The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Absence Makes Moishie’s Exam Harder

The big red "F" stared back at young Moishie on his exam paper.

Moishie’s friend Shmueli looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?"

"Because of an absence," Moishie answered.

"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Shmueli questioned.

Little Moishie replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."


Bubbie’s Recipe

Sarah was recently married and called her mother one evening in tears. "Mom, I tried to make Bubbie’s brisket for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for Chaim because he loves brisket. What could have gone wrong?"

Sarah’s mother replied soothingly, "Well, Sarah, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out."

"OK," Sarah sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take two dollars’ worth of brisket' ..."


Chicken or Meatballs

Max is sitting in the living room reading the newspaper when his wife, Sadie calls in from the kitchen:

What do you want for dinner? I've got chicken or meatballs.

Max: Doesn't matter, Sadie. Either one is fine with me.

Sadie: But choose which one you want now.

Max: No, really. Both are good.

Sadie: Come on, Max. Pick.

Max: What are the choices, again?

Sadie: Chicken or meatballs.

Max: (Thinking of the first thing she said answers): Chicken.

Sadie: (Running in from the kitchen.): What's the matter? You don't like my meatballs?!


 

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