The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

The Happy Couple

At the age of 85 and after the passing of his first wife, Morty Solomon found Adella Spielman, 81 and they decided to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way home they pass a drugstore. Morty suggests that they go in.

Morty addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers: "Yes."

Morty: "Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Morty: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Morty: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Morty: "Medicine for memory?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Morty: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Morty: "What about sugar diabetes. We both got bad cases."

Pharmacist: "Oh, but of course. You name it with that condition and we have the works."

Morty: "You have loose bladder and gas pills?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, there are lots of those with plenty of generics."

Morty: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."


Camp Magen David started and they decided to introduce the kids to tennis. At the beginning of the session, the tennis teacher was talking about good sportsmanship.

He asked "Can anyone tell me what a good sport is?"

Little Moishie Applebaum raised his hand, got called on, and said, "baseball."

Chelm’s Professional Worrier

Chaim Yankel was known as Chelm’s biggest worrier and he felt like the worrying was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him.

His friend, Berel, noticed a dramatic change and asked "What happened, Chaim Yankel? Nothing seems to worry you anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier and I haven't had a worry since," replied Chaim Yankel.

"That must be expensive," Berel replied.

"He charges $5,000 a month," Chaim Yankel told him.

"$5,000!!? How in the world can you afford to pay him?" exclaimed Berel.

"I don't know. That's his problem."


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