It's the unofficial scorecard for American Jewry, and the tally right now is not looking too good. Each Sunday, the New York Times publishes announcements regarding weddings and other "commitment ceremonies."
These brief items, in which the proud couples and their families inform the world about their newfound marital bliss, also serve another important, albeit unintended, purpose: they provide a rich source of anecdotal data about the current crisis of identity that is enveloping many American Jews.
Of course, you can't always tell by the names. But they are nonetheless a pretty good indicator as to just how extensive, and pervasive, intermarriage and assimilation have become in the land of the free.
Week in and week out, there is a steady stream of people with names such as Cohen and Friedman marrying McCarthys or O'Connors, instead of each other.
There are listings for joint ceremonies presided over by rabbis and priests, and then there are ones that are led by special "interfaith ministers," whatever that might mean. Some nuptials are officiated over by rabbis, while others merely involve a local judge.
For some Jews I know, scanning the Sunday Times wedding section has almost become a fixation. Like a sports fan studying the results to see how his preferred team is doing, they check up on how the Chosen Team has fared over the past week.
And most of the time, the results are not encouraging.
Though the number of Jews marrying Jews occasionally exceeds those who intermarry, more often than not the reverse appears to be the case. And this portends a crisis of unprecedented proportions, one that will only worsen over time if drastic steps aren't taken, and soon.
Admittedly, leafing through the matrimonial listings is hardly a scientific way of gauging where American Jewry is headed. But the sad fact is that the findings from this weekly survey match those that demographers have been warning about for quite some time.
Indeed, according to the 2000 National Jewish Population Survey (NJPS), 47% of American Jews who had married in the previous five years tied the knot with a non-Jew. And studies show that over the past four decades, the intermarriage rate has spiraled upwards from single-digits to nearly one out of every two Jews getting married.
And even those Jews who still do marry within the faith aren't entirely immune from an erosion of their identity.
Take, for example, an article that appeared in the Times a few days ago by Cindy Chupack, who was a writer and executive producer of the hit television series Sex and the City.
With nary a bit of shame, she describes quite exuberantly how she and her husband, "two newlywed Jews," decided "to embrace" Christmas, buying themselves a tree and decorating it with all the trimmings.
"Some nights," Chupack writes, "I put on our Starbucks Christmas CD, light a fire, turn on the tree and play with the different settings, put liquid smoke in the train's smokestack and turn on the choo-choo sound effects and then I sit back and enjoy my first Christmas, in all its kitschy splendor."
The crisis facing American Jewry is real and it is profound, and it is only growing worse from year to year.
After reading this, all one can say is: Gevalt. The crisis facing American Jewry is real and it is profound, and it is only growing worse from year to year.
Decades of neglect, and of failing to invest in Jewish education and Israel programming, have produced a generation largely cut off from its roots.
Indeed, the recent debate that has erupted over the actual size of American Jewry is largely beside the point. A study published in the 2006 American Jewish Yearbook now claims there are 6.4 million Jews in the US, which is higher than the 5.2 million estimated by the NJPS.
Five million or six million -- what does it really matter, if most are assimilating or intermarrying in any event? The crisis right now facing American Jews is more one of quality rather than quantity, of keeping Jews Jewish rather than bean-counting. But all is not lost, and submitting to despair won't help to bring back any of our people. What are needed instead are some bold new initiatives that will re-engage young American Jews with Jewish life and with Israel.
One of the most successful such efforts has been the birthright israel program, which brings young Jews aged 18 to 26 for their first visit to the Jewish state.
Launched by a team of visionary philanthropists, including Michael Steinhardt, Charles Bronfman and Lynn Schusterman, this blessed undertaking has reconnected untold thousands of young Jews with their community and their heritage.
I suggest that it's time to replicate this success and take it one step further, and to create a "Birthright Honeymoon" for every American Jew who weds.
The idea is very simple: the American Jewish community would give every Jew who ties the knot a free 10-day trip to Israel to be used within the first year of marriage.
All American Jews, regardless of whom they marry, would be eligible to participate, with the goal being to spark their interest in all things Jewish as they set out to build a family.
Rites of passage, or life-cycle events such as marriage, present a great opportunity to reach people who are otherwise disconnected from the Jewish community and from their heritage.
Offering every American Jew a free "honeymoon in Israel" will not only help to strengthen their ties and sense of identification with the Jewish state, but it will also have an enormous impact on the kind of home they fashion and the children that they raise.
Sure, the financial and logistical challenges of launching such a program are immense. But those are not reasons to shy away from doing it, because the alternative is continued communal drift and decay.
It is not too late to influence thousands of young new Jewish husbands and wives across the US, and to draw them closer to their roots.
Of course, getting them to visit Israel is not a catch-all solution, and much more work will need to be done.
But based on birthright's experience with college-age and post-graduate youth, it certainly seems like a good place to start.
(86) Anonymous, August 31, 2018 8:54 PM
Marry who you love.
(85) David, November 28, 2013 3:47 AM
Brilliant Essay About Greatest Threat to Judaism Today
Thank you for well written piece about the cancer called
Assimilation. My parents, may they live and be well, who survived labor and concentration camps, are among the many who are deeply disturbed by intermarriage. Don't we remember how many children were tortured and murdered for being Jewish? To honor the millions that wanted to LIVE can we please remember our history and try to marry a fellow Jew avoiding so many conflicts and help rebuild?
Be true to your past and make sure your future includes giving your children the faith of your ancestors. Studies show the mother will decide the religion of the children. Peace.
(84) Jonathon, September 15, 2013 5:33 PM
Child of an Interfaith Marriage
My mother, who is a Holocaust survivor, married an Irish Catholic in her 20's. My mom born in 1941 and her family escaped Germany before she was a year old. She was raised in an orthodox family but rebelled and married a Catholic. She was ostracized by the Jewish community and her own family did not speak to her for two years. Upon the birth of their first grandchild, my grandparents decided to try and accept the situation. Unfortunately, during those two years decisions were made as to how the children would be raised, so by the time she was speaking with her family again... it was too late. All four of us were baptized into the Catholic Church, attended mass every Sunday, were confirmed and attended Catholic schools. My grandparents decided to give us a limited Jewish education and made sure that we were invited over to their house every Friday night for Shabbos dinner. We celebrated every Jewish holiday in their home. Due to their efforts, when I was an adult, I embraced Judaism and left the Catholic Church behind. My sister has raised all five of her children as Catholics. My brothers practice no religion and have not married Jews either. I realize today that the Jewish community has changed and they are trying to welcome the interfaith couples and their children, for my family it was too late. When the community turned its back on my mother... they not only lost her but most of her children and 9 of her grandchildren. I make sure that all my nieces and nephews are exposed to Judaism, but that is all I can do. I am glad that the there are programs now for interfaith families. I think that the Jewish community needs to look inside itself and realize that part of this problem is of their own creation. I know much has changed since the 60's but how much? I cannot help but wonder. I also wonder for how much the individual is responsible. These are difficult questions that I feel we as a community need to ponder.
Anonymous, November 28, 2013 3:54 AM
Great you're so giving!
Happy Chanukah! Hope you have a happy, meaningful
holiday.
Hilary Lee Fergenson, March 31, 2014 8:56 AM
Interfaith
Although interfaith might have been less common during your grandparents' generation than it is today, one should realize that if the mother has an ethnic background in Judaism whether or not she practices it, the children are technically considered as Jews and would have the opportunity to attend Hebrew school and have bar/bat mitzvahs. I'm more or less in the same boat as you when being part of a diverse family and feel that it's totally possible for numerous families to have the best of all worlds when combining Chanukah and Christmas together while still having bar/bat mitzvahs and participating in Birthright Israel as I see this all the time and am very fortunate and blessed to have had this privilege myself. Last but not least, the Reform community is very liberal and accepting toward interfaith families when preparing my nephew for his upcoming bar mitzvah although his mother is Catholic. Every individual is entitled to their own personal choice.
