The first time that I wore a kippah outside of synagogue in Canada, I was petrified. I had just got back from Israel, where I became religious and where kippahs are about as common as cellular phones. But when I came back to Vancouver, I didn't have the courage to start wearing a kippah.
My reasons were many: I didn't have the courage to stand up to the questioning of my friends and family. I didn't have the courage to be a "model Jew" and have all of my actions judged, because I was wearing a kippah. I simply didn't have the courage to make the statement that wearing a kippah makes.
However, my first Shabbat in Vancouver, I was informed that one is not allowed to carry anything on Shabbat (in the absence of an eruv, which didn't exist). That meant that after shul I couldn't put my kippah in my pocket!
What was I going to do? I had an hour walk home! What would people think of me? I didn’t have too many options.
I thought about sprinting home so people could only see a cat-like figure rushing by them.
I thought about sprinting home so people could only see a cat-like figure rushing by them which wouldn't give them time to make out my head covering. But I realized that I was not at all cat-like, and that I could probably sprint for about a block before I would fall to the ground in convulsions. So I decided to bite the bullet and walk all the way home wearing my kippah.
During that walk home, I must have looked like an escaped mental patient with a serious case of paranoia. When someone walked by me I would think to myself, "What are you looking at? Are you looking at my kippah? What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever seen a Jewish person before? RACIST PIG!"
Actually the person walking towards me was probably thinking to himself, "This man approaching me looks like he is addicted to crack. I hope he doesn't beat me up."
ADVANTAGES OF KIPPAH-WEARING
As the months and years went on I got more comfortable wearing my kippah and started wearing it almost all of the time.
But when I applied to summer internships at law firms in Vancouver I didn't wear my kippah to the interviews. "Who is going to hire me if I am wearing a kippah?" I asked myself. Despite the fact that Canada is probably the most multi-cultural, tolerant country in the world, I still couldn't do it.
But I discovered there were problems with not wearing a kippah at work.
My first day at the firm, they took me out for lunch to "The Spotted Prawn."
Since my co-workers had no reason to think that I was different, my first day at the firm, they took me out for lunch to a restaurant called "The Spotted Prawn."
While all of my co-workers ordered various shellfish dishes forbidden to me, I wanted to ask if the chef could make me a special dish -- like, perhaps, roasted water with a side dish of sliced water seasoned in water. Instead, I ended up ordering a salad, but I knew that I was still compromising my kashrut standards.
From then on, it was bag lunches for me.
For professional and spiritual reasons, I decided to move to Toronto. With my previous kippah-wearing difficulties under my belt, I was determined to go to my Toronto interviews wearing a kippah.
COMING OUT
My first interview was in a downtown firm that I was really interested in. I got into the elevator, which was to take me to the 45th floor, a little nervous about the kippah thing but forging on courageously.
I noticed another guy in the elevator wearing a kippah as well. I felt immediately relieved. We struck up a conversation and I told him which law firm I was interviewing at.
"Oh, that is a great firm," he said. "Congratulations on getting an interview there." He paused for a second and then continued, "I should warn you. I've heard they don't really like it if people wear their yarmulkes to work."
I looked both ways as if I was going to set off the "kippah alert alarm."
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I am not sure if that was from hearing the news or because the elevator came to an abrupt landing on the 45th floor. I exited cautiously and looked both ways as if I was going to set off the "kippah alert alarm." I turned to the man in the elevator and thanked him for the advice.
"No problem," he said to me while he stepped out of the elevator as well.
"Good morning Mr. Rothstein," the receptionist said to my friend in the elevator. "Your 9:00 appointment is here to see you." My elevator buddy -- a partner at this firm -- winked at me and laughed. "Good luck in the interview. Come by my office when you are done if you get the chance."
My interview went well and I could see that my decision to wear a kippah was paying off already. Some of the lawyers told me, without me asking, that I would have no problem observing Shabbat at this firm, even in the winter months when Shabbat begins early.
The firm also wanted to take me out for dinner, but they offered to set up a get together in the office so that I could come without having to order roasted water. I didn't have to explain myself, my kippah did the explaining for me.
Once I put the kippah on they knew exactly where I stood. It was also a symbol for me to know where I stood, in that my internal "religious" thoughts and feelings had to be reflected by external actions.
You may think that I was overly neurotic about my kippah dilemma. But the fact is, that once someone puts on a kippah, he is making a statement.
For me, it is a statement to myself and to others of my commitment to Judaism and the Jewish people. After becoming more secure with my own Jewish identity, I have finally found the courage to make it.
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(109) micah van zelfden, November 18, 2020 5:49 AM
i am 19 and really want to start wearing my kippah full time but have been very anxious about it as i live in a very conservative xtian area. your story is giving me courage! thank you for posting this!
(108) Matthew V. Carrasco, August 16, 2020 3:04 PM
yes--glad you wrote the article...it change my way of thinking..KIPPAH is now bon.,..
thanks.... Mattityahu
(107) Chris, November 7, 2018 1:54 PM
thank you
thank you for explaining your feelings. I'm currently planing the process of conversion, and have worried about at what stage in my conversion or after should I suddenly "surprise" my co-workers and friends wearing a kippah.
You really did help to put it into perspective.
(106) Anonymous Christian, October 2, 2018 5:31 PM
My personal view
I'm a Christian, and believe in it. However, I find it easier to take Jews seriously if they wear the kippah. It just serves as a constant reminder to their faith. Kosher can be fairly obvious by those partaking in it, but when, for example, preparing to invite those of Judaism to a house without Kosher, it can help remind the person planning. Besides, it shows one is serious about their faith.
(105) Mark, January 22, 2018 3:20 PM
Jew of African descent Kippah in the work place...
I've just accepted an offer to leave my current employer for a huge corporation as an Applications Engineer. It's going to be a wonderful place to work, at least about as good as working for any employer other than yourself could be. I chose not to wear kippah or Tzitzit during the interview but I've been planning to do both on the first day of work going forward. I've struggled and went back and forth with if I should wear kippah but I've decided to definitely wear Tzitzit every day. I really think the questions will come as I'm what it considered a Black and Jew. You know, the same as see a unicorn on skates. I also wear locs, aka dreadlocks, under my kippah, so I know it's going to pose a lot of questions and opinions but I don't think I care much. I feel really strongly that I'm going to wear both. If I can wear kippah proudly in the work place, I'm sure many of you can make that decision without nearly as many obstacles as I may face as a Black Jew with Dreadlocks wearing Tzitzit and kippah daily in corporate America. Baruch Hashem
(104) Josh, September 13, 2015 9:35 AM
I loved the article. I just wanted to say that, it is not neurotic that you felt nervous wearing a kippah. I suffer from the same fears. I was born into a conservadox family who has always kept strict kosher and Shabbat. But my father was not the type to wear a kippah outside of Shabbat and holidays. Recently I have decided I want to wear a kippah. I have always felt I should practice being a good Jew and then to start wearing a kippa. I can't say that I can call myself orthodox fully but I try my best. Even though I am sure there are plenty of other mitzvot to keep, I have been feeling ashamed that I have been feeling ashamed about wearing a kippah haha. I am wearing one currently on the plane. It is the first time I have wore a kippa during a flight.
(103) Beverly Margolis, June 16, 2015 2:12 AM
Balloney
Why is it perfectly fine for Muslims to wear their head gear and their women can walk around with their burkas and other head coverings but we Jews can't?
Give me a break. Grow some ya-yas, put your killah on and be PROUD. If anyone says anything just ignore them or ask them if they love Muslims.
I'm sick and tired of Arabs lording it over human beings.
(102) Steve Wilson, December 11, 2012 4:42 PM
To wear or not to wear during an interview.
I always wear a kippah and it has prompted many wonderful conversations with strangers, some Jewish, others not, as I go about my day, especially on the city bus. My most recent employer was very supportive of my wearing a kippah as were my coworkers. Positive experience all around. However, I am now searching for a job, and the debate turns to the interview. Among the advice that I've been given, is not to wear it (or any religious emblem) during an interview. Because it does send a strong message but can mean different things to different people, it can be a distraction in the short time that you are in an interview. During that brief time there is insufficient opportunity to get a full understanding of a person other than as related to the job. In fact, most wouldn't or shouldn't ask which leaves them solely with their understanding and not the message I might wish to convey. It's a tough call, because Judaism is such a big part of my life, but during an interview we're also not talking about any other facet of my life outside of work. On the other hand, should they hire me, one day I'll show up wearing a kippah and they will be somewhat surprised, hopefully not in a bad way..
(101) Brian C, August 10, 2012 4:50 PM
aish!
