.

Usage: (Hysterical) “Did you see the way Zelda yelled to change seats five times in the deli? It was too warm, too cold, a little chilly, not chilly enough. Five times we shlepped our chicken soup. The whole restaurant thought we were meshuggah. Was she chalerias or what?

Text: CHALOL (She’s a riot.)


3. Original Word: CHAZZER: A pig: He'll take home the cheap wine he brought you for Passover.


Meaning: Approach with caution. This is a chazzer who is a thimble short of “gonifizing” (turning into a thief). It’s one thing to take his Manischewitz home, and another to make a carton from all your leftovers – and throw in your Israeli decanter. This is a devolving chazzer.

Usage: “Yossel … the silver tongs are missing. They were in the bucket with the Manischewitz Harvey took home. Oy vey! The crystal decanter’s gone I got from Tel Aviv! Quick! Check the silver. We have a chazzerpath in the family!

TEXT: DTYB! (Don’t turn your back!)


4. Original Word: DRAYCUP: She not only forgot her address, she's wound up in the wrong city.


Meaning: We Jews, with our endless compassion, should always look for the platinum lining. Much better to blame her wrong lefts and rights on her retinas or corneas than thinking she’s a confused idiot.

Usage: “Mamala, stop making smart remarks about Tante Rose! So maybe she wound up at the Dead Sea rather than Masada. Her mental health is fine. It’s the draycopia that caused the 87 wrong turns.”

TEXT: ISHA (Eyes, Sha!)


5. Original Word: KLUTZ: Clumsy. He falls over her own sneakers– fastened with Velcro.


Meaning: You’ve heard of “You’ve been punked?” Well now “You’ve been klutzed”–which isn’t half as much fun. You made a new friend at Yeshiva U. A lovely person, who tragically can’t walk a block without tripping on you which makes you fall into a lamp post requiring a brief visit to the E.R.

Usage: “Oy Morty … I klutzed you! Again. Wait, I’ll tear up your shirt to sop up until the ambulance gets here.



6. Original Word: MACHER: He made a few bucks selling toilet seats that light up, so now he thinks he’s a genius who should be head of the Shul.

New Word: MACHERMALYAH (Combo: “Macher”—big shot and “Chamalyah” – punch)

Meaning: This idiot, despite being the toilet seat king, deserves to fall in and hit his head!

Usage: “Shh … Hymie, again that machermalyah made himself Tevye in Shul musical despite the fact that his voice alerts the Emergency Services, and he can’t do a hora without five people holding him up.

Text: MACMAL (think Blackmail)


7. Original Word: OY

New Word: OYLEVAI (Combo: “oy” and “alevai” – if only, God-willing)

Meaning: It should only happen, but with our mazel, this could also bring tsouris.

Usage: “Listen Bella, God-willing, we should buy instead of rent. Finally, a place of our own, a tax break … but also, we’d need to fix, replace the kitchen, add a bathroom – and the maintenance. Oylevai!




New Word: SHLIZAML (Combo: Shlemiel –klutz and Shlimazl – klutzed upon)

Meaning: This super klutz actually makes himself a victim.

Usage: (True) A park ranger in Virginia, has the dubious distinction of being struck by lightning seven times throughout his life — the most ever for a person. Ah, but he works in a thunderstorm zone and doesn’t go inside when bolts start shooting. Now this poor guy is the number one Shlizaml!


Should you, our readers wish to add, we together can create a new Jewsaurus