"Is this the lady of the house?" asked a pleasant voice.
"Yes," I admitted, rather suspiciously.
"We're conducting a survey on behalf of the Jewish Community Federation. May I ask if you consider yourself Jewish?"
"Well, yes," I answered, caught off guard.
I was feeding the baby at the time, and I really had no excuse not to participate in her survey, so I began answering a flurry of questions. How many children did I have? How much money did we make? What kind of education had I completed? What was my occupation? The questions rolled on unceasingly, and I was beginning to think I had made the wrong choice by acquiescing, when the woman asked a question that made me gasp.
"What, in your opinion, are the main problems in the Jewish community?"
That brought me up short. I've never really been asked that question before. Sure, it's bandied around in newspapers, at conventions, and around Shabbat tables. We all have sighed over the "problems" in the Jewish community, but in a vague, mostly self-righteous kind of way. Now this woman was awaiting my response. She would type it into a computer where it would be analyzed, hopefully, by a qualified person who might use my feedback as part of a decision-making process.
I didn't want to just give a flippant reply. I needed to take a step back and really think about it. But fleshing it out would take time, and making the woman wait on the phone just wouldn't do, so I hastily gave her my response in its infant state.
"In my opinion, I'd say that assimilation and lack of unity are the main problems in the Jewish community."
If I thought she'd be impressed, I was wrong.
"Why do you think that these problems occur?" she read off her question sheet.
These people were impossible! Now I needed to think again, probe a little deeper.
"Well," I told her, "I think assimilation is mostly a result of deficient Jewish education. Many who relinquish their Jewish heritage seem to lack sufficient information about Judaism which leads them to believe it is not important or somehow not applicable to their lives."
"Uh-huh." The woman seemed to be keying in my response as I spoke.
"And the reason for lack of Jewish unity?"
That was a tough one.
"I'd say it must be character flaws. It must be because of pettiness, jealousy, obstinacy, and self-righteousness."
The woman was finally satisfied. She asked another couple of questions, thanked me, and hung up. But long after her call, I sat, disturbed by her question and disturbed by my answers. Particularly by my analysis of the Jewish unity problem. Why is there a lack of Jewish unity amongst us?
Well, they say the only person you can change is yourself, so I directed the question to myself. How did I view my Jewish brothers and sisters, many who do not look, speak, or think like me?
Disunity comes from fixating on our differences. Jewish unity is about recognizing our similarities.
In my definition of Jewish unity, I veered far away from the political. Jewish unity to me was about loving and caring about Jews all over the world. It was about being part of a beautiful whole. It wasn't about condoning or condemning. It wasn't about admiring or acquiescing. It was about the connectedness, the warmth, the knowledge that underneath it all we are one nation, responsible for one for another.
Jewish unity is about recognizing our similarities. Disunity comes from fixating on our differences. When I look at you, do I see another soul who stood with me at Sinai? Or do I see someone whose observances are dissimilar to mine, whose speech and dress are too different from my own? The more I focus on how different we are, the more I drive us apart.
I had occasion to spend a Shabbat in a chassidic enclave known as Kiryas Joel. In fact, my family was hosted by our cousins who are, themselves, chassidic. We, however, although observant, are not chassidic, and our customs, dress, and even language are very different from theirs. I have to say that I felt hesitant, driving into my cousin's community. Would we feel embarrassed? Would they look down on us or try to change us?
One of the most uplifting, beautiful Shabbats ensued. My cousins accepted us with open arms, exactly the way we were. They accommodated us in every way possible. Other members of the community went out of their way to make us feel welcome, although we clearly stood out. And you know the funniest thing? Over the course of that Shabbat, we found out that underneath it all, we really weren't all that dissimilar. In fact, we were very much the same. We had the same struggles, the same triumphs. They also worried about peer pressure, parenting, and nuclear threats. They, too, dealt with laundry stains, expensive food bills, and infectious diseases. My long-standing convictions that chassidim were somehow unapproachable and too unlike us to even get along with, dissolved.
Jewish unity is a vital issue in the inter-communal, national, and global realms. If I felt distanced from my chassidic cousins, who are observant like myself, how much more so could I feel estranged from my unobservant, perhaps assimilated, Jewish brethren. And how much more may they feel hesitant visiting my community. But what do I stand to gain from disunity? Nothing. Disunity just distracts from the real purpose of the Jewish nation, which is bonding together to serve God.
In fact, we are taught that Jewish unity is more than just a good feeling or a catchy slogan. It's actually the essence of the existence of the Jewish People. "All of Israel are guarantors for one another." The Jewish People is bound together as one and therefore, we are liable for one another, just as brothers and sisters are.
