The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Driving Mommy Crazy

One evening Shira Sommers was driving her eight-year-old daughter Rivky to Bubbie and Zadie’s house for a sleepover. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.

Rivky seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."

"What do you want to know?" Shira responded.

"Mommy, when you're driving," she asked, "Are YOU ever the dumb schnook?"

Take Out the Papers and the Trash

Berel and Shmerel are sitting on a bench in the middle of Chelm, chatting. Berel asks Shmerel, "Has your son Chaim Yankel decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied Shmerel.

Berel thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career."

"Not really," said Shmerel, "It should be an easy job.”

“How so?” asked Berel.

“Because garbage collection is only done on Tuesdays."

Rabbi Sheinberg’s Last Day

Rabbi Sheinberg was retiring and saying farewell to his congregation at the shul doors for the last time. Old Mrs. Diamond approached him as she walked out. She said, "Rabbi, your successor won't be as good as you."

"Nonsense," said Rabbi Sheinberg, in a flattered tone.

"No, really," said Mrs. Diamond, "I've been here under five different rabbis, and each one has been worse than the last."


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