Our small group stands around the grave of Tehilla Nathansen, may her blood be avenged, bent over the books of Psalms in our hands. It is a year after her brutal murder. The sizzling sun beats down on our heads as our hot tears course down our cheeks. We could never have envisioned a scene such as this prior to the 22nd of Av (August 19th) of last year. Who would have dreamed that our very own closest and dearest would become "victims of terror"? Living with the nightmare of the Intifada for nearly four years never made it something that could happen to us.
The heat I feel in the cemetery is intense, but nothing to compare with the heat of the flames of a bombed out bus. My pain at losing a granddaughter is deep, rivalling the pain and the horror of hearing that my daughter Chany and her entire family were on that bus #2 coming back from the Western Wall. Where was I then, and where am I now? Where was Chany, her husband Metanya and their three children then compared to where they are now? In truth, I can only thank God for the miracles He performed for us and the healing He bestowed upon us. And even though we have lost Tehilla, we know she is dwelling in one of the loftiest places in Gan Eden.
Standing at the grave site, presented with a puzzling aspect of God's compassion, my mind tries to fathom what it is exactly that He is trying to tell us.
I will always remember Tehilla with love and longing, a sweet and precious child not yet three years old. At the same time, I will never forget that God is good and that our loving Father is taking care of us every step of the way. As the holy words are intoned "Keil moleh rachamim -- Almighty One, full of compassion" my mouth speaks Your praise.
Standing at the grave site, presented with a puzzling aspect of God's compassion, my mind tries to fathom what it is exactly that He is trying to tell us. The Almighty doesn't "punish" in the typical sense of the word. He sends us travail to chastise and educate us. God's way of retribution is midah keneged midah, measure for measure. He educates by pointing out our flaws through the so-called punishments He sends us. Sometimes we heed His message and sometimes we don't.
Sometimes He taps on the door and we open immediately. But sometimes He taps and we don't open. It might be that our house is on fire, and in that case, He knocks loudly to get our attention. If there is still no response, He then bangs with all His might. But if we are in a spiritual coma and don't hear Him, He has no choice but to break down the door and throw us out the window lest we burn to a crisp in the conflagration and go lost forever. He throws us out the window and, oh, how much it hurts! But He does it to save us.
I continue to wonder: Why did He choose a suicide bomber to teach us, to educate us, and not some natural catastrophe? And what is it we have to learn about ourselves through the scourge of terrorism? It is of the utmost urgency that we get the message. I had been grappling with this question the whole past year.
I had no small list of "messages for life" that I had learned from the piguah, the terror bombing. As soon as we were released from the hospital last summer and came home to Zichron Yaakov, I began speaking to women's groups and in the girls' schools about our experience. I talked about all the wonderful things that had taken place right after the bombing. There were the countless acts of kiddush Hashem, sanctification of God's name, that came about through the many interviews we had with the media, and through our interaction with hospital staff and anyone else we came in contact with. I had been witness to limitless acts of chesed, loving kindness, from so many people, too numerous to recount. I had felt intensely the achdus, the bonding and togetherness, of acheinu Bnei Yisrael, of our brothers and sisters of the holy nation of Israel. We still had to learn the valuable lesson of how to actualize this unity in the 'good' times of our life, and not only experience it in times of crises. But, even so, there was that amazing feeling of all of us pulling together as one family after the bombing. Indeed, I could write an entire book on the positive outcomes of the piguah.
Lessons and messages from the Almighty -- I had plenty of them to think about and to internalize into my life. But there is something else, something beyond the obvious. I come back to that frightening question: What is it about terrorism that points out our flaws?
What is it exactly that makes a person turn into a suicide bomber? I never lived in their society, but it's no secret that the 'volunteers' are brainwashed into doing what they do. The style of education of their youth has been videotaped and recorded for all to see; it merely takes a few clicks of the mouse as one browses the Internet to uncover their hate campaign.
Their leaders' words build up images of holy martyrdom in the minds of the youth. They are taught that the more they hurt, maim and kill their 'enemies,' the holier will they become. The evil words have the ability to create a longing, an aspiration in the young and vulnerable minds to attain that honored place in heaven that is awarded the suicide bomber. And one by one, the brainwashed killers commit to do the barbaric act that their perverted minds call an act of heroism. Words and images have the power to do that!