This is something that I too have struggled with. My supervisor knows this too and has encouraged me to wear it to work, but mostly to see how others will react so I almost feel as though it would be just for him to see a bit of shock-value.
Antonia, May 13, 2014 10:16 AM
If not you, then who?
If you don't make a statement for your beliefs, who will? Unless you're in a place where such statement goes against your safety, there should be no doubt about it.
Cover your head so that the fear of heaven may be upon you. -Talmud Shabbat 156b
(100) Yitzhak Alexander, March 24, 2011 2:44 PM
Kosher in the South
I live in Charlotte, NC - the buckle of the "Bible Belt" and home of Billy Graham (and not far from where Jim and Tammy Faye Baker hung out). After hearing a Dvar Torah one year on Yom Kippur about publicly celebrating my Judaism, I decided to begin wearing a Kippah. In addition to living in the South, working in a university means I encounter a number of Muslim students. At first, I was concerned if I would get hassled. Quite the contrary! If people say anything, it's positive. I have even had pleasant conversations with Muslim students about things religious. Not only does it feel good to make a statement (that not everyone is Christian), but it helps me to remember to act in ways that honor Hashem, not dishonor H-m (thus allowing me to remember the 6 Constant Mitzvos). While I initially got flak from my then-fiancee for doing so, I feel as if I'm not dressed if I don't wear a yarmulke.
(99) Victoria, March 22, 2011 8:44 PM
Statement
I used to work for a company that is run by the mormons. In the interview, I told them I am Jewish. I was hired. The first few weeks, there was this talk about me not being one of them. So, I went to my boss, asked her what's the issue all about. She said, "I guess, it's to do with your religion. In this company" she added," we believe in god." I didn't know what to say. I thought for a while I should explain to her that I believe in G-d, not a human god. But something inside me just shut me up. I let it go. For more than 2 years, I was harassed, and bullied in every proportion. I prayed to HaShem to give me strength and courage to stand up to this human god-believers. I asked Him one day to give me a reason to leave this godly workplace. The next day, my car just don't want to start, and then I got sick, my doctor told me to have a rest for at least a month. A month went, and time to go back to the wholly(for holy!) place. I got sick again. I asked HaShem if it's Him telling me not to go back. And then I thought about the 'free will' thingy, just like that. Next thing, I was emailing my resignation, with no thanks but 'May G-d bless you' above my signature. I had a victory party a day later, and declared to everyone that 'hell is now behind me!'.
Diego Carrión, August 1, 2011 9:48 AM
Apologies on behalf of my faith
As I read your comment, I have to say: I was horrified; and however lame it might be, I wish to extend an apology on behalf of my faith for the actions of your former co-workers. I myself am a Latter-Day Saint (the formal name of Mormonism) with a great deal of respect for Judaism, especially Orthodox Judaism and I had been directed to this article as an interesting read, only to find your comment which details the unchristian acts of your colleagues. It is a sad commentary on some members of my faith if they feel a need to exclude someone for their faith. After all, we should be welcoming if we expect to be welcomed. And as Latter-Day Saints are arguably the most persecuted christian faith in the United States (it was legal to kill a Mormon in the state of Missouri for over 100 years) we should be more sensitive and mature in our dealings with our fellowmen. And especially towards Judaism: the faith with which Latter-Day Saints share so much in common. As I said, this apology might be a bit lame, but as one who worships The G-d of Abraham to another I do hope you will accept it on behalf of those of my faith.
(98) Carlos, December 23, 2010 7:01 AM
tov toda ach
I too faced this dilemma. I began to wear my kippah outside of shul a lot and sometimes i would think the same way, i wear my kippah proudly and although i do get teased sometimes there have also been many a time where i'll receive a supportive nod here and there.
(97) Wolf, December 6, 2010 6:12 PM
Well done!
I loved your story and the way you described it, I can honestly feel empathic (not from the kippah) but we've all been in a situation when you feel like a fish out of the water. Good for you!
(96) Junji, March 6, 2010 2:31 AM
muslims wear one so why can't we
As a Noahide here in the Philippines, I will be wearing one, as soon as I make one(I just finished making a paper kippah... experimenting). I'll be wearing one to show to people that I am not a Xtian anymore, and I guess they'll think I'm a Muslim(they - Muslims have their own version of it and they wear it everyday) anyway, but I'll still wear one.
(95) Daniel Krueger, January 24, 2010 5:32 AM
yarmulke @ work and out of the Shul in general
I have always worn a yarmulke. My office is tolerant/understanding enough that they get that my yarmulke is like their tie (and most often compliments my tie or is a continuation of the tie). I often wear a yarmulke that ties into a secular holiday (for example I have one in deep red for Feb 14th). I also happen to belong to a Reform community so many times I wear a yarmulke when the clergy may not.
(94) Meir, January 21, 2010 8:13 PM
Kippah
I wear my Kippah daily and at work it is a symbol for those who meet me to let them know I am Jewish. They pick on my beacuse in my department, I cater in the monthly lunches which are almost always Kosher. They enjoy this little fact though.
(93) Ze'ev, March 8, 2009 6:13 PM
Thank You
I began wearing a kippah out of shul yesterday for the first time. I thought I was the only Jew that had ever gone through all the feelings you described. Thank you so much for making me feel a tad more normal. hehe
(92) Anonymous, February 7, 2009 4:59 AM
The Pope uses a Kippah
Why all the fuss when the Pope considers it an honor to wear a Kippah.
(91) Ibriy Martin, January 15, 2009 7:04 PM
It is rather nervewrecking
I am a fifteen year old boy from Texas, and I have only just begun to wear my kippah. My first day of school was really nervewrecking, because it is school regulation that "hats" aren't allowed to be worn in school. Throughout the day, people kept on looking at me, and asking me what it was that was on my head. I simply told them that it was an article of prayer, and they seemed content. All day, I kept watching the teachers, but they never said anything to me about wearing it. By the end of the day, I realized that everyone sort of respected me more. Even complete strangers that I have never met before compliment me on it. I still get a lot of questions about it, but it has become much easier.
(90) Tom, December 6, 2008 11:46 AM
Catholic
I grew up and attended 12 years of catholic school. When I was in high school I came home one day and asked my father, "how are we supposed to feel toward Jewish people?" To which he replied, "what do you mean? They are the same as anyone else." I found out later that both of my parents were Jewish. I have worn a kippah before when I have visited a local temple. I have done research on kippahs and have found no biblical basis for wearing them, but I don't have a problem wearing them when it is appropriate.
(89) Sarah, June 13, 2008 2:19 PM
Me too
I am a woman who became religious and now cover my hair. When I didn''t, people assumed I was more flexible on the kashrut, working on sabbath ,etc front. When I had the "uniform" including a shaitel - they knew not to push. It is hard when becoming religious - when you are at a company and change from eating "just dairy" to strict kosher please order in...
(88) j, June 13, 2008 1:07 AM
more kippah stories please!!!
i have read and reread the two or so kippah stories you have had on here for several years. please, find some people to write some more stories. me and all the other jewish men who are looking for guidance and encouragement need to read more of these things. from america, israel and elsewhere. thanks
ps, it's important for men because the kippah is a sign of the shechinah, the divine presence that rests on the head. it reminds the wearer and the observer. it would be a strengthening for all israel if you published more of these kinds of stories!
(87) Ky Shorb, June 12, 2008 11:29 AM
Kippah in my work place
I am a Police Officer in Kansas. It was hard growing up absent from any semblence of Jewish culture. Embarrassingly, I feel more like a "back water Jew" than anything. I did not even wear a kippah until I was 18. Only in the past five years have I worn my kippah all the time. The only places I do not wear my kippah is when I am in uniform. I made that decision only because I did not want to have it fall of during scuffles and have it trampled on. On a related note, it has only been two years since I have started to wear my katan all the time was well. Your article touched home with me, thank you.
(86) gene, June 12, 2008 1:48 AM
why I wear Kippa
I read somewere that in Roman times a slave had to wear a head covering. Iwear the kippa to show that I am a slave to g-d also when waiting at a stop light and no trafick is coming but the sign shows a red hand a little wind blows the kippa and reminds that g-d is watching all my moves and 3 it is a great conversation starter there are only 3 times i take off my kippa when i shower, sleep, and go swiming
(85) Josh, June 11, 2008 7:02 PM
Story of my life
I just became religious and started wearing a kippah and you have just essentially told the story of my past few months, sub law firm for different job.
