“This is the easiest funeral you’re ever going to do,” the funeral director told Rabbi Elchanan Weinbach, a local rabbi in Rockland County, New York. There would be no friends or family, the director explained. The rabbi and the funeral director would be the only mourners present.
“I had never officiated at a funeral where I was the only mourner,” Rabbi Weinbach explained in an Aish.com exclusive interview. “This would have been a first.”
All Rabbi Weinbach knew about the woman who had passed away was her name, age (83), and the fact that she’d once taught piano at the prestigious Juilliard School in New York. Her name was Francine Stein and she’d lived in a local Jewish nursing home for the past ten years.
“But as I thought about the idea of a woman dying alone," Rabbi Elchanan explained, "it went from being the easiest funeral to a very difficult one. It just seemed so sad. I asked myself, 'How can I give Francine Stein the dignity she deserves at her funeral?'"
Driven to do something more than merely officiate, Rabbi Weinbach called up his daughter Ora Weinbach, a high school teacher in the New York area who teaches about Jewish life cycle events.
“He told me I’m doing this funeral tomorrow and there’s literally no one there,” Ora said to Aish.com. “He was talking, trying to figure out how he could make this a dignified funeral. He asked me if I would come and I said of course.”
When she teaches kids about Jewish views on death and funerals, Ora stresses that the acts we perform on behalf of the deceased are considered completely selfless; there is never a chance to be thanked by the recipient of our kindness. “It was an amazing opportunity for me to live what I preach,” Ora explained.
As she brainstormed with her father, Ora posted a message on Facebook. “Huge mitzvah opportunity. A woman is being buried tomorrow who has LITERALLY NO ONE attending her funeral, other than the funeral home director and the rabbi (my father). Who would like to join me at the funeral? I will be leaving Teaneck at 10:45....”
One of the people who saw Ora’s post was Amitay Stern, a digital marketing professional in Monsey, New York. “I saw this post,” Amitay explained to Aish.com, “and as you can imagine, it’s something that’s heart wrenching. I just had to do something.”
Even though Amitay saw the post the night before Francine Stein’s funeral, he called up one of his clients, Bassie Friedman, who works at a company that provides home health aides in the area and asked for help. “'We need to do something,' she said right away," Amitay recalls, “and we got to work” pushing the call for mourners on social media.
Bassie recalls being “overwhelmed with sadness. I work with elderly people, and I thought what if one of the little old ladies we knew died, with no body knowing about their amazing accomplishments. It was so tragic.” She immediately posted the call for people to attend Francine Stein’s funeral on her company’s website, and even offered the use of the company minivan, driver, and water to anyone who wanted to attend.
The morning of Wednesday, August 17, 2016 was hot. Francine Stein’s funeral was scheduled for 11:30am, in the middle of the workday.
“We didn’t even know if we were going to have a minyan, or how many people would show up,” Amitay said. But as he waited for the service to begin, people started arriving at the cemetery. “There was a car, then another car, then another…. People kept on coming. It wasn’t just the Monsey area… people came from Teaneck, 40 minutes away.”
Approximately 30 people showed up, from all walks of life. Men and women. Orthodox Jews and non-religious Jews. One woman came with her baby. One man told Rabbi Weinbach afterwards that although he was raised Jewish, he considered himself an atheist. He came because he believed it was the right thing to do. Many had taken time out from their jobs to attend.
“When we got there, the rabbi instructed everyone how to carry the coffin: six men stepped forward and did it. People were very emotional,” Amitay recounted. “Anyone walking by would have thought that we were burying our grandmother or our mother,” Bassie Friedman said, remembering all the people crying.
When it was time to deliver Francine Stein’s eulogy, Rabbi Weinbach had almost no personal details to mention. But as he gazed out at the dozens of people who had turned out to attend her funeral, Rabbi Weinbach realized one central, towering fact about this remarkable woman. “This woman must have had some sort of zechut avot, merit of her forefathers” Rabbi Weinbach explained, using the Hebrew term for gaining good things in the merit of those who’ve gone before.
After the funeral, some of those who attended have said they’ve been looking at the world a little differently.
Rabbi Weinbach is thinking of planning a memorial service at the nursing home where Francine Stein lived so that staff and residents can attend.
“The idea of not being able to be paid back from a chesed (act of kindness) you perform is something I’ve been thinking of a lot,” Ora Weinbach explains. “Maybe she knows on some level what happened at her funeral."
(11) Bobby5000, August 29, 2016 2:11 PM
The larger problem of knowing when someone has passed
For centuries, obituaries told the world someone has passed and gave them an opportunity to attend the funeral. Today, many people do not get the daily newspaper. As part of planning, I think people knew to tell their family who to call and provide telephone numbers. Perhaps someone ill needs to have a Facebook page, give a close family member the password, and have the passing noted there.
