The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

The Shabbos Guest

The Solomon family liked to invite new people to their Shabbat table and one week they invited Meir Jacobson, a cousin of their Aunt Rhonda.

All during dinner little Rivky Solomon stared at their guest. Rivky could hardly eat her food because she was staring.

Meir checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped Rivky from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. Meir asked Rivky, "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.

Little Rivky said, "I just want to see how you eat like a chazer!"


Kids in Shul

Rabbi Felder started an initiative that kids should daven with their parents in shul. The first Shabbat morning little Moishie Rosenberg was "acting up". Mr. Rosenberg did his best to maintain some sense of order but he was losing the battle. Finally, Mr. Rosenberg picked little Moishie up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

As he was being carried out, Moishie yelled loudly, “Rabbi Felder! Daven for me!”


Benny’s Alright

Shira Stern mother was worried that her three-year-old son Benny was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist.

"Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests." To Benny, he said "Say a few words - anything that comes into your mind."

Benny turned to his mother and asked, "Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words?"


 

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