Intermarriage and the N.Y. Times

What the Orthodox folks are missing is the opportunity in an intermarriage to bring into the fold a new Jew.
Let's face it, more intermarriages are happening and the best approach would be to educate our people on how to facilitate the conversion of the non-Jew part of the couple into Judaism. We need to increase our numbers!!!

Now we know just what to do, thanks to your willingness to ignore 3 millennia of Rabbinic tradition in order to increase our numbers!
I have a better idea, Mr. Pardes....why don’t you sponsor a few Orthodox couples to have an extra child or three.
That will have a much better chance of increasimg our numbers...
Check your history:
1,000 Ashkenazim in the tenth century expanded 10,000 times to ten million in the twentieth century! That happened even though we had many pogroms. It didn’t happen by allowing non Jews who had no interest in becoming true Jews to become fake Jews.
Sadly, Jews without Torah are on self destruct mode.
My mother was the granddaughter of a great granddaughter of the Rav of a city in Europe. She grew up when there was no Bais Yaakov. She did have a positive connection to Yiddishkeit thru her grandfather. She became the only one who sent her children to a Jewish Day school. All of her 8 Jewish cousins (2 were already non-Jews) had a total of 6 Jewish children and 2 more non-Jews. The next generation is even worse. The youngest generation is 2 Jews and 6. Would calling them Jews have made a difference? No because every marriage out is watering down.
Bottom line, WITHOUT TORAH, Judaism cannot survive.

Remember that marriage is a two way street and many languages especially in Romance Europe marriage if not the very ring is referred to as an/the "alliance." For most of history our host societies were as unhappy about marriages across faith lines especially with Jews as Jews were. The present high incidence of inter - faith marriages including Jew - gentile unions is a symptom of religious formality and sectarianism having lost its importance in society at large. It is not all our Jewish fault as somebody marrying out needs somebody to take them in. If there is a lesson in the reduced importance of formal traditional religion in current Western society, it is that in all sects and faiths the clergy and religion teachers have to find a way of making it clearer why religion in general and their denomination in particular is deserving of the respect they claim for it?

They're divorced now anyway. Probably doesn't care as much anymore to defend her honor as his spouse of choosing..

What amazes me is that the Jewish community can accept gays, lesbians, transgenders etc.... As still being a part of the Jewish community when it is so against Torah, it's so unG-dly! But heaven forbid the intermarried couple who have children that may or may not be considered Jewish depending on if mom is Jewish or only dad(if mom is they are Jewish even if they don't practice at all) how silly this whole conversation is.

When I saw the title of this story, I thought it was going to be a commentary on the weddings section of the Sunday Times. If you want a truly heart-wrenching experience, read the Times's wedding announcements, where there are so many glorious proclamations of the joining together of Jew and non-Jew without blinking of an eye. Those say more than any news story. Of course, the Times also publishes same-gender Jew and non-Jew unions, which is even more gut-wrenching.

What I am reading is that jews no longer "survive" when they are classified as non-jews. What an odd definition of survival

Without Judaism the faith, what is there of being Jewish that separates them from Gentiles? The answer is NOTHING.

I don't understand Feldman. You can't add your own rules to the Torah. Tomorrow someone will come and say eat pig it is fine.......... Feldman wants to do wrong and for everyone to say that it's o.k.

When I read Feldmans article in the NY Times magazine I felt that there was a disconnect from real life. Why would we welcome an inter-marriage?What can an inter-marriage teach our children?Its a major tragedy that Feldman himself doesn't seem to get.it.Since his article was printed I don't trust anything he says,his brain seems totally disconnected from reality.The Chelsea Clinton marriage to a Jew is also tragic. I don't believe that her husband has warm Jewish feelings. The charade of a kipa and a tallit was a public relation gimmick. No Jew in his right mind was happy to see this travesty.Does somebody feel that Jews have "arrived"because a famous shiksa consented to marry a good looking rich smart Jew. At least Ivanka Trump converted,and her children will be Jewish.Feldmans children will be nothing.

Glad you are not King of the world

He meant that they will not be Jewish. Isn't it obvious that that's what he meant,? And Feldman knew that to begin with and that was his choice - to have non-Jewish children. So what does it have to do with being "innocent children"?

agreed

During the six day war, in 1967, a group of soldiers were the first to reach the Western Wall ,which had been inaccessible to Jews since 1948. Soldiers who were religious recognized the great moment and wept. One soldier who was not religious also wept. His friend asked him why he was weeping since he was not religious. He answered," I am crying because I don't know what there is to cry about." This wedding should make us cry, not only this one but all intermarriages, yet so many of us don't even know what there is to cry about. that's the greater tragedy.

why i would read this article i have no idea or the comment. it's 3 years later since Joe bernstein wrote comment 151 but i have to reply. he is a textbook example of a captive child not responsible for his lack of knowledge that the community is obligated to redeem.anyone who knows who he is must be in touch and offer him a choice

i've been intermmaried religiously and interracially for over 36 years and any problems we ever had were not related to either race or religion-it's true that my son,daughter,and granddaughter are "lost"to judaism-so what?isn't religion an individual matter?why does it matter if jews continue as a distinct tribe or people?obviously i don't follow the jewish religion nor any other but i believe in a Creator and am in no way an atheist-it seems as though the thought of assimilation scares you-i personally think jews would do better to live their lives without a cloud of "differentness"over their heads(often self imposed)-my belief is that once you're dead it doesn't matter a tinker's damn what you were-i don't know what's next-do you?or anyone for that matter?it is pitiful that "rabbinical scholars" argue over the minutae of "who is a jew"yet those who hate jews fanatically make no distinction-the people of this earth don't appreciate the orld they were given-always fighting over issues like religion and race-i was in a war and it never made a minute's sense-those who preach divisivness and blow the war trumpet should be the first to go-i don't believe in one world,just individual choices,not racial/religious determinism

difficult. always as human beings we have to wish someone who has not hurt us happiness in his life. so we can say congratulations or good wishes or have a healthy happy baby. but marrying out of the faith is no event for saying mazel tov. raising children out of the faith is no event for wishing someone lots of naches. there is a totality in those two wishes that one reserves for jews in a jewish life.

Daniela below: that is not at all what Feldman said, and the Times made none of those "corrections" because the Union could not substantiate any one of its counterclaims

Mr Feldman's rationalization is not surprising. As a devout member of the jewish society as well as a very well learned member He certainly should understand the consequences of his actions. Note that he is primarily angry at his secular relationships with the school, not the religious, he cannot rationalize his religious hatred

"...Rabbi Blech is saying that as a community however, we cannot condone intermarriage, certainly not celebrate it and praise it. Striking this delicate balance is not easy, but necessary...., but at the same time we cannot condone the dissolution of the Jewish people."

What about the non-Jewish families that have someone marrying a Jew?

Would the desire to maintain their own Tradition with the position "... we cannot condone intermarriage, certainly not celebrate it and praise it..." be viewed as the right of a famililyfrom non-Jewish Religious Tradition to maintain its wholeness/heritage?

Or, an expression of antisemitism?

When it comes to religion and religous issues many people persume that they are experts regardless of the level of knowledge they may posses. It seems as though the less a person knows the greater the expert he/she is. Few people dare comment on issues they have little or no knoweldge of and particularly in public. However, when it comes to religion it's up for grabs. The self proclaimed experts abound. It is common knowledge that there is no mandatory, methodical training of religious studies, for example like math, writing etc., at any level of the educational system ranging from grade school to college and beyond. It is therefor fair to say that very few people know the basics of the Jewish religion. Unfourtantly, this is also true of many yeshiva graduates not to mention those who received other educational training.

My intension is NOT to offend anyone but rather to state the obvious. It is unreasonable to invite someone off the street to carry out a complicated brain surgery simply on the basis of knowing that there is a brain but with no further knowledge of its physiology, functions and the appropriate training and experience.

Everyone knows that there is a
G-d but few know who He is or how He runs the world. The truth is that we don't even know the basic laws He set forth in the Holly Torah, a rather mechanical or techenical task, unlike understanding how He runs the world and more difficult than that is why He runs it the way He does.

In everything else in life, e.g., driving a vhicle, one must demonstrae knoweldge of the basic laws and basic driving skills otherwise he/she won't be able to get a license. As far as religion is concerned all one needs is a means of communications to be an expert.

If the Prof would have violated even a seemingly negligible cluase of the Constitution he would have suffered the consequences. Here he transgressed a major Torah law, and he is not reprimended by G-d rightaway as he would have been by people. G-d continues to sustain him and patiently waits for his return because He is merciful. HOWEVER, the laws set by
G-d are immutable. Anyone who choses to disregard these laws is living a great deception and is in for a very rude awakening. We have no place to hide from G-d, as do villins who commit crimes and run for cover. The laws set forth in the Torah are REAL and BINDING and we can't philosophize our way out of them. Any semi intelligent person knows that one can't go against the law and get away with it for too long because sooner or later he/she will be cought.

WE ALL NEED TO BEAR IN MIND THAT G-D IS SERIOUS ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS FROM US AND NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM HIS IRON CLAD LAWS. AS INTELLIGENT PEOPLE WE NEED TO AQCUIRE THE TORAH KNOWLEGE AND APPLY IT TO OUR DAILY LIVING AND STOP LIVING LIKE RENEGATES.
IT IS POSSIBLE!
IT IS BEAUTIFUL!
IT IS OUR DESTINY!
LETS WAKE UP AND UNDERSTAND THAT G-D IS SERIOUS AND THAT THE JEWISH RELIGION IS MORE PRECISE THAN ALL THE PRECISE SCIENCES PUT TOGTHER AND SO WE MUST AQUIRE THIS KNOWELDGE AND LIVE BY IT INSTEAD OF ILLUDING OURSELVES INTO THINKING THAT WE CAN GETAWAY WITH THINGS!

From first glance, it seems shocking that a "frummer yid" would wittingly betray the very foundation of Judaism by wiping out another Jewish generation of his children by marrying a shiksa. And to be compromising in one value is similar to the Solomon Shechter quote above.

However, is this really an effort to betray the Jewish people? Or, is it rather a case where ones emotions for another being betrayed ones own logic? It's known that when one is overcome with emotion, no amount of logic will sink in. That person will continue his ways until the day he dies.

Let us take the initiative to hug, rather than berate, this person and hope that he will find more love in returning to the fold instead of his new found love outside the velt of Yiddishkeit.

A very interesting article, one that brought tears to my eyes. For the gentleman to forgo/forget all of his beautiful heritage seems to be a crime! How did expect the community to respond at the birth of his children? We would celebrate the bringing of his children into the covenant community, no just being born( and bron with no sense of continuity in Judaism). A very sad article.

This is supreme irony, in my opinion.
I originate from a Jewish heritage, long ago forgotten. My mum is a Christian as is my father.

It is one of the stories of my own humble existence that I had to literally find my way back "home" against the odds of secrecy and hidden family secrets.

Even now, though I am not officially converted, I know that it is only a matter of time.
As well, I have never married and could not understand why I turned out a number of proposals.

The reason became crystal clear when I took it upon myself to find a "Jewish husband-to-be".

Fait accompli, he is all and more of what I sincerely never thought I would encounter - a VERY decent, KIND, Loving, Respectful, dignified, highly intelligent man.

He was raised in an Orthodox household.
I am bringing him back to the fold as he has become increasingly secular.
It seems unusual that I am so much more into All things Jewish with deep longing, yearning and enthusiasm than he is.

This is what happens when Spiritual wealth is taken for granted and the A-mighty showers one with blessings, one is never satisfied and with deeply shameful recklessness negotiates, it seems one's most prized possession and souls' privelege (the Covenant), for perceived social acceptance, relevance ect.

To be a Jew, is an Honour, a Privelege without measure. To revceive a solid Jewish Education an Incredible Gift.

I can only observe with deep yearning as I read about the priveleged and Truly RICH others who are enabled to access Jewish Learning, Traditions, Education, and Hebrew which is then theirs to funnel into Enriching secular knowledge and education ie Law, Medicine, Art.

While I have no opinion on anyone's life choices, they do make a statement about what values are of import.

I can say, however, that without the proper Neshama's clothing, life is an arid desert, where scorpion's lie in wait to bite, as one seeks the proverbial source of water in the Oasis - it is but a mirage, and the waters found, if not deadened by the bites of scavanging scorpions, are poisened.

The three things that reader were upset about:

He was left out of the class picture - an oversight, he and 16 others at one side of the crowd were omitted.

His "life events" are not publisized in their newsletter - he never expected them to be when he intemarried.

The people weren't nice to him and his then girlfriend at the reunion - he admits that they were.

So there never was a story, any more than there ever is when the media wtire about Israel or the Jews.

I am in a similar situation, were my current girlfriend is not Jewish, although I come from a conservative Sephardic home and i am not 'religious' not quite sure that definition exist in our laws. Once of the things i always told my girlfriend is that i will not married her until a full 100% kosher conversion is done.

One has to remember that every action we take today will be a deciding action in our future as Jews.

I believe that many people must be saying... If why can you not find a Jewish girlfriend? I have been asking myself the same question, day in, day out,,, but i believe the almighty has a motive for everything.. Perhaps one day he will provide us with the wisdom to understand his ways.... as for Professor Noah Feldman.. There is some serious personality crushes and self pity. I wish I could speak to him..

