When I first heard about Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir's comments at the Organization of the Islamic Conference, an uneasy chill ran down my spine. He called for Muslims "to unite against Jews towards a final victory," saying "the Jews rule the world by proxy… They have now gained control of the most powerful countries and they, this tiny community, have become a world power. 1.3 billion Muslims cannot be defeated by a few million Jews."

The media reported that "his words were greeted with a standing ovation from the kings, presidents, sheiks and emirs -- including key U.S. allies -- gathered at Malaysia's sparkling new capital, Putrajaya."

In editorials across the Arab world the Prime Minister's comments were either praised as accurate or explained as intended to be anti-Israel, not anti Jewish. French President Jacques Chirac blocked the EU from ending its summit with a harshly worded statement condemning Mahathir's speech.

Although this rapid-fire news initially horrified me, I now realize that the time be horrified is over. It is high time to fess up and tell the world the truth: We Jews do run the world. And we've been running things for a very long time, manipulating world events for our own needs.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone... so he could call his mother.

It's time to reveal the truth that many famous people throughout history were actually Jewish -- part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge. Martin Luther - yep, a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one, a regular practice in synagogues around the world today.

Napoleon was a Jew -- no wonder he wanted to reconvene the Sanhedrin. Napoleon had this nervous habit of playing with the Chai around his neck all the time. But he would do it by putting his hand in shirt.

Alexander Graham Bell, another closet Jew, invented the telephone... so that he could call his mother.

The Untold Story

Now that Mahathir has brought things out in the open, let's be totally honest and start telling the world everything.

The media? Yep, Jewish controlled. We have this guy Lenny (a Levite) who lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. All the news media in the world report to Lenny. As a news director, he is the best we've had for centuries. It was Lenny who thought up the idea that most news media should slant their coverage against Israel. He figured that if reporters give the impression that Jewish blood is cheap, no one would figure out that we were actually running things. Last year Lenny won a UJA (Underground Jewish Action) award for coming up with the idea that media should not use the word "terrorist" when a Jew was killed.

Lenny inherited the media-control job from his father, who in 1942 was able to convince The New York Times and other western newspapers to bury coverage of the Holocaust on page 27.

The banks? No one believes that silly thing about Jewish bankers in New York controlling all the money. Sure, they're all Jewish, but they come from the Netherlands, not New York.

Harvey Cohn is the guy funneling tens of millions of dollars to Arafat's PA.

We run the world's monetary system from the EU central office. Our man there is named Harvey Cohn. Harvey runs a tight ship. He's the guy who keeps funneling tens of millions of dollars to Arafat's PA.

Harvey is also the person who came up with using Gretta Duisenberg as a decoy. Gretta is the wife of the non-Jewish figurehead of European bank, the folks who control the Euro dollar. Harvey's brilliant idea was setting up Mrs. Duisenberg as an anti-Semite. He directed her famous appearance on a radio show in support of Stop the Occupation. This is an organization that calls for the imposition of economic sanctions on Israel. When the Dutch radio interviewer asked Mrs. Duisenberg how many signatures she hoped to collect on a petition of support for the group, she replied, "Six million," chuckling heartily at her own joke.

I spoke to Harvey today; he agrees that it's time to let the cat out of the bag. But there is one thing he would like to do first. You see, much of the world's "anti-Semitism" is part of the plot to perpetuate the myth that we do not run the world. The French government isn't involved at all. They really do hate the Jews. Harvey says that before the word gets out, he wants to use his vast financial powers to cancel every credit card owned by a member of the French government.

The Downside

One thing that may surprise people is that George Bush is actually Jewish. He converted five years ago. (It's the only way we would let him run for president.) I was honored by being invited to his bris. My wife made a cheesecake.

Oh, and that war against Iraq? Well, Pat Buchanan was right -- our idea. But it had nothing to do with Israel, and everything to with chick peas. You see, one thing that we don't control is the falafel market, and that is going to change very, very soon.

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden: No more hiding, no more plotting.

And by the way, the Saudis were right, Barbie dolls are just a Jewish plot to destroy the minds of Muslim children.

Protocols of the Elders of Zion? Can you believe that some people still think that's a forgery?!

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden from our shoulders. No more hiding, no more plotting. Just going about the business of ruling the world.

There is, however, a downside. What if people don't believe us? What if people were to hate us so much that they start to think we have little control over world events? What if they were to think that the Jews are an ancient people who survived only through love of God and His Torah? What if people were to look at us, not as world dominators, but as the teachers of how to love God and each other?

What am I saying? No one could believe that!