Who would believe that I would admit to this publicly?
Praying is an essential part of my life. I’ve always been profoundly moved by the beautiful explanation given by rabbinic commentators as reason for why we pray three times a day: If our bodies need the physical nourishment of breakfast, lunch and dinner for a healthy lifestyle then our souls similarly require the spiritual sustenance of Shacharit, Minchah and Ma’ariv. Going to shul is not just a mitzvah, it’s almost a medical requirement.
And yet with just a very few rare exceptions on the High Holy Days – made possible by outdoor prayer on a temporarily closed for traffic city street- I haven’t been able to pray in a synagogue since the start of the global pandemic. For the longest time the local shuls were shut down by city edict. When they finally were permitted to reopen with strict guidelines for number of attendees, age restrictions for the elderly as well as my own doctor’s orders have forced me to continue my personal spiritual quarantine.
So it is now more than half a year that I haven’t been able to talk to God in the sanctity of my otherwise “second home” – a synagogue that allows me to feel kinship not only with the Almighty but with my fellow community of Jews as well.
This period of personal deprivation has taught me a crucial lesson about the blessing of synagogue life. In Jewish tradition a synagogue is known by three different Hebrew names. It is commonly called a Beit Tefillah – a house of prayer. Others frequently prefer to refer to it as a Beit Midrash – a house of study. Finally, and perhaps most often, it is known as a Beit Ha-Knesset, a house of communal gathering.
The three names emphasize the three different purposes of the place Jewish genius created to serve as substitute for the holy Temple after its destruction. A synagogue, the Talmud tells us, is a mikdash me’at – a mini sanctuary and perhaps more than anything else it was historically responsible for the preservation of Judaism and the Jewish people.
Each of the three Hebrew names for a synagogue emphasizes a different important aspect.
Yet each of the Hebrew names for a synagogue emphasizes a different important aspect. Obviously, prayer is one of them. Of course it should be called a Beit Tefillah, a House of Prayer. Yet, a synagogue without an emphasis on the study of Torah surely lacks a crucial component. It was Rabbi Kook who famously said that the difference between prayer and Torah is that in prayer man speaks to God and in Torah God speaks to man. The synagogue needs to emphasize both of these conversations and its Hebrew name can certainly reflect one or the other.
But the third name, Beit Ha-Knesset, a house of communal gathering, focuses on a different dimension of synagogue life: community. A synagogue is other people. A synagogue is friendship. A synagogue is sharing in the lives of others. It allows for communal celebrations of joy, commemorations of achievements, exchanging of Mazel Tovs. It makes possible offering condolences, helping others get through times of grief and of sorrows, showing other people with a hug or a handshake that they are not alone.
Yes, we are permitted to pray by ourselves, but it is not ideal. Prayer should take place with a minyan – at least nine other people. As a Hasidic rabbi beautifully put it, “The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” In the United States, a recent issue of Psychology Today tells us, loneliness is currently at epidemic levels. A recent Cigna study of 20,000 U.S. adults found that nearly half of Americans feel like they are alone. There is no doubt that loneliness is on the rise. And it affects people of all ages. A survey by AARP, showed that more than 42 million U.S. adults over age 45 suffer from chronic loneliness.
In the Torah, after reading of the creation of mankind, the Torah tells us, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). A beautiful rabbinic commentary I once heard on this verse is that it is meant to be an addendum to the previous seven times when God, evaluating His acts of creation, uttered His conclusion that “it is good.” Yes, the world and all that God brought into being “is good”, but that is only on one condition. It is good when it is shared. It is beautiful when it is not viewed in isolation. “Lo tov” – it is not good when we are alone, separated from any sense of communal life, estranged from others and condemned to what criminologists recognize as the cruelest form of punishment – solitary confinement.
A synagogue is primarily referred to as a Beit Ha-Knesset. It is where loneliness is exchanged for community, isolation is transformed into the holiness not only of prayer and of Torah study but also of friendship, of shared values, and – yes – even of the kiddush at the end of the services.
Life when not shared with others is unbearably desolate. And frankly, I'm lonely.
So here's my confession. I survived seven months without being in shul. But while I sorely missed my House of Prayer, I prayed at home and still found a great deal of spiritual connection with God. I did not hear the reading of the Torah in a Beit Midrash – but I managed to learn quite a bit on my own with the Torah commentaries in my personal library. But the one thing I could not replace was the Beit Ha-Knesset.
Now I truly understand why Beit Ha-Knesset remains the most universal way people refer to a shul. Life when not shared with others is unbearably desolate; none of us can be truly human in isolation. Our service of God requires that we relate to other people. Frankly, I’m lonely.
And when the day will come, please God in the very near future, when the plague will be but a bitter memory, I will treasure as never before the blessings of community, friendship, and of togetherness that only a Beit Ha-Knesset can provide.