Words of tumah, evil impurity, and the images they create have the power to destroy, to bring destruction onto innocents. If we go back to the maxim of midah keneged midah, measure for measure, this must be telling us that we are deficient in the way we are using our words. Otherwise the evil words of the enemy would not have the power to harm us.
We know that words have the ability to build as well as destroy. Our sages have explained to us that the reason God created the world with amirot, with sayings, is to teach us a fundamental message. Was it necessary for God to say, "Let there be light"? Could He not have merely willed it to be? But ten times He said, "Let there be... Let there be..." to teach us that words have the power to build and create.
On the positive side we can use our mouths to give tehilla, praise, to God. We can use our mouths to pray to Him, to learn His holy Torah and to calm our troubled minds with the healing words of Psalms. We have the ability to give words of love and comfort to those more unfortunate than ourselves. We can give thanks and words of appreciation to others for their kind deeds done to us. We can strengthen others with words of hope; guide others with words of wisdom and advice. We can express empathy as others spill their woes into our listening ears. Through our words we can build within our fellow Jew the belief that he is worthwhile, that all he does makes a difference in the eyes of God and, literally, affects the world. There is no end to the beautiful and constructive usages of our words.
But, are we not perhaps guilty of using our God-given ability of speech in negative ways as well? Much has been written about the destructive powers of lashon harah, evil speech. Since the Chofetz Chaim has awakened us to the need for watching our tongues we have made great strides forward in this area. Many books have been written and learning programs begun to aid us in achieving this goal. Today, thank God, there are communities in which one would be ashamed to speak lashon harah for fear of antagonizing his listeners and bringing a rain of protest upon his head.
Perhaps there are those of us who are guilty of certain kind of terrorism, a terrorism caused by words?
Yet, it seems the movement has not spread quite enough. Apparently there are still too many Jews who have not eliminated evil speech from their vocabularies, who are still guilty of ona'as devorim, of paining people with words.
My mind takes me a step further. Perhaps there are those of us who are guilty of certain kind of terrorism, a terrorism caused by words? Could it be that the physical terrorist that is destroying us is a manifestation of the emotional terrorist that exists amongst ourselves?
Who is an emotional terrorist? I remind myself of something I had read. Dr. Miriam Adahan explains in her article "Dealing with Emotional Terrorism":
When we think of terrorism, we usually think of suicide bombers and other such heinous criminals. Just as dangerous are the emotional terrorists (ETs) who work at a more subtle level, destroying people's hearts and minds. A murderer destroys bodies, while ETs are "identity thieves," out to destroy people's sense of self-worth. To do so, they use four main weapons: intimidation, shame, guilt and confusion. They are everywhere, including our homes, schools and places of work. APD (Abusive Personality Syndrome) is a terrible disease, a kind of spiritual SARS, infecting everyone who comes in contact with them. Victims often suffer auto-immune illnesses, such as fibromyalgia, lupus, MS or cancer... ETs often seem perfectly fine to outsiders. They may be the oh-so-friendly chaps in shul, the charismatic community leaders. You'd never know that at home, they erupt in violent explosions, relentlessly stalking their victims (usually their spouse or children) with devastating criticism, threats and false accusations against the people they are supposed to love and cherish.The first step in this battle is to name the illness and identify the signs of this disease. Although we can all display these traits at times, the person with APD does so with greater frequency and intensity.
Yes, I conclude bitterly to myself, our society does suffer from emotional terrorism. Focusing on Tehilla's grave I see so graphically what the Almighty wants of us. "Rid yourselves of the terrorist within your midst and then the terrorist from without will have no power to harm you!" At that moment a commitment forms itself within my heart. I would work on ridding myself of any vestige of emotional terrorism that I might harbor within. I would work towards building people, rather than knocking them down, with my words. I would begin a campaign to eliminate the Emotional Terrorist from within my circle of acquaintances in whichever way I had at my disposal. I would work on educating the people I knew and had influence upon to join me in my quest.