I find Rabbi Blech's condemnation of Professor Noah Feldman's intermarriage to be hurtfully ethnocentric. The problem begins with the use of the term "modern Orthodox." There is no such category as a modern Orthodox. If a man is a "modern" Jew living in a modern world, he adapts himself to the culture he is living in. The modern Jew will integrate into the community, but he will retain his identity as a Jew. He is Jewish because he identifies himself as being Jewish. His religion is there to enhance his life, not to control it. Noah Feldman is such a man.
On the other hand, the Orthodox Jew has no desire leave his tightly knit community for any reason whatsoever. There will be no opporitunity for him to meet a non-Jew, date a non-Jew, or marry a non-Jew. 2 idealogies, 2 types of men.
What becomes so hurtful is that the Rabbi refers to Noah's marriage as a "tragic event." No, this marriage is not tragic. To lose a child to Tay-Sachs is tragic. To be the victim of a hate crime is tragic.
When a man is free to choose his own mate, I call this a blessing. I, for one, wish Noah Feldman and his wife a Mazal Tov on their marriage and the birth of their children.

Okay, so Mr. Feldman made his choice. As an "educated Jew" he knew exactly what he was choosing. He can be self-satisfied in his indignance but that changes nothing. And those who defend him or are indignant at the reaction can be self-satisfied as well. Then there is the Jewish community. They did the righteous thing and ostracized Feldman and his wife. Then they sit back self-satisfied that they did what they had to do to protect the Jewish people. Well did they? Really? Who in the Jewish community is responsible to make sure things like this don't happen in the first place? Answer: All of us, but especially the "leaders". If the leaders (rabbinic and lay) did what they were supposed to, this wouldn't ever happen. Can they really be self-satisfied knowing that over the past 10 generations or so, the vast majority of Jews (90%?) have left Orthodoxy behind and the majority of them have all but left Judaism entirely including via inter-marriage. Congratulations! You should really feel self-satisfied. Great Job! Who in the professional world could keep their job with a 90% failure rate? Name a doctor you'd go to with 10% survival rate or a lawyer who wins 10% of his cases. To give a personal example... I grew up reform. I exclusively dated goyim since college. It's only via slow evolution entirely on my own and with the example of brother intermarryng, that I came to the conclusion, with out any real reason to back me up, that I should marry Jewish. This was lucky because if I had met the right shiksa, I'd have been married long ago. I had never even heard of Aish or any other kiruv organization. The closest brush I had was during college a couple of chasidim tried to get me to put on tefillin. I thought they were nuts, having never heard of tefillin. Notice they didn't ask me anything about me, other than if I was Jewish, nor about my experience, nor did they try to create any personal connection or impart any knowledge. Another failure. So a few years ago I sought out my local Aish chapter and now I've learned quite a bit, but often am the only single person in the class without an AARP card. I don't consider this success. What Jew am I supposed to marry?

So those who want to argue in a self-satisfied way one side or the other of the debate about Feldman but don't actually want to do anything that will really help the situation (not "try" but actually have an impact) are to me just part of the problem. That includes the kind hosts of this site.

If you don't find a way to actively engage Jews in a way that makes them care about their personal future as a Jew (not the impersonal problem of Jewish continuity), then Mr. Feldman is just another of the 90% lost or the parents of the lost on the way to 99.9%. So far I've seen nothing from any organization or leader that could actually be called success. Yet they all seem very satisfied.

Exerpt from a letter to the NYT from the Orthodox Union :

"The NY Jewish Week, in its August 3 edition, published a report in which Feldman admits having learned in advance of the publication of his essay that his assertion of being intentionally edited out of the photo was FALSE. Moreover, the Jewish Week expose reveals that NYTimes editors were also aware, in advance of publication, that the essay's assertion was false.

On behalf of the leadership and constituency of the Orthodox Union, we write to express our outrage at the decision by the Times Magazine editors to publish Mr. Feldman's slanderous essay when… it became known to the author and to the editors - in advance of publication - that Mr. Feldman's assertion of his being deliberately cropped out of a photograph of his day school reunion - the departure point and narrative framing for his essay - was false. When we read Feldman's article initially, we were offended by the many scurrilous anti-Orthodox characterizations he makes (referencing the murderers Amir and Goldstein; comparing the Tefillin (phylacteries) worn at morning prayers to masochistic devices, etc.), but we could not reasonably expect the editors of the Times to have the knowledge or background to vet such assertions, even though we would expect any intelligent reader of the essay to question Feldman's perspective. But it is another matter entirely to learn that the editors were informed - in advance of publication - that Feldman's representation of the photograph incident was questionable; decide, as reported by the NYJW, to pay for the photographer to travel and retrieve the contact sheets; examine the contact sheets and then determine Feldman's assertion was false and therefore make an editorial decision not to publish the photo! Such editorial conduct is outrageous and we believe demands an apology from the Times."

Read THAT and weep !!

Noah Feldman's lamentable relationship with his Yeshiva is hardly a paradox. (July 22, 2007 Orthodox Paradox). It can be boiled down to his abandoning one of Judaism's core principles, rubbing it in their noses and then whining that it is the Yeshiva that spurned him. He hurt them, they ignored him, so he struck back.

Judaism values all children, but it expects Jews to raise Jewish children. That requires Jewish parents. Contrary to the romantic notion of some other cultures where the partners are brought together by being struck with "Cupid's arrow," in Judaism love is based on shared commitment. Yes, there must be attraction, but that is not the emphasis. That he chose to marry someone apparently not Jewish, and in so doing ignored a vital Yeshiva teaching, requires some explanation on his part.

As for his striking back, Noah Feldman conflates the terrible acts of two individuals with "ultranationalist terror". Shades of the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" in this insidious comparison. Contrary to his assertions, there is no widespread attraction to the ideas or acts of, and no political parties adherent to, Baruch Goldstein, much less of Yigal Amir. Yes, there are a few, maybe even a couple of hundred, who admired what they did, but virtually the entire Jewish community of millions condemned it. His absurd accusations seem to stem entirely from feeling rejected. He hurts, so he hurts back. Nu?

Mr. Feldman might rightfully feel proud of his accomplishments in the world. However, his choice of family is a disappointment to the Jewish community. He robbed them of their joy in the raising of a Jewish child. In this way, he is a thief. And who should take joy in that?

Thank you for thinking I raised some good points. You are also right that bringing her to the reunion would be percieved by some as a slap in the face. However, he went to a great legnth to express a great hurt. Prima facia, he sees it as having been treated badly.

What if the situation was more like he convinced her to go after overcoming her fears of rejection. What if he was trying to show her the good things about being Jewish and she agreed to give it a look?

He is a learned fellow. It is foolish of anyone here to assume that he was somehow unaware of the likely reactions and views of his fellows.

Given that, it is likely that he was trying to show her something nice about being Jewish and had thought that his old "friends" would help him.

It is quite possible that the response of his peers evaporated months of negotiations with his wife. The "pious actions" of those who saw a slap in the face may well have insured that she will never look at Judaism again. If that is the case, no wonder he is so angry.

Why doesn't anybody quote the mitzva of Hochiach Tochiach, rebuking a fellow Jew when he commits a sin? According to Torah Law, every single one of Mr. Feldman's aquaintances should have gone up to him and told him, privately and without anger, that he has done something terribly wrong. The least the school could do was rebuke him in the fashion they chose.
The Torah is not a party where you can pick out your favorite mitzvah and neglect the rest. The over-emphasis on "Love your Neighbor" quoted by quite a few commentors reminds me of, excuse me, Christianity.
And the vicious attacks on frum communities, pouncing on every fault that is found a thousand times more in the general secular population than in our lowest elements, reminds me of the methods of antisemitism and Israel-bashing. Foul!

While certainly not a prominent person, let alone a Rebbe or highly educated in Judaism, something I wish I'd had the opportunity to pursue I also was married to a non-Jew. Living in a small community and having no children, my wife was 'accepted' to a point. In a couple weeks, my wife will join me in my Faith as I was surprised to find out that she'd been attending lessons to become a Jew. We both have been studying Hebrew as we intend to make Aliyah but, I didn't know she was converting to Judaism. I didn't ask her as we don't seek to convert people, but, it was a wonderful surprise and I only wish we were younger so we could raise a bunch of Jewish kids. G-d gave us a pretty simple 'Code of Conduct' the Torah to live by. We face judgment when the time comes and I would think that any Jewish Sage should set an example for those of us who aren't looking to musicians, athletes, or politicians to inspire us to follow the proper path to a happy life and what follows.

A cousin of mine broke off a relationship with a nice, non-Jewish young man when her father threatened to sit shiva for her if she married him. Instead she married a Jewish guy, with whom she had four children (the oldest has gone on to marry a non-Jew). My cousin's marriage is not a happy one.

Her brothers both married non-Jews, presumably without a lot of commotion. The wife of the older of the two brothers converted, and they initially sent their daughter to the Schecter Day School. The other brother's wife has not converted.

Which is better: to be with a mensch (or menschette) who is not Jewish or with a schlemiel who is Jewish?

I really feel the need to respond to this one point by point. What was written by David will be set off by **.


** "I absolutely love how you blame the religious and how WE have to be more accommodating. How many non religious people are towards the religious?
How many open THEIR arms?"

-What does the Law say about bearing a grudge and taking revenge?

** "what gives YOU the right the comment?"

-The same thing that gives you the right...

** "Don't you think that maybe he took his wife to provoke them?"

-You should think that one through a little more. The world does not revolve around you or any particular schul. I think it is much more likely that love had something to do with it. If you have ever been in love, you should have at least a little room for sympathy.

** "I've had it with non frum people who feel they can comment and put down
But if a frum person does it, it's because he hates non frum people."

- If you won't accept criticism form the non-observant then please hear me. I am observant. You certainly seem to have a lot of hatred. The biggest problem that non-frum people have with frum people is seeing chillul Hashem from the "frum." Perhaps, if you knew some derech eretz, you would recieve less proper criticism.

**I have to love Noah but not his wife.

-How charming... Do you love Noah, or would you be one of the ones to mistreat him and claim to be holy for it? Further, since they are married, treating one partner with respect implies the need to treat the other with respect.

**I have to love him becuase he can always come back.

- To such kind, sweet folks like you? Why in G-d's name would he want to subject himself to the scorn and meaness of someone like you? Even if he did, you clearly would be rotten to his wife. The natural response would be to keep her as far as possible from people like you. The real tragedy here is that *of course* he still loves his people. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been so badly hurt by the rejection and he wouldn't have written the Times article in the first place. Of course, you are so full of bile and hatred for a fellow Jew that you can not see that or that it is precisely the actions of "frum" Jews like you that will prevent him or his wife from ever coming into the fold. Further, it is bile like yours that give all of the observant such an awful reputation in the secular world.

There is a great book that discusses how to face challenges without anger and with proper derech eretz. It goes on to discuss the need to make peace amongst your fellows and then goes into great detail about how we are to look at other Jews in the best possible light and treat converts with respect. The book is called the Torah. You should give it a read sometime.

Thank you for this article. There are other excellent responses on the Cross Currents Blog crosscurrents .com

I thought Joe made some good comments in his post, but Im not sure if its clear they treated him that bad. In Feldman's article he never indicated that he was excommunicated or ostricized, he was just upset about the fact they never excepted his intermarriage. If this happened to someone who grew up from an assimilated family I could see why they would think of it as intolerant, but to a learned man of his background this should be obvious. Regardless of whether it was petty to cut him out of the picture, to bring a gentile significant other to day school reunion is a slap in the face to school.
I do believe Feldman should be treated with just as much respect as he was while still observant. As a general principle, while we must not condone intermarriage, any time we ostracize accomplishes nothing

The vast array of comments have proven to me that this article is a much needed debate. I have strong love for all Jewish people regardless of their commitment level at this point in their lives. I do not think condoning intermarriage and loving all Jews is mutually exclusive. We can love a person and hate the action. And if we have sunk so low that we need to pretend that intermarriage is OK for the sake of the "live and let live" mentality -then maybe that is another reason Moshiach is yet to be here. However most importantly how do you think God feels about this controversy. And if that is not important enough to you to consider then it is time to do some serious soul searching. I would have to assume that despite the strong feelings that people have conveyed in this discussion God wants us to love each and every Jew, regardless of where they are in life. This does not mean to agree or even accept the actions they have done against the Torah.

Rabbi Blech is right.. If Feldman thumbs his nose at Jewish tradition , why would he expect Jewish tradition to embrace him?

I grew up orthodox and through marriage to a non-religious man ended up in a conservative shul. One daughter keeps a kosher home, the second is going to marry a non-Jew.
I will not throw out my daughter. I have asked her not to get married by a reform Rabbi as this would be hypocritical to her boyfriend's lack of belief. She will incorporate the blessings and other traditions in her ceremony. Her children will be Jewish and raised as Jews. So why do I understand both the Orthodox community and Professor Feldman? When I married, many members of my shul acted as if I no longer existed. Others said it was a shanda that I couldn't find a nice orthodox boy and became less friendly. I too felt ostracized and I married within my faith. On the other hand, I am sad that my daughter has chosen to marry a non-Jew even though he is a lovely young man. Therefore I can understand how Feldman's community felt somewhat betrayed by his choice. I can not celebrate this marriage in my shul or have our Rabbi perform the ceremony. All I can do is make this young man feel warmly welcomed in a Jewish home and show him the beauty of our faith. Perhaps someday this will give him the incentive to learn more and eventually join our people.

I couldn't disagree more with this article. Shunning a Jew who married outside the faith is wrong and no amount of hyperbole will make it right. The article and some of the attitudes expressed in the comments are more harmful to Judaism than intermarriage could ever be and are strikingly similar to the intolerance of many Christians not only to Jews but other Christians. Its mean spirited no matter who does it and the family that is shunned will find it difficult if not impossible to ever find its way back to Judaism. So the result is what you are trying to perserve with this attitude has the opposite effect, and faithful Jews can be lost never to return.

of course the school is snubbing him. the school would be a hard sell to parents seeking to keep their children from intermarriage if they saw in the alumni newsletter something like "mazel tov to shlomo and christine on their engagement. ceremony to be held at first (insert denomination) church of so and so ville".
as many a ten yr old might say "duh"

I absolutely love how you blame the religious and how WE have to be more accommodating. How many non religious people are towards the religious?
How many open THEIR arms?
who is the one pointing the finger?
Get off your high horse. what gives YOU the right the comment?
Don't you think that maybe he took his wife to provoke them?
I've had it with non frum people who feel they can comment and put down
But if a frum person does it, it's because he hates non frum people.