The parable is told about a man who took a berth on a ship. As he lay in his cot, he heard an incessant banging coming from the room next door. Upon entering his roommate's quarters, he was horrified to find the man, pick-axe in hand, chipping a good-size hole in the side of the boat.
As he began to rant and rave about danger and imminent disaster, the perpetrator shook his head calmly and began to laugh. "Don't worry," he said, as he raised his pick-axe in the air, "I'm only making the hole in my part of the ship."
When God bound us together and made us responsible for one another, He was teaching that He wants us to be a family, caring for and sharing with each other, no matter who we are or where we live. Instead of existing with an "each man for himself" philosophy, we are part of a cosmic whole.
This has practical ramifications. When my "sister" in South America is poverty-stricken, or my "brother" in Haifa has lost a relative in a terrorist attack, I need to feel their pain and do something about it. Because they are part of my family. If I choose to ignore my ties to the Jewish People, I am no better off than the fool who fails to realize that when one part of the ship springs a leak, the entire ship is bound to sink.
Jewish unity empowers us as a nation. It empowers us as individuals within the framework of a whole. It makes us stronger, better, deeper people. We just need to recognize its value and work on strengthening the bonds between us.
If there's one important question that the telephone surveyor didn't ask, it's: "How do you think we should go about changing the problem of disunity in the Jewish community?" For whatever the possible reasons for lack of Jewish unity, I must focus on working to "be the change I want to see in the world." How can I do this? The next time I meet another Jew, I hope I can circumvent the barriers I may have previously erected around my heart. Instead of accentuating our differences, I will try to focus on our similarities, to do my small part to bridge the gaps of Jewish unity.
(22) Anonymous, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
If the editors would permit a comment to a comment, then I would like to say that I find much merit in what Yossi wrote concerning Riva Pomerantz's excellent article on Jewish unity. To give what I hope to be a fair summary, Jewish unity does empower us as a nation as Riva Pomerantz writes. But such unity is impossible as long as the reform and the conservative movements ignore Jewish law and tradition and make up new rules as they go along. Which is not to say that we Torah Jews (I should only hope to merit to be included in such a group) are blameless. Certainly not! We, too, need to look at how we interact with our secular bretheren (and subject to the limitations that Yossie writes, they are our brothers and sisters), because only if we prove to be "a light unto the nations" as the Navi says, will we merit to see all Klal Yisroel return to its creator and his Torah.
(21) Dennis Wright, July 11, 2004 12:00 AM
Makes you think about your own attitudes.
My ancestors like many in Australia had become very assimilated the treasure of our heritage all but forgotten. It is wonderful to read articles like this that remind us that we have a connection and a responsibility.
(20) Thomas Sebastian, July 8, 2004 12:00 AM
A Good Analysis
Dear Riva Your cognition of Jews and their attitude is rather meticulous and I agree with you that only person one can change is onself but the change can be made contagious also
(19) Yossi, July 8, 2004 12:00 AM
Where do we draw the line?
Riva's sentiments are beautiful, and all the respondents would love to see it happen, but there are real issues which must be addressed which are not easily bypassed.
For instance, my friend the Reform Jew who passionately believes in patrilineal descent- most of his congregation are products of intermarriage or Reform conversions which the Conservative movement should have trouble with as well, which brings us to the next issue, the non-halachic position of the bulk of the Conservative laity, and much of it's rabbinate.
May I humbly suggest that we use the rescue work of Rabbi Weismandel during the Shoah as a guide. He, whom I believe was a militant anti-Zionist worked with every Jew,to save Jewish lives! Many of our parents who were in the camps and involved in illegal immigration can tell you the same thing- A jew is a Jew- period!
Today however, we can't say that anymore. If anything, based on the NJPS report of 10 years ago, that the non-orthodox intermarriage rate is probably 70%, and the majority of those are Jewish men marrying non- Jewish women, you have to assume that if a secular Jew under 35(approx)has a Jewish last name he's probably NOT Jewish, whereas if he has a Non-jewish name he probably is!!!(his mother is Jewish).As such we don't have Unity of the Jewish people, but rather the Jewish people and "sympathetic fellow travelers" who may truly be attracted to Judaism, or even think that they're Jews- but aren't! Can we count on them to stand by us when the chips are down? Do they have the "pntele yid(the Jewish spark) that throughout History has given us the power to face the Impossible and not back dopwn from the Abyss, because we know that G-d and countless Jewish generations are walking with us- nay, ahead of us?
