Thursday, May 31, 2001
At 11:40 on Thursday night, May 24, I started to hear the sirens. Living inside the walls of Jerusalem's Old City, where narrow lanes take the place of trafficked streets, we only occasionally hear the wail of a distant siren. That night, however, siren followed siren, loud and close, one winding down only to hear the rising shriek of another.
"Something's going on out there," I told my husband, who had just gone to bed.
Fearing another terrorist attack, I called our local police station."A building in Talpiot collapsed," the policeman on duty informed me.
Talpiot, a ten-minute drive from the Old City, has a large industrial and commercial district."Was anyone in the building?" I queried, adding:"I want to know whether I should be saying Psalms for the injured."
The policeman answered:"A Jew should always say Psalms. Yes, a wedding was going on."
With a sense of dread exacerbated by the incessant wail of what I now knew were ambulance sirens, I roused my husband and our thirteen-year-old daughter, who was lying in her loft engrossed in a book."We have to say tehillim (psalms). A building collapsed in Talpiot in the middle of a wedding."
We had no idea whom we were praying for, nor how many. It was a scene which has become too common: praying for the injured from bomb blasts, drive-by shootings, ambushes, kidnappings; praying for critically wounded children, young mothers, fathers of five, elderly immigrants. This time, however, our prayers were accompanied by the cacophony of sirens, one after another in a dirge of dire urgency.
The sound of the sirens perforated my ears and heart.
Only after reciting our psalms, did we turn on the radio to hear the news: 650 people had been in the hall at the time of the collapse. Jerusalem did not have enough ambulances nor hospital beds to accommodate the 350 injured. Ambulances were racing to the scene from as far away as Tel Aviv.
Somehow, sometime after 1:00 am, I managed to fall asleep, the sound of the sirens still perforating my ears and heart. I awoke to the 7 AM news: 19 dead (later to climb to 23), 350 injured -- the worst civil disaster in the history of the State of Israel.
Israel is a small country where everyone feels like mishpacha — family. A contentious, bickering family to be sure, but family. That Friday morning every Jew in Israel felt scourged by a calamity so grievous, coming on the heels of so many tragedies, so many families shattered by terrorists' bullets, so many youths maimed by terrorists' bombs, that just as our eyes could no longer hold the tears, our hearts could no longer hold the pain.
TSHUVA
It is axiomatic in Judaism that all physical effects have spiritual causes. God runs the world. All of human history is moving toward the Final Redemption, the era of universal God-consciousness. That process is fueled by individual and collective"tshuva," becoming conscious of our shortcomings and fixing them. The Talmud says that when one is beset with suffering, one should examine one's deeds and rectify whatever needs fixing. Suffering is not a punishment for wrongdoing, but a goad to rectification.
But where to begin? I could easily run off a list of two dozen areas which I personally need to fix; four dozen that the Jewish people could stand to work on.
On that tear-stained Friday morning, Israel's Chief Rabbi, Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau, pointed to our national lackadaisicalness, a tendency toward carelessness and foolhardy optimism ("Yehiye tov"—"It'll be okay") which characterizes not just the engineers and owners of the Versailles banquet hall, but much of Israeli society. The Maccabean bridge disaster, which resulted in four deaths of Australian athletes, was another tragic result of this attitude.
Personally, this diagnosis did not speak to me. If Israel as a whole is plagued by calamity now, then we all have to do tshuva, even those of us who are meticulous and painstaking in their professional and personal lives.
I called Rebbetzin Devorah Cohen, the pseudonym I use for one of the great, hidden holy women of our generation."We cannot do tshuva on everything all at once," I complained, my voice desperate. "What exactly should we be doing tshuva on?"
Without skipping a beat, she replied: "We have to love God more."
That registered. Here was a tshuva that every Jew, religious and secular, man and woman, exalted and lowly, could engage in.
"But how do we do that, practically speaking?"
"Thank God for every single breath."
THE MOSQUITO PRINCIPLE
Love of God, gratitude, and happiness are all intertwined, but we cannot set the process in motion if we fall prey to what Ken Keyes, Jr., calls "The Mosquito Principle." If there are 30 mosquitoes in your room at bedtime, and you kill 29 of them, the one remaining mosquito buzzing around your head is enough to keep you miserable all night. Similarly, if you have 29 of the 30 things you need to make you happy, according to the Mosquito Principle you are likely to be unhappy almost all the time because your mind will focus on the one remaining thing you lack.
Rebbetzin Devorah Cohen is both the advocate and the exemplar of the reverse of "The Mosquito Principle": If you have even one thing to thank God for, you can be happy.
I call this approach the "Every Breath Principle."