I have to love Noah but not his wife.
I have to love him becuase he can always come back.

On the one hand it's the guys responsibility to Not intermarry because if he does, he cuts off his Jewish family chain unless his wife and children become Jewish.

As indviduals, we should reach out to the couple and encourage the wife to convert herself and children so they can be part of Jewish people. The community in general though, should Not be okay with intermarriage since it leads to the diminishing of our people.
May Noah Feldman strengthen himself in his yiddishkeit, and may his wife and children join the Jewish people.

As a member of a kiruv synagogue, to which most local conversion applicants, usually intermarrieds, are funneled, I completely understand the many responses here to the effect that Mr Feldman and his family are still important. However, the reason that my synagogue is so effective at facilitating meaningful Orthodox conversion is that, along with the friendship and respect shown to the conversion students, neither they nor we lose sight of the fact that they came to us. They want what we have; there is no negotiation going on to define a compromise life style.

Mr. Feldman is certainly not a "tinok shenishba". Whatever level of observance his family maintained outside the purview of Maimonides, it certainly cannot be a surprise to him that his choices are fundamentally unacceptable. He wrote his article with an agenda; if allowed to circulate freely as a member of the community in hopes that his wife would be charmed into converting, he would undoubtedly use that access as a means to articulate his agenda. It is likely that even overtures toward conversion would come with that agenda attached. Much as I feel for his wife and children, I am not willing to ignore the fact that I also have children. In another day and age I might be secure enough in their upbringing to risk their exposure to Mr. Feldman's ideas, but unfortunately these ideas have been circulating long enough that the times are too perilous to allow that exposure.

I hope you don't mind that I submit a second comment. There have been discussions of this topic and related ones before on this site, but never do I remember the free-wheeling discussion actually being published in the commentary. I think you greatly enhanced the value of this article by allowing persuasive arguments to be presented on both sides of this issue. One would have to be hard-hearted not to be moved by all of the individual stories which convinced me that one side was right, only to find that the next comment was equally cogent in the opposite direction.

The bottom line is that, for the majority of world Jews who live in Israel or America, the ambient society is no longer anti-Semitic. It is easy to opt out. The question is, what causes people - Jews or gentiles - to choose a particular religious affiliation in an open society?

The desideratum is derekh eretz, as I mentioned in an earlier comment. I happen to have poor immigrant friends in my hometown whom I have met after services at their Vietnamese Buddhist temple. The people I have met there are among the gentlest, kindest, sweetest, most considerate people I have ever known; and I am not surprised to find that there are American converts among the congregation.

A few hours ago, in contrast, I received a personal phone call from the president of a well-known American Zionist group, who showered me with the most foul abuse for not attending his group's most recent activity (and, without irony, complaining about not being invited to the White House). This man attends a local Orthodox synagogue weekly.

Rabbis Hillel and Akiva taught us the supreme value of the Silver Rule ("What you hate, do not do to anyone else") and "Love your fellow as yourself" as summaries of the Torah. R. Hillel immediately added that credence in the abstract principles is insufficient; the mass of details in the Torah and Oral Law guides us in the manifestation of those principles in daily life. Nevertheless - forsaking the goals in favor of the details leads to spiritual blindness. This explains the pain felt by those of us who have suffered from what I call "612=0 Syndrome" (i.e., if you aren't frum-haredi [observing 613], you're nowhere).

Some of my friends have told me of family members or friends of theirs who lived a frum-haredi life, and raised children who ultimately left Orthodoxy, if not Judaism altogether. I would suggest that, without sacrificing the standards of normative Orthodox Judaism, we conceive of a continuum of observance, along which each Jew is cherished. Even those who are painfully publicly flouting their transgressions of various mitz'voth (that they view as merely symbolic or ritualistic) are sometimes equally passionate about other mitz'voth connected with compassion, justice and righteousness.

We are in danger of losing many of our best people if we leave derekh eretz to the gentiles. Please, I beg my fellow Jews: I cherish the concentration of Sh'ma, the mindfulness of kash'ruth and the transformation of Shabath, but no one else is ready to receive these gifts absent derekh eretz, sh'mirath lashon, g'miluth chasadim - and ahavath chesed.

I fully understand the arguement that it is the need to preserve Jewish heritage which leads to the turning-out of those chosing to intermarry, however, as the daughter of one who has intermarried, but who wants to return to the faith myself, I must warn the Jewish community: This ill treatment of other Jews - and being a Jew is more than others saying you are - will only serve to turn away those who wish to return to the fold, as it feels as though it is only without our 'sinner' loved ones that we may be allowed to do so... Love and acceptance is also an important part of us a human beings, and as Jews, I do not believe we have the right to shun any others; that right is reserved... unless we are our own G-d now... and those who intermarry are still Jews no matter how many notes we post on the web.

a great response to the NY Times magazine article. in order to preserve our religion / our culture, there have to be limits.

I thoroughly enjoyed the article and could not have written truer words myself. It is a sad fact indeed when Jews think that they have done nothing wrong by inter-marrying.

I'm curious about a bit of irony here in many of the comments. Many ask "How could he write an article in the Times?" and then go on to say that Mr. Feldman got what he deserved and what he should have expected. They further argue that the Orthodox community in question was correct in all of its actions and they tend to say it all in a somewhat angry and indignant tone.

So here is the question: If you believe that the community did the right thing and are willing to get angry about it, why would you be ashamed or angry about the article in the Times? Could it be that the Jewish part of you that knows what it is to be a mensch is actually ashamed of all the self-righteous bile - and ashamed that others would see you being less than a mensch?

Let's be clear, I'm not talking about being opposed to intermarriage. I'm talking about treating the fellow as if he did not exist. I'm talking about all of his lost friends (who apparantly couldn't see that he was in a difficult place) and cutting his image out of photos. It's not that the photo is a big thing unto itself, it's just so very snotty and petty.

Also, we are Jews, when something that troubles us happens we should reflexively ask what Hashem is trying to tell us.

I ask you to ponder this. How hard do we make it for sincere converts? I am reffering to serious, dedicated people who value our tradition more than most of us do -even the FFB.

I am not a convert, but I can tell you stories. We all know that even though the Torah tells us 36 times to be good to a convert, we make it miserable on them. Read what they have to say about it sometime. As a simple example of magnitude, a dear friend of mine, who is also a Rabbi was talking about expressing a certain opinion that might raise some eyebrows in some quarters. He said, without thinking "if you don't say this carefully, your kids will not get good a shidduch **and have to marry a convert**! Yep, that's a fate worse than death there isn't it? Now this dear friend of mine is a sweetheart and he doesn't really think badly of converts, but he is also a product of the enviroment we Jews create. On a worse level, a woman who is close to me and also a convert went to synagogue wearing a Magen David (post Mikva). A pious fellow there sneered at her, actually made a face at her and said "so you think that makes you a Jew?" I've seen and heard much worse than this too.

My point in bringing the discussion of converts is to reinforce my first point. If we want to solve intermarriage, one thing we have to do is make conversion more dignified and be less obnoxious. We do that by being less obnoxious ourselves. If we want to bring Mr Feldman's kids into the fold, then we certainly are ruining any chance of him ever coming back. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't miss people who mistreated me, and I certainly wouldn't try to convince my wife to put up with all of the crap that a convert has to go through if I were in his shoes.

Going round full circle, it's a good thing this was in the Times, as maybe, just maybe, it will force us to be a bit more mensch like.

The excommunicaion of Feldman from the Jewish community is a laughable texrbook example of the very narrow tribal mentality of parts of the Jewish community—no different than that operating today in Iraq. In the 17th century the great philosopher Baruch Spinaoza was excommunicated for thinking outside the box—a writ that has never been rescinded by the Amsterdam community.

Feldman feels hurt by what he sees as some of the small-minded aspects of Orthodoxy. Cutting a couple out of a group picture -- how much more petty can you get? The cutters didn't know or ask whether Feldman's spouse had converted. Or, whether she had been adopted, converted as an infant, and brought up by Jews. There was no contact at all -- only the cut. Feldman feels he deserved better, and I think so, too. In my view, he's not standing up for intermarriage; he's standing up for decent treatment.

The entire body of scripture, finds it's root in Ahava, love. Remember in Hebrew, love finds it's root in our "Father". Aleph-Hey-Beit. Love chooses to show love and compassion, not according to the letter, but by the spirit.

Every comment I read reflects his/her side of the story. All of them missed the third side of the story. God--d's purpose and intention for forbidding intermarriage. It was ONLY to protect His people from having the gentile parnter's god to deny the Real Go--d who brought them out of Egypt. Period. It has nothing to do with preferece, customs or tradions or one is better than another. It is sad all the intellectuals religous or otherwise missed the Spiritual message Go--d intended. That is the tragedy and not Professor Fedman's itnermarriage which does not exclude him from entering into the Kingdom of Heaven. People think through!!!!!!!!!!!

Since he grew up religious, his choice to marry out of the faith and raise non-Jewish children is a rejection of sorts of his heritage. But for the vast majority of intermarried Jews who have no inkling what it means to be Jewish, their choice does not signify a rejection. How can you reject something you know nothing about? Therefore Jews are obligated to reach out to them and try to bring them closer to the fold. Reaching out to them does NOT mean condoning their intermarriage --- but we should of course do all we can to bring the family closer to Judaism, show them the beauty and meaning of Judaism with the hope that the non-Jewish spouse will convert. I have seen this happen with my own eyes, and also know that Rabbi Blech fully agrees with this.

The most blessing that a person or a couple would have is to be married with someone who would enjoy and live day by day,to enjoy the fruits of your love(children).Thru love and understanding your partner can grow to love, respect & understand your religion and teach your children tobecome a good jew.
Accept them to your religion and they will become you.your circle would grow bigger.The biggest element that can destroy a nation is not accepting anyone and be fearful,fear of not being able to find a jew mate for the rest of your life can destroy us much faster than blinking your eye.
You never know what tommorow will bring.

BSD
As a product of intermarriage, I feel I can comment. Did any Jewish man consider when he marry a gentile that he may very well see his children marry in a church one day, and see his grandchildren attend church services? Or that one day, when he closes his eyes - his *not so Jewish wife* may insist on burying him from a church, because that is most meaningful to her? Yet, when he even dates a non Jew, he ineffect is making a decision that will have baring not only on the next hours, but generations to come!

Before I converted to Orthodox Judaism, my father said I should think it through carefully, as I was making a choice not only for myself, but for my children, and all future generations.

B'H I am happy to say, as a Fully Orthodox Jewess, I am happy that I can live life always bearing in mind that whatever I do is with my children in mind, and also future generations to come!

At the rate Modern Orthodoxy is following the path taken first by the Reform and then the Conservative movements, he could have darn well expected his alma mater to welcome his intermarriage with open arms, like so many commentors (possibly MO too)have suggested. (At the graduation of a very prestigious MO institution, one graduate openly thanked his gay partner - and that was over 10 years ago, when Reform hadn't sanctioned yet gay marriage!) In fact, I'm surprised at the firm stand taken by Maimonides. Kol hakavod. Maybe there's hope.

your article and your attitude is THE problem. you are not concerned with mr. feldman or reaching out to jews like him. you de-personalize it and talk in generalities about the message of judaism.
what is needed is a deep and compassionate response that addresses the spiritual longing and conflict that people who marry out experience.
it is precisely this lack of personal concern and sterile generality that may have driven him "out".
personally, i've had it with religious jews who are so inconsiderate of their non-religious bretheren. what do you think it meant that the Temple was destroyed by sinat chinam anyway?
get off your stupid high horse and get down in the trenches with the real people. this is to all the religious who secretly think themselves better.

Mr. Feldman is actually typical of many intermarrieds today. Unfortunately, he is well educated. That makes it even more difficult. Despite his erdite analysis, he commited a grievous assault on the jewish people. I don't reject him as a jew for one moment, but do reject his actions. I am surprised that Mr. Feldman didn't appreciate the actions of the alumni. I certainly do. WE are a people of laws and when you elect to follow some and not others, all well and good; but don't be so bold as to think that with erudition you can validate your actions and expect those who follow halacha to reject their beliefs.
I would not close any doors, but Mr. Feldman and his family need to know that there are rules and regulations in being an orthodox jew. They would and should be welcomed if they follow them.
I am also appalled that he took this to the NY Times. I would have dealt with it by discussing this with my Rav or take it to a Beis Din.

As I read this article, one statement stands out "the desire" (to inhabit multipule worlds simultaniously). I am a convert to judaism myself - but regardless of any religious affiliation, the fact that Mr. Feldman uses his 'desires' to make life decisions and not his intelect shows me he is only 'book smart' and doesn't use common sense. How can one possibly "inhabit multipule worlds simultaniously" anyway? Talk about a 'split personality'!

While one would hope that a Jew would be devoted to their faith and marry another Jew, that is not always the case in our day and age. Just because this man married a non-Jew does not mean that he is not as devoted to Judaism as he was when he was single. It is about time that Jews be a little more lenient in accepting their fellow Jews who choose to marry outside the faith. If this non-Jewish woman makes him happy, then that is a gift. Why is it wrong for this man to marry a woman outside the faith when he is still is devoted to the Jewish religion? Maybe it's time that Jews learn tolerance of such people rather than continue condemnation of them. It is precisely because of this otherness that Jews have endured the tragedies of such persecution by other groups.

