The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

A Close Shave

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed little Moishie in the chair. "I have to step out," said the man. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When little Moishie’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said Moishie. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"


The Rabbi’s Strange Prayer

One Shabbat morning at congregation Shaarei Shamayim, Rabbi Felder asked the assistant rabbi, Rabbi Rosenberg to give the sermon. Rabbi Rosenberg addressed the congregation and said, “Hashem, I hate coconuts.”

Rabbi Felder looked at the assistant rabbi, wondering where this was going. Rabbi Rosenberg continued, "Hashem, I hate eggs." Now Rabbi Felder was totally perplexed. Rabb

i Rosenberg continued, "Hashem, I am not crazy about almonds either, or even straight sugar or salt. But after you mix them all together and bake them in the oven, I love macaroons!”

Rabbi Rosenberg continued. "Hashem, help us realize that when things come up that we don't like, whenever we don't understand what You are doing, that we need to wait and see what You are making. After you get through mixing and baking, it'll probably be something even better than macaroons."


The Old College Try

Sherry Meiselman was no different than many Jewish mothers – trying to help her daughter Abby get into college. So when Abby didn’t get into the local state university, Sherry decided to call the admissions officer.

“I demand to know why my Abby got rejected!” Sherry exclaimed.

The admissions officer was trying to avoid mentioning Abby’s extremely poor transcript. Full of Ds.

"Why doesn't she try another school for a year and then transfer?" the admissions officer suggested.

"Another school!" exclaimed Sherry. "Have you seen her grades?"


 

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