There are many wonderful non-Jews out there who truly love us and stand by Israel, who I'm sure will stand by us. Perhaps rather than talking about the unity of the Jewish People (which will be impossible to actually realize until Eliyahu Hanavi comes... ) we should rather work on the unity of all decent human beings-Americans, Canadians,Jew, non-Jew... and stand shoulder to shoulder with them on all issues where justice and morality need to be defended? Isn't that the ultimate Messianic Dream -Tikun Olam- which must begin with recognizing the speciasl role of the JEwish people as the Canary in the mineshaft...?
(18) Anonymous, July 7, 2004 12:00 AM
Beautiful article
A beautiful article written by one who is a role model of loving all Jews, being kind and giving to all Jews despite their differences...we would all be better off if we could be more like her.
Thanks, Riva.
(17) Elisabeth, July 7, 2004 12:00 AM
Human unity
I agree with the article in that differences need to be overlooked and that, in the end, there are more similarities than differences. Can this not also apply to the human community at large? Doesn't concentration on differences in religion, race, colour and economic status breed fear and further division?
(16) Sarah, July 6, 2004 12:00 AM
for Anonymous
You try to understand that the other Jew thinks you are cutting a hole in the ship---and while I agree with you that he/she is wrong in that, you must try to understand the other Jew's motivation, concerns and fears and respond to him the same way you would respond to a close relative who has different politics than you. Shouting, name-calling, character-or-real assasination isn't Jewish, and even if the meshugah relatives do it, that's no excuse for you to do it. Disagree by all means---but violence in word and act is wrong. There are many Jews out there who feel that the Ship of Israel is in danger of sinking and truly believe peace is possible, and see your house as a hole being carved out of the ship. I personally think they're wrong (see 7/6/04 Ha'Aretz: 59% of Palestinians think that the intifada should continue, with suicide bombings and that the Palestinians are 'winning' the war)but I do understand their wish to be right and to be at peace for the sake of all our children.
(15) Anonymous, July 5, 2004 12:00 AM
Please Help Me Love My Fellow Jew
How do you love someone (another Jew) who wants to kick you out of your home because you live on the other side of some imaginary line?
This is a very tough Mitzvah in these tough times!
(14) Joel, July 5, 2004 12:00 AM
great article!
Thank you for writing such an inspiring article. I believe that some may have missed your point. The point of your article, as I see it, is to redefine "lack of unity"; most people conceptualize "lack of unity" as being about how different we are- how unconnected we feel- how unorthodox or anti-orthodox so many Jews are. Your point, it seems to me is that we need to look to the core and the essence of what Hashem wants from us - that is to recognize the sanctified and holy soul that each Jew posseses- regardless of his or her actions or affiliations; Yisroel af al pi shechata yisroel hu; In today's generation even virulently anti-religious people deserve our love and prayers- EVEN AS we muster all or our resources to appose thier actions and agendas! These people have been infected with the spiritual poison of foreign philosophies and deceptive ideologies but at the core of their souls they are pure Jewish neshamos. As you depict so poignantly in your article- "if my brother in Haifa has lost a relative in a terrorist atttack..." are we, as frum Jews, in touch with the pain of our own people- do we even truly FEEL that they are part of our family - the Chatam Sofer writes that even if the biggest rasha is killed because he's a Jew it is considered a death "al kiddush hashem" and he goes streight to gan eden. Your suggestion is anything but simplistic- it is a challenge to all of us to emotionally and spiritually internalize the concept that we all pay lip service to: we really are one family.
(13) Danny Blackman, July 5, 2004 12:00 AM
IV always felt a need to reach out to my brothers and sisters it's been on my heart for meny years. But I also understand hidding my Jewishness too. When I was young it was not good to be Jewish. People didnt like jewish people as they dont like them know. Maybe part of my need to be with other Jews stems from that?
(12) Anonymous, July 5, 2004 12:00 AM
chassidim... unapproachable
Dear Mrs Pomerantz:
I felt the need to write you about your experience. I am delighted that you have done so!
If only people Knew the Wealth, that the Chassidim carry, bring with them and bestow upon their vicinity, you would not feel so surprised.
The Hassidic community, in my opinion, is one of the most Wonderful, Loving communities that Truly live Jewish values. In the midst of that community, pauverty, is not a word anyone "feels", or thinks about.
For any destitute, or difficult environment, the Chassidim will "heal" by mere presence, share easily, and allow any individual to "experience" sanctitity, in daily life.
It is the SAFEST, TRUEST space in our profane world, what one may term, Sacred space... You are So TERRIBLY privileged to have an immediate family member as part of that community.
Was I in a position to do so, I would ensure that I could live in the midst of such a space..there is no chalom, like it, ever, elsewhere.
If Ihad an immediate member of my family in that community, IU would be spending ALL my Shabbats, at their table...such is the love that exists there, like nowhere else.