I don't think any family is blessed when the parents despise each other (no matter what faith they are). Making a decision to marry someone just because they are part of the same religious group as you is not a reason to marry. Many marriages and families are sabotaged when this turns out to be the sole reason for a couple marrying each other.

Maybe we should think of the practcal aspects of such a union before going about condemnation of it. I'm not saying that it's completely alright, but maybe we should think before we condemn such a union outright.

While this content is certainly germane and the writer's thought process clearly correct, I see a pattern evolving: I see a so-called outreach organization "fiddling while Jerusalem burns" and doing little more than shouting fire and hoping that those in the flames will put themselves out. Instead might I suggest a "soul-searching" exercise to determine what to actually do to change the course that Jews are on and G-d forbid urgently implement a robust action plan in which its acolytes really do reach out to those most at risk before they make the so oft-repeated mistake decried in this article.

There is no doubt that Mr. Feldman has failed as a student of his Orthodox training in the way that a lawyer who commits a crime is ejected from his practice. The behavior of both the lawyer and Mr. Feldman overwhelms and nullifies their academic merit. The true test of performance in a moral practice, is rooted in morality, not neat answers on the page.

The second and completely separate issue is a moral question that must be addressed by each of Mr. Freldman's friends. That is, if there is communication (collusion) among them then they are guilty of an Orthodox prohibition against gossip. Further, if the disdain for Mr. Feldman arises collectively and not thoughtfully by all who have shunned him, than it is may have been elevated to a mob mentality, the opposite of a wise, thoughtful and spiritual conclusion that is especially important at a juncture in life like this his one.

Finally, I assert, that the wisest answer to the the second contraversey may be impossible for mortals to know.

Frank


Frank
Finally, I think that it would be incumbent on every former friend to be ready to explain before Hashem, in the wisest and most reasonable way why they have turned their back on another. If one merely repeats another's point of view, than it may all just be a sign of typical human folly that leads to discrimination, hatred and, ultimately war/murder.
As for the second issue, that his former friends are shunning him, I would think that

As a member of a kiruv synagogue, to which most local conversion applicants, usually intermarrieds, are funneled, I completely understand the many responses here to the effect that Mr Feldman and his family are still important. However, the reason that my synagogue is so effective at facilitating meaningful Orthodox conversion is that, along with the friendship and respect shown to the conversion students, neither they nor we lose sight of the fact that they came to us. They want what we have; there is no negotiation going on to define a compromise life style.

Mr. Feldman is certainly not a "tinok shenishba". Whatever level of observance his family maintained outside the purview of Maimonides, it certainly cannot be a surprise to him that his choices are fundamentally unacceptable. He wrote his article with an agenda; if allowed to circulate freely as a member of the community in hopes that his wife would be charmed into converting, he would undoubtedly use that access as a means to articulate his agenda. It is likely that even overtures toward conversion would come with that agenda attached. Much as I feel for his wife and children, I am not willing to ignore the fact that I also have children. In another day and age I might be secure enough in their upbringing to risk their exposure to Mr. Feldman's ideas, but unfortunately these ideas have been circulating long enough that the times are too perilous to allow that exposure.

mr Noah feldman has a brackgroung of eduation on torah and was concient of his actions. In the galut the Yeudi is surrouder of tumah and far away
from kedusha.He denied the torah and choose to leave the torah. The values of secular society was stonger in this case. this is assimilation. I question if he knows that he choose a short way to sin and the way to teshuvah is going to cost him things that are not on his hands.He loose the kedushah of the jewish marriage ,the educations of his kids and everythind in a jewish family. Is a I hope he found koah

I want to express agreement with two points made below by "Been There." First, there is definitely a "pick-and-choose" attitude in the Orthodox world between what behaviors receive public "communal condemnation" (as this article calls for) and which ones do not or are even hushed up. Why not the same outrage on Aish.com for the people in Orthodox costume who steal (an issur d'oraisa)? Where was this article when the numerous sex abuse issues happened (and were reported in the New York Times as well)?

Secondly, as someone with a brother who intermarried, I feel a huge factor is getting turned off to other Jews. We grew up surrounded by jewish girls who were catty, obsessed with appearances, and just plain mean. We attended Jewish schools, synagogue, camps, and programming from Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox - and the common thread was the popularity contests and no intervention by the teachers or other leaders. This is not an attack on any one movement - it's an overarching porblem that will continue to prevent Jewish men from wanting to marry Jewish women.

Before you decide I am about to bash Judaism or our tradition, please hear me out. Of course, intermarriage is a very serious threat to our long term survival. Of course, if you are commited to Judaism and the people, you care to pass it on. However, it is one thing to say we completely dissagree with your choice. It is another to be vindictive and petty.

The story that Noah Feldman tells is a bit more stinging than Rabbi Blech lets on. If his rabbis will shake his hand privately, publically, he is a pariah. And yes, cutting his face out of a photo is insane. Either he was there or he wasn't, and removing his image from past archives ahows an "attention to detail" that is frankly creepy. Someone went out of their way to find the photo, crop it and make a statement.

The goal should be to convince his wife that joining the tribe is a good thing. How will the treatment of her husband convince her of that? If Mr. Feldman was such a superstar in the Jewish world, then you should ask what is so amazing about her that he would marry her out of love anyway. Talk about being in a hard place for both of them!

So let me make the point really clear. You can say you dissaprove and you should. But, he clearly loves her and the deed is done. If you really care about the future of the people, then you should find creative ways to bring her and him in. Rather, you are cheering vindictiveness. What you are doing instead is smugly congratulating yourself for passing a test you were never given.

While everyone is being all self-righteous and congratulating themselves over "the hard descision to draw a line" I feel bile rising in my throat. What narcissistic self deception! What self defeting foolishness!

Dear Rabbi's,
You all have forgotten the great scripture "to love your neighbor as yourself". It has become very obvious that you neither love yourself and subsequently do not love others. So you sit there and dictate who is accepted and who is not. Don't you also know that is is the Father who decides this, not man. You were given the Torah, Scriptures and the Prophets and still do not understand what they mean. When will you all wake up and try to forgive and not judge ???
Sincerely,
Gene Mazzil

Kudos to Rabbi Blech for putting it so beautifully & truthfully!

Let it not be lost upon any of us that beyond the details of this fiasco lies a "macro" view that we would do well to focus on. The timing of this article coincides with two very significant events. First is the immediate aftermath of Tisha B'Av and second is the parasha of Va'etchanan. What a "coincidence" that in this parsha G-d warns us of intermarriage and the problems it will bring to our survival as a nation.

On 9 B'Av our second Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of fraternal strife. The story of Kamza and Bar-Kamza is often recounted at this time of year, where a Jew was shamed by another Jew and betrayed his nation to the Romans resulting in the destruction. What is the timing of Noah Feldman's article telling us? I'm not sure I have an answer, but whereas we could have been more "sensitive", sensitivity goes both ways. What was in Mr. Feldman's heart and thoughts when he appeared at this reunion? He was putting forth his personal agenda and interests in an openly challenging way thereby "testing" his former community. As Tevye says in Fiddler on the Roof, "If I bend this far I will break!"; Mr. Feldman knew the position of the audience he was challenging. He then willingly and aggressively followed in the footsteps of the Bar-Kamzas, the Pablo Christianis and the Tomas de Torquemadas of Jewish History. Each of these Jews, among others, who were so influenced and committed to ideas and ideals totally foreign to ours, became the face of anti-Jewish zeal to the world in his day.

Although Mr. Feldman is taking on a frightful responsibility for whatever anti-semitism this article provokes (and let's not be naive, anti-semites will not differentiate between one definition of a Jew and another), he is little more than a messenger calling upon us to rethink our priorities. The drop by drop destruction of the Jewish people by those who choose to end the Jewish continuity of their families and nation is no less devastating than the "instant" destruction of Jerusalem almost 2000 years ago.

We clearly need to address issues of intermarriage anew, but it is most critical to think about the messages we are giving our children. There is one New York yeshiva day school that proudly announces over the loudspeaker each time a graduating student gets accepted to an Ivy League University, but doesn't do the same when a student gets accepted to YU or another Jewish institution of higher learning, or for that matter, a prestigious yeshiva in Israel. We must pause for deep introspection; creative and substantive thought and action is acutely needed before we bleed to death.

I know it is sad to have to tell someone you love that they have done wrong. Many times, I am asked this same question: "Is it okay for people to marry out of their own faith or culture?" My reply is:

"I will never tell anyone what to do, because G-d gave us the gift of free will. However, I must tell you that there are consequences every time we go against the will of G-d. Solomon married strange wives. By doing so, he joined himself with strange and pagan beliefs. These do enter the home; and, in the case of Solomon, they entered the Kingdom. In love, I have learned, sometimes through trials, tribulations, firey furnaces and chastenings, that G-d's will is for our own good. Sometimes, I think He just wants simple obedience because we love Him, and because He said so." There is a movie currently produced entitled, "Because I Said So." I thought of G-d and His Sovereignty and because He Said So."

Shalom,

Sharon Oliver

Noah Feldman married the woman he loved. She could have converted to placate the Jewish community but that would not have been a true conversion. I agree that the Jewish traditions must be preserved but ostracizing a faithful Jew because he married a Gentile is not the way to do it. I believe it has the opposite effect.

The purpose of "Jewish Survival" is not self perpetuation, but to keep reminding every generation of the basic human standard of ethics. Without Torah laws to use at least as guidelines, the social chaos will ever be increasing. Therefore to continue the Jewish lineage is not only self propagating but more importantly to maintain a flame of decency for all societies to emulate.

Interesting, I must be honest and inform everyone that I have not read Mr. Feldman's article, but based upon this article, I can piece together Mr. Feldman's feelings. But really, who turned their backs on whom. Mr. Feldman's actions indicate he treats his religion as a Chinese menu, some from column a, nothing from b, but I'm still a religious Jew.
But, he fails to mention that in Judaism there is always a solution. Let Mr. Feldman's wife and children convert according to halacha, and he will see that they will (should be) accepted. Was that ever mentioned?

Particularly troubling to me was the idea of photoshopping someone out of a class photograph because they disapprove of something he did. It's too reminiscent of a recently dissolved empire which routinely "disappeared" people from official photographs and records when they fell into disfavor. The practice shows a lack of journalistic integrity and has the net effect of destroying the reputation of the publication when readers can no longer rely on the photographs published to provide an accurate record of what did or didn't happen, or who was and wasn't present. To be blunt, publishing an altered photograph as a record of who attended is a lie.

We need to bring more amd more awareness of dangers and harms of intermarriage to our people. We need more articles about intermarriage and its sad effects in our society, the families. I know of a few cases of intermarriage in my own cousins. Unfortunatly they have a lot a chalenges and their kids are very confused and were never accepted whole heartedly within the family and community.

How did Mr Feldman's wife's family react to her marriage to a Jew?

It's shocking to see someone who knows better act in such a way. It's even more shocking that he does not understand why people respond to him so appropriately. He has demonstrated that his Torah learning is nothing but Jewish academia with little bearing on living as light to the nations or doing God's will in the world.

We're not addressing the real issue here, certainly not facing the obvious challenge.
"Halacha doesn't allow it"- holds oceans of water for you and me, but not a drop to the gentile myriads to whom we are "the light".
A case needs to be made for the fact that a practical orthodox way of life is the only way to preserve G-d's message,through the Jewish people,to the world.

I find it amazing that Noah Feldman, an Orthodox Jew, is amazed that his marriage to a non-Jew is not accepted in his community. What was he doing during all of his years of study, sleeping in that part of the class where he was instructed that unless the mother is Jewish, his children are not Jewish. I am personally proud of his friends who are living their belief. His children may surprise him and convert to Judaism.

How can Mr Feldman think he is a Jew if he marries out of his faith. We
are faced with that tragic factor with our children who are ready for
marriage and don't see what they are giving up by not marrying into
their faith. Having been there I decided I could not give up my
Jewishness to marry outside of my faith although that may have been a
better choice. I am very proud of people of our faith who became well
known and an asset to the world. It was worth preserving my
Jewishness. Unfortunately my grandchildren and my children did not see
it the way I did.

You relate a sad story, but I think that it is not directly relevant to Rabbi Blech's article. But I would like to respond to you. First, I'd like to share that much of my family was wiped out by Hitler and his lackeys. I was raised in the U.S. to never buy anything made in Germany (among other things). But then I made Aliya to Israel where there are many German imports. The "import" that most impressed me were young Germans who chose to do their required German national service in Kfar Tikva in Israel where I did a year of field work in 2001-2. Kfar Tikva is a village where people with mental illness and severe developmental delays live/ are cared for. The work these young Germans were doing just didn't fit in with the idea I had been raised with "that there is something in the genes of the German people that makes them so antisemitic." I began to understand that it's that there is something in the genes of all human beings that potentially could allow them to do horrific things, if they are not careful to guard against that evil human potential. The story you tell seems to start many decades ago. I tend to think that the attitudes of many Jews like myself to Germans has changed and I'd like to think that if your story were just starting today, it would unfold differently.

Of course on an individual level Jews have an obligation to reach out to Noah and his family. Rabbi Blech is saying that as a community however, we cannot condone intermarriage, certainly not celebrate it and praise it. Striking this delicate balance is not easy, but necessary. We cannot give up on the Noah Feldman's of the world, but at the same time we cannot condone the dissolution of the Jewish people.