Like many things, the old way of doing things was much better, and we need to adjust.
And as you get older, consider calling old friends and acquaintances to see how they are doing.
(10) Rachel, August 29, 2016 3:21 AM
Whose merit?
I don't understand why the rabbi assumed that the deceased had no merits of her own. I'm surprised that her former employer, the Juilliard School, was not contacted. Many organizations will try to send a representative to the funerals of late staff.
(9) Annie, August 26, 2016 3:40 AM
Widows tend to become invisible, and childless ones with no family nearbyautomatically do-or all but. I could well believe that when I die, there will be no funeral as there's nobody to organise it.
It would also be a mitzvah to think of widows like this. I was widowed last year, in my 50s, and now feel as if almost everyone I know has lost interest. The phone seldom rings. One widow said that 'people don't want to know you any more.' and it's true.
Being alone like this is devastating; and it can be a killer. There is not only the risk of suicide-my scarred wrists show that I have made several attempts-one's resistance is lowered and one is at much greater risk of dying prematurely. Don't wait until the person's dead to do something.
Anonymous, September 1, 2016 9:02 AM
To Annie
I am so sorry for your loss. %0 is too young to be a widow. You need to get out of your home no matter how hard & do something. Volenteer somewhere. Start a widows group. Become close to some young ones who don't have to much in their life either. Reach out to others. Sometimes they just don't know what to say. Go to the Doctor & tell her how you're feeling. Get out of your home & take a walk somewhere safe & pretty. Try to smile & laugh!!!! Take care.
(8) Kelly Rebekah ben Maimon, August 25, 2016 11:51 PM
Inspirational..
Thank you so much for sharing. Deeply moving.. London, England
(7) Michael Engel, August 25, 2016 11:23 PM
Am yisroel k'doshim haim. The people of Israel are holy. A beautiful story. Thank you
(6) S.M. Smith, August 25, 2016 11:05 PM
I was so emotional when I read this piece...
I shed tears as I live alone and have no family in this state. I have made my funeral arrangements and am in good stead to be cremated as there is no one who can/will come to my grave. I have no children or close friends. It was a profound piece and thank you for being so aware of these elder problems.
Stephanie, March 28, 2017 2:57 AM
I'm sorry you had shed tears. Which state do you live in?
(5) Anonymous, August 25, 2016 8:54 PM
Somebody dropped the ball
As it turns out, Francine Stein was indeed known and loved, and mourners who remembered her would likely have attended the funeral had they been informed. Apparently no one notified New Monsey Park Home for Adults, where she lived for 10 years before being hospitalized with cancer in 2014. Very sad. Details at http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/18194-dozens-of-strangers-turn-up-at-funeral-for-woman-after-learning-no-one-was-attending
(4) Anonymous, August 25, 2016 3:45 PM
Attending the deceased
It is indeed a great mitzvah to attend the deceased. My late mother-in-law was in a Jewish long term care facility and one of the patients, whom we had befriended in our daily visits to her, and who had no family, died. My husband and I attended his graveside funeral and burial - we were the only ones there other than the funeral home representative; I too was surprised that no one from the staff troubled themselves to come- and we also said kaddish for him for 30 days. No one should die alone with no one to accompany them on their last journey.
(3) Devorah Caplan, August 25, 2016 3:20 PM
beautiful story
A very moving story . . . it calls to mind so many single and widowed ladies with no surviving family or family who have lost contact or are too distant . . . they become an almost invisible demographic . . . so glad that there are those who care enough to attend to her last journey . . . beautiful thoughts . . .
(2) Gea, August 25, 2016 2:57 PM
Julliard
If Ms. Stein taught at Julliard, she must have been an accomplished musician. Perhaps Julliard had some archives about her work and life? Perhaps contacting Julliard will find somebody who knew this lady>
(1) Dina, August 25, 2016 12:12 AM
What a wonderful mitzvah!
It's a sad fact that many of our elders die without family or friends. Many have outlived their friends, and who know what family there is or isn't.
I'm surprised no one got any information from the nursing home about her life. And, definitely have a memorial service there for her. It's a sad part of our society. I'm nearly in tears thinking of this woman. Who knows what life she had. She was once young and vibrant and lived a full life. To die alone, and not even have family for the funeral shows where society has gone. As an RN & my husband a gerontologist, this scenario is too familiar. It's up to people in the nursing homes and senior places to have information to give to rabbis & other clergy for eulogies. I'm surprised none of the staff showed up to speak about her.
I'm sure her soul witnessed the outpouring of people responding to be there for her. And, Hashem knows who she is. Hashem arranged this for her. Now, it's up to the rabbi to also make sure someone says Kaddish for her.