Then She Found Me

Are adopted children loved any differently?

This video encourages the discussion of Jewish values as they relate to contemporary culture. Jewlarious does not endorse any particular film.

Comments (28)

(28) Aaron, March 15, 2009 3:31 AM

From personal experience - there is NO difference!

As the father of two adopted children, I know that both my wife and I could not possibly love them any more than we do and have always loved them. In addition, our families have never treated our children any differently from the other kids in the family.

(27) W. Kohn, December 29, 2008 1:56 PM

Adoptied children as just as much loved as others

Adopted children are just as much loved as birth-children. I just completed an adoption for a family. The family was white, the child was African-American and they fought to adopt this child. They have 4 other foster children (all African American) and it is their hope to be able to adopt all of them. By the way, I and they live on the buckle of the Bible Belt - love knows no colors!

(26) tzs, November 23, 2008 9:02 PM

How Grandma S. felt

When we adopted our daughter in 1977 my mother-in-law was very adamant that we never tell her she is adopted. We didn't feel that way and told her from day one, "You are our beautiful, adopted baby". When our daughter was a toddler she was in the hospital for breathing issues and Grandma S.'s comment to my husband was, "I sure hope she didn't inherit your breathing problems." She sure forgot quickly that ours was the chosen one. Through- out her life what ever she did for one grandchild she did for the other On a side topic - when our daughter was 21 she decided to find her biological parents. Using an adoption site on AOL she found her biological mother within a few days, met her the same week, and had a "relationship" with her for less than a year. The woman was working hard to get our daughter to change her religion. It seems we had done our part in raising her as our daughter was adamantly against it. She is still in contact with her biological dad and strangely enough, with her biological mom's ex husband. Be Careful When Looking - You May Not Find What You Want To Find. Another side topic, but connected - If you are looking for a GREAT book to read to toddlers about adoption is The Chosen Baby.

(25) Chana Jenny Weisberg, November 20, 2008 5:02 AM

A Video Response to "Then She Found Me"

I think this video is the most powerful possible response to "Then She Found Me" (note, to watch this- you will have to paste the link below onto your browser and change the word "dot" into a period) wwwDOTYouTubeDOTcom/watch?v=77CW4jcWqEg

(24) Phil, November 19, 2008 9:28 PM

Name of the film

The name of the film is "Then She Found Me." Google the name and you'll find the info about the film.

(23) toby willner, November 19, 2008 5:49 PM

why is this under Jewlarious, it's a serious subject

as a grandmother of two adopted children I feel no difference than with my other eleven grandchildren, I feel each child is a treasure, and love them all equally, it's nonsense to think that just because one can't personally bear a child that it cannot be no less loved-each child is a blessing,great topic, but not classified as humor- tw

(22) Sharon Saunders, November 19, 2008 3:34 PM

Raising the child is the gift

A child is given and the feeling of gratitude is overwhelming ... regardless of whether that child is biological or adopted. One look of love produces a mirror image of love because because both parent and child have the human need to love. The nature of the relationship produces the bond and it happens exactly the same way regardless of the instance of biology. This bond is reinforced time and again by the very act of parenting. Please see the youtube video on Jewish adoption, called 'My Heroes Live Next Door' to see my daughter and me talk about our relationship. Real adoptive situations prove over and over that Hollywood's got it all wrong. After all, to the movie industry a happy, well-adjusted adopted child lacks dramatic impact, which requires some sort of emotional tension. If you are thinking of adopting or fostering a child, remember that Hashem is part of the equation, take a leap of faith and forget this STUPID movie clip.

(21) Dov, November 19, 2008 2:47 PM

is it different?

I and my sister are both adopted and our parents' only kids. They are both concentration camp survivors. One of them had experiments in Auschwitz, it seems, and we assume, could not have children as a result. Perhaps if we had grown up together w/natural siblings I'd feel differently, but I do know that our parents are totally devoted to us, have no favorite, and identify our successes and failures with their own. We are not perfect in any respect, but it seems to me that we are loved by them. That is enough for me and I feel that they are my parents, and my sister and I love them and do for them. Some people, interestingly all women, have tried to convince me to be more curious and find and meet my birthparents. They say it will be good for me. My heart responds as follows: I have a lot of desires, many not good for me. Do I need more than I have been given? I do not believe so. Hashem has done a fantastic job for me - and for my parents, as well, as far as we are concerned! Do I need even MORE love? Do I need more connection? No. I am not sure what I'd do with it anyway, as I am full. May Hashem continue to help us all find more freeedom from comparing and from lusting for more love and other stuff, and in their place grant us more focus on being useful and on finding more opportunities to do for Hashem and give to people. Nothing else seems to work.

(20) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 12:40 PM

I had foster children them my own

i had foster children- babies- one after the other- (4 of them) then i had my own- there is no difference- you love each child with a total love-however i had themonly as infants-my friend's 2 sisters (orthodox) adopted and they had mixed resluts- the girl rebelled (adopted in infancy - educated in bais yaakov-at 12 she had a choice and chose to revert to being a non jew) the 2 adopted boys remained jewish and are pretty loyal sons- but even wioth your own children- there are no guarantees of anything

(19) Anonymous, November 19, 2008 11:48 AM

ALL children are loved differently

I have seven children--all born from the union of my wife and me. We love them all--equally, but differently. Love is an interaction of the giver and the receiver and the real trick is to show your children that love is limitless--it's not a measured item that if one gets a lot, there's less for the others. And the children should realize that your love is for all of them, giving each one the kind of love specific to his/her needs.