With no shtetls anymore and few Jewish neighborhoods, Jews could use more help finding each other. True, if you are Orthodox, you are more likely to find someone Jewish to share your life with, but for those who aren't, the options (JDate, costly matchmakers, awkward dances) are expensive and/or futile. With all the ink and money spent on Jewish continuity, why not offer Jews a non-profit and caring service to help make matches. Why not light a candle rather than curse the darkness?

After reading this comment about intermarriage, a sad story came back to my mind: the wife of a friend of mine hadn't been born Jewish. She was more than willing to convert to Judaism and started to study Hebrew, Jewish religion, traditions, etc. Well, surprisingly, the Liberal Jewish Community made it almost impossible for her to feel accepted , but also other Rabbis of the more conservative synagogues didn't make it any easier for her to convert. After many years of waiting it was the husband or husband-to-be and his family (!) the ones who said "enough is enough is enough! Her "crime" (?) was to be German, her claims that her family had been anti-nazi didn't help at all. This happened many years ago, the kids are now grown-ups and not Jewish of course, their kids aren't Jewish either.
The alternative would have been to make her conversion a little bit LESS difficult. When the man died, she was willing to organize a Jewish burial, but before he died HE was the one who told her that he wouldn't even think of it.
Very sad story indeed. I won't mention names nor places, as it is not my intention to cause trouble to anybody, all I'd like is to induce a new positive way of thinking in order to tackle this problem of intermarriage and/or conversions to Judaism.

I read the article in the Times Magazine last week and was struck by the ignorance professed by this obviously learned man. What did he expect?

I was raised in an Orthodox, but Conservatively-affiliated home. My mother's two brothers were Conservative rabbis. All three children of one of the rabbis married non-Jews; two converted, the third spouse did not, but in that case it is a husband who is the non-Jew, and the children are all being raised Jewish. But then the oldest of these three cousins of mine divorced, and again he married a non-Jew, one who did not convert. They've now had a non-Jewish child.

As a child of the '60s, I fled from religion, but returned to it enough to understand that it was my responsibility to do my part to perpetuate our religion: My two marriages have been to Jews. When I couldn't have children through the usual route, I adopted a daughter, had her converted, and made sure that she was given a good Jewish education. She reaffirmed her choice to be Jewish when she became a Bat Mitzvah. Yet when she had a baby, it was by a non-Jew. Mercifully, she had a bris and states that she will raise him as a Jew. My two stepchildren, who were raised in a traditional Jewish Kosher home and were infused with Judaism from birth, have married non-Jews. My stepdaughter is raising her baby Jewish, and though her husband has not converted, they are affiliated and both active in their Reform temple. My stepson, on the other hand, will become a father any minute now. There will be no bris. There will be no baptism. There will be no religion of any kind. My husband is torn apart by this, as am I. Is this better? So in the end, I waver - at least it seems that Noah Feldman's kids will have at least some knowledge of their Jewish heritage. It's not much, but in my eyes, it's better than NOTHING.

I grew up right on the outskirts of the orthodox community of Monsey NY.I went to yeshiva there and attended a Young Israel every saturday. My parents were more "conservodox" then orthodox. They never fully accepted some of the laws of shabbat, like turning on electricity is the same as lighting a fire. We operated electricity in our home and even felt that taking the car to a reform relative's bar mitzvah on saturday was preferable to isolating family. My parents died by the time I was 18 and with no orthodox family to be concerned with and no truly strict family history of shabbat observation, shabbat simply did not interest me as a young man. On the contrary. I felt it confining. I would park my car a few blocks away on friday and hoped no one would notice when I took a drive on saturday. Eventually, the word got out. There were 2 kinds of reactions. The nicer people thougt I had lost my way, felt sorry for me, and always kept hope for my return. The more nasty ones, some baalei teshuvas actually, said things that were offensive and disgusting. The word around town was that I was a messed up orphan and a "turn off". It's a shame that I had to completely estrange myself from friends I grew up with. Especially since I appreciate more the value of shabbat as I get older. Surrounded by my work, cell phones, internet, and materialism, I would enjoy getting away from all that for one day of the week. I don't care for reform and conservative movements because they just seem to be watered down americanized Judaism. However, I know that the only way to get involved in mainstream orthodox Judaism is by being all in. Otherwise, I have to confine myself to shabbat at a Chabad House. A total commitment to Shabbat is a really tough challenge for someone not used to it's rigorous observance. Also, who wants to make a commitment partially based on fear of what the neighbors would think if they caught you turning your light on? I wish orthodox Jews can be a little understanding on this issue and realize that everyone has his own path and accept into synagogue people who are not 100% shomer shabbat. Just walking to shul shows they are trying to make some effort. I think that not judging people on this issue would help many take the small steps necessary to come to appreciate what shabbat has to offer even if they are not 100% involved. I did not reject shabbat because I was some screwed up turnoff, but having the community treat me like one, even some saying it to my face, has certainly scared me away from walking into an orthodox shul again.

What was he thinking, the yeshiva Rabbis would applaud him for what he did????
To all those who think it's wrong of the Rabbis not to acknowledge & refuse to rejoice with him in wishing him Mazal Tovs, you must understand that without yeshiva education one can not begin to comprehend how serious this mistake/choice is. When you marry a non-Jew it's an abomination of the entire Torah.
He disregarded everything that he learned from those Rabbis, betrayed them, betrayed his community, his family, knowing & being fully aware of his actions and consequences, why should we as a community accept him, close our eyes on this serious mistake (I don't know if one can call it a mistake in his case), and wish him a "Mazal Tov"? If he disregarded & disrespected everything why do we owe him the respect & the regard that he thinks he so deserves as a Jew or as a person?
...And if we do accept people like Noah Feldman what kind of message would we be sending to our children?

Rachel J.

Feldman was raised in an Orthodox environment, knew the laws, customs, and mores of that environment, lived and breathed the ideas and ideals of that environment. Then, when he flaunted those ideas and ideals, deserted the laws, customs, and mores of his community, he couldn't understand their reaction? Aw, c'mon! Sure, sometimes Jews fall in love with non-Jews and marry out of the faith. But in doing so, they know the consequences. For Feldman to feign surprise and dismay when those consequences hit
him in the face is, at the very least, disingenuous. The man obviously has feelings for his Judaism, and I hope that at some point he can reconcile with his faith. It's a very strong, beautiful, and positive way of life, and I hope he can bring his wife and children into it. But I also hope that he can be honest with himself and can admit that it was he, not his Jewish co-religionists, who broke faith.

Rather than condemn any Jew who marries out of his/her faith, the focus should shift to what will become of the kids. If the mother isn't Jewish, the kids can still be Jewish, although with a little extra effort. So don't shun the intermarriage couple - keep them close and help them to keep their children in the fold.

While Rabbi Blech makes some interesting points, I was very surprised to read him quoting from Solomon Schechter - is this the same Rabbi Schechter who was the architect of the movement (the Conservative movement) that the Orthodox condemn and deny isJudaism? One thing that is missing from Rabbi Blech's comments is the true sacrifice and difficulties faced by a convert. I am undergoing an Orthodox conversion and it has been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life - I am embarrassed for my fellow Jews who have treated me as a second class citizen, rather than embracing me and treating me with dignity.

We Jews in the world today represent the remnant "survivors" of hundreds of centuries of hatred -- the Holocaust, Inquisitions, pogroms and wars. Ours is a weighty obligation to perpetuate our peoplehood. Each dropout is a diminution of our history.
But even more important than punishing those who opt out is the necessity to
preserve our heritage's future by gaining a deeper knowledge of our past and a rededication to our Faith.

Mr. Feldman's sad tale published in The New York Times brought to mind the line "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". One wonders what he hoped to accomplish by submitting his own dirty laundry for public perusal.

Did he expect his letter to The Times would persuade his Alma Mater (or the rest of Jewish world) to give up Torah because he has chosen to rejected its wisdom?

Is he foolish enough to imagine that because his old friends and colleagues who couldn't bring themselves to hypocritically mouth "Mazel Tov" for a marriage alliance that violated the very commandments they live by, will think more positively about the marriage now that it's been published in the NYT?

Did he consider his wife's feeling about being brought into the environment he called "part Lithuanian Yeshiva" knowing what they believed about mixed marriages? (Unless, of course, it was simply to flaunt their relationship?)

I'm not Orthodox. (You'll rarely see my face at Temple between holy days or yartseits.) Nevertheless, my vote on this matter goes straight to Torah. This mess is an example of what could happen to those who refuse its Words of Life. Here's this man, so extraordinary in many ways; he's a great student, has fine education, is a good writer, and his opinions are sought out, but his personal decisions—one on top of the other—bring shame and regret to his friends and family. What's to celebrate here? "Mazel Tov"—NOT. Only our enemies could be rejoicing over this.

As a Jewish Mother I suffer great pain
because my daughter married an Irish Catholic Young man and now becomes involved with abomination. My Grandchildren will not have a chance with a Mother who sits in Church.. I have parted from my daughter and I am in pain and will never get to see my Grand children not yet born.

Wow, where do I start? First off, not hiding his wife or keeping her locked up at home is not "flaunting." Second, you people are absolutely ridiculous if you agree with the public condemnation of inermarrying Jews. By all means, discourage it, but treating people who choose to marry people who happen to be non-Jews (note that is not his reason for marrying her as you conspiracy theorists may believe) like Professor Feldman has been treated is disgusting. Personally, I will marry Jewish because I want to marry someone with whom I share a common background and values, but I wouldn't publicly condemn anyone who chooses to do otherwise. I mean no disrespect because we all make mistakes, but I think Rabbi Blech has allowed his emotions (namely fear) and misinterpretations to overtake his mind and interfere with his ability to reason and distinguish right from wrong in this case. True, you can make a choice to refrain from acting on feelings of love for a non-Jew, but how can anyone blame the Professor for choosing a non-Jew who is probably a good person over the alternative available, which, from what I've seen from other comments on this article, a Jew with clouded judgment and distorted values.

Prof. Feldman exhibits unresolved anger and and uses the Yeshiva as the vehicle of his anger. With all his scholarship he lacks character.Shame..

To the editors;
I was disturbed that you chose to print the diatribe of Noah Feldman.
Virtually all of us are disenchanted with institutions, yet few of our
disillusions are deemed meritorious to merit publication in the New
York Times. Secondly, this article is designed to foment anti-Semitism
through a false depiction of Jewish law.
I am a Jewish physician who trained in Boston, and came to Modern
Orthodoxy in Boston through a Jewish community heavily influenced by
the Maimonides School, the same institution where Noah Feldman acquired
his dislike of Judaism. In his article, Mr Feldman quotes discussions
of violating the Sabbath to save life. What Mr Feldman fails to mention
is that Judaism places a great deal of emphasis on action over
intention. With this in mind, I know of no Jewish physician who refuses
to treat non-Jewish patients on the Sabbath. During the recent
earthquakes in Turkey, and the bombing of our embassies in Kenya and
Tanzania, Israeli rescuers worked on the Sabbath to save lives of
non-Jews.The organs of Jewish medical student Ari Jessner, who was
blown up by a suicide bomber, were implanted into Palestinian children
who needed kidneys. Mr Feldman's misrepresentation of Jewish law is
expressedly for the purpose of creating anti-Semitism.
Mr Feldman has made choices that openly repudiate his Orthodox
upbringing and the values of the Maimonides School which he attended.
The laws of this country grant him the freedom to do so. The Maimonides
School has the right to repudiate individuals that repudiate their
values. Mr Feldman has no right to compel a school to accept his
values. Removal of pictures is a time honored method that institutions
use to dissociate themselves from individuals whose actions they find
objectionable. For instance, there are no portraits at the US Military
Academy of the person who commanded West Point in 1780. His name was
Benedict Arnold.
Sincerely yours,
Jack L Arbiser, MD,PhD

very interesting article. As one who was so knowledgeable and learned in judaism why is he so surprised at being rejected for not only marrying out of his faith but raising his children as nonjews? It does spell the end of Judaism to acknowledge this. Yes, he should have respect and courtesy at his schools. But he chose to turn his back. He made the choice. sounds to me he may feel a little guilty.

Shame on you Rabbi Blech. This small-minded exclusionist approach to the choice of another's marriage partner is indeed vindictive. The arrogance and assumptions you vomit out seem to come from the belief that you may oversee and critique to your (limited) audience the actions of another; and you failed to ask the question 'why did the academic in question, with so much going for him as a potential partner, not find a suitable Jewish woman among the many he encountered?

I am intermarried and against it. This is not to say that I do not have a wonderful husband... I do, but at the time I knew little about being Jewish. As I learned more and began to practice, I realized how difficult it is to make a Jewish home alone Fortunately my husband has agreed to go along with my plans to have a Jewish home, but it had been difficult.
I was raised by Jewish parents who taught me little about Judaism. Growing up, we had a Christmas Tree and the Easter Bunny. Apparently they thought it was fun. I did not experience a Jewish home, and my family life was disruptive and dysfuntional. I think it is easier to reject something that you have no experience with. Ironically, my mixed family is more observant than my parents. Only time will tell how things will work out and how "Jewish" my descendents will be. To raise Jewish children, I believe you not only have to have a Jewish home, but a loving one. Perhaps Dr. Feldman needed a connection beyond the intellctual.

Orthodox extremists in this country and in Israel are doing more to induce the decline of Judaism than anyone else. With the rate of intermarriage where it is today,the Orthodox stance virtually insures that remaining Jewish will cease to be considered. If extreme Orthodoxy was the only form of Judaism, I would no longer be a Jew. I consider myself a committed Reform Jew. I married a non-Jew who converted before we married. Although she has passed away, throughout our lives we were enriched by having a family united in Judaism. Not every non-Jew is ready on day one. Closing the door is the wrong answer.