(83) Shraga, December 18, 2012 5:10 PM
Good idea, with one tweak
I would give a birthright trip to any Jew gets engaged, to be used ONLY prior to the wedding itself. That way, their Jewish identity will be aroused, and if their "intended spouse" is not Jewish, we may be able to prevent some intermarriages...
(82) Eclipse, December 28, 2011 10:55 PM
I'm not a census number
What I choose to do with MY life is none of your business. You're choosing to make yourself miserable by reading New York Times announcements and evaluating them based on your personal values. I do not owe anyone children or religious observance. All this neurosis about intermarriage has led me to decide I will never marry. I don't plan to have kids either. Instead, I've found meaning through volunteerism and charity work, pursuing interests and hobbies, and meeting like-minded people.
Rick, November 28, 2013 3:52 AM
Sad and Angry.
Reflect on your knee jerk reaction. The subject certainly hurts
and effects you deeply. Hope you can let go of the bitterness
and channel your angst in appropriate forums. Good Luck.
(81) Hilary Lee Fergenson, May 27, 2008 11:50 AM
Personal Choices
What Cindy Chupack and her husband chose to do in their own private home is a personal choice, and listening to Starbuck''s carols while watching a train rotating around a tree is a simple winter pleasure, not a religious thing like going to mass and putting the nativity scene on your front lawn. Putting up secular Christmas decorations in your home like tinsel, garland, and snowflake ornaments is not in any way, shape, or form considered as sacrilege. If you portray Christmas as a relaxing state of mind that you find intrinsically meaningful, then enjoying simple pleasures such as hanging stockings over the fireplace or watching the Rockettes perform at Radio City Music Hall is not at all destroying the heritage that you were born with, especially if you appreciate many of the popular secular holiday trends in America. From my experiences on the 10-day journey to Israel, joining Birthright was a very educational experience in learning more about my mom''s heritage, but that does not mean that I will sacrifice something like Christmas that I grew up with and have always been very passionate about since day one. Even when my mom and her sister were little kids, as much as they celebrated Chanukah, Passover, and the high holidays, they also liked getting their photos taken with Santa Claus in public as well as finding presents in their stockings. My aunt even purchased her own miniature tree from the Five and Ten store where my Grandpa Joseph Leberfeld used to work and used the little tree as a seasonal decoration for her bedroom.
(80) Anonymous, January 20, 2007 12:59 PM
more jewish offspring
insrtead of couples looking for material success and kjbeing kkable to jafford kthem,kthey should be content with less goods and have more children
maybe 3 or 4 and instill the importance of continuing our religion from an early age.
(79) Jennifer Rudner, January 11, 2007 2:45 PM
IDENTITY WITH ISRAEL
I am very privileged to come from a very traditional Jewish community. I live in South Africa and the Jewish community in Johannesburg (and South Africa) is extremely observant. Marrying out of the faith certainly happens but for the most part, most South African Jews marry in the faith. My 17 year old daughter is in Israel at the time of writing this message on "Leadership" which is a programme aimed at 17 year old Jewish kids. Birthright is also offered. Most of my daughters friends have gone on "Leadership". I support it totally. This is my daughters second trip to Israel and if I could afford going to Israel once a year for a holiday, I would. These programmes are very important to Jewish identity. They must be supported in every way.
(78) Jeffrey Solomon, January 9, 2007 7:09 AM
Need Hebrew Charter school
Jewish education is key to survival. The high cost of day school is an obstacle. A Hebrew Charter school will allow children to get a proper education.
(77) Anthony Fallon, January 8, 2007 5:20 PM
Reply to DANIELA
Where is the evidence to back up your claim that more Jewish guys marry out compared to Jewish women??? I can tell you quite categorically that in Manchester U.K. which has a Halachic Jewish population of 25,000, this is not the case at all. Would it not be reasonable to assume that because the offspring of Jewish women are 100% Jewish whoever they happen to marry, therefore they are not subject to the same ideological pressures or need to apply the same dedication to finding a compatible Jewish partner, compared to Jewish guys ?????
(76) Anthony Fallon, January 8, 2007 4:11 PM
Michael, INCLUSIVENESS IS THE KEY !!!
If these ten day holidays are ALSO available to Jewish people who marry out of the religion, which is what i believe you are advocating in your article, then it is an extremely GOOD idea.I live in Manchester U.K..Apart from myself, i know of at least 20 Jewish guys who married non jewish girls & all of them except myself have distanced themselves from Judaism not least because communal organisations have turned their backs on them.I am the only person in my situation who was interested (with my wife's backing)in sending our son to a Jewish school and my wife is an admirer of Jewish customs & values...I think that it is nonsensical and very counterproductive (to Jewish continuity)in these assimilated times for MAINSTREAM ORTHODOX Judaism not to recognise the offspring of Jewish fathers as being Jewish, whereas the offspring of Jewish women who marry gentiles are accepted as totally Jewish.
(75) Matthew, January 8, 2007 11:34 AM
Todd, Give up.
Dear Miriam,Please don't tell Todd to not give up: a man needs to know when to cut his losses. You have no idea what he went through as a Jewish single in St. Louis; I do. I moved out to St. Louis eight years ago, and started going to Aish events. I found the classes fascinating, but there was NO effort to help Jewish singles find each other. In fact, one time when I complained about this, the assistant "rabbi" told me that Aish is not a match-making organization. So what are we supposed to do? As much as I love Yiddishkeit, if Aish is presenting us with a Hobson's choice between a shiksa and growing old alone, I'm going to choose my shiksa girlfriend every time.
And I don't think a long-distance relationship is promising. Look, St. Louis is a major American city. Maybe if I were in a small town I'd consider it... Unaffiliated Jews marrying out is sad; but Jews who are committed enough to attend Aish's wonderful classes for years marrying out because they see quite clearly that the alternative is living a lonely life is nothing short of tragic.
(74) Miriam, January 6, 2007 4:58 PM
Todd, Don't give up.
Todd, please do not give up on finding a Jewish woman to marry. You may have to look outside St. Louis. You can try J-Date which has produced many Jewish marriages by helping single Jews find each other. Please remember that you are part of a chain that goes back to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Don't get pulled into secularism. Stay Jewish and marry a Jewish wife. She is out there waiting for you to find her.
(73) Anonymous, January 6, 2007 2:59 PM
Jewish honeymoon in Israel program
This is a truly positive approach to sustaining the identities of the next generation. It demonstrates our faith in the future and our commitment to our young people.
(72) Sammy, January 6, 2007 2:31 PM
for Todd in sympathy
I really feel for you Mr Todd. I can imagine that you really feel disheartened that none of the girls who came to the classes are fit for you. Yes, I agree that it would be great if your Rabbis would go out and find some nice Jewish girls for you. It must be a very lonely city, st Louis.
However, I have two ideas for you. Firstly, maybe you can spaek to your local Rabbi about the issue. Have you met any Jewish girls in the city who are not attending the same class? Maybe there are many eligible girls who study elsewhere or are un-affiliated. If you have any friends who are Jewish, you can bring them to the classes.
Secondly, it just may be that your city doesn't have such a large Jewish community, even though you have the gateway arch and budweiser headquarters. Your future wife may live in Chicago, or anywhere. Please don't give up! Try to look around for someone Jewish. I'm sure you don't mean to write off the outreach done locally, or generally. I bless you with the best of luck in your search and life.