Rebbetzin Devorah herself lost her entire family in Auschwitz, was experimented upon by the notorious"Angel of Death," Dr. Mengele, lived with her husband in absolute penury in a dilapidated shack in one of the hottest parts of Israel, never bore any children, and took care of numerous retarded and multiply handicapped children without running hot water or human help. Yet, her neighbors testified that she was always happy. [See"Holywoman"]
Once, I took several women from my neighborhood to Rebbetzin Devorah to ask for blessings. She assured them that they would each get what they had come to ask for. Then one of our group piped up:"But how do we stay happy while we're waiting for the blessing to come down?"
As an adult, I still tended to approach every scene by looking for "What's Wrong with This Picture?"
Rebbetzin Devorah looked at her uncomprehendingly. "How to be happy? You have eyes and they see. You have ears and they hear. You have feet and they take you where you want to go. How can you not be happy?" she rejoined, incredulous.
This is the"Every Breath Principle." If you have eyes that see, you should thank God and be happy. If you don't, but you have ears that hear, build your gratitude and happiness on that. If you can breathe, rejoice – and don't forget to thank your Creator for His largesse.
MY HAPPINESS LIST
This has been a difficult lesson for me to assimilate. As a child, my favorite activity in Hi-Lights Magazine was "What's Wrong with This Picture?" As an adult, I still tended to approach every scene by looking for"What's Wrong with This Picture?" I took this tendency to focus on the negative, dressed it up as a"critical intellectual faculty," and called it a virtue. The result of that virtue, however, was that I always found something to be unhappy about.
Then, one day in May of my 46th year, I had an epiphany on my way to the bank.
Six months after giving birth to my first child at the age of forty, I had a near-fatal ectopic pregnancy. I spent the next five years trying to conceive again. I attempted every imaginable alternative and medical approach: I went to an old Yemenite woman who put burning crucibles on my abdomen; drank bitter tea made by boiling pomegranate peels; chewed the unpalatable"Yemenite gum"; sank a fortune into Sunrider fertility"pearls"; underwent massage from a Kurdistani woman, the 7th generation in her family to practice this technique; prayed at the graves of great tzaddikim; took nightly injections of fertility drugs; underwent surgery to open my blocked fallopian tube; got blessings from the Amshonaver Rebbe and Rebbetzin Devorah; and did I.V.F.
Finally, at the age of 46, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The ecstatic joy that my husband and I experienced was in direct proportion to how long we had yearned, prayed, and cried for this baby. We were both euphoric.
Then, two weeks after the birth, the daily meals that the community had been sending stopped. My mother-in-law, who had been tending to the house and our six-year-old daughter, went home to Los Angeles. I was left to deal with the childcare and housekeeping chores. But, cognizant how important the first few weeks are to successful nursing, my priority was to spend many leisurely hours propped up in my bed nursing my baby. The dishes piled up in the sink; the laundry piled up in the hamper; the house degenerated into a cluttered mess.
One morning, I had to deposit some money in the bank, a five-minute walk from our house. The bank closed at 1:00 PM. At 12:30 I hurriedly dressed, put the baby in a Snugly, and made a dash for the bank, leaving the beds unmade. As I scurried through the narrow lanes of the Old City, I was feeling frustrated and dejected at not being able to stay on top of the housecleaning.
Suddenly, I stopped dead in my tracks. "Are you crazy?" I asked myself. "Finally, after five years of torture, you have the baby that you struggled and cried for, and you're miserable because the beds aren't made?"
Standing there, frozen to the spot, I made a resolution: My happiness checklist would consist of just three items:
- My husband is alive and well.
- My daughter is alive and well.
- My son is alive and well.
If I could check off those three items, I resolved, I would be happy, no matter what else happened.
In the seven years since then, every time I find myself dejected, I pull my happiness checklist out of my mind's pocket. Check, check, check. "Thank you, God, for the miracle of the lives which are so precious to me." And I feel a gratitude which sparks a profound joy, even during these last eight nightmarish months.
"THE EVERY-BREATH PRINCIPLE" IN ACTION
"I am grateful to God for the two-month grace period He gave us to be together."
Just yesterday, Israel witnessed an incredible application of the"Every Breath Principle." Gilad Zar, a 41-year-old father of eight, was shot and killed by Palestinian terrorists as he was driving near his home in Samaria. Exactly 67 days before, at nearly the same spot, Zar was shot and seriously wounded in the chest and stomach. Miraculously, he survived and recovered, and despite the protestations of his doctors, he recently returned to work.
Yesterday, some time between her husband's murder and his funeral, his widow Hagar proclaimed:"I am grateful to God for the two-month grace period He gave us to be together."
Not, as would have been fully justified: "How will I cope in the years and decades ahead without my husband?" Not: "How will I support, raise, take care of, and educate my eight children without their father?" Even at that moment of incalculable loss and devastation, Hagar Zar was able to find something to thank God for: 67 days of life after her husband's first brush with death.