(84) meir naim, June 11, 2008 12:02 AM
In Chaina
i awss at the biggest trade show in china last month, perhaps one of the few wearing a kippa amongst the many Muslims, I did not scenced any negative sentiments, to the contrary a university student girl, after finding out that i was Jewish , expressed much admiration that she had developed reading about jewish wooman desiring a learned [Torah] student.
Sadely its here in Los Angeles and Beverly Hills amongst my Persian Jewish Family and friends that i feel less comfortable wearing my Kippa.
(83) Miriam, June 10, 2008 9:28 PM
Pikesville, Baltimore information for Richard A. Vail
Dear Richard A. Vail (Ani Ger Yehudi Ariel Ovadiah ben Avraham) You may want to contact Rabbi Shlomo Porter of Etz Chaim Center in Baltimore. He is a highly respected member of the Jewish community who could help you in your search for the right shul. Baltimore has so many shuls to choose from that it can be overwhelming to a new member of the community. www.etzchaimusa.org
(82) ML, June 10, 2008 1:20 PM
I can relate
The article brings back memories of my own struggle to wear a kippa. I became more observant while in med school in South Florida. I was learning and taking on a variety of mitzvos (kosher, shabbos, tzi tzit etc..). I started wearing my kippah "full time" in my 4th year of med school after having done "part time" wearing in my house, the car, of course shul and the occasional frum friend's house. I was all ready to go for the full time move at the beginning of an Emergency Room rotation at a hospital I had not worked at before. I felt the staff wouldn't know me without a kippa, so it would be as fresh a start I could get at 28yo. About 100 yards before entering the ER, paranoia set in and I started rethinking my big move. About 20 yards from the entrance, I had my hand on my kippa, ready to take it off when someone called out my name. I turned around to see a former colleague who was now doing a residency at the hospital and he offered to walk me to the ER. So suddenly it became uncomfortable for me to take off my kippa in front of this acquaintance who didn't seem fazed by it in the least. That was eight years ago and it's been on ever since - during internship, residency, fellowship and in my own private practice in a suburb of Houston where I am the only kippa in that part of town (except for the chabad rabbi). At the end of the day, I can only hope I represent it well.
(81) Richard A. Vail, June 9, 2008 3:31 PM
Ani Ger Yehudi
As a conservadox convert, I wear a kippah as a part of my "new" identity. Most people look at me like I'm a nut because I'm not fully orthodox, though I wear tzit-tzit, done tephillin daily, keep kosher @ home, etc (the list is long), but before moving to Baltimore (Pikesville, actually) it was a 20 mile drive to the nearest shul.
Because of the economy in Michigan, moving closer to Shaarey Zedek wasn't an option. We moved to Balt. area out of desperation (our shul loaned us the money to move). We love the area, though we haven't found a shul we like yet...thanks for listening
Ariel Ovadiah ben Avraham
(80) Gene, June 8, 2008 3:44 PM
tzitzit
wouldn''t wearing tzitzit pretty much do the same thing? I''m more aware of my behavior since I started wearing tzitzit all the time.
Tony, August 30, 2018 9:42 PM
Same here Gene
I recently started wearing both my kippah and tzitzit out full time. It was a little nerve wracking at first, but now I can't imagine not doing it. It definitely reminds me to be more aware of my behavior since I represent Hashem by doing so. My biggest issue is if going somewhere for a happy hour with coworkers or non-Jewish friends, do I wear my kippah? I'm not eating, but I don't want to send a signal that the place is kosher.
Jaime M, June 27, 2020 10:31 PM
To Tony regarding coworkers
I might suggest if you go to bar/restaurants with non-Jewish friends for happy hour or otherwise, always keep a hat of choice in your car so that you can put your hat on over your head and tuck your tzitzit in. Then it’s “hello happy hour,” L’Chaim! ? ... and if eating food, get a salad or perhaps something on the vegan/vegetarian menu. Ultimately, stay true to yourself and the convictions you have from Hashem.
Jaime M, June 27, 2020 10:23 PM
I can relate too
I’ve been wearing tzitzit for about three years now. I know that most halacha requires wearing kippah with tzitzit hanging out. I truly want to be at a place where I’m wearing my kippah full-time with tzitzit. Currently I only do this selectively, when I go to Shul, fellowship with mishpacha, going to the meat market, or anywhere that seems comfortable for me. Over the last three years, I only wear my tzitzit out when wearing a hat. Most of the time I wear my tzitzit tucked in, as in general, I prefer not to wear anything on my head. This article and all of these testimonies have been a great encouragement for me!! May it be soon, that I begin to wear kippah full-time!! ??
(79) Stephen Parker, June 8, 2008 1:23 PM
Wear your kippah
I wore my kippah 24/7.I was in the food brokerage business calling on grocery stores in Zwolle,La.,Coushatta,La.these people were very supportive and have never met a Jew .
(78) miriamwcohen, June 8, 2008 12:08 PM
not sure kippa is important
While it is nice that it is ok to wear a kippah in public, it does mark one and separates. In years past, orthodox men did not wear kippot, or even hats in public and that did not make them any less observant in their lives. We need to allow for differences in public style, there are times when wearing a kippah in public is wrong i.e. judges.
(77) Ari Stotleman, June 8, 2008 10:52 AM
NATIONAL KIPPAH DAY
This is all so very psycho-interesting! Jews know they are hated and mostly by other peoples who are ever so quick to yell "discrimination" themselves. A kippah is an invitation for a mugging, citing the recent example of two Jews getting mugged after leaving the Jewish fraternity on the campus of Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. Applying for a job at a law firm or a medical practice and wearing a kippah is not all that impressive. Let''s face it, the professions are disproportionately staffed with Jews for obvious good reasons. I''d be impressed if he wore it applying for a job as shamus at the Holy Trinity Church of Chicago. Jews are not paranoid, it''s not paranoia if you believe they are out to get you when they are, it''s self-defense. Many Christians have no problem walking around with big gold crosses hanging around their neck and Muslims have no problem wearing their kippah or hijab around town. Only Jews stay secretive. Perhaps we Jews ought to have a NATIONAL KIPPAH DAY when we ALL wear one. I''ll bet, little-by-little, the number of Jews wearing kippahs 24hr/day will increase towards 100%. Gosh, there''s even a Gay Pride day! What are we afraid of that can''t be overcome?
(76) Lauren, June 8, 2008 8:52 AM
Wonderful article
Thank you so much for this wonderful article. Excellent job!!
(75) Bennyp, June 7, 2008 2:49 PM
My Kippah Experience
I started out wearing caps and bandanas for a year or two, during my first year at university I usually wore a colourful bukharian style kippah. It matched my personality, kept me on the right side of the moral divide on campus, and at the same time didn''t provoke too much undesired inquiry, Now that I''m studying in Israel, a nice white knit job is my companion.
Congratulations on overcoming your ''kippah-anxiety'' and welcome to the rewarding world of being an inside-outside Jew!
(74) Ethar El-Katatney, February 27, 2008 4:48 PM
Salams/ Shalom
Just wanted to let you know that I very much enjoyed this article. I am a Muslim woman who wears hijab, and don't take this the wrong way, but your feelings on wearing a kippah are almost exactly the same as mine on wearing the hijab :)
(73) Arden Beyer, February 27, 2008 4:26 AM
"Do not do unto others..."
((Also see "Arden 12/8/2007 4:47PM, Chesed (Lovingkindnes).")) The Sage, I believe it was Hillel, was once asked by some guy to explain the entire Torah while standing on one leg. In turn, "Do not do unto others what you would not want them to do to you...snd the rest is commentary." He then informed this other person to go on home and immediately initiate his studies in Torah as the guy had presented this issue as a challenge with the guise--albeit a promise--that he would convert to Judaism and immediately immerse himself in Torah study should Rabbi Hillil's answer be incisive, as it was. Why do people bait one another, concern themselves negativistically with the look on an innocent stranger's face, scorn one another? These are Eternal Truths. "I am HaShem your G-d." If someone wants to wear a kippah, then others--all others--should just let him do so in peace. These are sacred objects. At the least, they signify humility and a reverence for HaShem, The Almighty. They are not objects of offense, such as lewd or violent images or words. Everythiing now in this world need only raise itself up to the level of Hillel's words, and do so in deed. B"H!........."It had rained heavily during the night and the day, and down the gullies the muddy stream poured into the sea, making it chocolate-brown. As you walked on the beach the waves were enormous and they were breaking with magnificent curve and force. You walked against the wind, and suddenly you felt there was nothing between you and the sky, and this openness was heaven. To be so completely open, vulnerable--to the hills, to the sea and to man--is the very essence of meditation. To have no resistance, to have no barriers inwardly towards anything, to be really free, completely, from all the minor urges, compulsions and demands, with all their litle conflicts and hypocrises, is to wak in life with open arms. And that evening, walking there on that wet sand, with the sea gulls around you, you felt the extraordinary sense of open freedom and the great beauty of love which was not in you or outside you--but everywhere. We don't realize how important it is to be free of the nagging pleasures and their pains, so that the mind remains alone. It is only the mind that is wholly alone that is open. You felt all this suddenly, like a great wind that swept over the land and through you. There you were--denuded of everything, empty--and therefore utterly open. The beauty of it was not in the word or in the feeling, but seemed to be everywhere--about you, inside you, over the waters and in the hills. Meditation is this."--Jiddu Krishnamurti. Is this not like the Divine Shechina during the course of intensive prayer? There is no division of self from other; only the immense feeling of HaShem. And then when It subsides, the inner conflicts, the little doubtings here or there, diminished, subsided. This is Prayer and the reverence of the Kippah, in obescience to and love for HaShem, Master of all works; HaShem in all his Mercy, Loving.