(18) David S. Levine, November 19, 2008 11:19 AM

The Most Unselfish Act

Twenty years after I broke up with a non-Jewish woman because she would nt convert to marry me I found out from a mutual friend that she adopted a korean girl. I said to our friend what I write now--adoption is the most unselfish act a couploe (or person) can engage in. I write today what I said then and with the same conviction.

(17) Rhoda Rose, November 19, 2008 10:19 AM

The difference is in the Adoptor!

The last statement is .."there's no difference". Well that depends. It depends upon the heart of the person who will be doing the adopting. In some people, there won't be any difference...but in others, there is. We need to pray that HaShem links up adoptees with adoptors where there's no difference. And in the meantime, let's not judge anyone on what their heart is....leave that to HaShem and His workings in their lives.

(16) Paulette, November 19, 2008 10:02 AM

I totally agree, "There Is No Difference"

This movie just seemed to end abruptly ... I would have liked the Mother to speak more about HER Love for all 3 children ... it would have benifited the audience more.

(15) Christie, November 19, 2008 9:56 AM

movie title

the movie is "then she found me" based on a book by the same name. the book was written by Elenor Lipman.

(14) anonymous, November 19, 2008 9:25 AM

there are always different relationships with different children

Although we parents try to be fair, we will always have different relationships with different children. Each one has a _different_ special place in our hearts. And if we're not on our guard, one child may feel that we love the other one more than we love him/her. This woman thought it was because she was the adopted one, but I think that the differences (which were clearly there) were because of how hers and her mother's personalities bounced off of each other. (the infamous mother-daughter relationship)

(13) Jena, November 19, 2008 9:05 AM

Number 11 just does not get it. I am adopted and took absolutely no offence. There is no stand here. It is just supposed to get you thinking.As a mother I can feel this woman's pain even if she chooses not to adopt. Wonder what film it is....

(12) Anonymous, November 18, 2008 5:26 PM

which Movie is this??

I would like yo know which movie this is from,PLEASE!! i often wonder is there a dufference???? BEV.

(11) Anonymous, November 18, 2008 12:34 PM

Children are the same, parents are different

My 2 children are adodpted. No, they didn't grow in my "tummy", they grew in my heart. If the first child was looked at differently, it was because the wait was so long, and we were so scared that we might not do the right thing. We may have watched and hovered more, but we loved the same. I'm very disappointed in the article. Before I read it I planned to forward it to my kids to show them how much they are loved. Now, I won't forward this to anyone. Not nice, not true.

(10) Chaya, November 18, 2008 9:29 AM

Loving comes from Giving

As the mother of a foster son (he's 4, and I've raised him since he was a year old) and 3 biological daughters I can say that loving comes from giving. You give to your bio children by carrying them for 9 months and raising them from infancy upwards, so the love is natural. But the moment you take your foster or adopted child into your arms and give, give, create that special relationship, and you love him no less. As time goes on, you become the child's parent over and over again, and the subtle differences totally disappear. So go ahead and open your heart...give and give, and you will love.

(9) Anonymous, November 17, 2008 7:54 PM


they are loved more

(8) Anonymous, November 17, 2008 5:49 PM

I have one birth, one adopted.

My birth child came first. That child brought so much joy and love that we wanted more so we adopted. The adopted child looks more like me while the birth child looks like my husband. We look at them with the eyes of parents who feel lucky and grateful to have both.

(7) Anonymous, November 17, 2008 2:44 PM

I usually love aish's articles but I was very unhappy with this. Please try to make your material a little nicer. Thanks.

(6) Michael F. Atlas-Acuna, November 17, 2008 1:26 PM

My wife and I adopted our daughter

We love our daughter because she is our daughter need I say more?

(5) alan gaffan, November 17, 2008 12:17 PM

i was a foster parent with about 60 kids

my first wife & i were foster parents we adopted 5 of the kids, i don't think there is any differance in weather the kids are adopted or yours in the way u love them ,actually its in the indevigual child,u love them all, but some u love but don't like, there is a differance

(4) Anonymous, November 17, 2008 12:09 PM

Adoption is a big topic

Adoption is not without problems in its wake. Sometimes the motive for adopting a certain child can be questionable. Children with no home are fortunate to be taken in and loved. What do the sages have to say about this?

(3) Jenny, November 17, 2008 11:32 AM

nope, no difference

Unless there is a serious emotional or character flaw in the adopted parent there is no difference - The comparison between how a mother looked at her natural born and the adopted is silly because who can remember anything from infancy anyway? How would we know what mom was like with us? Sure there might be relationship issues, but it is erroneous to assume they stem from a lack of mutual genes. That would mean all non-adopted people must automatically have wonderful relationships with their mothers and we all know that's not true. Besides, the 'mystique' of pregnancy and motherhood, i.e. birthing process, is a myth. You don't glow or anything else. It is tedious, uncomfortable, inconvenient, messy, difficult, and sometimes dangerous. That being said, I'm glad to have my daughter - she is the joy of my life - but at 37, I wouldn't hesitate to adopt. As a natural parent and an adoptee (with sometimes less than stellar parental relationships) I can speak for both sides.

(2) Syd, November 17, 2008 10:21 AM

There is NO difference

I have an adopted granchild and 3 natural ones. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN HOW WE OLOVE THEM....

(1) Mary Pasman, November 17, 2008 9:35 AM

Are adopted children love any differently?

We have 2 daughters of our own and 1 adopted, but for us both there is no difference in loving her more orless than the 2 others. Most of the time I forget she`s not my flesh and blood. Inspite she`s physical handicapted and mentaly retarded she is a blessing in our family, we loves her very much. Once again for us there is no difference!!!


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