Jewish Weddings and Wine

The secret to a Jewish marriage is hidden in the wine.

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Comments (62)

(54) R, August 28, 2015 5:47 AM

Very profound

This is very profound, and is at the root of why marriage is in its very essence a union of one man and one woman. Because it is only in the complmentarity of the male and female that two can become truly one flesh. There is only one physical aspect of a human person that is incomplete as a being - the sexual aspect. Each man and each woman has only half of a reproductive system. Each individual is therefore totally incapable of reproducing on his or her own, and therefore incapable of fulfilling the first commandment of God in the Other kinds of union may be an intertwining of sorts, but they are not in the true sense becoming one flesh, one complete new being (note that even if and when this union does not give rise to children, if the union is of the type that God planned, and open to children, then they are living in accord with God's commandment, and they are living as one flesh).

It is in this total self-giving of each to the other that they both become one complete being, physically, and that they demonstrate the total and unconditional love, which God planned to be the context in which each child comes to be, and which marks the creation of the family, even if sometimes that family is not blessed with biological children.

(53) Anonymous, June 7, 2015 12:53 PM

Jewish alliance


(52) Chanah Wierzbicki, March 28, 2015 3:18 AM


So beautiful! One flesh, just as G-d created the two, male and female, to become one whole unit! Such depth,beauty and love that only HaShem could create

(51) Ruchie, March 17, 2015 3:07 PM

Passionate and Profound

(50) Danny Pollock, March 8, 2015 5:17 PM


Marriage made in Heaven, settled in court.

(49) OBED LAZARO M, December 8, 2014 12:35 PM

255 768 634 379

shalom, ask the friends those need for come Tanzania from ISRAEL l love Israel people from Israel.
welcome Tanzania

(48) texas kay, July 22, 2014 3:37 PM

Best discription of marriage ever.

As I watch my married children struggle in our western influenced culture, there are many different struggles they face. Different checking accounts, different family and career goals, different ideas of the importance of G-d in their lives.
Being one means, OUR money, OUR family and career goals, OUR connection to G-d. This means loving enough to give-up oneself for the union of one. Each functions uniquely but combine to make one body.
With this in human form we fight selfishness, self pride, self centeredness, self inclination to do evil for the sake of the one. It is not easy and can not be achieved quickly. But all things are possible with G-d.

(47) DAVID PICOVSKY, July 22, 2014 3:33 PM



(46) Oscar Abraham, July 22, 2014 3:03 PM


What a wonderful lesson. Of course, each person is still an individual but it is far superior if they can blend together.

(45) Renee, January 12, 2014 3:57 AM

Very nice concept but how can you become one? In what ways or actions?

Chaya, August 17, 2014 3:08 AM


Adopt the mindset of being a giver instead of a taker. A person is married not in order to get anything (satisfaction, possessions, etc.). Be married because of what you can give to your spouse. Find ways to help him/her become a better, happier person. With success, the sense of fulfillment of this kind of relationship will give you real happiness and a truly beautiful relationship.

(44) Kenice, June 12, 2012 1:33 PM


Thank you, I am being married to a wonderful man in December, and this illustrates to me one of the differences between living together and being married.

(43) Cathryn True Varlet, June 8, 2012 4:43 PM

I love the picture of the crushed grape and the blend of the wine, because the two truly "become one", in the Covenant marriage between a man and a woman. Just as in the weave of a three-stranded cord, mentioned in Ecclesiastes, the weave of the two, with God in the center, creates the strongest weave of all.

(42) Anonymous, June 7, 2012 1:30 PM

Wiah my first marriage had been like wine

We started out no more than kids, but we're so fiercely independent never made wine just stayed two different types of grapes. I think the process of becoming wine has to be God the winemaker. And the two varieties must surrender themselves to Him.

(41) Gwendolyn, June 6, 2012 10:29 PM


I thought this was an excellent picture of what marriage is supposed to be. When my husband left this world behind I felt as if half of me had been ripped away. We had been together 46 years and were still in love.

Joshua, September 22, 2012 2:19 PM

That's so sweet!

(40) Jael Zebulun, June 6, 2012 9:22 PM

Nicely done!

Great teaching! Thanks!

(39) Gershona, June 6, 2012 6:46 PM

beautiful thoughts on the wine, but...............

Matzoh ball soup is definitely, absolutely NOT "more Jewish than wine." Obviously wine is mentioned in the Torah and was considered a crucial part of worship. And not all Jews come from Eastern Europe, the home of matzoh balls. Sephardim, Mizrachim, Romaniot, Bene Israel from India, Ethiopians, etc. etc. do not know from matzoh balls, and frankly I am tired of North American Jews of Ashkenazi descent thinking that Judaism originated in Poland and Russia.