(72) MESA, January 30, 2008 7:28 PM
Kol HaKavod
I do understand that some people work in environments in which it might be awkward or even dangerous to wear a kippah, and if they choose not to (assuming they have spoken with their poskim), they are doing nothing wrong. However, I'm very proud of my husband, who could probably get a heter to not wear his kippah to work, but he does anyway. And I think his pride has inspired me in that I never felt uncomfortable wearing hats or berets for my work (I will not wear a snood because I feel it looks unattractive and unprofessional). The worst that ever happened was when I worked at a cancer center and was occasionally mistaken for a patient. Wearing anything that displays one's Judaism is not always easy, but it gives me enormous pride every time someone does. Kol HaKavod.
(71) Arden, December 8, 2007 4:47 PM
Chesed (Lovingkindness)
The Sage, I believe it was Hillel, was once asked by some guy to explain the entire Torah while standing on one leg. In turn, "Do not do unto others what you would not want them to do to you...and the rest is commentary." He then informed this other person to go on home and immediately initiate his studies in Torah as the guy had presented this issue as a challenge with the guise--albeit a promise--that he would convert to Judaism and immediately immerse himself in Torah study should Rabbi Hillel's answer be incisive, as it was. Why do people bait one another, concern themselves negativistically with the look on an innocent stranger's face, scorn one another? These are Eternal Truths. "I am HaShem your G-d." If someone wants to wear a kippah, then others--all others--should just let him do so in peace. These are sacred objects. At the least, they signify humility and reverence for HaShem, The Almighty. They are not objects of offense, such as lewd or violent images or words. Everything now in this world need only raise itself up to the level of Hillel's words, and do so in deed. B"H!
(70) Maeve, December 1, 2007 9:04 PM
Great story!
Sometimes we can be our worst enemy.
(69) Melech kas ko., November 22, 2007 8:41 PM
Wear a kippa means…
We wear it, to remind us, the smallness we are, beyond our kippah is HaShem, is not to show off. Or to be proud, but the opposite, to be humble.
(68) Gisele, October 1, 2007 8:27 AM
WHY DOES IT MATTER WHAT KIPPAH IS
WORN TO VALADATE IF A JEW IS OBSERVANT OR NOT? DOES it matter what type of kippah is worn as long as it worn when it should be worn, and the person follows th basic mitzvot halacha? why do we judge a man on what kippah he is if he is the right level of Judaism?
(67) Michael, July 31, 2007 11:30 PM
Thank You
I've been having the same feelings of late and I feel guilty because of it. It's a relief to know that I'm not alone. It's not because I feel that I need to hide something, it's just that I don't want my pride to cause people to think I'm being showy. I don't want people to look at me and think, "does he really need to wear that while he's buying groceries?". I've been contemplating whether or not I should wear my kippah to university next semester. I'll be taking Hebrew and I plan to wear while studying, since I feel that would be appropriate. I've been on the fence of whether or not I should take it off after class is over. Again, I wouldn't want someone to look at me while I'm in my math class and think, "does he really need to wear that in math class, we're not praying."
After reading your article, I realize that I shouldn't feel uncomfortable about wearing my kippah in public. I will wear it with pride.
(66) Avraham, February 22, 2006 12:00 AM
wearing kippah in Poland
You had problems with wearing a kippah in Canada, which - as you said is probably the most multicultural and open society in the world - but I had a similar experiences in Poland! To my last job interview I went wearing a kippah just to make it clear from the start where we were staning, and it worked. More remarkable was example of my two boys who went to a regular, public Polish school, wearing kippot of course. When some kids teased on eof my sons a little about "why do you have this on your head? Are you cold?" etc. he put the kippah in his pocket. When his teacher saw that, she asked what happened? When he told her about teasing, she dealt with the boys of course, but she also told my son: "You have to wear the kippah proudly, because that is your tradition and your religion. If you want others to respect you, you have to be proud of who you are and what you represent. I don't want to see you without the kippah any more!" My two boys were the only Jewish boys among 800 other kids, and the only ones with head covering in the school.
(65) Linda Diamond, October 22, 2005 12:00 AM
thank you for sharing :o)
It is good to see a man sharing the fears & victory so that other young boys & girls & adults can see its good to be Jewish :) & to hold your head up with dignity & pride as it should be :o) toda raba :o) NOT all of non Jews are thinking that its terrible to be "regligious" it shows that you have integrity & you have code of honour & love family & HaShem.
I love the way you shared your thoughts & feelings it gives reality & thus can identy with you & for others to give us courage to be who we are :o)
(64) ryan steckbeck, August 30, 2005 12:00 AM
Thats an awesome acticle. I was researching online when it was appropriate to wear my kippah. Your arcticle really makes sense on why we should wear it all the time. I live in the south so i get really nervous wearing it out in fear of racism(which i experience quite often here). It is good to know there are other jews out there that feel the way i do when i wear my kippah.
(63) Edward Fale, July 25, 2005 12:00 AM
Excellent web-site..
Very informative and helpful to everyday life. Thank you.
(62) mat hoffman, May 2, 2005 12:00 AM
kippah
when i was a young lawyer i was very uncomfortable letting anyone know i wore a kippah even though everyone knew i was observant. i used to eat with my door closed and hid my kippah if anyone walked in. one day the senior partner walked in. he looked so uncomfortable which confirmed my belief about hiding my kippah. years later, the senior partner and i became close friends and i asked him if he remembered the day he saw me eating in my office. he confirmed that he did which only confirmed that i was right to be uncomfortable til i asked the next question. "Why do you rememeber?" He told me he recalled since he felt rude interrupting my lunch. while sometimes we suffer discrimination because we are religious, sometimes the problems are in our heads not on them.
(61) Rachel, April 18, 2005 12:00 AM
snoods and kippahs
I like wearing my snoods. People look at me perculiar. I don't mind. I have really long hair and the snood keeps my hair tidy and when I am not wearing my hair up, the snood is perfect to wear it loose inside without having to put it up. People can see how I display myself by the fashions and styles that I choose to wear. My clothes say that I am modest and I live by faith. Accept me,as I am, because I can be no other. I have lately received some compliments on my style and even people of non-jewish descent like the way I dress. Wear the Kippah proudly and soon you will see that others will see you and see that you are genuine. The snoods and the Kippahs seem to highlight the fact of our integrity and honesty relating to our faith.
(60) Isaac E. Kusuma, April 15, 2005 12:00 AM
This is a very good website
No
(59) ruth, April 8, 2005 12:00 AM
As an orthodox woman working in the dept of education for several years my religion has not been obstacle. I am respected for my strict adherence to kashrut and was offered a private fridge and microwave for my food. My coworkers also respect me for keeping shabbos, going dressed modestly and wearing a shaitel. In a world that it is more accepted to be religious, I remember my mother telling me how my father was fired every week because he was a sabbath observer. Well now my father is a great grandfather bli ayin harah and I told him he paved the way for us.
Because he took care of Shabbos--Shabbos took care of him. He is reaping his just reward.
(58) Michael Sorrells, April 8, 2005 12:00 AM
Pride, humility, and heritage.
I appreciate the honesty of this article. Sometimes I worry about what others will think of me and my heritage too, so I act a little neurotic at times. Everyone appears so strong to me, and it makes me feel very weak in comparison. Often, much of what I do requires that I be the first to take an action towards letting others embrace all of me rather than just the part of me that I think they will deem "acceptable." It's scary to be different sometimes but it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in this issue. Wearing your Kippah does not necessarily have to be with pride (as one person said); wear it without shame. Be happy with who you are. If people see that it is simply a part of you like your hair or eyes, love and respect will follow. It is an aspect of religion, not a way to assign value or worth to yourself. Thank you for such a great article! It is one of my favorites.
