The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Driving Moishe Crazy

It was Moishe’s first day on the job as a cabbie in New York. He picks up a passenger at night and a few minutes into the ride the passenger taps Moishe on the shoulder to ask him something. Moishe screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then Moishe says, "Look friend, don't EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much.

After gathering himself Moishe says, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!


Volunteer Opportunities

Shira volunteers for Bikur Cholim, a wonderful organization that delivers meals to the sick. Shira usually visits the elderly and on one visit, Shira decided to take her four year old daughter Rivky along. Rivky was intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

Then, Rivky noticed a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As Shira braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Rivky merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"


Faint of Heart

Shimon Newman came out of his front door and passed out onto the porch. His wife Shifra discovered him, and called Hatzalah immediately – the Jewish paramedics association.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped Shimon regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," Shimon said. "My son Ari asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!"


 

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