(71) Laura, January 6, 2007 5:21 AM
No Sympathy
Your article exemplifies the problem. It's not about keeping Jewish people Jewish! It should be about a love and respect for HaShem and Torah!!!
I can't help but snicker a little as my gentile 'Christian' faith has dissolved and I reject such lawless practices as Christmas in favor of Passover remembrance while a Jew is kneeling at the foot of an idolic tree!
Perhaps the answer is to give American Jews a greater understanding of the G-d who brought them out of the land of Egypt and made them a people.
It's true, Jews, like every other culture are being mass assimilated, but you act as if today's Jew is some pure bred which is just not true. The northern kingdoms have long been scattered into the nations and modern Jewrey has no proof of their identity.
Instead of trying to keep Jews culturally Jews, why don't you teach them Torah?
(70) Jason, January 5, 2007 2:14 PM
You're Cutting off your lineage
The Jews will always be a nation. They cannot ultimately be destroyed. There will always be a jewish presence in the world as promised by G-d. Now, if you choose to intermarry, you've set it upon yourself to cut your lineage off once you have kids with your gentile partner. You're Jewish lineage ends with you. When moshiach comes in the end of days (which is now) you'll feel pretty awkward then, trust me...
(69) Anonymous, January 5, 2007 1:35 PM
what can be done?
Isn't there anything Aish can do as an outreach organization for this age group to help save them from inter-marriage?
There is really no place for the 22 & over age group to connect to Judasim. Most shuls are filled with married adults with little children or baby boomer baal-teshuvas. There is no place for singles in this age group to have a Shabbos experience. I have seen too many kids get lost that haven't connected to Judaism because there is no place for them. Especially, the artistic non-academic type that is already struggling to figure out their lives.
(68) June Silny, January 5, 2007 1:22 PM
response to Todd
I agree with you completely. I am a mother and I didn't want to send my children on Birthright for that reason
BUT, you are lucky. There is a fantastic Jewish community in St. Louis. Please search them out and get connected. Don't become an intermarriage statistic.
(67) Anonymous, January 5, 2007 9:51 AM
Todd- Be a Lamp for your Community
Todd,
Do you really feel the failed outreach in your community is reason for you, who has summoned up the courage and spiritual identity to attend Torah classes, to follow your neighbors?
It is you, because of your connection to your faith, who can be a lamp of Torah wisdom to your community- it's always the few who lead the many.
When you find a beautiful Jewish girl with her admiration of your commitment, you will carry on the torch of your faith together to the next generation.
t is YOU, who staunchly attend three years of Torah classes, who are part of the next leaders of our nation.
(66) sandy, January 5, 2007 9:47 AM
To Sam- Thank you
That was my typo. Thank you for the correction, Sam. To be Jewish, one must be born from a Jewish MOTHER, or convert according to Jewish Law.
(65) Major Chutzpah, January 5, 2007 8:44 AM
No win scenario
I live in a community without any single women[within 15 years of my age either way] with two exceptions-and they aren't interested in Jewish men[which we have a surplus of.]I have to use matchmaking services and search beyond a 175 mile radius to even find any single Jewish women. Meanwhile, I'm alone.
I haven't any family or single friends. I'm depressed and sorta overwhlemed by whole prospect. Yet, I'm old enough , and experiences enough to know that if I go out and hook up with anyone, I'll be "The Jew" in the relationship and without "companionship"-just company.
Can it get any worse?
(64) Ron, January 5, 2007 7:52 AM
A trip to Israel to become more Jewish?
Did Moshe have to bring the people into the land so that they could become the covenant people of the one true Mighty One? Did Daniel make his stand against assimilation in the land of Israel? If one wants to stay away from discos or raves raging away on the Shabbath, is Tel-Aviv the place to go? Is going to a place where 65% of people supposedly of Jewish descent are not shomer Shabbath
something that should inspire one to observe Shabbath? To be truley Jewish is
something that is inward. Pay attention
to the words of the Shema that is said
twice a day.
(63) Todd, January 5, 2007 12:09 AM
I won't go
I went to Israel over a year ago on an Aish trip (mission). It was fabulous and I learned a lot. But outreach has failed in my city (St. Louis) and I can't remember when the last time I saw a new Jewish girl walk in the door (I've been attending classes for 3 years.) So when I give up (soon) and find a shiksa to marry, I don't think there'll be much point in bringing her to Israel for a honeymoon. Perhaps it makes sense to publicize birthright more (I never heard of it until recently) or to have a more meaningful version of it. But if outreach isn't done effectively below the age of 40 (which it clearly isn't) then there is going to be nothing more to do than lament the mixed marriages and... oh... give them a nice honeymoon as a lovely parting gift.
(62) Anonymous, January 4, 2007 11:12 PM
very simple solution
Birthright made a rule that anyone who is in a full time Jewish educational system is not eligible for their program. Why? I assume because they don't need Birthright to remain loyal to Jewish tradition.
So... the most effective proven method to fight assimilation is to educate your children from diapers until chupah in a Jewish educational system. You'll get the most for your money
(61) Sam, January 4, 2007 3:36 PM
definition of being Jewish
Umm. I just want to correct the first commentary that says it is required that to be a jew you must have a Jewish father. It is in fact the mother that must be Jewish...
(60) Anonymous, January 4, 2007 11:42 AM
To Daniela
Thanks for being so straightforward! your last two paragraphs are really on the mark, and well said!
(59) Aryeh Goetz, January 4, 2007 11:26 AM
Brilliant Idea
This is worth of consideration by Jewish donors.
(58) Anonymous, January 3, 2007 6:51 PM
To Writer of "Freund or Freud?"
There is only one definition of Jewish- to fulfill the criteria of either being born from a Jewish father, or having converted according to Jewish law.
A non-Jewish father, non-Jewish name, non-Jewish appearance (being Jewish is not an ethnicity, so no special "appearance" can lay claim to being the "Jewish one") or non-Jewish practices cannot change the status of one's Jewishness.
If you fulfill one of the two criteria listed above, you are 100% Jewish in the eyes of every halachically observant Jew.
At the same time, if your non-Jewish sounding name unintentionally misleads Jews into thinking you're not Jewish, you might find it helpful to identify yourself to Jewish people and organizations. We can't expect Jewish organizations to be prophets. :)
(57) Daniela, January 3, 2007 3:29 PM
Egads !
Are you kidding ?? Pay people to marry Jewish ? That's indeed what you are proposing. Ok, "reward" people for marrying Jewish. Still silly. A previous commenter was right, it's a bandaid on a very big wound and will not mean a hill of beans ("oh wow, if I don't marry the person I think is the love of my life and marry a Jew instead, even though there's barely any around that are remotely attractive and will take me 10 more years to find, I'll get a free trip to Israel !"). Please.
We can't solve this problem until we address what's turning people off to Jews and turning them on to Goyim. Let's examine the stereotypes and ask ourselves where they come from. First of all, women do want to marry Jewish but see their options dwindling and the pickings left over are pretty unattractive - men who don't take care of themselves or their appearance and are nebbish, weak mama's boys who whine and complain and don't know how to behave on a date (let's face it, this stereotype is not far from the mark).
As for men marrying out ? Look what they think they have to compare to - Jewish women who are demanding, prissy, whiny princesses who are less free with their bodies (let's face it, we have to talk reality here no matter how many elephants are in the room - we're talking about non-Orthodox men in today's world, and non-Jewish women are by and large more comfortable with their bodies, what's the old joke ? The difference between a Jewish girl and a non-Jewish girl is the Jewish girl has real jewelry and fake....ok, I won't say it in polite company, but you get the idea). What hear about most is the way you have to earn a Jewish woman's love and attention. The most common complaint about Jewish women is that they are demanding.