At the same time as I was purifying my mouth from any taint of terrorism I would use that precious vessel as it was meant to be used -- for divinity. The words I choose to use would be ones that would uplift myself and others and bring us closer to God. I may not be able to maintain that level 24 hours a day, but enough of the time for me to feel that God is proud of the way I am using my words.
The sun is still fierce in its intensity, but I had not felt the discomfort during my reverie. I am suddenly comforted in a small way. I knew from the first moment that Tehilla's death was not in vain, but now I know so on a deeper and more profound level. It has become a catalyst to educate and to move me in a very specific direction.

Tehilla, your name was given to you prophetically by your parents, for it represents your essence. Your death has brought the meaning of your name, praise, into the forefront of my consciousness.
Tehillat Hashem yedabeir pi -- forever more shall my mouth speak Your praise (Psalms 145).
(26) Diana, January 9, 2015 1:04 PM
Why, oh why, has no one asked of the "teachers" of evil why they, instead of praising the acts of evil, have not joined the ranks of the "martyr's?"
(25) Anonymous, April 13, 2005 12:00 AM
Your article personally affects me
After I read your article I felt like joining you in your Tehillat Hashem. I was an American tourist visiting the Kotel on my last night there. We were shceduled to visit someone later that night, but at last minute we changed our plans since we felt tired from the packing. We waited for ten minutes for a taxi, and when none came, we decided to use the bus. we took the #1 since it was closer to the apartment. if we had followed ur initial plan, we would have needed to take the #2.
(24) Miryam, September 27, 2004 12:00 AM
Moving!
This story has really moved me, my heart goes out to you Bracha and your family. I will pray for you and your family, I remember hearing about that bombing and it just ripped my heart out. Tehilla was a VERY beautiful little girl, may Hashem bless her soul, we all know she is in Gan Eden!
(23) Nelson Horton, September 7, 2004 12:00 AM
The real cause of terrorism
I believe that we can thank the results of 80 years of European Colonialism in the Middle East for today's Islamic "terrorism". Following colonialism many Islamic nations fell under unscrupulous dictatorships..often supported by the "West"...that deprived the ordinary Islamic person of a decent life...no decent home...little money...little hope for the future. It is here that both Western and Islamic Leaders must work together to solve the problem of "terrorism". Islamic people must have a decent life...or they will continue to fall back upon "Fundamentalism" as the only hope they have seem to feel that is left for them. Of course, we must defend ourselves...but our real efforts must be aimed towards helping better the conditions of life for ordinary Muslim People ...most everywhere. We must give "hope" back to them, once again.
Thank you. Sincerely, Nelson Horton
(22) Rabbi A. Meir, September 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Treating the source
I read your meaningful and painful article, and found myself wondering. Why is it that we have to go so far and look for hidden messages of midah keneged midah, when the reason for all this is written straight out in the torah. In this week's parasha we read: "and if you will not listen to Hashem and observe his commandments etc. He will give you into the hands of your enemies…A nation that will not favor the elderly and will have no mercy on the young.
Since bais hamikdash was destroyed we are continually being killed by the nations. True, once there were no bombs. The means may have changed, but certainly not the meaning. Hashem keeps and reminding us that we are in galus, even here in Eretz Israel. Therefore we are punished through the nations, and not through natural catastrophy. We are not meant to understand everything that happens to us. Even Moshe Rabeinu wasn't given an explanation to the ways of Hashem. In today's era we're constantly looking for explanations, and we forget at times to put our heads down and accept humbly the will of Hashem. If we concentrate on accepting at all times, everything that happens to us, as the will of Hashem, we will not speak lashon harah automatically, because any evil talk is a result of not accepting Hashem's will.
(21) Sara Rigler, August 29, 2004 12:00 AM
Profound, moving, and inspiring article
Bracha Torporowitch has accomplished, in a consumate way, what we are all put into this world to do: to lift up the sparks of every situation to reveal G-d's presence and message. That she was able to do this even in the ultimate darkness--the death of a child or grandchild--also reveals the spiritual greatness of the author.
