The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Heshy and the Penguin named Cholent

Old Heshy Himmelman was getting a little lonely living by himself after his wife passed away so he decided to buy himself a pet. Heshy was always a little different, and apparently so was his choice in pets. He got himself a penguin. He named him Cholent.

Soon after he got Cholent the penguin, Heshy was driving in town one day with Cholent sitting on the front seat next to him.

A policeman notices Cholent in the car and motions for Heshy to pull over.

The officer says, "What are you doing with that penguin?"

Heshy replies, "We are just going for an afternoon drive."

The officer says, "I want you to take that penguin to the zoo right away, or you will be in big trouble."

Heshy replies, "No problem, I can do that," and the policeman lets them go on their way. Two days later, Heshy and Cholent are going for a drive again with Cholent sitting in the front seat. This time the penguin has on dark sunglasses. When they pass through town, the same policeman spots Cholent in the car. He furiously motions for Heshy to pull over. As soon as the car stops, he marches right up to Heshy and demands, "You are the same guy I saw two days ago with a penguin. What are you trying to do now? Don't you think that I can still recognize a penguin even if it has sunglasses on? I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo right away?" Heshy replies, "Yes officer you did. I took him to the zoo yesterday. We had so much fun at the zoo that today I thought we would go to the beach today!"

Zadie Willy’s Butcher Shop

Zadie Willy Golberg took his grandkids on a trip to Israel. Before he retired, Zadie owned a kosher butcher called “Willy’s”, so on one of their stops in Israel, Zadie Willy wanted to show his grandkids an Israeli butcher shop.

Zadie took 6 year-old Moishie to the back and pointed out some more unusual cuts of meat. He specifically pointed out the kidneys, as they weren’t available in the States because they were too hard to make kosher but some butchers in Israel had them.

When they came out from the back, little Moishie ran up to his older siblings and said, “Guys you are never going to believe it! They sell kids knees back there!"

Natural Born Citizen

In little Rivky’s Strauss’ civics classes, they were debating the qualifications to be president of the United States. It was pretty simple - the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. Rivky argued how unfair it was that there was a requirement to be a natural born citizen.

Rivky’s opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. Rivky’s teacher was just taking it in and letting her rant, but the teacher’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"


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