Your Mother-in-Law: The IDF calls ahead to see if anyone is home; your mother in law yells “is anybody home?” while standing in your living room

Wolf Blitzer: IDF Spokesman Peter Lerner answers questions fairly and thoughtfully; Wolf Blitzer is not paying attention to anyone he is interviewing and yells everything he says

Your Doctor: At no cost, Israeli doctors treat Arab children throughout the Middle East including Hamas head Ismail Haniyeh’s own granddaughter; Your doctor ain’t working for free. His mother didn’t send him to medical school so he can remove your kid’s tonsils for kicks.

UPS: The IDF has fit men wearing long pants; UPS has fat men wearing shorts

You: The IDF protects its citizens from rocket fire with the now famous “Iron Dome”; As a child, your favorite wrestler was the “Iron Shiek”

Jim Morrison: Israel accepted Egypt’s ceasefire offer (while Hamas rejected it); Jim Morrison taunts listeners to “Come on baby, light my fire.”

World of Warcraft: Israel abides by the international laws of warfare even while fighting against Hamas terrorists who make a mockery of those laws; Videogame World of Warcraft likewise spurns international law with its violence against gryphons, dragons, and werewolves – since when are werewolves not subject to international law?

France: The IDF protects the rights of all people to worship freely no matter what their religion affiliation; France protects the rights of Jews to hide in the basement of a shul with the lights out while they are hunted by an angry mob.

The Milwaukee Bucks: The IDF’s pinpoint missile strikes are said to have 98% accuracy; Last season, the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks shot at a dismal rate of 38% accuracy.

You: IDF medical teams fly to disaster relief zones to help the victims; You said that you were going to donate $18 to that Red Cross earthquake relief fund but you never did. And you told people you donated. And you told them you donated $180.