The Latest Jewlarious Jokes

Si’s Maserati

Si Bergman was very proud of his shiny new Maserati Levante. His wife complained of the ostentation. "You're such a materialist."

One morning he parked in the street across from the synagogue, and just as he was opening his door to get out, two drag racers were speeding by. One racer clipped his car door and turned it inside out. Si was SOOO angry!

"It's only a car," Sylvia chastised. "It can be fixed. Give Hashem the thanks, you were not hit."

"Only a car???" Si shouted. "It'll never be fixed like it was again!!!"

"Oh, you're such a materialist. One second later, and you could have been killed. Give thanks. You've been so upset about the car, you haven't even noticed, the accident tore your left arm off."

Si looked at the bloody stump at his left shoulder. "Damn! My Rolex is gone!"


The Long Trip

Rabbi Feldman waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.

Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Rabbi," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

Rabbi Feldman chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."


The Defense Rests

Harry Rosenberg was known as a brilliant trial lawyer. He once defended a bus driver against claims that his negligence had caused injury to a young man's arm.

"Will you please show us how high you can lift your arm now?" Rosenberg asked the plaintiff.

The young man obediently raised his arm to shoulder level, his face contorted with apparent pain.

"Thank you," said Rosenberg. "And now, please, will you show us how high you could lift it before the accident?"

The man's arm shot above his head.


 

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