(13) Anonymous, November 17, 2020 6:40 PM
No one is ever alone loneliness is a mindset only,
..... there are your readers looking forward to your writings. It is my prayer that you and yr loved ones be well. Know that we the readers treasure your work, or lectures at aish.com. I am very grateful for your teachings . With the Almighty one is never alone and one may relate to people at more than one level it need not be personal. In essence no one is alone neither the great grandmother nor the solitary artist who creates beauty for others he never sees or meets but has on his mind when he works.
(12) Nechama, November 17, 2020 11:38 AM
LONELINESS
Loneliness has always been a problem to a certain extent, but it's never reached such proportions. The reason is lack of commitment to others (not getting married, not having children or having very few children, not feeling obligated to elderly parents).
People think they can live alone, thereby not being vulnerable, however giving yourself and your unconditioned love to another is the secret of happiness.
I've raised 10 children and had my portion of difficulties, but now in my old age I feel their love and devotion so strongly. Just today, I spoke on the phone to 2 married grandchildren and one 14 year old. Our son dropped in to say "hello" and our daughter brought us our medications.
My husband and I are very independent but if we need their help we feel we're enabling them to earn the mitzvah of honoring their parents.
My advice to the young: Get married, build families before it's too late.
G-d bless!!!
(11) Shmuel Shimshoni, November 16, 2020 6:56 PM
Corona time home praying
For over half a year already, I get to our Bet haknesset every day, Morning and night, except for Friday nights. And have found that A true friday night prayer should take at least three-quarters of an hour.
When I used to have to "skip" through prayers in order to keep up with the rest, I was not really davening. But at home, I manage to get every word and letter into my prayers. After all this is order, I will have to decide whether to revert to the old "skip-jack" style of davening, in order to get in a Borchu.
(10) Andrea Chester, November 16, 2020 2:00 PM
you broke my heart
Your statement, that frankly, you are lonely, punched my in the gizzard. I am a non-Jew, living in Bible-belt western North Carolina. A handful of Jews, no b’nai Noah...yes, you put a very deft finger on what has ailed me for a bunch of years. Spiritually, I am lonely. I guess I could go to church, but that doesn’t fit me anymore. Judaism is a mantle I tried on, but cannot in good faith wear. My community is online, so thank GOD for internet, but, oh, my precious Rabbi Blech, I sure hear ya. Just one more reason that you are one of my very favorites, I am sure.
And, oh yes...I lift you and your family in prayer often, for your continued well-being. Just know that your words, your writings, are a treasured part of my library. Many blessings, dear Rabbi.
(9) Cosmic X, November 16, 2020 12:42 PM
COVID-19 and the Courtyard Minyans
We have been weathering this plague a little bit differently in Israel:
https://cosmicx.blogspot.com/2020/11/covid-19-and-courtyard-minyans.html
(8) Anonymous, November 16, 2020 11:07 AM
Our change also
I also miss going to Shul as I have always enjoyed the Davening together. My husband would go to Shul less and I think was less connected to the Davening. Since the first lockdown, we have been davening at home and I see that is has really connected my husband. Despite there being the possibility of joining outdoor davening, I now prefer to stay to daven at home as I know it benefits my husband and through my staying at home with him, he will daven more.
(7) Barbara Conquest, November 15, 2020 7:58 PM
Not confined to one religion
As a Christian, I too have been greatly affected by missing communal worship, as have many others to my knowledge. May we all soon be able to resume this, regardless of the religion we follow.
(6) Avia Liora Mendel, November 15, 2020 7:45 PM
Dear Rabbi Blech, I so very much agree and affirmed what you wrote!! I miss my Beit Knesset time of prayer, community and and learning soo much. [I am a lecturer in History of Art, and your writings have inspired my talks]
(5) Anonymous, November 15, 2020 7:36 PM
Perfectly describes what many of are thinking bb
So well describes how most of us have that longing to be back in the Bais Haknesset which we took for granted when we had all the opportunities to do so.
(4) r bruce b birnbaum, November 15, 2020 7:22 PM
Great article
Great articles
(3) Marlene, November 15, 2020 5:55 PM
AMEIN!
Bim Heira v'Yameinu...and may it speedily in our days!!!
(2) Luis, November 15, 2020 4:24 PM
Loneliness
So true! What is missed the most is the communal sentiment of being close to one another. When I went through the COVID-19 illness, even though mild, as my doctor would put it, -I did not require going to a hospital-, my wife and I kept our distance, took different bedrooms and avoided physical contact for four weeks. Two weeks during my ailment and two more weeks after the fever was gone. What I missed the most es being able to embrace my wife and feeling the connectedness with another human being. Extrapolating that to lo of in a community and being prevented to mingle without fear, is the reason -as the article points out- the feeling of loneliness arises in us more deeply... a feeling I have now identified! Thanks for sharing!
(1) Serge Szpaizman, November 15, 2020 3:52 PM
Excellent description of 3 functions of temple.
Well written article about the 3 functions of temple and how the pandemic has changed our interaction with others in our community. For now loneliness can be mitigated by our electronic communications such as Zoom, Facebook and What's App. Hopefully soon we can resume a normal community interaction.
Thank you.