A person who has so internalized this principle of gratitude to God for every day, every breath, cannot be routed. A nation which internalizes such gratitude and love of God cannot be defeated.
Rebbetzin Devorah's answer is the antidote for our seemingly insoluble national crisis. So far no one from the left or the right, from the political echelons or the military brass, has offered Israel a workable solution to the mini-war which many now say threatens the very existence of the State of Israel. Like the prophets of old, Rebbetzin Devorah is instructing us that the fate of the nation depends not on military prowess nor diplomatic treaties, but on tshuva, returning to the God who originally gave us this land in an eternal covenant.
So what do we have to do? You just did it. You breathed. Now thank God for it.
(24) Leah, September 24, 2003 12:00 AM
Every Night
Every night after I say Shema, I thank Hashem for EVERYTHING. I know it sounds like a cliche, but, imagine NOT having your hearing or sight, G-d forbid. THEN you would appreciate every other thing that Hashem has given you, whether it is "small" or not.
(23) hermosa farca, June 12, 2001 12:00 AM
I would consider this an exceptional lesson to be learned not only by jews, but a principle that should be followed by all human beings. No matter the troubles, everyone has something to be thankful for and a purpose towards existing.
(22) Shira Esther, June 7, 2001 12:00 AM
the breathing principle
Your article was amazing, I cried through the whole thing, and it will really help me focus on what is really important in the future. You write really well, please write some more articles!
(21) barbara shotz, June 7, 2001 12:00 AM
just what i needed to read and understand. i too will make a list and remind myself of the goodness of god and be thankful for the really important things in life. thank you sara
(20) Dennis Rosen, June 6, 2001 12:00 AM
This is a wonderful article.
This is another wonderful article - I never fail to be inspired by this author. Many thanks for sharing these beautiful insights.
(19) Beverly Ventura, June 6, 2001 12:00 AM
"Let everything that has breath Praise G-D"
I grieve with your loses,& pray for the Peace of Jerusalem. Thank you for the reminder=I a widow Thank G-d that we had 32 years together Shalom
(18) Esther Katsman, June 5, 2001 12:00 AM
Here's another illustration of the Every Breath Principle
I met a woman named Varda while doing charity work in Jerusalem.
Varda was divorced four years ago from a husband who physically abused her. Childhood Rheumatic Fever damaged her heart and caused multiple physical deformities. Her husband’s beatings damaged her hearing and her nervous system, so that she suffers severe headaches. She has undergone major surgery eleven times. Cancerous tumors have left her with no small intestine and one quarter of her large intestine.
Varda’s eight-year-old daughter Kineret was born with a disease that causes periodic internal brain hemorrhage. She also suffers from severe asthma. She requires physiotherapy to develop co-ordination of her large and small muscles. Kineret is also developmentally disabled.
Three years after Kineret’s birth, Varda was elated to find she was pregnant with twin boys. Unfortunately, the twins were born severely retarded, with deformities of their backs and legs. One of them is also autistic. At age five, they are both still in diapers, and only one of them is able to stand with the help of special devices.
Varda and her children live on $650 a month, provided by the Israeli government. After all her extraordinary medical and rehabilitation expenses, often there is no food in the house.
Whenever I present Varda with any sum whatsoever from the money I collect for her, Varda smiles gratefully and whispers, "God loves me."
This is the "Every Breath Principle" in action.
(17) Chana Siegel, June 5, 2001 12:00 AM
There's More Unity Than You'd Suspect
I'm a nurse in one of the wards that took in injured from the Versailles hall collapse (Pediatric Surgery at Hadassah Ein Karem). The entire rescue operation, the emergency and follow-up treatment of these people (a lovely family, by the way) has involved many aspects of Israeli society, who have acted together in love and concern, who have gone beyond the call of duty.
Perhaps the message here is that if we can make such a difference working together in a crisis, why does it have to take a crisis for all of us to work together?
I consider myself blessed to have had the priviledge of being able to express my concern for the wounded in physical acts performed with love, skill, and gentleness. But you can cause positive change by other acts as well, even less direct ones. Spiritually, psychologically, and sociologically, DOING works better than just watching or worrying.
And there's a lot of positive energy and caring in Israeli society in spite of the divisiveness. I've seen it, and I see it every day.
(16) y fried, June 5, 2001 12:00 AM
Teshuva: Between man and man, between man and G-d
This was one truly heart wrenching story that occurred in our Holy Land. And this article summed up a Big part of it. I couldn't agree more that we have to be much more appreciative to our Creator for what we have today. We tend to take so much for granted. I think it's at least in part due to the fact that we HAVE so much more (than we need)today that we confuse the "wants" with the "needs". And then we're not happy or satisfied until we get all our "needs". We have the "keep up with the Jone's" syndrome. There's always the next door neighbor who has the latest "gadget" that we Have to get also. Besides this flaw, however, there always lurks the single most infamous character trait that we fail at so "terrifically"- and that is "Between man and man". With just a little more love for "Our Fellow Jew" comes a little more respect for one another. If we can all practice this Big Mitzvah each day we can hopefully bring the world back to Peace (The lack for which our Second Temple was destroyed). This way may HaShem bring the Redemption to His children speedily in our days, Amen!!