L.S., July 31, 2014 11:45 PM


I was thinking the same thought about matzoah balls and Ashcanaz assuming that ALL Jews come from a culture of bagels and lox etc but you expressed it more succinctly and eloquently than I would have. Right on! But overall, I did like the message of this video and the analogy to wine.

(38) Esti, June 6, 2012 4:16 PM

Charlie Knoll, I hope....

... that your marriage is much more than a $4 bottle of wine. Wishing you only the finest.

(37) Charlie Knoll, June 6, 2012 2:39 PM

Wrong about wine

A bottle of wine is made from 2.5 pounds of grapes. As some bottles sell for $4 or less, the price doesn't even cover the cost of the grapes (usually retail at $2.99/lb) let alone the cost of sugar etc etc. For wine the whole may be less than the sum of its parts.

Bunim, June 7, 2012 12:49 AM

you missed the point

I think you missed the point ! Sour Grapes ?

AH, June 7, 2012 1:33 AM

Do you really think that they don't make money on a $4 bottle? Yes, you might pay $2.99 for grapes at the supermarket. But wine grapes are a whole different system. The grapes in a $4 bottle—which is wishful thinking, good wines cost more than that (cause they need to pay for good grapes)—cost less than $1 per pound. Mr. Harary isn't wrong about wine, you are.

(36) Mark Feffer, June 6, 2012 1:34 PM


Today's lavish Jewish weddings are are unecceassry on the scale they are held. All you need is two witnesses and a Rabbi I believe. If you have multi thousands to spend give a lot of charity. Also Bar Mitzvoth. Thank you.

David, June 6, 2012 5:12 PM


I'm getting married BH in august... i have talked to my girlfriend about the loss of significance of the wedding when you lose the real objective of it, to be together. It has been a real gehinam to plan this wedding at the scale that my in-laws want it to be, I'm tired already and it hasn't even begun, I have talked to her into taking a plane to Israel and getting married in my old kibutz... that would be simple and meaningful.

(35) Michal, June 6, 2012 1:24 PM

The most beautifull and true explanation...

...about what marriage really is, our forfatheres until the Rabbanim of today celebrated it in a way everybody can understand it, It just makes happy, to learn this..

(34) Anonymous, May 17, 2012 4:58 PM

this video must be required viewing

i wish i had seen this video prior to my wedding, what a powerful message! and what a different mate i would have chosen. if only i had known....

(33) Tali Wohlgelernter, May 1, 2012 5:40 PM


What a beautiful video, but you can imagine my surprise at seeing my own wedding pictures in the background!!!

(32) Miriam, February 7, 2012 5:59 AM


Thank you Charlie. That was beautiful. I am engaged to be married and your words really touched me.

(31) Venkat, December 30, 2011 10:12 AM

Super presentation

I understood the concept of drinking wine in Jewish marriage. Amazming presentation

(30) Chamika, December 23, 2011 2:26 PM


Such wonderful thoughts :-)

(29) JAFFA ABBO, December 14, 2011 10:41 PM



(28) Dvore, December 11, 2011 8:16 PM


incredibly inspirational! Thanks for the uplifting words ...and for helping us see the value and beauty of a marriage in which two people truly fuse to become one flesh :)

(27) Marty Kairey, December 5, 2011 10:30 PM

From a distillers view....

Charlie has a unique way of delivering the truth and making you smile at the same time. Keep up the great work Master Distiller Zachlawi Arak

(26) philip, December 3, 2011 7:00 PM

nice but really...

the reason for wine is that its the only thing in the physical world that improves with time reflecting an accent spiritually. its for the same reason,we use wine erev shabbat to signify the accent from the 6 days of the week to shabbat kaddosh. also we use wine at a brit again to celebrate an increased spiritual level. funny thing is that also use it for havdalah. shouldn't think we return to where we were before shabbat once the day is over. but like a step on a staircase,we leave shabbat elevated by at least one more level. this torah thought was heard from rabbi akiva tatz. shavua tov

(25) JOSE MANUEL, December 3, 2011 1:25 AM



(24) Anon, December 2, 2011 6:48 AM


Excellent video!

(23) Katriel, December 1, 2011 9:53 PM

as always

another inspirational video.

(22) Hindy, December 1, 2011 7:28 PM

That was amazing!!!! so perfect! I love all of your inspiring clips Please keep making them! Im always waiting for the next one. Thank you!

(21) DeShawn, December 1, 2011 5:44 PM

This was the truth! Enjoyed it!

(20) Anonymous, November 30, 2011 8:29 PM


Can't we make the same case for any alcohol? Vodka > potatos. Beer > wheat. Why did Jews choose wine over any other alcohol? Is it the oldest alcohol known to our people?

(19) Chapa, November 30, 2011 6:10 AM


Wine, signifying joy, happiness, making merry. God's presence in his creation, the fruit of the vine. Very good video, honor's marriage as positive aspect to encounter.