(57) steven schwartz, April 7, 2005 12:00 AM
we wear a yarmulka to keep us holy
As a frum from birth card carring yarmulka wearing person,i have to say that i was very inspired by the well written and funny article.I would just like to add some points from sombody who has been wearing a yarmulka forever.The rabbis instructed us to wear a yarmulkla for good reasons.Wearinga yarmulkemakes me do h the right thing in public it make you feel like you are a repersenting your religion and you have be on your best behavior.Who knows what kind of lenincy i might have permited for myself if not for the mighty yarmulka.So for yitchok who says that he realy does not want to risk not making money because of the yarmulka you got be kidding me. You do belive on rosh hashana everybody is assigned the amount of money he or she will make for the year yarmulke or not.And for adrian don't worry so much about chillul hashem i addmit that was a good one right after the dog ate my homework.And finally to rachel the reson you see vevet yarmulkas in new york is because there are so many ultra orthodox people living in n.y and there mode of yarmulke is velvet and finaly being in the real estate bussiness you would be suprised how many chassidim not only wear ther yarmulkas to meetings but wear there chassidsha garb hat and all and have absoultly no problem closing deals.So put on your kippa and wear it proud and may hashem reward us all with all the good things in life wealth health and happiness because he is the one with abilty to deliver whatever is coming to us regardless of what mr smith says in the front office.So lets march on with our glorious badge of honor on our heads with our head bowed in awe to the almighty king of all and may we be zocheh to see the coming of moshiach speedly in our times.
(56) SAMIAM@he Cat in the kappa, April 5, 2005 12:00 AM
your great sense of humor is just what is needed
If we cn't laugh at ourselves once in a while, our life style would be a real dummer ! Keep on coming with the Humor !
(55) Anonymous, April 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Great article. It really hits home!!
(54) Jonathan Keefe, April 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Thanks for the memories!
Congratulations on your courage. You eloquently described what can be a very difficult inner struggle. Keep growing!
(53) Marilyn Burton, April 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Wear your Kippah with your head held high!!
I wrote in the one line summary that you should wear your Kippah with pride -but really what I also want to say is that some non-Jewish people(myself included) would feel proud of you for so openly making a statement of who you are.
Just lately I was watching 'Oprah' and the show was about a woman who had lost a great deal of weight, after a stomach staple operation. Later the camera turned to the brilliant surgeon who was helping her with plasic and cosmetic surgery. The woman openly testified to how he had been so understanding and it was obvious that his compassion had helped her emotionally, whereas the surgery had wonderfully addressed the physical needs.
When this surgeon came into the camera view it was clear he was humbled by the attention, yet I had the sense he felt joy in a job well done.
Quess what my first thought was.
"Mazel Tov - another brilliant Jewish surgeon!" I only knew this because he wore his kippah and openly displayed it for the world to see - and I was proud of him.
Years ago there was an article in our newspaper to debate whether an Island taxi driver should be able to wear his national costume, as he worked on his daily taxi round. It came across quite strongly that he should not. I felt sad because my feeling was that he should be able to wear his national clothes with pride. If he was doing a good honest service and was polite and clean who are we to say his choice of clothes was not appropriate. I love to see an Indian woman in a beautiful sari and Maori people in their costume. Danish and Dutch dress is so colourful. Why can't we all celebrate the differences.
So today one thing that you can do is be proud of who you are - chosen and beloved of God. That is how I see you.
(52) tyler, April 4, 2005 12:00 AM
fellow vancouverite
I too am a Jewish Canuck and I commend your commitment Richard. One of the few times I decided to wear a kippah in public I went to the grocery store just before Erev Shabbat. I was visiting my parents in Cloverdale (Surrey area) and my mom needed some last minute item. I still remember the many stares from fellow-shopping turbaned Sikhs (that area has a high Punjabi population). On one hand, I wanted to blurt out, "What's the matter? Never seen a guy in a funny hat before?" On the other hand, I felt a sense of mixed humility and pride to be a flesh and blood representative of a people, history, Torah, and G-d that many of them had only ever seen in the media.
I've not quite reached the decision to wear a kippah all the time, but your insights Richard have encouraged me in the process. Toda!
(51) Vancouver Jew, April 4, 2005 12:00 AM
Vancouver eruv
Just to update the information about the eruv in this article: As of 2004, Vancouver does indeed have an eruv.
(50) Anonymous, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
The Kippah & IRS
I was changing tax firms for the first time. It was tax time and I had agonized for so long, I was down to April 14th. A bad time, if I needed other documentation. Sitting in the 'bull pen' lobby, I sweated it out until I saw a young man in a kippah. I prayed, 'please G-d, that's the one I want'. G-d was good, what can I say. The other staff may have been just as qualified, but I felt a sense of integrity, knowledge and kinship immediately, and I was not disappointed. Thanks to the courage of a wonderful young man.{I am not a Jew, by birth}
(49) Greg Wotton, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
Kippas make life interesting.
Although I am not Jewish I did spend time studying with an Orthodox Synagogue in Oshawa Ontario, Canada. During my time there I fell into the habit of wearing a kippa all of the time, even at home. Although it started a rather interesting conversation with my Catholic Grandmother most of my family is used to my immersive approach to religious studies.
When I moved to North Bay, a very small town where most of the Jewish population has migrated to Toronto, I found that the strongest reactions to the kippa were from the Jews. One person told me that it made others feel guilty. Here's a Ger who is willing to publically associate himself with the Jewish people and perform the very visible mitzvot of covering the head in a town where not a single Jewish man can say that he does the same.
Unfortunately there is no Rabbi here and I am no longer engaged in a regular study of Judaism as the Synagogue here is open only for High Holidays. There is no real Jewish community here and certainly no Orthodox Jews. Unlike Oshawa where I was a Righteous Stranger welcomed into the community and since I never converted I have since given up wearing the kippa. It sits alongside my tallis in a box of incense and candles and maybe one day I'll once again be the Righteous Stranger and have occasion to connect once more to what I consider to be some of the best people on earth.
(48) Arden Beyer, Ph.D., April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
Kippah and fear of criticism and malice
To Whom It May Concern:
I am only what may be described as a conservadox Jew, and I sometimes wear a black kippah while outside; but, I have two concerns with this.
One, the neighborhood in which I live is predominantly Italian Roman Catholic; they "remain" in the 1930s; and, from experience, they have given me "dirty" looks--genuinely so--and, are less pleasant when I go to restaurants, etc., than when I do not wear my Kippah.
Two, persons working in the field of mental health are notoriously atheistic, if not out-and-out anti-G-d in their sentiments. I will soon be applying to return for a position as a psychologist (psychotherapist); at one job I previously held, my wearing of a Kippah was cited as a source of concern by several members of the staff. Though I didn't want to (or, even felt there should be a need to do so), I needed to explain to the concerned staff that clients were entitled to have and express any and all of their thoughts and feelings about my wearing of a Kippah, as any such occassion might arise. Regardless, this staff, which included several atheistic Jews, continued to maintain that they thought it was a potential problem in working with clients, etc. Personally, I feel it is in all actuality none of their business should I wear my Kippah; but, relations were unfortunately strained.
I would greatly appreciate any and all of your comments in this matter.
Sincerely Yours,
Arden Beyer, Ph.D.,
M.P.A.
(47) Bryan Reid, MD, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
Sounds familiar
Rosh Hashanah 2004 I made a decision that I would wear my yalmukah every day. All the "nervous behaviors" he spoke of in this article were amusingly familiar. Now, I can't even remember I have it on my head half the time, and people are much more positive towards my wearing it then I ever would have dreamed before.
It takes guts to wear it. For those of you thinking it through and not sure, ask yourself this: can an African-American hide their skin color? Why should we be chicken and hide who *we* are?
I now have an amusing set of stories that I call my "Kippah Chronicles" ranging from reactions of "are you menonite?" (amusing since only menonite women wear head coverings) to "what temple do you go to?" (from a woman who had wandered off the path when she intermarried and suddenly felt reconnected).
Remember, the purpose of wearing the kippah is to remind us that Hashem is above us. When you work in an environment where people judge certain things based on your wearing it, nothing reminds you more of Hashem than that.
(46) Yakov Spil, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
No One is Harder Judging Us Than Ourselves
I also read the writer's comments with admiration and a laugh- about the roasted water. Excellent!
I have had the following principle prooved to me over and over for many years: People do not care what we do NEARLY as much as we do. No one knows the inner struggles involved with these commitments, and on the whole -no one cares. Nor should they.