What are doing to fix these impressions ?
Most importantly, since there are more men marrying non-Jewish women than women marrying non-Jewish men, what are Jewish women supposed to do in areas that are not heavily populated by Jews ? If they're not religious, what reason do they have to search the world over when there's so little of Judaism that is important to them in the first place ?
One final point - no matter what anyone says about "inclusion", the reality is Jewishness is not a race, it is not in the blood, it's a _religion_ with a very long, tried and true tradition that maintains that one's Jewish SOUL, one's heritage, is passed on through the _mother_. That's it. If you don't think it's fair, tough. That's the way it is. Take the religion as it is, or move on to something else. If a Jewish man marries a non-Jewish woman, their kids are not Jewish, no matter how many holidays you teach them about or how much you keep them away from shellfish. It has nothing to do with being elitist or with discrimination. Anyone who says that is ignorant of Jewish tradition - we are *supposed* to be separate, we're NOT supposed to fit in or please anyone else. We're supposed to be examples to the world, and we can't do that unless we set ourselves apart. If it's uncomfortable to you, instead of expecting Torah observant Jews to change their thinking, find out about the religion a little more and learn why we are so steadfast on this and why we think our tradition, our heritage, is so precious to us that we're willing to shun men who throw their heritage away by marrying non-Jewish women. As for women who marry non-Jewish men, at least your kids are Jewish, which is why you're more likely to be embraced - no one wants to lose your kids to intermarriage. I myself react stronger to men marrying out - how dare you make yourselves unavailable to perfectly beautiful, wonderful Jewish women ? Thank you very much for abandoning us.
The solution to all this ? KIRUV. Pure and simple. Nice idea, this birthright thing, but just let Aish and others like them continue their work, contribute to their cause, and be nicer to non-frum people who show up at your Othodox shul looking for answers, despite their not being dressed appropriately. Stop ignoring them, stop judging them, and BE NICE.
(56) Elianna, January 3, 2007 2:58 PM
Powerful Idea - Birthright Honeymoon!
Michael,
What a wonderful idea! I couldn't agree more! What could possibly be better than hearing the voices of brides and grooms jubilantly experiencing eretz yisrael for the first time? How do we implement this plan? Which philanthropists are willing to provide the financial backing or the seed money? I have long held the belief that we need to strategize a way to bring young married(s) to Israel where one or both spouses have never been before. Within my sphere of influence my husband and I know six couples where the fiancé/wife has been to Israel (even lived in Israel short-term) and the husband has never been. There's something very powerful about experiencing eretz yisrael with your basherte...especially if this is your spouse's first time going. When my husband and I married we made the commitment to travel to eretz yisrael during our first year of marriage. Baruch hashem we were able to fulfill this plan. What outlet is there within the organized Jewish community to bring our brides and grooms to Israel? Kol Ha'Kavod, Michael - I really hope you can make peoples' dreams come true with this birthright honeymoon. The philanthropists need to recognize that young adulthood in the 21st century has been delayed from the ages of 18-25 years to 26-30 years. We need to better penetrate this 26-30 audience. We're losing too many people in their 30s. What a milestone a trip to Israel can be for a chatan and kallah! If one person such as me knows six couples where one partner has never been to Israel, how many more young married(s) are out there? Thank you for your article.
~ Elianna
(55) Anonymous, January 3, 2007 9:37 AM
How can we help?
The article was wonderful and I've married out of the religion twice - Baruch Hashem I am now divorced and Orthodox. What can we do to get this to be real? We see the problem, you mention a solution but you should also include how we can help get it going.
(54) Anonymous, January 3, 2007 8:26 AM
Freund or Freud?
First off, I want to say I think Birthright is a great program. It's actually fantastic and I think people would certainly benefit from a birthright honeymoon - however I noticed you said only every American Jew. What about their spouses who have not converted? Are you excluding them on purpose or with intent because I have to say that a "honeymoon" with only half of the marriage present isn't going to get you very far.
I have to admit I was slightly offended by your article which would essentially negate my own Jewish identity based on the fact that I'm not ethnically Jewish. You're not bean counting you say. Quality over quantity. Sorry but my last name doesn't remotely resemble Stein or Greenberg or Levy and I am a Jew. Scanning newspaper articles aren't likely going to bring me anywhere on your radar - unless I apparently marry another Jew (or even a person wish a "Jewish-sounding" last name) which will then have me added to your assimilation list - but not me really - it would be my spouse. Since when did Jewishness become based on a last name?
In appearance I don't really resemble any other Jew I've seen - but that doesn't make me any less Jewish. Where do you draw the line? Lighting Shabbat candles? Being shomer Shabbas? What is being Jewish? Maybe you ought to define that for me just so I can make sure I'm official.
You know you can't have it both ways.
If you want to keep Jews Jewish then maybe you should be more accepting of all Jews. Including Jews of different backgrounds. Maybe you should address more, the little discriminations some of us live with and ask us why we are Jews and what keeps us faithful. You can't mourn after what you've lost if you can't keep what you have.
(53) Daniel , January 3, 2007 4:17 AM
It's in the tradition
This whole debate boils down to one thing. Did your parents (or those who raised you) give you Jewish values growing up? That's it, end of story. People cannot be forced to change, nor can they suddenly "see the light" until a moment of spiritual crisis comes. This moment may never come. If you are raised with tradition and see the importance of it, you will pass it on, period.
(52) Anonymous, January 2, 2007 5:32 PM
Come again??
"But based on birthright's experience with college-age and post-graduate youth, it certainly seems like a good place to start."
Based on birthright's experience? What kind of statistics are you looking at? I'm surprised at Aish.
(51) Anonymous, January 2, 2007 4:46 PM
Is this 2007 or 1007?
As Jews, aren't we commanded to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves? People who choose Judaism and live a Jewish life sometimes are much more learned in the ways and traditions of Torah than people who were "born" Jewish. I think that people with the same views as Mr. Freund are worrying too much about the downfall of American Jewry and should focus on more import issues, such as being true to oneself and living life as G*d commanded. As one woman commented, her husband described converting to Judaism as, "coming home". How could anyone take such a beautiful spiritual experience for granted and shun someone just because they weren't "born" Jewish. Am I wrong, or is this a classic case of "discrimination"...something every Jew should be fighting against.
(50) Hilary Lee Fergenson, January 2, 2007 2:11 PM
Appreciating cultural diversity
Everybody is entitled to their own personal choice on what they choose to believe or celebrate. From my own experiences with having a double celebration of "Christmukah" (Christmas/Chanukah), I feel that combining different holidays and cultures is a fine way of enhancing one's heritage while becoming more flexible in appreciating diversity.
(49) Jennifer, January 2, 2007 11:58 AM
Jewish Identification
I am one of those 47% of Jews who married out of the faith. But, I would not say in any sense of the word, that I have assimilated. My husband agreed even before we began dating, that if we got married and had children, that he would join with me to raise our children Jewish. Although, he will not convert and I don't ask him to do it anymore. He is not a practicing Catholic, but believes in what he was taught all of his life. He does enjoy the Jewish Rituals that we partake in at home. We only celebrate the Jewish Holidays (ex: we celebrate only Chanukah in our home, not Christmas at all). I am very connected to my Jewish Faith. I am involved with my local Chabads and believe wholeheartedly in following as much as I can of Jewish Halacha. I believe Hasham understands what I am capable of following and not following at this stage of my life. My brother married a Jewish woman, but I would say they are not observant whatsover. They call themselves cultural Jews. Me, who married a Catholic, is more observant and am more knowledgeable about Judaism than my brother and his wife who are both Jews. I am glad you mentioned in your article the fact that Jews who marry Jews are also getting assimilated. I would say that my brother and his wife are more assimilited than I am. I do not want to judge my brother and his wife, but I just wanted to say that marrying someone outside of your faith may even make you more observant than if you married in the faith. I feel I am more connected to Judaism than my brother is. I could be wrong about that, but I believe it is true.
