The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Everyone’s a Winner

David Rosenberg won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mommy? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison:

"Okay, Abba, you get the toy."

Naming Rights

Shifra Finkelstein was pregnant with her fourth – she had 3 boys already – and of course she shared the good news with her friends and family. Shifra’s 4-year-old son Moishie overheard some of his mother's private conversations. One day when Shifra and Moishie were shopping, a woman asked little Moishie if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" Moishie said, "and I know what we're going to name it, too."

"Really?" asked the lady.

"Yes." said Moishie, "If it's a girl we're going to call her Rivka, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

Riding it Out

Morty Feigenbaum decided enough was enough -- he was going to join a gym and start getting in shape. He joined an aerobics class and the instructor had everyone lie on their backs with their legs up as if pedaling a bike. After several minutes, Morty suddenly stopped.

"Why did you stop pedaling?" the instructor shouted to Morty.

"I didn't stop," Morty said, wheezing. "I'm going downhill!"


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