It is strange that when a Jew or Christian takes any type of a religious stand they are immediately branded an extreme fanatic. The world would like to have all worship the One True G_d compromised into extinction. Then there would be no one to prick their consciences regarding what they are doing or have done. Prof Feldman does not consider the type of example he is setting for the young people currently attending his alma mater.

Please advise me where in the Torah it requires us to only marry within? Surely it requires us to love each and every individual UNCONDITIONALLY. Perhaps the good rabbi needs to follow the first maxim of the market: your most valued possession is your customer. It requires a much greater expenditure to create a new one.

Why indded would Mrs Feldman want to convert when met with such a calamitous myopia. Convert and follow their example ????? If Noah Feldman and his family ever decide to 'return' it will not have been occasioned by the small spirit, lack of wisdom and humbug that Rabbi Blech and his ilk exhibit.

I am a Jewish woman married to a non-Jew. We are raising our daughter Jewish, but I admit that, at times, the road is difficult. I see families at synagogue and think how wonderful it is that they share the same beliefs and the same traditions, how wonderfully Jewish their homes must be because of this. I find myself defensive about holidays like Easter and Christmas; it's hard for my husband to understand that I don't want our daughter being confused and I don't want to hurt him. I try to be sensitive, as does he. I love my husband with all of my heart, but I know that he will never convert to Judaism and deep inside I do hope that our daughter marries a Jewish man and can have a completely Jewish family.

It was amazing to me, a modern ortodox jew, to read the article by Feldman in the NY times as to why he was trying so hard to be accepted for the path he chose he knows is not acceptable by any denomination of orthodox judiasm.Is he trying to justify his actions by submitting his simchas to the alumni publication or is he looking to be legitimized 'koshered' from his community by being included among them? He knew full well what type of response he would get by intermarrying if he had learned anything at all in his 12 or more years in Yeshivah. He should not have been so shocked.

I'm not jewish, but I wholeheartedly agree with the article. Anytime one decides to intermarry outside their faith, sooner or later, it will cause problems. If a person is truly serious about remaining jewish, especially orthodox, one must not intermarry.

Excellent. I enjoyed reading this and that is the way it is.
MAE
Swampscott,MA

Judaism has existed almost 6000 years despite the many who have left and who have joined. Our numbers have grown and deminished continually. The strength of our tradition has much to do with how a family and community instill the beauty and sacredness of our religion upon our children. Unlike the Orthodox who live in "closed" communities most jews and their children integrate more with the society at large which has some influence over their lives. They are free to participate in the beauty and sacredness of other religions if they wish or find God wherever their hearts lead them. They can find people to accept them as they are and marry who they wish. They can raise their children to be good people who respect others regardless of their personal beliefs. Jews respect others for their personal beliefs but have a difficult time respecting other jews. Jews have a responsibility to each other that many see as restrictive and often burdensome. Marrying outside the faith is a way of lightening that burden and opening up to other possibilities in life. Some feel a sense of freedom that lifts them to express themselves in ways that they could not before. Mr Feldman should not be looking for Mazel Tovs and acceptance. You can't have it both ways. Once out, go with it,run with it, enjoy the unrestricted possibilities ahead of you. Their are many opportunities and many good people willing to wish you Mazel Tov for your choices. The Torah is still a wonderful guide but the world is evolving . The next 6000 years may be better than the last.

I too was deeply offended by Noah Feldman's article, even though I'm not Jewish (although I keep up). It appeared that wittingly or unwittingly, he was pandering to three deplorable tendencies in our society: (1) the acceptance of any behavior whatsoever, in the name of love for our sisters and brothers; (2) the voyeuristic lust for the exotic, often under the guise of "welcoming diversity"; and (3) the tendency not to think things through.

Why, for instance, did he believe it necessary to identify his wife as "Korean-American"? Within the context of his article, that detail was irrelevant. A more salient detail would have been "a non-Jewish wife who did not convert". And once her ethnic identity was mentioned, it was then dropped, never to reappear. And why did he not follow through in his argument? For instance, why didn't his wife convert? Does she have any plans to do so? If so, when? If not, why not? And as to acceptance and rejection, does his wife and/or her family accept Noah Feldman's faith? If they don't, then it appears that they too may place higher priority upon something other than one individual's private choices; for instance, marrying someone who shares your ethnicity. Also, I would be curious to know how many of Mr. Feldman's friends, while empathizing with him over his religious problem, nevertheless overtly or covertly rejects the ethnicity of his wife? (After all, an individual may be accepting in one area, while being unaccepting and exclusionary in another.)

Moreover, Noah Feldman's placing his painful experience within the context of a number of other orthodox faiths, while suggesting that what many of them share is intolerance towards certain individual choices, is dishonest. The fact is that every cohesive group (including a functional family) maintains written and/or unwritten rules about who belongs and who doesn't. For instance, an individual who comes from a family that has produced physicians for generations may not look kindly upon a family member who decides to become a ski instructor. The ostracized member faces challenges that make you weep. The family too suffers: For perhaps the first time, they're compelled to realize that their acceptance comes with strings attached (but they had previously believed that their love was unconditional!).

I do not say these things to minimize or trivialize Mr. Feldman's pain, but rather to address issues in his exposition of it which appeared shallow, one-sided, and unfair.

Lastly, I believe that the vilest acts perpetrated upon people have stemmed historically from the intolerance of mainstream populations. Why? Because such groups don't belong to the fringes. Rather, they constitute the backbone of societies, and wield extensive power over many aspects of social and institutional life. If (G-d forbid) a mainstream group should turn against Mr. Feldman, he'd be in real trouble!

As far as "touchy" topics go, this might be the touchiest. I think that the article hits the nail on the head. That being said, it might be that Feldman, although aware of of his error, might have the halachic status of a 'Tinok sh'nishbah' or a person kidnapped by gentiles. Most authorities believe today that secular Jews have such a status and therefore may be forgiven by G-d for their absolute [true] ignorance. Feldman, with a Modern Orthodox education probably falls into that category.

Having grown up in a Modern Orthodox home I was never really taught that Jewish values were iron clad or that the red lines were really absolute. In fact I have seen MO's go further than Feldman in marrying non Jews and not wanting any connection to the community at all. Unfortunately this is not so uncommon. My point is that Modern Orthodoxy as a movement must come to grips with the faulty educational system and very weak Torah community that it has created. Feldman, whereas he is not the norm, is not a complete abberation either. [Although airing his story in the NY Times is clearly unique and no doubt a reaction based on his anger].

I would love to see aish.com tackle this issue of "Modern Orthodoxy: a Torah movement or the next best thing?"

PS This is clearly a challenge to those of you who run [this excellent site] aish.com....!

As an individual, we must still offer him love and convey the hope that some day he will come back into the fold. But as a community, there has to be some expression of antipathy for an action that, if collectively followed, would spell the end of the Jewish people.
--ALL SAID. Thank you, Rabbi

You write "Has anyone heard of the fact that you can't help who you fall in Love with?" You are so so wrong and you have unrealistic and romanticized notions about love.

You fall in love with the person you are looking for. If you are committed to marrying Jewish you will do so, regardless of any attraction or romantic feelings you may experience for non-Jews along the way.

Sharing a life together means believing in the same values and agreeing about the way your children will be raised. Those who marry non-Jews have made a conscious decision that their Judaism is a very low priority in their lives.

Noah Feldman did not marry out because he happened to fall in love with a non-Jew. He clearly had issues with the education he received and made a choice that marrying Jewish was not a requirement for his own life.

Anonymous, falling in love is a choice. Though you might have very real and strong feelings for someone, you are also in control of your choices and can understand that a person might not be the appropriate life partner (for a variety of reasons, not just religious).

Noah Feldman made his choice with complete understanding of the consequences. I do not believe for a moment that he simply fell into a love that took control of him. He decided that marrying out was a possibility for himself and then found a girl that fit. Had he been committed to marrying Jewish, there is no doubt that he would have found an appropriate life partner.

Thank you for this article. Feldman had other choices, if he so highly valued continued full participation in the Jewish life he once knew. He made his choice and others people then had to respond as their hearts and conscience guided them. How infantile he is now to think he could manipulate others to suit his choices(and his "issues" associated with his choices). The New York Times, is now the venue for a self-loathing individual to express himself. Simply, continuing the Jewish people requires new generations of Jews. It is therefore necessary to discourage young people from intermarriage.
On a related issue, I wonder how we can address the needs of the older generation who have been challenged by intermarriage in their families (from practical concerns to guilt to just plain sorrow)? I rarely hear about this issue! And there must be so many who suffer silently!

I understand both sides of the story--but at the end of the day I ask myself "would he have been better off if he had remained single and possibly died without ever having married?" I have friends who are in their 50's and single and I ask myself is this healthy? Is this the continuation of the jewish people? If truly you have done your best and could not find a jewish person--is it better to die alone or get married to a non jew? Honestly it is a tough call.

Here we have living proof that only a Harvard intellectual could be so obtuse.
I am reminded of the English newspaper headline: "Fog over Channel. Continent cut off."

Being married to another Jew does not Guarantee that our heritage will continue. I married a Jewish woman and we raised our children in a Consevadox household. Of the six, one is Orthodox and married to an Orthodox Rabbi, Two are Conservative, one is Reform, and two do not follow our, or any religious path. Two of the six are intermarried and one is still single.

Rabbi Blech said, "...Jews the need to rethink the possibility that Judaism bears a powerful message worth preserving". That is true but what needs rethinking is the fact that if we, or any one else, do not accept our non-Jewish sons and daughters-in-law then we stand a very good chance of losing our Jewish children, the possibility of conversion of the non-Jewish spouse, and the welcoming of our grandchildren into the Jewish tradition.

We may not like the growth in inter-marriage but it is a fact of modern life, and has been a fact of life throughout the millenia. We must not sit shiva for the "lost" child. We must welcome others into our lives.

If we are indeed the "teachers of the multitudes" then we have to teach them about our heritage and accept them rather than push them away. The Torah often repeats the phrase "...your wife, you children, your servants, the proslytites, and the strangers who dwell among you".

It's time that we stop living as ostrches with our heads in the sand, and begin living on the wings of eagles soaring through the heavens with our heads held high.

Perpetuating Judaism should be his major interest as an educated Yeshiva person.
Marrying a non Jew is shameful for him.

Re Rabbi Bleich's Article (7/29/07): I immediately sent a letter of protest via email to the NY Times Editor. I followed the online "Top 10 Emailed" list for several days, finding the article listed there through Thursday, July 26. After several days went by without ONE letter appearing in the Opinion column, and after checking this morning's paper and Magazine section as well (7-29-07), I forwarded copies of my letter, along with some very strong comments regarding the fact that there were no follow-up letters to this article (when it surely must have evoked strong emotions from several groups) to Arthur Sulzberger Jr., NY Times Chairman & Publisher (publisher@nytimes.com) and Scott H. Heekin-Canedy, NY Times President and General Manager (president@nytimes.com). I also sent a copy of my letter to the Magazine editor at magazine@nytimes.com. I urge you all flood the NY TIMES with letters! Here is the text of mine.

"To the Editor:

Re "Orthodox Paradox" (June 22, 2007)... Noah Feldman, though sitting on a very high horse, has apparently lost sight of the fact that actions have consequences, period. His long-winded, pathetic attempt to portray his alma mater, and really, Orthodox Judaism, as the offenders is nothing but sour grapes. His assertion that his family's milestones should be acknowledged in the school's alumni bulletin is a sad comment on his own lack of understanding and respect for Orthodox Judaism. Inasmuch as his choice of marriage partner is not consistent with Jewish law, the school has every right, and in fact, an obligation, to its students and parents, to prohibit this information from appearing in their bulletins. To print it would be to condone it, which the school does not, and more importantly, cannot. Noah Feldman made a choice and as such, should respect the school's choice as well.

Seena Eisenman"

I cannot imagine that frum yidden the world over were not offended by this article and especially, by Feldman's lack of sensitivity to the laws which he spent so much time learning and delving into. So where WERE the letters of protest? Perhaps the Times received them and in their typically anti-religious stance where orthodox Judaism is concerned, declined to print even one. SHAME ON THEM! I am not a subscriber, but I would encourage everyone who IS a subscriber to cancel their subscriptions immediately, along with a detailed letter of explanatin. Clearly, they do not need us. It's about time we get over needing them!

Judaism is not a "CLUBHOUSE" where people who once had a common background come to socialize about the wonderfull days that were. "Membership" in the Jewish religion demands a commitment to certain basic precepts and it is not necessarily about common ancestry. Judaism accepts converts to be of equal rank to born Jews because of their commitment to these principles.
Perhaps the most basic distinction between Judaism and other religions is its being based on actions and not just intentions. When a person's actions contradict the basic precepts of Judaism, intentions are obviously not what matters to the individual. By declaring through action that a basic mitzva is be a mere "formality" in the books, to be taken or left with no further repercussions, one is showing that he has chosen "out" and has no one to accuse but himself. Not admitting to the error of such actions is like closing the door to any potential return.

Perhaps if Professor Feldman & his bride had been welcomed by the community, his bride would have seen the compassion of the Jewish religion and maybe would have considered conversion. Shunning does nothing to encourage someone embracing the religion.

You folks have thrown Noah into the troubled 'seas' with NO HOPE POSSIBLE whatsoever that a winged creature could possibly return with a 'twig' or a 'leaf' as evidence of 'potential' life other than the present; NOTHING is FOREVER but for G-D....... except for poor Noah! A bit harsh and mighty JUDGMENTAL and PRESUMPTUOUS of you to deny the ALMIGHTY'S POSSIBLE INTERVENTION in that part of life HE chooses not to share with us in the present.

