The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Moishe is Doing the Laundry

Moishe and Miriam were having a friendly argument. Moishe said that he was very self-sufficient and could easily survive on his own. Miriam, well let’s just say that she didn’t agree. To prove his point, Moishe decided that he was going to wash his own laundry. And he would start with his favourite old college sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, Moishe shouted to Miriam, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," Miriam replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

Moishe yelled back, "Columbia University."


Riding with an Angel

Chaim Yankel was standing on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly Chaim Yankel saw a car come towards him and stop.

Chaim Yankel realized that Hashem must have answered his prayers so without thinking about it, Chaim Yankel got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. Chaim Yankel looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Scared, he started praying again, and begged Hashem for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. Chaim Yankel, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

Chaim Yankel gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and started telling everybody about the frightening experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized Chaim Yankel was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. "Look, that's the joker who climbed into the car we were pushing!"


Rabbi on a Plane

An El Al passenger jet from New York to Tel Aviv was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a woman turned to a rabbi sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Rabbi, you're a man of God. Can't you do something about this storm?"

To which he replied, "Sorry, I'm in sales, not management."


 

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