(48) Dan from Kentucky, January 2, 2007 11:10 AM
As a former Birthright participant this article missed the boat!
I'll be the first to say that Birthright was an AWESOME experience. We saw so many things we never knew about and learned alot about Israel. Sadly, we learned almost nothing about Judaism. Bless their souls, they [or someone] did make sure to provide enough condoms for the group] but precious little of this inspiration lasted long enough to make a real impact. I'm the only one of my six friends who went on Brithright to be dating a Jewish girl and none of us have any kind of immediate plans to increase our involvement with the Jewish community. I don't believe this is the answer to the problem of assimilation at all. It's a heckuva gimmick and I'll be the first to enjoy it but it'll just be another great freebie that we get for being born to a jewish mom. Yay!
(47) David Bluston, January 2, 2007 10:28 AM
Anti-Assimilation = Anti-Semitism?
I find huge problems with this article as I have found with many other comments fearing assimilation and encouraging elitist grouping. It is the same problem with faith schools (of which I have to admit I am a member of), and that is with all the fear of 'our' numbers decreasing, it only sets to increase worldwide anti-semitism. When the fear of inter-marriage goes as far as damning people for celebrating the secular side of a non-Jewish festival, or worse when a parent keeps their children in 'Jewish bubbles' incase they might end up falling in love with a non-Jew (oh the horror!), it serves to isolate the Jewish community from the rest of the world, and stops us from ever dispelling the myths in Anti-Semitism that exist.
(46) Chana Levi, January 2, 2007 9:50 AM
The Spiritual Holocaust of Intermarriage
Years ago if a Jew married a non-Jew, the whole family sat shiva, cried their eyes out and refused to speak to him/her again. Then they realized and acknowledged the true tragedy of intermarriage. Nowadays, when a Jew announces his/her engagement to a non-Jew, the parents meekly accept it. They might even be surprised if their son or daughter did come home with another Jew! Intermarriage today is a spiritual Holocaust and the way we are losing our people is a tragedy. The Nazis tried to destroy us physically, now intermarriage and the 'demoncratic' American way are destroying our people's souls. Few families, even Orthodox ones, are unaffected. One of my first cousins is a non-Jew and my husband, a baal teshuva, is the only
religious member of his entire extended family. Of his ten cousins, half married out. They are all descendants of a great 18th century rabbi from Prague yet they have no knowledge of their amazing heritage and some of their children today are sadly, goyim. Trips to Israel like Birthright are nice and enjoyable but they are just a bandaid on a life-threatening, gushing wound.
Only a true, intense Jewish education and active outreach programs on every U.S. campus and community might have an impact.
(45) Anonymous, January 2, 2007 9:47 AM
'half' Jews marrying Jews
I hear a lot of these statistics, and I can't help but wonder what the statistics are for children of intermarried couples. My father was Catholic, but I always knew I was Jewish and grew up to marry a Jewish man and keep a Jewish home. In fact, there is constant conflict between me and my husband's family because in my opinion they are too secular. My brother's fiance was raised similarly. They too will build a Jewish home. Having one Jewish parent doesn't 'take you out of the races' so to speak.
Also, I think a birthright honeymoon is an awesome idea. Only couples already interested in furthering their Judaism will attend classes. Education is crucial to build on the momentum, but you need to grab their attention first.
(44) Jonathan Monnich, January 2, 2007 9:36 AM
Interfaith....NO!
I am a Jew by choice, which may or may not be important. I see alot of what is happening with Jewry here in the US and I really upsets my wife and I. We made a trip to Israel in 2006 and decided to move to Israel when I retire in 3 1/2 years. We want to live in a place where Judaism is still intact. Given the volatile climate of that country, we have little concern, we want to be where we feel that we belong. American Jewry is in grave danger and if something isn't done to stop it, will be a footnote in future history books. American Jews have it "too soft", they are in a comfort zone that most are not willing to leave. Jews deserve to live free of fear but at what cost?
(43) Anonymous, January 2, 2007 5:43 AM
WRONG!
I fail to see how these birthright programmes with their UJIA/Zionist Agency agenda of showing tanks rather than torah and yuppies rather than yeshivas have or will do the slightest to stem intermarriage. Their view of jewish identity is donating to The UJIA and eating pita falafels. It is at best indifferent and at worst openly antagonistic and contemptuous to everything that Torah and Aish stand for.
The only answer is EDUCATION of Judaism rather than Judaica. As Rabbi Wein writes for a fraction of the cost of these grotesquely expensive birthright programmes we could open non-judgemental kiruv kollelim or Aish branches on university campuses throughout North America and Western Europe. It is only this that will stem the tide. The Zionist way doesn't stand a chance.
(42) Martin Lackner, January 2, 2007 2:59 AM
Jewish Organized Institutions are to blame
I asked an employee of JCC in San Francisco whether they had any social activites for jewiS young adults - he looked at me puzzled and very seriously asked me "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES???" I gre up in Chile. We had dances, movies on Israel, Speakers about Israel and Judaism EVERY WEEK in the local Synagogue and Jewish Community Center. FREE for anyone who wanted to attend!Here I cannot find any of these events. But mail us a check is expected!!!!
(41) Rachelli, January 1, 2007 8:04 PM
Jewish Education Is More Successful
An interesting, eye-opening article and interesting (and enlightening) comments. Birthright is a nice idea, and perhaps beneficial for some, but studies show that in terms of real, tangible benefit, a Jewish Education (for children and adults) is what really works, in terms of commitment to Judaism. This makes sense - because why should one give up a potential relationship with a lovely non-Jew, unless one knows why his/her Judaism is important? A complete Jewish education can give us all those answers.
(40) Anonymous, January 1, 2007 6:36 PM
lack of community at fault
When I was growing up, everyone received some type of Jewish education in and outside of the home. We did not change our names and didn't give a damn about Christmas and Chanukah competing for second place. We pretty much were reinforced about the history and symbolism of Hannukah and didn't equivocate it with gift giving. We knew that Chanukkah always was at the same time of year despite people saying it was early or late. The rabbi in our community really made a concerted effort to involve and let children feel a part and parcel of Judaism. He didn't care about your financial situation. He cared about your love and pride in your heritage. Now there are very few commited individuals such as this rabbi. There is one very unique person on a crusade to save the Jewish people. His name is Rabbi Buchwald of the National Jewish Outreach Program. He is trying to turn the tide and bring people in doubt or those afloat without a specific objective to reach out to. He enables various communities to get a taste of learning and understanding. We need a lot more people like him. Of course the family is indispensable to getting the support and learning as well. Sometimes that is not always possible. But one rabbi and of course a family that had a lot of pride in their heritage made an enormous difference in never thinking of looking at any other philosophy or belief but that of Judaism.
(39) Joel, January 1, 2007 6:10 PM
We need to re-think a lot of things
Although I am what would be described as an "assimilated" Jew, I worry about the state of Jewry as well. The problem for me is that I wasn't raised in a so called Jewish community and some of my identity has been eroded because I thoroughly enjoy the trappings of the Christmas holiday and the season as does the woman written about in the article. I also am fiercly proud of being Jewish too. So many dilemma's for me.