Since when does Judaism, or is it the leaders of Orthodoxy, consider Jew to be dispensable because they marry a non-jew. Didn't the holocaust teach us differently

What about the young Jewish women deserving of husbands of such calibre, investment of Jewish education and learning! Whab about her thousands years Jewish gene pool heritage, her lost due to a potential husband marriage to a non-Jew?

I am glad in this instance in its way acknowledgement of her plight is represented by an absolutely correct decision to in effect censure behavior of someone who does know better!

As to the article on the intermarriage of "Rabbi" Feldman- To be an observant Jew requires one to be observant in all areas of life, which seems to me to be an impossibility if married to a non-Jew. I do not necessarily condemn anyone for making such a choice, which he made, by the way, the very first time he decided to socialize with a non-Jewish woman. I do, however, think it absurd of Mr. Feldman to demand that other Jews accept his decision and continue to recognize him as a "Rabbi," or even as observant, which he cannot be by the very nature of the life he has chosen. He can no longer have any standing in the observant community- modern or chassidish or yeshivish, or any other. He chose to relinquish that, and now he has the "chutzpah" to blame the consequenses of his choice on others and call us narrow-minded. One is free to make one's own choices, but one cannot demand that others approve those choices. I think the biggest victims in all this, however, are his children, whom, I would assume, Mr. Feldman believes that he loves. He has chosen to raise his chidren cut off from Torah, from his people, from all that he professes to want in his life, and, in a very real way, from him. They are not Jewish, but I pity them. Whatever they are, they deserve better for a father than this man.

If his wife had converted, the story would have been entirely different, as would my opinion. My own childen, who are also of Asian descent and who came by adoption, are gerim, Jewish from infancy. They are Orthodox/observant, married to observant Jews (it would never have occured to them to do otherwise). They are special treasures given to me and to all Jews by H-m, loved and valued as people and members of the Jewish community by all who know them.

I believe that any complaints Mr. Feldman has regarding the reslts of his choices come from his own lack of responsibility for his own choices, failure to love Torah, and hatred of his own Jewishness. He chose to cut himself and his family off from the Jewish world, but will not own his own choices.

I hope that his wife is considering conversion, based on the beautiful of Judaism. This solves the whole question, and certainly preserved the offspring within Jewish faith and life.

I too was in shock to read Feldman's article. Can such an apparently intelligent man not foresee that every action has consequences? It's as if he dared his community to respond to his choice, just like a child who defiantly breaks a house rule to see how his parents will react. Now, I'm sure he didn't choose his wife purposely as an act of rebellion, and she bears no responsibility to know the predicament her marriage has put her husband in. But for him to assume that his goyishe family would be welcomed with open arms as a part of a community where by definition they don't fit is a bit immature. (I imagine that his alma mater doesn't print birth notices for other non-Jews either, a fact which all parties concerned would find quite natural!) It's sad to see that a Yid who was trained to dissect fine points in both secular and religious training can't navigate fully functioning in the world as a Jew while
not sacrificing his identity and divine purpose to it.

Rabbi Blech. As always, your words are succinct, intelligent, thoughtful, clear and substantive -- just what one would hope would come from a respected Rabbi. And so very "on point".

Kim Kleppel (mother of your former neighbor Beth and grandmother of Zev and now Ravi, Timi and Eden, too)

Let me begin by clearly condemning Prof. Feldman's attack. Nevertheless, my experience shows that there is plenty of blame to go around for our demographic problems, from the individual to liberal and kiruv groups.

I am 46, Traditional-Conservadox-Masorti, kosher (vegetarian) and shomer Shabos, a Ph.D. college professor in good health, thank G-d, living just outside a major American city with 5 eruvs, considered to be "sensitive, intelligent, good-looking", never married and no prospects.

My Reform family considers my observance "extreme"; even Conservatives in these parts don't keep kosher or Sabbath.

A Modern Orthodox acquaintance calls my vegetarianism evidence of "Christian values"; frum women say I am not on their level. The local kiruv groups say that they do not agree with the "all-or-nothing" accusation, but practice it in fact; and they dropped me from their social groups as soon as I hit 41, which infuriated me. Where else am I supposed to meet women who are not contemptuous of kash'ruth and Shabath?

The answer for me has come in the non-Jewish community. I would never marry a Christian woman, G-d forbid. Yet as I get older, with more options closing off, I find among East Asian immigrants some things that I wish were more prevalent among the Jewish population: 1) an open mind, to learn new things (no, that's not always the same to me as how many mitz'voth out of 613 you are keeping); 2) far higher derekh eretz than among our own people. (Isn't it a shame that Derekh Eretz is only a minor tractate of the Tal'mud?)

I, too, try to keep an open mind, going to a variety of Jewish events at diverse synagogues, JCCs, and other venues, but I do not accept that being a good Jew must be identical to surrendering my life to a cult. I suspect that there may be some other like-minded Jews out there in the spectrum between Traditional-Conservadox-Masorti and Modern Orthodox; yet they are being torn apart at both ends, by the self-described "progressives" who want to make all of Judaism optional, and by the cultish true believers who are threatened by original thoughts (such as evidence that the Rambam's 13 principles have never been universally accepted, or that we might be able to learn something beneficial from the teachings and behavior of some of the nations).

These are tough times. As Elul approaches, may G-d grant us the wisdom during these 40 days to see how to sustain Am Yis'ra'eil, and the strength to carry it out.

To much nonsens.
Tell Felman, that if he wants to right, and to all his fans, that he must write about the killings of millions of "other peoples" in teh same religion.

i never saw in my life a Jew murdering others or puting bombs in sinagoges or stabbing or shoting, as we see in other cultures or peoples, whom are able to kill themselves freely and cowardly.
It reminds me when un Israeli soldier kill a palestinian and all the world goes crazy and NOBODY say or do ANYTHING, when iraquies and iranies kill themselves EVERYDAY between themselves.

Feldman, come back to school, and learn The History of the jewish people, and learn PLEASE what JEWDAISM is all about, and before to start to Speak about this unbeliebable People good or bad, THINK FIRST

Go-d Help You to regret what you have done marrying ourself out of Judaism, and what you have done shearing your "misconseptions with dozens of thousand of people who will probably get "the real true"

He did have the option of having her convert. He chose not to. Children do have the capacity to feel Jewish for the first generation when the mother is Jewish and the father is not. There is little possibility when the father is Jewish and the woman is not. I hope he'll write another article 40 years from now when he sees that his children did not choose Judaism. There is a certain amount of narcissism when you know the rules and decide they should not apply to you. Even deciding that the house will be only Jewish often does not work. Christmas is too strong a pull, as is Easter and Hallowe'en. Children know that they can break the rule since they have seen their parent break it. Jewish women who marry out, I feel more compassion for, since their children will be Jewish and they are in control of the tone of the house. There is a shortage of Jewish men who want to marry Jewish while there is no shortage of Jewish women. I think it is better for Jewish women to have children than to spend a life waiting for a Jewish man to show up. I have known Jewish men who studiously avoid Jewish women and dislike that when they show up at a function Jewish women are all over them.
I knew a man who was raised in New York and raised Jewish and he married a non Jew and moved to Northern California
and raised his son secularly and then was surprised that he had so little in common with his son. I have seen non-Jewish women say before marriage how they will cherish Judaism but after the marriage and after the children, that changes. I have seen a non Jewish woman declare that she wanted her daughter to know of her Jewish heritage.
Knowing of one's Jewish heritage is different that being Jewish. The concept of being a minority and of survival is lost on someone who is part of the majority.
I am also a little sympathetic to this man because one should treat people properly and politely, especially when he has made his decision and nothing can be done about it. Being a Jewish educator is a problem. Obviously he can go to Reform Judaism and be accepted there and teach there.
I have known people who had two loves in this world, Judaism and a non Jewish person that they married.

This article caused me a great amount of pain. Regardless of whether it is right or wrong to ostracize a Jew who chooses to marry outside the Jewish faith, please remember that the children of such unions are completely innocent and do not deserve to be treated as if they've done something wrong.

I am the product of intermarriage, and I have been exploring Judaism for many years. I think it's a beautiful religion, gorgeous tradition, but I have been turned off OVER AND OVER again by closed-minded individuals who refuse to recognize that I could ever "really" be Jewish, even through conversion.

Even if you are against intermarriage, remember that some of the children of these unions may still be interested in converting to Judaism someday. If you treat their parents like outsiders, and make their children feel like they are somehow tainted and will never be a real part of the group, YOU are losing the chance to perpetuate the Jewish people through conversion. YOU are furthering the decline of Judaism in today's world.

All is not lost when a Jewish man marries a Gentile woman. But the second you turn your backs on that family, the chances of those children ever coming back to Judaism and converting plummets.

This IS a community, and shunning people is not the way to preserve this community. This article has really turned me off from aish, and I've been a reader of this website for years. It's truly, truly sad that you are willing to sacrifice so much potential just to make a statement. Exclusion and believing that your choices are superior to others is not going to take you very far, and is certainly not going to bring people back into the fold.

I do not agree with Rabbi Blech, nor most of the commentators. As a descendant of the great Rabbi Yitzak Elchanon Spector, may his soul rest in peace, I grew up a very active and committed Reform Jew, now a very active and committed Conservative Jew. My son left our faith before his death and my daughter married a Jew by choice. We are involved in many Jewish institutions at the highest levels, yet I can understand Professor Feldman's plight. Alan Dershowitz, in his book, the Vanishing American Jew, shows how our success in America places great challenges at our feet and how increasing rates of intermarriage have been one of the results. Yet, should we only measure our strength as a people by a few decades of declining numbers? Have we not faced far greater challenges to our survival over the past 2000 years. I prefer to look to the future as I see growing strength in all of our Jewish institutions and what they are doing to inculcate Jewish values, from growish numbers of day schools, synagogues, Jewish Camps and Israel programs. I do not beleive Professor Feldman has rejected his Judaism (though the response to his personal decision reflects scorn rather than understanding and sympatahy-not great Jewish values)but has fallen in love with someone who wishes to share in his soul. We, in the Federation of Jewish Men's clubs, and in a growing segment of the Conservative Jewish community, beleive that once an intermarriage has taken place, it is not for us to shun such a union, but to welcome them and encourage them to live a Jewish life and to educate and bring up their children with our values and our traditions and, yes,to encourage conversion. And history tells us that many of these K'rov Y'Israel, non-Jewish supporters of the Jewish people, will do just that if we welcome them and find a place for them in our communities and in our Jewish hearts.

Jewish children need to be reared knowing that the education that is being given to them is a gift, not a burden. Parents shouldn't make it onerous but she should impart that the knowledge is serious and beautiful. they, preferably both, should be highly involved. I have taughtat Reform religious school and have seen too often that the children are there without their parents, even for Purim carnivals! Even where the father , for example, takes his religion seriously, I have seen an over-deference to the non-Jewish mother, downplaying Judaism in the household even where the "agreement " was that the children were to be reared as Jews. And with affluent parents, other things seem to be "more important" such as soccer, or ice-skating, or dressage. these aprents run after all the attractive communities that they feel they wnt their children to be accepted into and then downplay the child's heritage and the important ethical teachings, Biblical truths and scholarship, plus the warmth and community that is theirs for just the attendance. No wonder the children then grow to not regard a Jweish life, a Jewish partner, as important. Oftentimes I have seen converts to Judaism to be more awed and delighted with their ersponsibility and committment to Judaism.

I am glad that someone has stood up to the Times' nonsense. Their rigid liberal party line transcends journalistic neutrality, and I often find their news coverage to be choked by their social-political agenda. I am very pleased that Rabbi Blech has taken them on.

SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you trusted in God and the Jewish faith you would know there will not be an end to the Jews. One must not use ones culture, religion, sexual preferance or nationality to put up fences. We must have gates!

Dear Rabbi Blech: When I read the NYTimes article online last week, I was stunned by Prof. Feldman's arrogance and denial. Interestingly, he used his op-ed piece as an opportunity to blast his alma mater for narrow-mindedness and thinly veiled racism, but never once mentioned the affect his intermarriage has had on his immediate family - nor does he ever postulate that perhaps his home environment created a climate of ultra-inclusion that ultimately led him to marry out of his faith. His article was a grand Hillul Hashem. Clearly the lessons of our Fathers were lost on Noah Feldman. Thank you, Rabbi, for your eloquent response, and for setting the record straight. Judaism, indeed, bears a powerful message worth preserving. Sadly, I believe Prof. Feldman was absent while that lesson was being taught.

When a Jew marries out it is essential that the community continue to embrace him or her, and the new spouse. If we do we stand a reasonable chance for the spouse to learn about Judaism and hopefully convert, or allow the children to convert, and now we have increased our numbers. If we do not it is almost a guarantee the children will be lost to us. Therefore it is incumbent upon us to not shun the new spouse or children, and in a warm and not pushy fashion hope for conversion. If they don't convert we will at least have someone who knows the Jewish community and feel some attachment to it. If not a member we will at least have a friend.

All of the anger and outrage expressed in this article and the comments make as much sense as saying: "Why don't all Jews live in Israel?"

Why didn't she convert? It is surprising that someone as seemingly religious as Noah Feldman who choose to marry someone who at best, does not condone Judaism and at worst, rejects it. It will be interesting to see if his children embrace another religion. Even if the children are "brought up" Jewish, it still begs the question: why didn't or won't Feldman's wife convert?

I am disappointed with Rabbi Blech's position. It is this type of thinking that prevented my children from considering becoming a Jew or marrying a Jew. I too at one time considered converting to judism, however I found out about this restraint to the freedom of thought and action, so I became a Unitarian. My wife and I were married as Unitarians and still are today. Judaismm has lost any of my children and grandchildren who confronted the same disappointments as I did when they dated a Jewish person. It would seem to be more reasonable to encourage conversion by accepting an intermarriage as an opportunity to bring more non-jews to respect the rights of Jews by their fellow Jews.