It is interesting that what I have found over the years is that most of our Yiddishkeit is private. You'll ask what are you talking about- davening in public, yarmulke, tzitsis, the whole look?!
The truth is those are still a smaller part of our whole voyage in working on acquiring yiras Shomayim. Most of the work is done privately with ourselves and our families. It is done in our learning- because who knows what we have learned, how well we have learned it and whether we have internalized it properly. It is done with our families when they see as G-d fearing people- we act nicely- don't yell and carry on, treat everybody respectfully, negate our own needs and seek to find what the other is lacking.
The main point I could say on this to anyone in the struggle is- deemphasize all of the externalities. They are only an outward appearance to what we hope to have acquired sincerely and with thought- while constantly adhering to standards of EMES.
To the PhD- I would like to offer that there are so many people I have come across over the years that I find I connect to those who have a great personality or who are more eidel, but the common point between them is that they don't talk much about their customs, beliefs etc.
The yarmulke is so much more accepted today, that the barriers I think, come from our attitudes and that will determine how they view us and talk to us. With these friends who I am thinking of they were able to shift the focus away so well from the differences we may have had because of the communities we came from and we bonded based on more substantial matters- midos, bein adam l'chaveiro, seeking truth- the very foundation of a religious lifestyle no matter where you come from.
May we all be able to make a Kiddush Hashem by our actions and bring all those around us closer to Hashem and His Torah.
I would be happy to hear from anyone about what I have written.
B'yedidus,
Yakov Spil
(45) Leon Benlezrah, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
Great Article
Very relevant to all those individuals who are coming back to Judiasm
(44) Charles Kuttner, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
Kippah and mental health work
Just happened to see Dr. Beyer's concerns. As a committed Baal Tshuvah as well as a psychiatrist who has worked in small towns and big cities [and the proud father of an Aish.com author!], I'll share my experiences.
I started regularly wearing my kippah perhaps 10 years ago. The comments I have received have been: 1) about 80%: "how do you keep that thing on?", 2) about 10%: "what do you call that little hat thing?," 3) about 9%, "Oh, you're Jewish. That's great. You'll understand why my religion is important to me." , 4) and 2-3 semi-cynical comments, all from fellow Jews.
It was my snide comment I made back in my college days, to a fellow Jew who was wearing a kippah, and his gentle response, that was one of those things that got me headed on my path. He's turned out to be a respected child psychiatrist. His comment was something like: "I don't mean to offend or embarrass you. I work on the assumption that those who came before me were wiser and people I should learn from."
As for feeling self-conscious in bad neighborhoods: that's why we have baseball caps.
A wise rabbi taught me the purpose of the kippah: It's to remind us that our souls go beyond our body, and reach up the Heaven.
(43) , April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
I am struggling with the same "kippah phobia" that was expressed in this article, and it's such a relief to know that I'm not the only one who's afraid of wearing a kippah. I'm happy to know that by wearing a kippah, people know exactly where you stand as far as religious beliefs go, and, hopefully in the near future I can be so courageous to wear my yamilke all the time.
(42) Anonymous, April 3, 2005 12:00 AM
2 points
1. As per some people's comments, I wanted to say, that I'm almost positive that a kippa serves as a reminder to its wearer/bearer that G-d is above him, and not necessarily to point out to others that he is a Jew. (Thus, blending in wouldn't be a problem, as long as the Jew remembers the aforementioned idea.)
2. I have a cousin who was interviewing for a job in a non-Jewish company, and he debated on this issue (to wear or not to wear...). He finally decided that if the company really wanted him, they'd have to accept him with his religion, or it wasn't the place for him. He walked into the building and noticed a mezuzah on the doorpost. Definitely a suprise!
Then he passed a room inside and noticed a bunch of kippa wearing men, learning Gemara. Needless to say, he got the job,and is very happy that he went ahead and wore his kippa.
(PS I think the owner of the plant there was Jewish, and that's how it all started, but the company itself was surely NOT Jewish.)
(41) Greg, January 4, 2003 12:00 AM
I certainly agree with all of the author's comments. I just wanted to relate to Mr. Nelson Templar that he is allowed to wear his Kippa in the bathroom. Only tefillin and certain similar articles are forbidden but Kippa (and tzitzis) are completely allowed.
(40) Nelson Templar, January 3, 2003 12:00 AM
I understand
I understand you feeling nervous about your kippah, when I, received mine I was nervous about it, but I realised that I was making a statement not only about myself but also about my faith. I now wear mine wherever I go (except to the bathroom). It lets people know who I am and what I stand for, "I am a Jew and I am proud and honored to be one". Of course there are people who will stare and point at us, and that is something we do not need to feel worried about, because they are not only reminding us but others as well of our committment to our faith. But in the end it is not their opinions that we need to be concerned about, it is the opinion of the Great Maker Himself, that we need to focus on. So when someone points, laughs, or whatever else they do, thank them either verbally or in your heart, for reminding you of the choice that you made to serve G-D.
(39) Howad, October 18, 2002 12:00 AM
My thoughts exactly
I also struggled with the idea of wearing a kippah at work for years. All that time I felt like a "closet Jew" every time I got to work and forgetting I had my kippah on I whipped it off before getting to my building's entrance. Then one day I came to a realization: If I was to progress spiritually and become a whole person, I needed to be consistent in my practices.
Like Janis Joplin said in a song: "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got".
That very day I made the decision to wear my kippah all day- from dawn to dusk, come what may.
Once on the job that first day, there were only a few awkward moments when my co-workers wondered out loud what this change was all about. The response was overwhelmingly positive. After that I noticed that I got holiday good wishes from several non-Jewish workers around the High Holidays since it was my kippah that made it plain who and what I was.
It's been several months since then and I am now completely comfortable wearing my kippah all the time in public and at work. I feel more integrated, whole and focused on being a better Jew and on being myself.
Thanks for telling your story.
(38) Geoff, September 15, 2002 12:00 AM
Very true !!!!
I find this article to be extremely applicable to my life at the moment. I struggle daily with the dilemma of wearing a kippa in public. I think that up to now I have lacked courage for fear of not living up to the standard of behaviour that kippah wearers are expected to follow.
Like the writer of this article I to am going through the motions of job interviews with law firms. Up to now I haven't worn a kippah but have spoken freely about my plans for yeshivah to the firms. I think that wearing a kippah is truly a wonderful oppportunity for a kiddush hashem (sanctification of Hashem's name). At work, one experiences levels of moral depravity that I think one can steer clear from by wearing a kippah. I hope to muster the courage when I enter the legal profession.
(37) jason, September 11, 2002 12:00 AM
great article, very funny
I liked the article, it had some interesting one liners that had me on the floor laughing. I hope that one day I am brave enough to wear my Yarmulke out in public.
(36) Yitzchok, August 23, 2002 12:00 AM
Kippah Debate
I live in NYC. I am trying to land a job as a financial analyst/trader. And, I get the impression that wearing a Kippah shouts loudly I'm not part of the team. And, I'm convinced that I'm losing out on opportunities one after another. I'm modern orthodox but I'm frum. And, it just seems that the Kippah is weirding the people at interviews out. And, I need to be working, not an idealist.
(35) Jenni, August 6, 2002 12:00 AM
Alternative ending
When I read this, I thought the guy in the elevator would disappear, only to show up again as the interviewer. The narrator would be hired because, even after hearing that kippot weren't welcomed, he did not take it off.
(34) Adrian Laufer, August 4, 2002 12:00 AM
The risks of wearing a kippah
Congratulations on the article, it is really brilliant.
However, I wanted to point out that it's not always so recommended to wear a kippah all the time for everyone, unless you are a hundred percent sure that you are inmune of doing any kind of possible Jilul Hashem. That is mainly my problem and reason of why I don't wear a kippah outside the shils, or whenever I am not eating or studying Torah, or in Shabbat.
On the other hand, as long as you make all things right you will be doing the opposite (kidush Hashem) which is one of the most important things.
All I'm saying is that wearing a kippah is not the first step to rise in religion, but that it's very important once you're ready to wear it.
(33) Sam S, August 1, 2002 12:00 AM
UPDATE: Wear a kippah. Period.
Have to add a little more.
Since Jewish religion is not only religion as belief, but also a lifestyle - we, Jews, have to do it. Otherwise we are not much different than everybody else. It is our responsibility to server G-d and bring the Light into this world, so, let us make correct decisions on what to do and what not to do. I am not saying I do them all myself (I do not even know all the commandments yet), but I do mitzvot as I learn, and this is because I am part of ny people, and I have responsibility to be one of them. And, one more thing... religion is something INSIDE YOU - what YOU chose to do, not what OTHERS think about it. Opinion of others should not affect your commitment to be a Jew. I've been thinking about it for last 12 years...I have made my choice.