We live in North America so you know how can we expect people to only marry their own kind. I know it isn't as simple as all that, but maybe we need to just let the chips fall where they may. Personally I feel completely excluded from most things Jewish. Even reading articles on this site, it seems that some families just take it for granted that we all live very Jewish lives. I wasn't raised even having Shabbat, and I feel like a stranger with my own people.
I have never felt welcomed in the Jewish community, and I always feel like an outsider. With that said I also don't like the idea of conversion just to keep the numbers up. For me there is no question of who is Jewish and who isn't. If you were born of Jewish parents you are Jewish, if you weren't born of Jewish Parents, you are not Jewish! If you were born of one Jewish parent whether father or mother, you are half Jewish. Simple!
(38) Peggy, January 1, 2007 5:24 PM
Interfaith marriage, Jewish children
I am married to a man who is not Jewish. We celebrate Shabbat, keep a kosher home, belong to an Orthodox synagogue and send our child to a Jewish day school. I grew up in a very assimilated family and attended Sunday school at a Reform synagogue, but spent years in Israel as an adult and became more observant of mitzvot after returning to the U.S., meeting my husband and choosing TOGETHER to commit ourselves to a vibrant, Jewish family life. The community has embraced us and our child, with all our imperfections, and we are grateful for the support. Intermarriage is not the problem -- it is one of many symptoms of assimilation and the preference for secular/humanistic liberalism over authentic, God-centered Judaism, its traditions and values.
(37) Anonymous, January 1, 2007 4:07 PM
GREAT IDEA
ANYTHING YO GIVE A POSITIVE SPIN ON JUDAISM,ISRAEL AND ENCOURAGING JEWISH EDUCATION IS WORTH THE INVESTMENT
(36) Joyce Moore, January 1, 2007 1:07 PM
I'm not Jewish, but I too fear the trend of Jews marrying non-Jews. Jews have, and will continue to enlighten the world, and I pray for their preservation AS JEWS.
Joyce Moore
(35) shoshana, January 1, 2007 11:05 AM
finally
Thank you!
As an Orthodox Jew, I am reading and hearing all the time about the assimilation rate increase. And it always depresses me. But you have proposed an idea in which we can actively try to do something about it. Kol HaKavod, and
May this idea come to fruition!
(34) Victoria Frank, January 1, 2007 10:22 AM
Too Lay Back
01/01/2007
I am not surprise to see our people drifting away.We are too lay back. our religion is very boring. When I arrived in Denton at Texas Womans University,I was so lonely.Every religion was so active reaching out for thier students. There was no single jew. Muslems, Chritians and Budists were having activities almost every month. There was no body to welcom me. Christians were always hot and excited to reach out to people but the jews who have the right hand of GD were no where to be found. I was a lonely foriegn jew. We are loosing our people because we are to cold. We are not so excited about our religion.We should reach out to our young ones in the local schools, colleges and Universities. My son goes to a junior college. The first day of school, a religious group came to thier school to talk about GD Almighty, and to talk about purity and modesty. He was so happy that some one was able to present those topics to them. Now he has joined the group of young ones who talk about modesty,smoking,drinking and GD. Unfortunately they are christians, but where are our leaders? These are the reason why we are drifting away. I thank Birthright for the good work.
Victoria
(33) Hannah Fleshel, January 1, 2007 9:23 AM
love the idea of a birthright honeymoon
what a fabulous idea to have a birthright honeymoon!!!! it would help a couple get a foundation - something to strive for and connect with. brilliant. I wish I had money to give to get it off its feet. I am sure there is some Aish sponsorer who could sponsor at local branches across the country.
(32) Anonymous, January 1, 2007 9:09 AM
A Nice Thought, But..
Judaism needs more clarity today, not less.
In a well-written article such as this, it is appropriate to state clearly that Jewish males who intermarry do not have Jewish offspring, which no Israel honeymoon can alter.
A tragedy, but wishing it away with Jewish "culture" versus our Jewish faith detracts, rather than adds, to our confused world.
(31) Klara, December 31, 2006 11:29 PM
We need Solomon's wisdom
It's good to hear that birthright is successful. But curious why so many who live here in Israel are not as stimulated to live a Torah life or reconnect to their roots? If birthright works, sure do it for newlyweds. But what about all those who are still single?? What I'd love to know is what exactly makes birthright succeed, the age of the kids?? the madrichim? the program?? Yes, I also came on a program when I was in high school (not free in those days) and had a great time - and yes, I came back, but it took me a long time to take upon myself the yolk of Judaism, and I think it had more to do with my parents memories of the old times than anything else. I think Judaism may have worked better in the shtetls, when keeping Shabbos and kashruth was predominant in society. But since we don't live that way, I'm thrilled that aish exists on the computer and in real life. Kol Hakavod for all you do.
(30) mark, December 31, 2006 6:43 PM
a little hope
We all have a soul mate, some Jewish some not. I am a not but a soon to be. I subscribe faithfully to a fully observant outlook on life and we are raising our children in ways to bolster their Jewish identity. Sadly enough this is not always the case, but, never give up on what HaShem has in the plans. Faith and Trust is what the Rebbe teaches, we must keep this, think well and be well, we have free choice, but as long as you have kept their feet firmly planted in Torah and family history, they will never lose their "strenght" in being a Jew.
(29) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 6:10 PM
"raised as Jews" is not enough for some people
The previous post intimates that practicing Judaism and raising children as Jews is enough to continue the Jewish people, and making non-Jews feel accepted as a step toward inclusion is a good thing. However, there are many Jews for whom the first proposal is not enough, and the second is not desirable. Regarding the first, traditional Jewish sources clearly delineate who may considered a Jew and who may not, which has nothing to do with what they do and do not practice, and there are people who choose to live by the guidelines presented in these sources, which is their prerogative. Regarding the second proposal, if a group decides to include everyone in it, that group loses its identity - it becomes identical to the entire population and stops being a group. It seems unfair to ask a group to foster its own disintegration by encouraging it to include everyone. Encouraging a non-Jew to feel accepted, many of those Jews who have decided to live according to the traditional sources assert, does not make him/her Jewish and they should not be forced to change their minds about this. For these people, the goal is not to ensure the continuation of Jewish practice or Judaism by anyone regardless of their identity, but by people whom, according to what they believe and are entitled to believe is Judaism, are considered Jews.
(28) Shaye Eibeshitz, December 31, 2006 5:05 PM
Conservative and Reform wakeup
Re the article"fighting assimilation"
I haved talked with the conservative rabbi og the shul I presently attend in Toronto, and have written to the Toronto Board of Rabbis, suggesting once a year the Rabbis address their congregants and suggest they introduce singles of whom they are aware to one another. So far I have not been successful. I have not been successful so far. I will continue trying.
(27) Lewis Loflin, December 31, 2006 3:25 PM
get over it.
While I support Judaism it's a simple fact in a free nation people will do what they want to do.
This is not some third-world Muslim country with arranged marraiges and death to those that covert. Is that what some Jews want, the ghettos again?
America is a big problem for those seeking to be "separate" themselves from other Americans. We tend to have a common culture and people tend to assimilate.
Judaism to me is not a race no matter much rhetoric some Jews come up with. It's a religion and I'd suggest that Judaism be open to conversion like it was in ancient times.
How many countries can Jews name where they have the freedom and prosperity they do here? Is it that bad?
(26) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 2:46 PM
great idea!
