The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Quiet in Shul

Shira Fried was in charge of the kids Shabbat program at Congregation Beth Israel. She was teaching the kids about decorum in shul and why it was so important. So she took them up to the main sanctuary at the very back to give her lesson up close.

“Why is it necessary to be quiet in shul, especially now during Rabbi Eisen’s sermon?" Shira asked.

Little Rivka Deutch whispered, "Because people are sleeping."


What Do You Love Most About Me?

"What do you love most about me?" Moishe asked his wife Miriam. “Choose one of the following attributes,” Moishe continued. “Is it my quick intellect, my unflinching generosity, my athletic physique or my sage advice?"

"What I love most about you," responded Miriam, "is your enormous sense of humor."


Get Up Stand Up

It was the first day at school at Talmud Torah. The students were all in their seats, waiting for the new teacher to start, Rabbi Meyerovitz.

Rabbi Meyerovitz wanted to start off the year teaching the kids an important lesson about self-confidence, and that you should never think of yourself as unintelligent. Rabbi Meyerovitz stood up and said, "Whoever in here thinks that they aren’t smart, please stand up."

The students all looked at each other, and finally, little Moishie Rosenberg stood up.

"You think you aren’t smart?" asked Rabbi Meyerovitz.

"No, said Moishie, "but I didn't want you to be standing there alone."


 

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