The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Check Please

One year around Birthday time for twins Ephraim and Yael Schiff, their mother Shira decided that she was no longer going to remind her kids to write their grandmother thank you notes after they received their birthday presents.

As a result their Bubbie never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.

The next year things were different, however.

"The twins came over in person to thank me," Bubbie Schiff told a friend triumphantly.

"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?"

"Oh, that's easy," Bubbie replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."


Chaim Yankel’s Diet

Chaim Yankel is Chelm’s most overweight resident so his doctor put his on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When Chaim Yankel returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

Chaim Yankel nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."


Grammar School

Little Moishie Goldberg’s new English teacher Mr. Allen was a perfectionist and told his students that he was going to demand the very best of them. So after Moishie handed in his first project, written very poorly, Mr. Allen decided to make an example of Moishie.

"This is the worst essay I have ever had to read," ranted Mr. Allen. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."

"One person didn't," replied Little Moishie defensively. "My father helped me."


 

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