I also read the article about the newlyweds who proudly celebrate Xmas in the NY Times, and was really horrified and saddened. This article and initiative is a great and very fitting response!!
(25) Anna, December 31, 2006 2:34 PM
Reply to Anonymous: it can't possibly work!
I don't meant to offend anybody, but an interfaith "practising Judaism" family is but a pale shadow of the true Jewish home, which is a fusion of two Jewish souls.
(24) sk, December 31, 2006 2:33 PM
to annonomous
All I can say is OUCH! Even if you are "raising your children jewish", will they stick with it, if you have already showed them that there is an "alternative" by intermarrying? And, are these children really jewish? What about Jewish men who marry non Jewish women, would it be ok to raise their children "Jewish"? Hashem Yerachaim!
(23) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 2:17 PM
in our small town...
our last nameis considered a "Jewish" surname. Actually, although my mother's family did not intermarry, my father's dad converted to Judaism, in Russia, after attending conversion classes, a mohl, a mikveh, a procession through the Jewish quarter of their city, and a bet din, before he married my grandmother. So intermarriage was not unknown in my family. My husband converted to Judaism and explained to questioners that he had "come home" in his heart when he converted. My brother's wife also converted to Judaism and his children and mine are committed Jews. Oddly enough, I see a lot of push against conversion, and against Jewish identity from our own people. There still seems to be an attitude that there is something "downscale" or anti-intellectual about being Jewish or expressing your Jewish identity.
Belle, September 19, 2012 7:30 PM
my goodness, my family's story!
My paternal grandfather also converted to Judaism in Russia with all the above trimmings (ha ha) and flourishes. My husband also converted to Judaism and explains that he feels that he has "come home" also. My daughter tells people that she comes from a line of Jewish women who are devastatingly attractive to non-Jewish men. I was reared with a clear committment to Judaism although I was in a small town. Our children were also reared in the same small town and still maintain a kosher home, etc. As my husband converted it is not truly an intermarriage. I have seen so many people who have converted to Judaism because they were called to their Jewish nature from a young age and then it is not unusual to find an ancestor who was Jewish. The people who are attracted to practicing Jews are attracted to something more than the physical so I truly believe. Perhaps, Anonymous #23, Aish wil let us get in touch with one another.
(22) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 1:47 PM
Interestingly True
What can anybody do about it?
(21) Suzy Lenkowsky Krikorian, December 31, 2006 1:18 PM
Intermarriage
Yes, it would've been easier if I'd married in my faith....less explaining. But I've been blessed with a husband who encouraged me in my faith and supported raising our son Jewish. Granted, he didn't have strong ties to Christianity and when he started coming to temple with me he said it made more sence to him than any church service his mother dragged him to. But it helps that my temple welcomes interfaith couples so warmly. That warmth makes a big difference when it comes to creating a Jewish home.
(20) Suzan, December 31, 2006 12:45 PM
response to first comment
""I am aware of numerous interfaith families (including my own) where the family only practices Judaism and the children are raised as Jews.""
That's good. If the wife is Jewish, the children are too and they should live that way. It's just that Some Non-Jewish husbands are not as supportive and don't want the family to practice anything unless they practice both his and her religion. but if he is supportive, she can help him learn more about Judaism.
Also, there's the issue that if the wife is not Jewish, then the children won't be either. And so in order for them to have Jewish children, she has to convert before having them.
(19) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 12:40 PM
"self-defined" Jews
In response to the person who responded before me about intermarrying, and raising children in a Jewish home -- If the mother isn't Jewish halachically, the children aren't Jewish halachically. This is true even if they're keeping mitzvoth, and even if they THINK they're Jewish. When daughters who THINK they're Jewish, but aren't halachically Jewish, marry & raise children, they may THINK these children are Jewish, but halachically they're not. It can get very messy a few generations down the road. The solution? Jews marrying Jews (whether Jews by birth or halachic conversion), and raising Jewish children in Jewish homes. Real Jewish children in real Jewish homes. (I hope the person who wrote before me thinks seriously about this.)
(18) Suzanne, December 31, 2006 12:36 PM
Birthright Honeymoon
That sounds like a wonderful idea.
(17) David S. Levine, December 31, 2006 12:33 PM
NO SOLUTION
The problem of intermarriage will not be addressed by giving every Jew a ticket to Israel, "regardless of who he or she marries." Yes, more needs to be invested in Jewish education and the type of education that engenders loyalty of Judaism and the Jewish People. Trips to Israel are a means to this end, but the way this author would work them they would be the end.
(16) Marsha, December 31, 2006 12:24 PM
If I had the money....
I would fund such a project. But the problem starts long before the wedding. I too saw that article and was heartsick. In today's NYTimes, there are a few Jewish sympathizers, and only one who sided with "us". How tragic that Jews should get such pleasure from something so foreign!
(15) John, December 31, 2006 11:51 AM
Anonymous #1
B"H
Ofcourse a Rabbi CAN NOT marry anyone non-Jewish despite that non-Jew wants to raise his/her kids Jewish. Jews should (indeed) marry each other, not non-Jews. Btw; Embracing Chr*stmas by Jews, disgusting! May HaShem bring the Jewish people back to Judaism.
(14) Bob, December 31, 2006 11:40 AM
great idea
Wonderful idea. Even though there are a lot of opportunities for young people to elect to be exposeed to their heritage, most elect not to do so. Sharing a trip to Israel might be the cattalist to start the couple down a more positive path.
(13) Robert Schmolka, December 31, 2006 11:11 AM
Is an atheist or at least strongly agnostic ethnic Jew a Jew or not?
All my grandparents were Jews from the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. I have no use for any God being a libertarian. I still feel that my ethnical identity is Jewish, in spite of having married an goyish atheist. I don't know Israel and have no inclination for the middle east and feel that wanting to return to Israel after almost 2000 years of being European, I still feel Jewish.
I should have married a nice Jewish intellectual girl I met in NYC almost 50 years ago, but I was afraid to inflict a proverbial Jewish mother on my eventual offspring (Woody Allen).
Shalom and git yontef to you,
Robert Laszlo Schmolka
(12) Ethel, December 31, 2006 11:10 AM
simplistic solution won't work--is counter productive
Despite the glowing reports, birthright is basically a failure and Freund's recommendations to extend the concept to couples who marry other Jews (another problem we won't go into here)will merely intensify the problem.
Birthright notwithstanding, there is no quick fix, quick magic bullet to deter assimilation. A free 10 day trip just ain't gonna do it. The glow disappears quickly.
Indeed, birthright degrades Judaism and those who have some sort of commitment by offering the trips only to those who have never been there before.
And of course because the trips are free, with no reward so to speak, of prior work for the Jewish community via youth groups or Jewish school attendance
or something similar or no minimal demand even in the form of volunteer work within the community post trip, birthright as a free trip is worthless; actually less than worthless--many students see it as a desperate, degrading bribe. After all, these are the same students who somehow get the money for vacations around the world, are willing to work gratis on internships and compete to spend money for exotic credits.
No, as the late sociologist of the Jewish community, Daniel Elazar obm, wrote years ago, the limited communal funds should be expanded for services to the inner core of Jews; he conceived of the community as seven rings with the center being the most committed with diminishing interest outwards. Jewish schools and camps, Jewish organizations, synagogues, even theaters and the arts would benefit; the benficiaries' Judaism would be strengthened, expanded and validated.
And the community would also be strengthened by realizing Judaism is attractive, no need to beg others to remain.