(20) Matthew Ames, August 29, 2004 12:00 AM
My heart goes out to Thehilla and her family.And my
heart goes out to all the Jewish people that have been
killed by the terorrest.I love the Jewish people and
cannot understand Why is this any differant than that
which happened in my country,the USA.I wish there
was a way that I could help,any way.God Bless you and the whole Nation of Israel,Thank You, Matthew Ames
8-27-04
(19) HILDEGARD M. LEE, August 29, 2004 12:00 AM
THERE IS A REASON FOR ALL THINGS~~~~~
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHT.MAY GOD HAVE MERCY,COMPASSION AND FORGIVNESS FOR OUR STIFF NECKS,NARROW MINDEDNESS AND SELFSERVING LIVESTYLES.
I LOST A GRANDDAUGHTER LAST SUMMER BECAUSE OF SOMEONES NEGLECT,MY HEART IS AND WAS BREAKING BUT YOU ARE RIGHT, THERE ARE LESSON TO BE LEARNT.
YES, DONT LET US COMMIT MURDER TRUE OUR WORDS OR DEEDS.
WE HAVE SUCH A LOVING GOD,LET US REJOYS EACH AND EVERY DAY.
MAY GOD KEEP US.
(18) David Kerner, August 27, 2004 12:00 AM
Not so cut and dried
Where does valid self introspection cross the line to become 'blaming the victim'? Also, shoud you insert the term 'l'havdil' between the terrorists who murder people physically and those who have at times spoken lashon ha'ra? The Christian religion, after all, teaches that those who are think about commiting a sin are just as guilty as those who actually commit the sin. Finally, why did HaShem have to take the life of an innocent child to teach us the importance of not speaking lashon ha'ra?
(17) kelvin Thompson, August 27, 2004 12:00 AM
I'm deeply touched by this article. In fact, I'm moved tp pray as I finished to ponder over the pages. May God keep on this glorious work.
(16) Anonymous, August 27, 2004 12:00 AM
bigger picture
yasher koach on a fine and certainly difficult article. i would respectfully and humbly suggest that there is a vital element which needs to be addressed; and that is the existence of evil and the cooperation with it. sadly, there are people in the world who want to destroy Israel, Jews and Judaism. and, even worse, there are many Jews and other good hearted "liberal, progressive" people who assist them. to combat terror inside of ourselves you give essential teachings; and yet, we must also fight it out in the world: thru consistent media education about the truth, that the land of Israel is for the Jewish people from G-d and that the Torah is the real teaching about compassion and justice, not the sickly distorted words and ideas of ISM or moveon.org etc.
as Bnei Yisrael, the Jewish people get stronger and stronger in Torah and
drawing people to it we bring the holiness and power down into the earth plane and THIS force will vanquish all of our enemies. how many times does it say in the Torah that the Jews won or lost battles depending not on their military but on their DEVOTION!!!!
may we all merit shalom in our days.
(15) Anonymous, August 26, 2004 12:00 AM
Turning darkness to light
This inspire me to change and get better, repent from my bad ways and truly dedicate my life to kiddush Hashem. May all of us reach this goal. G-d bless you!
(14) Rosally Saltsman, August 25, 2004 12:00 AM
A poignant article
A beautiful article and painful reminder to always have Tehilla -praise in mind. May Hashem comfort you and your family among the mourners of Zion and may we always be vigilantly guard our tongues
(13) Menachem Kaplan, August 25, 2004 12:00 AM
I was very touched by your moving article.
I was very touched by your moving article.
I was bothered though by your interpretation of midah keneged midah. Our sages point out in many events that a certain punishment came for a certain sin. But who are we to decide what's for what? We definitely should learn lessons from tragedies that befall on us, but at the same time we ought to be careful not to understand things according to our OWN wills and needs.
I hope we all hold onto your inspiring words and guard our tongues. And remember that healing the world begins in our OWN hearts and soul.
May Hashem give you strength and comfort.
(12) Yisrael, August 25, 2004 12:00 AM
Another Lesson Learned
A very strong message. I would like to offer another lesson learned from terorism. That is the power of education. The terrorist culture has used education to brainwash children and young adults to perform heinous acts. Through martydom, they hope to achieve their perverted dream of life after death. Imagine what can be accomplished if we Jews put the same effort into Jewish education to achieve positive, wholesome, and pure spiritual goals.