(32) Anonymous, March 6, 2002 12:00 AM
CORPORTAE LOGO ON CAP
What about the scenerio where you are in sales and just do not wish to get involved in a discussion about religion or politics that the Kippah inevitabely generates?
I had a Company Logo designed on a baseball cap that really looks the part and solves the problem most of the time
(31) Jan Mishkin, March 5, 2002 12:00 AM
What insight this gives to a woman who has never worn a kipah.
As someone who began covering her hair 1 1/2 years ago, I can relate to Richard's thoughts and dilemas. I too felt these trepidations however, a shaital is not quite as obvious as a kippah. I give him a hearty yasher koach!
(30) Socrates Vouros, March 3, 2002 12:00 AM
Kippah goes a lot of explaining indeed
Wearing a kippah publicly is the only think that identifies you as someone Jewish. When I started wearing my kippah I thought everyone was staring at me and felt very uncomfortable. But with time I just got used to it and I constantly wear it now. As I`m about to finish my post-graduate education and will be soon looking for a job I only hope that my kippah will not prejudice people. I`m not going to compromise my aspirations for anyone. Especially now with whatever goes on in Israel and all over the world we need to show everyone that we aren`t afraid and are proud to be Jewish. One way or another when you start asking time off for the hagim it will become obvious that you`re Jewish so why just be straightforward from the beginning?
(29) Anonymous, February 26, 2002 12:00 AM
wearing a kipa full time is apractical option
B"H
So many brachot to say every day. The common ones, the not so common ones, at least 100 every day.
Besides the set prayers we thank god for the food before and after eating, we thank g-d for our good health every time we leave the washroom, a glass of water requires two blessings and each blessing requires a head covering.
I found that instead of putting on a kipa for every blessing and then taking it off it was much simpler and more practical to leave it on all day long.
I am a real estate broker wearing a kipa full time for about 14 years dealing with all nationalities in Canada and now in Israel(including German and Arabic) and I have always found that the kipa was respected by all. Never do I ever remember feeling that it hurt me in business.
(28) Anonymous, February 17, 2002 12:00 AM
The week my uncle died.
In 1988 I was working for a large stock brokers in the city of London. I had been shomer kashrut for sometime but only wore my kippah on Shabbat, being too embarrassed to wear it in the centre of London.
Six months before I made aliyah my religious uncle suddenly became ill. I left work one morning to go and see him in hospital, putting my kippa on as I left my office. When I got to his room he spoke to me briefly and with a smile he departed from this world. I sat with him for an hour until his son, my cousin arrived. My father told me that he wanted me to go to register the death and gather various documents. I spent the whole day driving around central London. In the evening I came home and realized that I had worn my kippa for the whole day.
The next morning I put the kippa right back on my head and headed for work. It was easy to explain. My uncle had died and it was a sign of mourning I told them. Then during the shiva week there was a tube train strike. I had to take a bus to the shiva house in Stamford Hill so I queued up at a bus stop in Thread Needle street, right by the distinguished buildings of the London Stock Exchange and the Bank of England. Now, after a few days I was feeling a lot less self-conscious about my kippa on my head. Just then a smartly dressed man, in his 70s, pin stripe suit, bowler hat and umbrella passed by. He looked at me and said in a loud voice for the whole crowd to here “You’re a JEW aren’t you!”. “Yes” I replied, in a calm voice. At that, he lifted his umbrella and hit me over the head with it. Then he walked off. I stood there stunned. My fellow bus stop companions turned away. He was an old fragile man and it was not physically a strong blow but as my face started to burn and my head began to spin, I felt as if I had been hit with a police truncheon.
Here I was, standing in most civilized place of the most civilized country in the world and I had been the victim of an anti-Semitic attack by what would have looked like by most as the most civilized gentleman in London. All I could think of was that I had five months and 26 days until I’d be on that ElAl plane and the start of a new life in Israel.
(27) Jose Coelho, February 15, 2002 12:00 AM
Because this I say every time...
Every time when I talk with a rabi, or a jew friend, I tell this : we need to come to Israel, There is our country, There we will can be a "Model Jew", I know There has problems, but we are jews and we can modify this, we are sons of Avraham, we are the people of G-d, please, every body, Lets go Israel, with your family, move to There. There is Eretz Yisrael, remember There we can every time use kippah. Shalom
(26) Anniteh Shatz (Zahne), February 10, 2002 12:00 AM
You' ve Made Us Proud!
Wearing a Kippah in a law firm gives the impression of a firm that upholds the law, therefore trustworthy.
There would be no concern for men who are wearing a turban, a full beard and attire that are customary for Sikhs, or Moslems, or for that matter clergy from the Vatican.
I encourage more men to wear a Kippah, and for women to wear a beret, braided hair, instead of a wig. This is the true spirit of Israel and all Israelites.
(25) Sacilliyah Yves-Walker, November 7, 2001 12:00 AM
Consistency
Defining your Judaism has and will always be a test of strength. The reason it says in the scriture be of good courage, and thou shalt love the Lord thy G-D with all thy heart, and all thy soul and with all thy MIGHT.
I am a female and the test of strength is in no way diminished and may be
Exacerbated.
But showing your faith and your belief is what developes character.
(24) , August 27, 2000 12:00 AM
I was very pleased with this article, because it mirrors the struggle I am going through, i.e. gradually showing my religious beliefs to the outside world. I found that the subject of this article is a bit lucky, because he had the opporitunity to move around and turn over a new leaf every time, without all his friends seeing him wearing a kippah and snidely remarking something to the effect of, "So, now you think you're frum..." This moving is not an option for me. I've adopted the "gradually-getting-rid-of-my-pants-in-favor-of-long-skirts" method. I nonetheless consider this article a must-read for those in simmilar positions, as well as for others, to remind them to be sensitive to others during this type of (and any)transition. Please "keep 'em coming" (so to speak).
(23) Anonymous, May 8, 2000 12:00 AM
son's kippah
my three year old son has begun to wear his kippah on a regular basis. since i cover my hair with either a baseball cap, a shaitel or an inconspicuous beret i find that i can usually blend into the crowd. i am amazed,however, by the number of total strangers who will approach us in the supermarket or anywhere else we happen to be running errands, and seeing my son's kippah, will identify themselves to me as fellow Jews (we do not live in an overtly Orthodox area and the sight of a kippah in some places is still a bit unusual). surprisingly, this rarely happens when i am with my husband, who always wears his kippah. i find that i am also acutely aware of my son's behavior in public now that he is easily identifiable as a Jew -- something that was always stressed to me and my classmates as children in yeshiva -- but now hits home. not only is my child's behavior a reflection of my parenting skills, but also, i feel, of the Jewish people as a whole (now i know how my mother felt when we were out with my brothers!). conversely, when he is well behaved, which is most of the time, and he is complimented, I am so proud of him and the fact that he is wearing a kippah!
(22) Martin Spooning, April 14, 2000 12:00 AM
I love this new writer that AISH has gotten.
Rabbi or Mr. Rabkin is a great writer. sometimes you read these articles on Jewish sites and it is just fluff. He does not just give me an interest and fun article to read. He makes me think and that is what I want when I come to the AISH site.
(21) Anonymous, April 13, 2000 12:00 AM
kippah as symbol
A friend, who is a Navy chaplain and rabbi, was present in Beirut in 1982 when the Marine Corps Barracks were bombed and over 200 people were killed. While tending to the wounded and offering comfort to those who miraculously survived, he used his kippah to wipe blood from the face of a person half-buried in rubble on the ground. A fellow chaplain (a Catholic priest) noted that his compatriot's kippah was missing---so he tore a circle of camouflage material from the sleeve of his own uniform and placed it on the rabbi's head, saying that he wanted everyone to see that, in the face of such hate-induced tragedy, Jews and Christians could work side by side for peace. The kippah was a symbol to the world that love could triumph over evil, and the photograph of the rabbi wearing the camouflage kippah was widely circulated.
(20) Anonymous, April 10, 2000 12:00 AM
A story
Told to me by a friend, true as far as I know:
My kippah-wearing friend was working for the summer at a NYC law firm, where some of the other, mostly younger lawyers also wore kippot. But there were some older lawyers at the firm who were known to be observant Jews but who did not wear a kippah to work. Seeing this, a non-Jewish lawyer was curious, and asked my friend a question along the lines of, Up until what age are you required to wear that thing? (!) Perhaps it appeared to him as a sort of "freshman beanie." It seems there are generational differences in attitudes toward kippah wearing at work . . .