Dear Rav Blech,
You bring up good points...however, i still think we could have done better.

Certainly not mazel tovs...but perhaps inviting the couple for Shabbos in an attempt to show chesed and the beauty of Shabbos to this woman.

Bruce
[Bruce's MidEast Soundbites]

He made his choices knowingly. Actions have consequences, and this crybaby doesn't deserve acceptance, since he flaunted his deceit and disrespect for our values in our faces. What does he expect? A gold star?

Intermarriage, when the wife is a non-Jew, and therefore any children born from this union will NOT be Jewish constitutes a nullification of the future generation. No blood spilled, but less Jews for the future. Isn't it the same. I mean, when I was growing up in the USA there were 6 million Jews. Today there are about the same number. What happened to natural growth. No one was murdered, but due to intermarriage, our people did not grow. Not a drop of blood was spilled, but 6 million American Jews were decimated even by not being born Jewish. Think about all of the Jewish girls who do not find a Jewish husband because he has married a goya. Is there no personal responsibility. Like each Israeli soldier who is killed, theoretically leaves behind an unmarried Israel young lady. If populations are 50% men/woman ratio, the less numbers of men, the less women will be able to marry. We just recently finished a parsha about the Prince and Zimri being killed (and then the plague stopped). Was the plague intermarriage? What can stop it in America? If it continues, we will have more Cohens, Katzs, Markowitzs and Leventhals, Rubinsteins who are goyim.
America has succeded in reducing the same number (if not more) of Jews than Hitler, without anyone screaming "BLOODY MURDER"!

I understand the attitude of the orthodox, especially, to intermarriage. However, if the intermarried were brought closer to the fold isn't there the possibility that the non-Jewish spouse would feel the joy and love of Judaism instead of the wrath? I am a woman who married, in 1964, someone whose father was Jewish and mother Catholic. My ex-husband found a highly respected Reform rabbi who agreed to marry us if we agreed to bring the children up in the Jewish faith. Of course we agreed and we did - both our sons were Bar Mitzvah. Now one of my sons is a Chabad observant Jew living in Crown Heights. His brother is not religious but practices the holiday rituals handed down to me from my Jewish parents. Had roles been reversed, had I been the gentile and their father the Jew, we would have been rejected by the Jewish community. There is something not right in this. An aside, my religious son married a Jewish woman and they were blessed with 3 sons. But his orthodoxy grew over the last 5 years almost to fanatasism and they are now divorced because of it and my grandsons are pulled between an ultra orthodox home with their father and a more secular home with their mother. Is this what we want?

This is a real wake up call for "Modern Orthodoxy, " who talk of high-minded Torah ideals within the movement, but in reality, its adherents are generally more attracted to the "modern," which means emphasizing the secular and priding themselves on mixing with general society; and often times, they ridicule those in the yeshivish ("black hat") world, for being insular and unduly stringent, but who are, in reality, living in the modern world, but drawing a firmer line on negative secular influences.

This week, as well as in other parshiot, we read that intermarriage was forbidden. We have the book of Ezra, and its strong message about intermarriage. We just can't let this happen, because it is a covenental "deal breaker". Mamzerut would seem to expose the mamzer to terrible punishment for sins he had no part in. Yet, the restrictions upon a mamzer are undisputable. Why? Because irespective of guilt or innocence, kindness or cruelty, there are certain actions that we as a Jewish society simply cannot condone, and must strongly discourage. Intermarriage is one of those actions. Mr.Feldman's pain, as terrible as it may be, is entirely self inflicted. To blame his community for this pain is only to shoot the messenger.

Since Judaism has a tremendous impact on Jewish lives, it is important to marry Jewish, and not be deceived by one's heart to think otherwise into an intermarriage. I used to date a non-Jew, but it didn't work out for me, and I will not go back to her since she is not Jewish. I mentioned this situation to a Rabbi, and he applauded me for passing such a test.

As a Reform Jew I agree entirely with your article. I did marry someone not Jewish and always made it clear that i would maintain an only jewish home and and my children would be completely Jewish. It was "easier" (for lack of a better term) for me since I am the woman and regardless, my children would always be Jewish. What I have found is many Jewish men (and women) do not understand the responsibilty that they carry with regard to raising Jewish children. Often I encounter from all jewish sects - the misunderstanding or lack of information about our faith.
Some Orthodox parents answer their children with the obligatory "you must marry a Jew" without explaining and bring "home" the significance to their children. Many unafffiliated Jews lack background and information and because of this are afraid to become educated in the beauty and responsibility of raising Jewish children.
Somehow although I was raised in an a very Reformed family my parents always helped me to see the beauty and responsibility required and blessed on me by being born Jewish and although I did marry outside my faith I have never waivered with my children. I am able to explain to my daughter why it is so important to marry a fellow Jew and she seems to connect to that belief even though she sees her mommy did not do that. I must admit though that I am afraid my son may not have the same conviction. As the parent I cannot control all of their decisions but I will do my best to impart it all to my children: the beauty, the responsibility and the rules of our wonderful religion!

I write this as a mitzvah observant Jew who was married previously -twice- to non Jewish husbands.

When I was married to my non Jewish husband, my father disowned me. I did not attend any family events. I can tell you that being disowned did not accomplish any good. It had absolutely nothing to do with why I got divorced and ultimately married a Jewish man and sent my children to religious Jewish schools.

Do you want to bring Jews back to Torah? You won't accomplish it by condeming the person who intermarries or by thinking that he rejected his people and his heritage. Marriage is an emotional decision of the heart. There are a lot of people out there who do not find a place for themselves in the Jewish world and do not feel a sense of belonging. Whether it is an unhappy social experience in day school or Hebrew school, or a feeling of rejection by other Jews in one's life, or whether it is a failure to meet a Jewish person of the opposite sex with whom one can really share his heart, soul, and life, there are many people out here who would like to be connected to the Jewish world but have had more unhappy than happy experiences in it. If Noah Feldman didn't care about the Jewish world, the rejection wouldn't cut in him so deep.
Some people don't have emotional baggage, but don't intellectually agree with the things they were taught in Jewish schools or elsewhere. For example, my kids were shocked to hear a very frum friend of theirs express the view that non-Jews do not have a neshama. Are the yeshivas teaching that? That is the sort of thing that is going to turn off a lot of people!
I personally felt like a reject in the Jewish world for many years, something that gave me great emotional pain, and the two non Jewish men who married me were the anesthesiologists who medicated my pain. The only reason why I came back was because my concern for Israel's safety awakened my concern for the survival of the Jewish people, and I realized that I needed to live a Jewish life in order to contribute to my people's survival. This concern for my people outweighed my sense of personal rejection at a time when Israel was in peril.

As someone who has married out, I promise you that all the condemnation of the religious stalwarts would have only made feel vindicated in my dropping Judaism. Since the time of my own teshuva, I have continued to struggle with relationships with fellow Jews in the shuls, Jewish schools and even with visits to Israel.
It is my policy to reach out to people who have intermarried and to keep them connected to Judaism, to Shabbat and holidays, to love them unconditionally and offer them a vehicle to stay connected. I have met some people who converted in non-Orthodox ceremonies who are more committed to Israel and Judaism than other people who were born Jewish. I give them my unconditional love, too, and I hope one day they might be drawn to become (more) mitzvah observant and perhaps have an Orthodox conversion.

Do you remember where Amalek came from? Amalek's mother wanted to marry into the family of Abraham, but she was rejected, and became a concubine to one of Esau's sons. Why would you expect rejection to produce any other result?
My cousin married a non-Jew many years ago and my father banished him from the house, with the result that the family was torn in two and the cousin became very embittered. There was no chance he was ever going feel as though HE did anything wrong. Come on, folks, wake up! This is elementary.

If I could make one suggestion, it is that when our children in Jewish schools or camps act meanly to any of the other children, we pay attention and stamp out the cruelty immediately. No child should have to leave a Jewish school because he or she can't make friends there. We have such a better chance of raising committed Jews if our children grow up with happy memories of associating with the other Jewish kids at school and camp.

I disagree with what Maimonides did. Are any of the alumni in the photo dishonest in business? Have any committed adultery? (I know so called frum Jews who were adulterers.) Are there any men in the picture who abuse their wives? At the time of the picture, Noah Feldman was not yet married - how much more productive it would have been for someone to reach out lovingly to him and encourage him to bring his fiance into the tent of Avraham Avinu, or at least to tell him before the fact in a gentle way that they didn't want the picture to encourage or endorse intermarriage! And sure, you don't want to wish Mazel Tov and Yasher Koach upon an intermarriage, but you can still express your wishes for the couple's happiness!
If Hashem waits patiently for us to do Teshuva, then we should reach out lovingly and try to make it happen. Ohev et habriot U'Mekorvan L'Torah.

I was extremely distressed by Noah Feldman's mendacious and manipulative article which was little more than a selfish pity party, in which he rationalizes the audacity of breaking a thousands-year-old chain of Jewish identity.

My own grandmother was a similarly open-minded woman. Her legacy was at her funeral, when the majority of family mourners were not Jewish. Her children and grandchildren intermarried and many potential Jewish neshamos were forever lost. (Ah, but they were "happy," and that is all that matters in our world today: self-gratification, and immediate gratification.)

Somewhere, Prof. Feldman, your TRUE bashert [soulmate] awaits, and yes, someone you can be "happy" with.
Feldman's audacity amazes me; can he really not understand why Jews are unaccepting of his unfortunate choice?

P.s. Lest you think of me as a close-minded, unaccepting person, I must note that one of my children is married to a ger tzedek [convert] who is a respected rav and whom we love deeply.

If you wanted to create a rift and upset people, then well done.
I am the son of a Jew and had attempted a traditional conversion but did not go through with it. Despite this, I have visited Israel three times and have strong bonds for her and support Zionist activities.
I was bullied as a child for being Jewish and then as an adult it went the other way for not being Jewish. Blame my father if you wish.
I wonder if love is exclusive to a select few.

Your comments are right on the mark. He evidentely did not learn that there are limits beyond no one can step and certainly intermarriage is one.

Why should he be surprised that he and his non Jewish partner is excised from hte graduate photo? Hasn't he had a Jewish upbringing and someone (his parents) cared enough to give him a Jewish education?
Then isn't his article the egotistical whinings of a selfish person who does not spare a thought for his parents and his grandparents before him? Jewish education and learning is about preserving the unique and precious heritage of the jewish people and ensuring that it continues. If his partner did not wish to convert (I might add not the best recipe for a conversion, but at least it is taking a responsible and caring approach to his heritage) then I would have serious reservations about the potential of the relationship. Isn't his Judaism a part of his self perception and if a non Jewish partner rejects that essential part of his essence so to speak then what is there to the relationship? Rubbish or gornish!

The contribution by Professor Noah Feldman is not only a critical issue for the Jewish Community but for ALL Ethnic and Religious groups.

Maintaining identity is an emotion and idea strongly felt by many in this world today. Yet, the desire for purity of National, Religious or Ethnic identity often leads to accusations of bias, prejudice
and closed mindedness. I hope that this issue is explored in detail so ALL
communities see this fundamental desire to maintain identity as something positive and not a manifestation of negativity.

I feel no compassion for him. With his education, he was well aware that the only reason for automatic excommunication was marrying outside of the faith. If his parents still lived, they had to mourn him as dead.It was a simple choice between his faith and his love or lust for a forbidden mate. He could have lived with her (in sin)and remained a Jew, even though any offspring would be of his mate's faith

Bravo! You put into words much better than I ever could have the dismay I felt at reading Noah Feldman's article last week. While I don't agree with his school "Photoshopping-out" his fiance from the school picture, I do feel that he's gone off the deep end printing his vindictiveness in the NY Times. As a graduate and professor at Harvard, he is obviously an intelligent guy - methinks there is more to his ranting than meets the eye...

Regardless how an individual is raised religiously, as an adult the Jewish individual is required to be self aware. The Jewish religious community has demonstrated their lack of Judaic knowledge by equating him to a Leper, requiring community outcast. As an individual loved by G-d, only G-d can cast his fate.

Modern Orthodox, though not thoroughly modern, has sucessfully caused pain to his soul. When Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur arrive, i hope the offending members of the community ask for forgiveness from him before speaking to G-d for their forgivness.
What a Shanda!!

A topic of interest to thoughtful members of the Jewish community everywhere.

I think it is disgusting that anyone would not want to shake his hand or accept him as a person simply because he married a non-Jew. We are all allowed to make decisions and this was his. It does not make him less of a Jew nor should anyone regard him that way. Has anyone heard of the fact that you can't help who you fall in Love with?

Why was it necessary for Mr. Feldman to vent his annoyance in such a public venue as the NY Times? Out of spite? And why would the Times publish it? I have a feeling that an op-ed showing how the Modern Orthodox integrate strict Orthodoxy with modern studies would find it impossible to be published in the Times.

This has a personal meaning to me. Thank G-d my son is born Jewish and that hopefully I will instill in Scott the meaning and beauty of maintaining his heritage.

excellent article, I could not agree more with the Rabbi

There are always 2 sides to every story- we only heard his side-which seems to be an article wrtitten inspite. Clearly there were other issues that were brought out in the article that pointed to some of reasoning of the choices he made.And it really begs the question- why does he really keep in contact with his Alumni? Its not like his kids will be able to follow in his footsteps?! Perhaps he'll write another article about that "injustice" as well...

One strongly suspects that Mr. Feldman would have not been surprised at his excision from the picture had he been blatantly munching a bacon double cheeseburger while the cameraman took the photo. One wonders why he thinks intermarriage is a lesser offense.