(15) Anonymous, June 5, 2001 12:00 AM
try to remember to be thankful also all the time
unbelievable faith to have that probably will make you stronger and perhaps happier
(14) Sylvia Schwartz, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
wonderfully written article
Saul & I were pleased to receive your descriptions & are impressed with your ability to transport us to Israel
(13) Ted Dornan, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
Thank you for the encouragement!
Dear Rebbetzin:
Your encouragement to do tshuva and to be thankful to HaShem for blessings--the reverse, as you say, of the mosquito principle--came at such a time that there is trouble for my sons and their families and for my stepchildren. It is very a very discouraging situation. Thank you for your help, and I shall likewise pass it on to them.
Sincerely,
Ted Dornan
(12) jerry sternberg, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
Beautiful article - yashir koach
Made me think of being grateful. Thank you
(11) Cheryl Unterslak, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
This is an excellent article, and I believe that the way to a happy life is to know that all that we have is by the grace of Hashem, and to find a positive way to cope with all the negativities that come ones way as those are the tests. Jewdaism is about giving and your article is giving the ' tool kit' to others to enable them to cope with calamitities and tests that come thier way.
(10) Simi Shain, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
Great Article!
It brings out many important points. Thank you!
(9) Anonymous, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
amazing
Thank you so much for writting this. It is really very brilliant and starightfoward. At the end of the article as i breathed, I really did thank Hashem Yisborach!
(8) Anonymous, June 4, 2001 12:00 AM
I will try harder.
I do appreciate what G-d has given me and do try to find the good even when something bad has happened. I will try even harder now to look for the positive rather than just finding the negative. My mother-in-law used to say "Thank G-d for that" when something bad happened. I thought it was a strange thing to say but when I thought about it even more, I realized that she was right. Perhaps G-d wants to wake us up and gives us something hard to deal with rather than something even much worse. Just this past weekend I thought my good raincoat was missing, lost in LGA on Fri. I had been very upset because of the financial loss of it as well as other aspects of needing it, but when I told myself that maybe G-d had me lose the coat rather than have something bad happen, something that might have been a physical hurt rather than something minor such as losing a coat, happen to me. Then I felt a calm about losing it, still feeling sorry but not so upset. I took a chance Sunday morning, and, believe it or not, the coat had been found! I got it on my way back home yesterday.
I think of Israel and its people each day when I say my Tehillim. I will try to look at the positive and thank Hashem for being alive and for the many miracles that have happened in Israel. I pray that all those who have lost loved ones because of the terrorists and even that awful building collapse are able to find something positive to dwell on.
My husband died because of being hit by a car in Sept. of '99, and I have been able, thank G-d, to find reasons to be grateful to Him inspite of all that has happened.
(7) Rita Litchfield, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
good to think about but difficult to apply
as a mother of 11, widow when my youngest was 1 I can tell you that it sounds good but is very difficult to apply. I think it is important to feel Gd's presence at all times, pray hard, try to do the right thing, and realize that we cannot always understand the ways of Hashem.
(6) Anonymous, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
beautiful and inspiring
Sara, your words are beautiful, inspiring, and so practical. Hashem is clearly sending us strong messages, which we must act upon, if we only know how. Thanks for providing a solution to this most difficult challenge.
Sholom Michael
(5) Scott Riemersma, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
Sara, your article has real meaning to me. G-d has granted me a life of such wonder that I often need to be brought back to reality, I need for others to make me aware of how much I have to be gratefull for. And it is important for me to remember that others bo not live in such safety as I do. You are blessed by Hashem in being able to do me a Mitzvah.
Thanks
Scott Rioemersma
USA
(4) Chezi Goldberg, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
Guilt and Gratitude
Sara, I loved your article. The battle to maintain gratitude is pervasive in our lives. I know I battle it. Life has its rough times....inevitably, but focussing on the positive...that is the real challenge.
At the same time, I am facing enormous guilt feelings for the families who have been torn asunder by this tragedy and the others happening around us every day. Part of me feels that maybe we could be doing more to prevent them from happening.
Thanks
Chezi Goldberg
Israel
(3) sarah shapiro, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
a very beautiful article
(2) Anonymous, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
article relative to what's going on in Israel and life in general ...very excellent...thank you.
Thank you Sara...we needed that.
(1) Anonymous, June 3, 2001 12:00 AM
wonderful writing and beautiful message!
As anyone, I have had my share of problems in life. It is sometimes hard to focus on the positive, but this was very inspirational and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!