(19) Eric Grosser, April 7, 2000 12:00 AM
Wearing kippa all the time very important
Having grown up in a town of some 14,000 with very few Jews, I feel that wearing the kippa all the time is essential for all Jews, regardless of one's level of observance. While one has to be careful about wearing the kippa in a non-kosher restaurant, for example, there is no reason that the kippa should be perceived as only "Orthodox" per se, but rather is a very important Jewish symbol. Although I am observant, even before I was what most would refer to as "Orthodox", I found that wearing the kippa all of the time acutally enhanced my sense of Jewish pride, and in trun observance level. I highly recommend it!
(18) Charles Weg, April 7, 2000 12:00 AM
Its not always that simple.
I work in a firm that I am sure would welcome me wearing my kippah at work. This is not a matter of courage. For me, it is a matter of personal preference.
I work in sales. Halacha issues aside, I do not feel comfortable entertaining customers in various social settings not of my choosing, ie, treif restaurants (roasted water, etc.) wearing a kippah. I can't imagine many people would.
Years ago as a child, my Rav O"S used to take us to a treif restaurant that served kosher ice cream in glass kaylim. In today's environment of religious and non-religious extremes, I can not imagine it ever happening even though the product is 100% kosher. How often do you see a religious person drinking a Coke in a Macdonalds? This is not a matter of courage.
It is a dilemna I face as do quite a few observant men, I am sure. I do not know the answer to it but I do know the answer is NOT to find another job.
(17) Gustavo Guberman, April 6, 2000 12:00 AM
An every Jew Dilemma
I'm sure that all Jews have lived this dilemma, at least once. I'm the only Jew in a 140,000 inhab. city in Brazil. I'm not a religious man, but I observe the Great Holidays. After the last Yom Kipur, I had to stop in a library, to look for a book that I was searching. As I was leaving the Synagoge, I was wearing my Tzitzit, thus, I couldn't keep my Kippah in a pocket. That was a strange feelling to go there, with everybody looking at me, and to act naturally. But I did that, and nothing bad happened, of course. But the most important lesson is that we don't have to be afraid to be Jews, otherwise, we feel like being honored to carry on God's gift to the world.
(16) Rachel Molly Loonin, April 6, 2000 12:00 AM
Kippot that blend in
This article displayed a lot of optimism for men who want to publicly display their committment to Judaism, however one would rarely see a professional in a city like New York wearing a kippah s'rugah/crotcheted kippah, as displayed in the photo, in a bank, law firm, or other formal environment.
Most men I have seen in the NY professional world, if they wear kippot to work, wear black suede or velvet (or, if crotcheted, it's still black), and I get the feeling many do this not for ideological reasons but because it blends in, which I think defeats the whole purpose of wearing a kippah.
(15) charles lowenstein, April 6, 2000 12:00 AM
right-on!
Stick to it. I went through that about 20 years ago and I feel it helped, rather than hurt my business success
(14) Jay Goldstein, April 6, 2000 12:00 AM
Pertinent!
I am currently trying to get up the courage to wear my kippah at work and all the time. Very encouraging.
(13) Karen Chayo, April 5, 2000 12:00 AM
This article is great!! Congratulations on the way you took your decision, I am sure that the way you acted brought you luck in your interview.
(12) Susan Fribush, April 5, 2000 12:00 AM
I really loved this article. I'm studying with Aish in the Maryland/DC area and am becoming more committed, so I loved your article about dealing with your commitment.
(11) , April 4, 2000 12:00 AM
As a Philadelphia lawyer who does not yet wear a kippah to work, I really appreciated this article. I think often about this topic, so it was poignant and timely for me.
(10) Mark Friedman, April 4, 2000 12:00 AM
Very good Kippah article
I really thought that was a great topic to write about. I am finishing up college in St. Louis and had a similar experience when I returned after spending a year studying at Ohr Somayach (I did also spend some time at Aish).
The culmination of my decision was when I decided to wear my yalmuka to all of my med school interviews. At two of my interviews, both of which were among the top 5 schools, the interviewer was so interested in Judaism and my experiences in Israel that he told me on the spot I would get accepted.
just wanted to share that with you. This aish site along with the weekly bulletin is really outstanding.
sincerely,
Mark Friedman
(9) beth hausen, April 4, 2000 12:00 AM
EXCELLENT ARTICLE!
"I became observant as a senior at the U.S.Merchant Marine Academy at Kings Point, New York back in 1993. The Academy was filled with young men and women from just about every state in the United States including Puerto Rico and Panama. The Academy is pretty small and just about everyone knew I was a Jew anyway. I decided that I should start wearing my kippah full time. In fact, I got permission from the Superintendent to wear it with my Uniform in
accordance to U.S. Dept. of Defense Directive 1300.17. Of course, once I wore it with my uniform, I HAD to wear it full time in civilian clothes too.
I had forced myself to make it a habit that I could not get away without. While it brought some anti-semites out from under the rocks they were hiding under, I got quite a measure of respect from the Faculty, Staff, and especially religious gentiles. I have since worked in the Maritime industry for my required five years and have one more year left as a Lieutenant in the U.S. Navy Reserves. Last year I went to the U.S. Naval Academy to assist training their Midshipmen on their summer cruise. I wore my kippah all the time and seeing that there was no place to daven alone on the boat,I had to daven quietly in a corner of the Command and Control Room (in front
of everyone). My talit and tefillin must have been quite a site to see for a young Midshipman in the U.S.Navy. I always remind myself, that as
observant Jews, we are ambassadors of G-D. We must stand tall for what is right even when it may feel uncomfortable."
Meir Kirshner
(8) Saul Brownstein`, April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Wearing a kippah in a predominantly non-Jewish environment is a challenge, but is certainly worthwhile. It is also a responsibility. Your author has scratched the surface of the debate - I hope it continues.
(7) Anonymous, April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
I liked the humor.
This was very funny. I laughed out loud. Being a woman, I don't have a kippah problem, but I can relate to going out with your co-workers to eat and wanting to order roasted water.
(6) , April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Wonderful article, very funny--I laughed out loud. I laughed because I identified so well. As a woman, I confront the same issues, e.g., when leaving work early on Fridays, or, whether/how I will cover my hair--worrying I have to be a "model Jew" because I choose to assert my identity. I, too, have walked home from shul on Shabbat in NYC--indistinguishable from any other New Yorker--with virtually the same silly monologue going on in my mind: "What are you looking at?... Haven't you ever seen a Jewish person before? RACIST PIG!" Glad to laugh heartily, because underlying it's tragic we're ashamed to be Jews. A man's prejudice is to his own discredit; too bad we get confused thinking it has something to do with us.
(5) David Scop, Esq., April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Its comforting to see that the debate rages on. Other professions that used to discriminate now welcome the kippah wearing Jew. The extra responsibility it carries to the wearer is a bonus. It keeps you on your guard. It also strengthens those of us who already made the choice to wear it, and encourages others to join the ranks.
(4) Bob Devaney, April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Enjoyable article on first-time kippah wearing.
Here in Reno, NV, there are only a handful of
Jews who consistently wear kippot. I crochet
my own kippot, and use hairpins only when the winds are strong. When I began wearing a kippah everywhere, including to work, people curious enough to ask would say, "How does it stay on?"
(3) Anonymous, April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Good article, but...
Good article. Two questions and a comment:
- Why not just wear a hat over the kippa for the hour-long walk on Shabbat (sans eruv) through "hostile territory".
- What kashrut standards were compromised by eating the salad?
I wonder if for every law firm (or other business) like the one portrayed in the article, there aren't several others where kippa wearing would carry more of a downside. There really is a tradeoff, at least for some people in some professions in some cities, between the positives of wearing a kippa that the article identifies(not to mention observance of Shabbat and Yom Tov and kashrut, etc.) vs. the need to earn a living and people's legitimate professional ambitions. So I don't think it's so simple.
(2) Chana Siegel, April 3, 2000 12:00 AM
Am I My Brother's Kippa?
The fact is, when you do something you're not really proud of,it reflects badly on your religion. This is a good incentive for the individual to behave well.On the other hand, it's a big responsibility for the individual, should he fail. Actually, I started wearing a kippa all the time when I realized that the fact that I like to snack meant I was always having to get the thing out of my pocket. I did want to progress in my Jewish commitment, but the snacking made for a kind of "carrot-and-stick" effect.
(1) Wendy Werner, April 2, 2000 12:00 AM
Thanks for this timely article. My husband is
going through an Orthodox conversion. Although
he never expressed a problem with wearing a Kippah in the future, I just found this a great
article to pass on to him.