(18) Shosh, November 30, 2011 4:56 AM

Beautiful! L'Chaim!

(17) Steve Fink, November 30, 2011 4:32 AM

Yaasher koach Charlie!!

Charlie Harary consistently delivers wonderfully inspirational messages that we can all benefit from. Keep-up the Great Work, Charlie!

(16) Shulamis Mallet, November 29, 2011 11:43 PM

The process is a little more complicated than that,but great clip

This is a beautiful video, but I disagree with part of it. Grapes don't suddenly become wine when they're crushed. They need to ferment, to be handled with care and treasured in order to become a truly great wine. The same is true for marriage. The first year is like grape juice, you start out with pressure in order to render the juice and unify it, but it's sweet, and spoils if you don't preserve (refrigerate) it properly. Differences are also best refrigerated until you can deal with them in a calm manner. Over time, if the couple treats each other with respect and appreciation, the vintage improves, if not, you end up with vinegar.

David Fohrman, December 1, 2011 6:45 AM

I completely agree

I think that's a spot-on, analysis, Shulamis. Thanks for that insight.

Shulamis Mallet, December 14, 2011 1:07 PM

I appreciate the response

My pleasure, and thanks for responding.

(15) s. sasson, November 29, 2011 9:26 PM usual

love, love, LOVE....always amazing and so touching.looking foward to the next video!!

(14) Rabbi Rolando Corte, November 29, 2011 2:56 PM


Beautiful composition and presentation, congratulations!! it is a real revelation from HaShem.

(13) menucha chwat, November 29, 2011 1:19 PM

Amazing photographs.

Made me feel like I was at those weddings. Of course the hard part of the wine is being the brides mother and hoping it doesn't spill while you give her to drink.

(12) ruth housman, November 29, 2011 1:08 PM

bottle of wine/fruit of the vine

There is Divine itself, as in the word, as in VINO, DIVINO, the name of a store in Newton, MA. In fact wine has a deep sacramental significance. I once read a piece on past lives, and strangely, in this piece, people were described as souls, all connected on that vine, a grapevine. I think we're all communicating, as it is said, I heard it on the grapevine.. Wine has that Dionysian ability to bring people very high, and perhaps too high, towards what is, transcendent in another way, too. We know this. And so life is essentially bipolar, as in the wine, and we need to realize that to whine, is to express upset in complaint, and that too, is a related word. I am following a deeply language-based story, and as in challah, surely, it's a weave, a gold gold braid. We are ONE, and alone. We are a part, of something far far greater than ourselves, and we are apart. Life is essentially a lonely road, a solitary journey, and when we find that certain other, we cleave to each other, and find ourselves in the other, and in learning about them too. And cleave is also, a bipolar word, as it also rents asunder, as we do know, in using a cleaver. G_d is "clever". One could say, a Massive Intelligence guides our collective and individual stories, and we're all connected to each other, as grapes to the vine, to what is Divine.

(11) debby, November 29, 2011 11:55 AM

wondeful, powerful, poignant, succinct and perfect. thank you!

(10) s, November 29, 2011 9:01 AM

Plus, just like wine is better over time, a marriage where the relationship is nurtured grows better as well

(9) Anonymous, November 28, 2011 10:42 PM

That was the most inspiring video!!!!!! Thank you i needed to see and hear that!!

(8) Do Lern Hwei, November 28, 2011 5:20 PM

Thanks for the insight!

Hope that our relationships will synagise and make us better, more G-d fearing people. The kiddush and Eucharist, by the way also uses wine.

(7) Theo, November 27, 2011 11:35 PM


Love it - so nicely said - L'chaim to all.

(6) Melanie Vliet, November 27, 2011 10:46 PM

A New Entity, but . . .

Yes, the union of the two individuals results in a new and more valuable entity, but it does not end the existence of its component parts. Just as a corporation is a legal person/entity with its shareholders remaining persons as well, so it is with marriage. The American tradition is for the bride and groom to light the unity candle--a much thicker one--from their individual candles. Some couples then blow out their individual candles before replacing them in their holders. My husband and I were among those who left their individual candles lit. In marrying, we did not die. We added to our individual values by forming a new--additional--united entity. We still exist. I have knowledge and skills that he lacks, and the same is true of him with respect to me. We are still us, but we now face the world united in G-d's service.

(5) Daniel W. Krueger, November 27, 2011 9:30 PM

Another amazing post from Charlie Harary

Thank you for this beautiful posting.

(4) Adina, November 27, 2011 7:38 PM

thats sooo beautiful

i love that being Jewish means that every act has significant meaning behind it!

(3) Anonymous, November 27, 2011 6:55 PM


Thank you..really outstanding!

(2) Andria, November 27, 2011 3:54 PM


Thanks again for your wise words.

(1) lisa, November 27, 2011 1:40 PM


Like a good class of wine...this was perfect!!!


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