Jtube: Crossing Delancey

Is using a shadchan (matchmaker) outdated?

Is using a shadchan (matchmaker) outdated?

This video encourages the discussion of Jewish values as they relate to contemporary culture. Jewlarious does not endorse any particular film.

Comments (10)

(7) David, February 13, 2012 12:11 AM

Not sure

To be honest I had one experience with a Shadchin and I was done. The shadchin called me and suggested a girl I was not interested in. She gave me a million reasons why it would work so I thought I should at least try. The date was a disaster from my perspective, but the girl wanted to go out again. I said no to the shadchin and she laid on the pressure. Reluctantly, I went out again and again did not enjoy myself. This time I stood my ground but not after the shadchin had some very choice words for me. The bottom line was the shadchin did not know me and I am guessing did not the girl. In the end I am happily married with children and I was set up with my wife through a mutual friend. Someone who knew both. Professional shadchins in my experience was not the way to go.

(6) Anonymous, February 10, 2012 6:03 AM

May our traditions last into eternity.

The dialog between the grandmother and grandaughter is wonderful. I notice even though there is a difference in thinking, there is no dissrespect to the elders. It is good for the younger woman to be watched over. It is a great show of love.

Ted, February 13, 2012 12:06 AM

Nice point

I think that is a very wonderful point that you saw in that clip.

(5) Barbara, February 7, 2012 3:29 PM

Joan Micklin Silver rules

"Crossing Delancy," "Hester Street" and "Chilly Scenes of Winter" are JMS's three great movies. They are all about the search for an honorable partner who will make life better and less lonely.

(4) Anonymous, February 7, 2012 5:49 AM

A matchmaker isn't outdated. To become a matchmaker when the person isn't asking you to be is supercilious. We are carrying ourselves that married life is better or superior to a single persons life. A single person who is aching to find someone who wants the help of a caring person willing to be a go-between, will ask for info on any singles that are available that we may know. This eliminates rejection and hurting the other person face to face the embarrassment. Narrows closer to a match find. Us married folks, and I know I'm not the only one, we shouldn't try to match up singles unless they ask us to. There is this urge when talking to singles, all the singles I know I could fix them up with flies through the mind. I know I have to control the urge unless I know the single is out there looking, then I went the next step in control and not mentioning anything unless they have asked for my help. This clip is showing when a person takes on trying to be a matchmaker when the single is perfectly happy being single and didn't ask for her help. We have to train our minds to let singles be singles and to be happy with their single life and what they are thankful for in their achievements being single and not take on the role of matchmaker unwanted by the singles. That's the hardest thing us married folks need to zip. There are plenty who ask, few who don't ask, for the few who wants to be single at present, is the challenge to not step in when we haven't been asked for our help in matchmaking.

(3) Chana, February 6, 2012 4:15 PM

so unrealistic and too corny for words. Real matchmaking isn't like this at all. I know it's supposed to be funny, but, it can scare potential singles away.

richard, February 7, 2012 10:56 PM

No I'm sorry. It is sadly not unrealistic ....

Maybe this sketch goes beyond the xtreme but I've experienced things close enough to know that there are some peopel who really should keep out of other people's lives because they can indeed put them off. On the other hand, there are some absolutely wonderful, caring and EXTREMELY devoted Shadchanim who take on their holy task with very great efficiency, care and attention. They are the ones with whom we have been fortunate to deal and we AND our children are very happy with the results. Boruch Hashem, all of them are very happily married and none regret anything of their Shadchanim's treatment of them. Quite the opposite. They are thankful. The only ones who did suffer were ourselves as we screened the Shadchanim who approached us and we made the decision more than once to say to them most politely, "Thank you for for your concern, but we are busy at the moment". Thank G-d they left us alone until the right Shadchanim turned up. That woman in your video is certainly not a person I wish should enter anyone's life. I wonder if she herself ever married????

Anonymous, February 13, 2012 12:12 AM


You are right. Sadly not unrealistic.

(2) Anonymous, February 6, 2012 4:07 PM


It is never outdated. Anyone can be a shadchan. The more the merrier.

(1) Alan S., February 5, 2012 11:47 AM

This is one of my favorite movies! I don't think the concept of a matchmaker is outdated at all. The human kind is probably no better or worse than the digital kind (eg., JDate). The better question is, can a person be "complete" and truly happy without a significant other in their life? Going one extra step bespeaks of marriage, and then we can ask the same question: can a person be "complete" and truly happy without being married?


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