Again,
You are so Teribly, wealthy...
Chalom
(11) anonymous, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
great article
Anti-semites do not differentiate between religious and non-religious. To them a jew is a jew is a jew. Did Hitler, may his name be erased,separate relgious from non-relgious. No! Do the terrorists when blowing up a bus or a pizza store lookk to see if they are kiling religious or secular Jews. No! They do not see a difference. A Jew is a jew.
Only we make these disticitions and separations. Three thousand years ago the beit hamikdosh was destroyed they say because of causeless hatred. What lessons have we learned over this period of time. We are no longer called Pharisees and Saducces, but orthodax, conservative and reform. Our animosity to each other is just as strong. It is said that the third beit hamikdash will be built with causeless love. May that come soon speedily in our days.
(10) michele, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
a most important issue how can we solve???
I too am both concerned and presently distressed by the lack of unity. L'havdil, there seems to be an inordinate amount of sinat chinam/baseless hatred among the Jewish people. But enough talk -- we must think how to tackle this problem. I think that this should be a priority issue. Isn't possible that if our great rabbis and thinkers put their heads together they could come up with a plan of action? Wouldlove to hear your ideas on this subject
(9) Irwin Ruff, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Is Jewish unity possible?
Jewish unity is a fine thing in theory, but I doubt whether it can be achieved in practice. True, there are many non-observant Jews who are lacking only information about Judaism. But the majority have no interest in anything Jewish, and many would even deny that they are Jewish. There is even a large group who are anti-Jewish, acting against the interest of the Jewish people both in the United States and in Israel. They may be equivalent to the Sadducees in Maccabean times.
In addition, there are the officials of the Reform and Conservative movements, many of whom which teach their congregants that the Torah is man made, and that every person can pick and choose among the mitzvos. Some of the lay people in these movements may be open to learning about Torah Judaism, but many are satisfied where they are; in a situation that doesn’t make too many demands on them.
In today’s world, Chassidim and Observant misnagdim have no difficulty getting together. But if one tries to bring all, or at least most, Jews together, one runs the risk of having a grouping that by trying to stand for everything, end up standing for nothing.
(8) Andrew, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Our eternal undoing
This is an issue that has confronted us from the beginning of time. The question underlying our unity comes down to "Who is a Jew?" Our enemies know us immediately, but we ourselves can never seem to agree upon the answer. We are quick to disqualify and hold each other in disdain in order to elevate ourselves. Our rabbis and teachers must immediately begin teaching tolerance and acceptance of fellow Jews. If only we could accept each other.
(7) Bob Miller, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Action about Divisions
Assigning blame and planning future action are two separate things. Future action should be aimed at establishing neighborly personal relationships with people potentially receptive to Kiruv (Aish may have some advice to give here as to who these are). For now, we can leave out those who will probably hate the Orthodox no matter what. We should bypass/ignore the non-orthodox clergy, antireligious ideologues, etc., except when they directly threaten us.
(6) shari, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
cost of jewish education
we now spend more on cdll phone than we do on jewish education. one dollar per day from every jew over the age of 20 in the u.s.a would make jewish education afordable and accessable for every jewish child in the u.s.a. regardless of affiliation. read bava basra lo lecar chpter 21 yeoushua ben gamla
(5) Anonymous, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Each one of us should do some introspection of ourself and work on our love for eachother
(4) Julya Alvo, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
Very good
This is a very good article on the BIG PROBLEM. But the solutions we need require a BIGGER ATTITUDE besides finding equalities among us.The Israeli Jews let and help the Palestinians to work in their country, they help American soldiers, they help all the people who are coming from other countries to work in their (Russians, Africans etc..) homeland BUT when there is a problem within ourselves we are not able to help ourselves ! This should change starting from government issues towards individual issues I think! I am not against not helping others but when we are in need nobody helps us! If we are not praised and appreciated by the world why do we help and work for others ?This is the conflict we live with and I think should be solved.
(3) Anonymous, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
An important way to combat this problem is by refraining from speaking negatively about other communities (i.e. in this city they're so snobby, those people are so different than us...)
(2) Niki, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
My thoughts entirely
Why just yesterday I had a short discussion at the Shule with three others' on what reason's people joined the congregation. One said it was for spirituality, the other ceremonies such as marriage. I said that for me it was about healing and connectivity.
None of these reasons are wrong.
Later I thought more about it, and felt that there should be as many good reasons, to be a Jew amongst others, so that each and every Jew feels his or her place within the comminity, our Jewish extended family.
Shalom,
Niki
(1) Patricia Baxley, July 4, 2004 12:00 AM
This is a great article. Hopefully it's message will be contagious.
Thank You,
Pat Baxley