Arafat, yimach sh'emo, has stated that his greatest weapon is the Arab womb. He uses children to do carry out his evil plans. We must fortify our chinuch to overcome and defeat our enemies.
(11) raye, August 25, 2004 12:00 AM
"and our lives will never be the same"
The above quote is from the poster on my wall that shows the many victims of terror. It has been created by the One Family Fund. I shall not forget.
(10) shoshana stratton, August 24, 2004 12:00 AM
Beautiful article
(9) Boruch Rosner, August 24, 2004 12:00 AM
How beautiful- Brought tears to my eyes.
May Tehilla be a melitza Yosher for Klal Yisroel
(8) Anonymous, August 24, 2004 12:00 AM
Tehilla's Fight against Terror
From fighting terror from without, to fighting terror from within, Tehilla's memory will live. Thank you for this overwhelmingly loving article.
(7) Shana Klein, August 24, 2004 12:00 AM
Starting a Charity for Poor Children in Israe
I would like introduce my idea of starting a donation and a charity for Israeli school children...that have nothing....Please inquire, to Shana Klein
at 561-496-2244 or by Email.
Thank you!
(6) pierre, August 23, 2004 12:00 AM
I too disagree with the first part
It was a wonderful, difficult essay to read. I fear though the manner and degree to which we can/SHOULD integrate
the "measure for measure" principle; we can never ACTUALLY know the degree to which our minor/major flaws have minor/major consequences. If A SPECIFIC AVERA/SIN has a SPECIFIC reaction/repercussion, how can we measure?; by saying "we can't, by saying only G-d can", which is to not answer the question by positing an answer outside of our world of questions and actual answers. Is it so illogical a step to say then, that we experience tragic loss of family member (a death happens to a specific person), to *teach US a lesson*? Which "us" are we talking about; only the family, only the people who read the news, only the jews? What was that persons life of mitzvahs and averas and meanings and choices and decisions and statements and views worth (a life which G-d brought them through to the point of death - then death), such that it was taken SIMPLY to teach us "lessons"?
And the many opportunities that came out of such horrendous murders; do they honestly equal the *taking of a human life", with its joy and potentials and expectations - snuffed out; the possible mitzvahs and Kiddush hashem that only THAT specific person could have done? The sheer relativity of the possible avera and the possible repercussion/"lessons" to be learned are so enormous, that if it were the only view on "why things happen", I have difficulty finding solace in it (also remember there is "no reward for a mitzvah in this world", depending on how you read it, but everyone agrees there IS punishment for an avera in this world!). What if someone's transgression is an intellectual error (Rambam in places and others consider a heretic to be a heretic, even if he his "unknowing"); how would anyone else know what the lesson is? How could the person who sinned learn something by being killed - for simply believing in error? What if their error was in not being aware of Rambam's principle of reward and punishment? It seems so contingent on so many variables, how "learn" from potching (which is why there are different ways Rabbis have understood suffering). does the punishment follow the avera "measure for measure", or does our contingent/personal/relative perception militate the meaning of the "lesson"?... It seems *depending on how you look at it* - it is a perspective on suffering that may console some but not others.
(5) Anonymous, August 23, 2004 12:00 AM
thank you for your inspiring words and hashem should give you and your family comfort and strength to continue
(4) michael bindel, August 23, 2004 12:00 AM
tehilla
a message of light in dark times finally a practical advice how to tackle the lessons of this terorism great peace of work to have discovered the EMOTIONAL TERRORIST inside our society and inside ourselves
(3) Anonymous, August 22, 2004 12:00 AM
Tehila
What a beautiful child. I didn't agree with the first part of the article but the second part was disturbingly true.
(2) augustine, August 22, 2004 12:00 AM
i wont forget the meaning of the word--tehilla
she was a hero--one of the greats of israel- a praise of israel
(1) Susan, August 22, 2004 12:00 AM
Excellent article
Worderful article, thank you
We all need to watch what we say and think about the consequences of our words. Sometimes our words seem harmless but they have more power than we think. This coming year, we should learn and practice how to guard our speech and use our words for goodness.