(11) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 11:08 AM
A Trip To Israel By Itself Is Not Enough
The wife of an old friend of mine, a non-observant jew, took a trip to Israel in her twenties. Several months past, and i heard nothing about the trip. I asked her how it went. She said it was nice. That's it. As Rabbi Noach Weinberg from Aish Hatorah said in his
famous "bafoofstick story" if you don't know what you are looking at, you won't appreciate it. Along with any trips to Israel, there must be preinformation AND post trip information about Judaisim, Jews special place with
G-d and the world. Otherwise for persons who are quote bagels and lox, check book Jews or I'm a good Jew, because all that matter is that I have a good heart (a cardiac jew), will never see the specialness and beauty of Judaisim and will gravitate towards intermarriage (the sytudies show the majority of intermarried persons do not follow Judaisim, this is especially true of the children - as their parents do not know much about it, and it is easier to be a secular, knowing one language christian than to be a Jew).
(10) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 10:55 AM
Assimilation
My Grandparents are examples of inter-religion marriages. Max Levine married Angelina Marchetti. Nana converted to Judaism, so my father was born and raised in the Jewish faith. However, Grampy Max was not a good example of a husband, father, and man. He left the family, and my grandmother converted back to her families faith. Grampy Max went on to marry another woman of a different faith, and he was the one to convert. None of their four children continued practicing their father's faith. When my father married my mother, an immigrant from England, he converted to her religion of choice b/c he was not practicing either of his families faiths, and did not feel that his children should be raised in a dual religious household (one, or the other, he felt). Assimilation is more complicated than a simple marriage, and often goes in more than one direction. I live in a city that has quite a large Jewish population, but you would never know it, except for the new Jewish Community Center they built and opened around 2001. Some of the perceived assismilation has more to do with the silence of the group. I am not advocating radical, aggressive tactics against others, but sometimes one needs to find a non-combative way to make their presence known, so others know they exist. I believe our local Jewish community found a way to do just that, and continues to make their presence known through community outreach programs in a predominantly Catholic town.
(9) MICHAEL, December 31, 2006 10:45 AM
hiding your jewishness
years ago it was ok to wear a mezuza on a chain to identify who you are when trying to meet other jews. now there is no way to tell.we desparetly want to be accepted by society and we lost our identity.it is the responsibility of every parent to give a child pride in being a jew give them a jewish educations and stress marrige to goym is not acceptable. liberal attitudes towards assimilation does not work if you dont keep a distance.
(8) Victoria, December 31, 2006 10:20 AM
Fighting assimilation
"interfaith ministers," whatever that might mean. Now how about finding out what it DOES mean, instead of complaining about it. Happy New Year & Shalom.
(7) Gordon, December 31, 2006 9:53 AM
Indicators of Assimilation
Honestly, I found it amusing (and a bit distressing) that this article's author uses a christmas tree as "the indicator" that "Cindy Chupack, who was a writer and executive producer of the hit television series Sex and the City." had been assimilated.
Myself, I am more alarmed when I see those who could be assumed to be Jewish producing such prurient, lascivious content as Sex and the City.
The G-d of our fathers seemed to spend a lot more time talking about adopting other culture's idols - and one of our culture's biggest idols that we worship with abandon is extra-marital sex.
That, to me, was an earlier and more grievious indicator of assimilation than was a decorated tree for the daughter of the commandments.
(6) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 9:46 AM
Raising non-Jews to be Jewish?
Excellent article and suggestion, but went off the rails a bit with the call to offer "Birthright Honeymoon" to any Jew regardless of who they marry.
There are Jewish men who marry non-Jewish women. Their children are not Jewish. This is unfortunate, and tragic. But no amount of "feel good" Jewish education can make it not so.
Offering these couples an Israel trip for the sake of Jewish continuity in their families is an oxymoron, and misleading to these innocent children, who are not Jewish through no fault of their own, and shouldn't be mislead into thinking they are, only to be faced with shocked disappointment when they get older.
On the other hand, if you are suggesting offering the trip to intermarried males in an effort to increase their Jewish awareness and come closer to their Torah heritage, that is wonderful. But that won't make their children Jewish, and it's important for both you and they to be cognizant of this, to protect their children.
Ideas and suggestions are to be applauded. We need to exercise utmost responsibility in their formulation.
(5) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 9:06 AM
If people like this author keep writing off...
...every Jew who marries a non-Jew, raises Jewish children, attends shul and is affiliated with the local Jewish community as a lost cause and practically not worth considering a Jew anymore, than Judaism will indeed reach a crisis quickly. Inclusiveness rather than "oy gevalt" would be a tremendous first step.
(4) Jennifer Griffith, December 31, 2006 8:45 AM
Intermarriage vs Assimilation
While the idea of a "birthright honeymoon" is a great one, intermarriage isn't always the end of Judaism for the Jewish spouse.
My husband, who was raised Baptist but is unaffiliated, agreed before we married that the wedding would be a Jewish one (very hard to find a rabbi to perform it), and if we had any children (which we didn't plan to do) they would be raised Jewish. He had no objections to this. Of course, the Christmas tree was something he didn't want to give up, & for several years we had one (with strictly secular ornaments, including a Santa topper), but (initially due to finances) we stopped having a tree several years ago. Also, my faith has become more important to me over the years, and while he attends no religious services at all, I go to Shabbat services every Friday night - something I never did as a child. Having never become Bat Mitzvah, I also went through the adult B'nei Mitzvah prograom at our temple, & while I don't currently keep Kosher or follow some of the guidelines that an Orthodox Jew might observe, I certainly do more than I was raised to do.
Yes, assimilation & intermarriage can be problems, but some of it is due to the lack of some congregations to make Judaism come alive, as The Temple in Atlanta has successfully done. Making Judaism important to individuals without simply saying it's "because I said so" will go a long way in preventing assimilation.
(3) Susan Rubinstein, December 31, 2006 8:38 AM
My fiance is converting to judaism
I have been divorced from a Sephardic Israeli man for 8 years now. Last year I met an Irish/Italian man who was already thinking about converting to Judaism (Before we met). He had told me he always had doubts about his religion and always believed in the hebrew bible stories. At first he thought the studying would be too hard for him but after finding a rabbi who was willing to work with him, he is on his way to becoming a jew. It's a shame that he is a rare bird when it comes to gentile men or women having such a strong belief in judaism.
(2) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 7:58 AM
Nowhere in your article did you mention "love"!
This is the example of why we have so many conflicts today, separating the human factor, and good ole love & respect, in the name of religion.
This does not mean one has to toss aside ones faith, but, interfaith marriages not only offer love, and happiness to those who find love and happiness with each other, but experincing each others beliefs, which then they start developing understanding and respect.
When you continue to block, alienate,and discriminate, because of ones upbringing to believe only what is taught to them, they are the ones who lose out on knowing ,experiencing, loving, and finding happiness with so many other human beings.
God created us all equal humans,made from all the same energy matter , only physically different,as the flowers, the trees, the animals, all living , breathing elements of this universe.
The sooner we all realize this,accept this, the sooner we will all live in harmony together on this small particle of this universe we call "Earth".
And with that, I wish all my brothers and sisters of the planet earth, a very Happy , Loving ,Respectful, Peaceful New Year!
(1) Anonymous, December 31, 2006 7:38 AM
Interfaith marriages don't necessarily spell the end of Jewish identity
People tend not to differentiate in interfaith marriages. They are all viewed as a "lost cause". In my conservative shul, I am aware of numerous interfaith families (including my own) where the family only practices Judaism and the children are raised as Jews. It would help if Rabbis would marry people who express the desire to maintain a Jewish home and raise Jewish children even if they are marrying a non-Jew. And encouraging the non-Jew to feel accepted and to learn about Judaism would be a wonderful step forward as well in terms of inclusion.