American Jewry is Disappearing

I am the product of a very Secular background. I married a Jewish man and am the mother of a now young adult. He attended the after school Hebrew School in our Conservative Synagogue. I left that Shul many years ago and am a member of the Orthodox Shul in my community. One Shabbos morning I was getting ready to attend services when I found my son crying. The creator of Marvel Comics Stan Lee (born Stanley Lieberman) had just died and my son was a great admirer of Mr. Lee. My son asked me to please say Kaddish for Stan Lee. I said of course I would and I did. Also, two months ago while I was in Israel my son volunteered to light Shabbos candles. Our children are watching us. Of course there are no guarantees in life, but maybe I have planted the seed of my son marrying within the faith. (He is obviously nor married and is not currently dating anyone).

I taught Sunday School for 12 years in 2 conservative shuts in differ states. Seeing how many children had a non- Jewish mother and recognizing that they went to Xmas celebrations with their mother and seeing a few divorces where the mother stopped being Jewish...I told my 6th grade classes to marry or Jewish woman, or have her convert to Judasim before marriage nd to sign a prenuptial agreement that the Daren will be raised Jewish even if their in a divorce. I said this in a polite nd friendly manner as "food for thought." Parents complained ... Especially the Gentiles. Many many people let their children marry Gentiles because. That there children should be happy and still talk to them is the most important. That they ha a relationship with their grandchildren. It's not so much a threat if the mother isJewish ..but when I saw the man marriGe dro a gentile and raising the kids Jewish yet letting the moth visit her parents wi the children at or on Xmas that I saw it was not good. I heard the children say they liked the non-Jewish grandparents life more. This s in the years 1995-2013. It's only gotten more mixed since then

Is this not incredible and sad? My mother and father divorced and both married catholics (no body reading torah) My sister too.I went to foster care with non-believing episcopal who were a g_d send to me. I became a Dr. because I was out at 18 BUT they believed in me.
I am adamant about Jewish life surviving and thriving. When we discover such a sad circumstance; loose the soapbox. Jews have to come back like a beaten dog. You have something delicious, a way of life of caring of loving.... that the discouraged beaten dog slowly comes to you.
Shouting, admonishing, shaming.... isn't going to get a beaten dog to eat from your hand is it? First love then Torah. We have almost no one to date, let alone marry. In N. America I'm going to ask does that come into the picture for you? Not enough nice Jewish people. My own issue: we have a number of "genetic weaknesses" due to inline breeding. I love all the colors of people in Israel, because it means diversivication, genetically; and that means toughness. I went to Israel to give everything I had: Money, property, my life.... I teach in an American facility. We could have made Tel Aviv go from unknown dental school to the top three in the world. But I guess I was a beaten dog. And Israel said no without any intelligible reason. Because we had conquered racial predjudice, and replaced it with religious, even intra jewish religious prejudice. I was broken home, lived homeless at age 15, make it pretty big... go to Israel to give them a gift of myself and my children. And Israel says .. no. THAT was the biggest heartache of my entire life. I've been to congress 4 or 5 times to lobby for Israel. What is wrong with this picture Rabbi; because if you can't answer that question with action, you will act the same, and expect a different result. Finally we know what to do with and enemy! But we've no idea what to do with a friend. I mean no disrespect but we are loosing IT, just as you said.

I'm a Torah Observant Jew, but I have a lot of relatives who are not (yet) Torah Observant. B"H, I have a good relationship with most of them. I would love to help them come closer to Torah Judaism, but I don't know how (other than to be part of each other's lives and set the right example). Most of us Torah Observant Jews want to help- we know that intermarriage and assimilation are serious issues, but we need concrete ideas on how to reach out to our fellow Jews without anyone feeling judged or otherwise hurt.

As a husband and a parent, I am an expert at giving advice that everyone ignores. So here’s another piece of advice that I expect no one will take: Stop trying to prevent the Jews from disappearing. You have no control over that, because ‘the Jews’ are not your property to dispose of as you wish. Even stop trying to prevent your kids from intermarrying, because they’re going to make their own choices regardless of what you want.

Instead, start trying to put more Judaism into your own life, because you have direct control over that. Start trying to get yourself closer to God, the God of the Jews, because you have direct control over that. Start today, now. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, but always keep trying, every day, for the rest of your life. More and more and more. Make it a priority, maybe one of your top priorities. If you want it, God will help you achieve it.

(Anybody still with me here?)

Yes Elliott; I'm still with you. We came to america when I was a child. My parents pursued the american dream, and largely achieved it. 4 Jewish grandparents. they got a new job, worked shabbat, got new cars a house then a better house, then a divorce.
The wonderful Rabbi to have any effect is going to have to put himself into the experience of Jewish life in America.
We don't need another relevant message regarding Ortho-Reform etc. We desperately need a message that is inherently relevant to the group you'd like to reach.
My son and daughter have been on the list for young people to go to Israel to visit. On the list, off the list, your in for sure, no your not. How can we ask them to let their yes be yes and their no be no. When they are treated this way. No wonder; that wander.

Many perfect Jews snub others who donot have a perfect pedigree and family history, even though they may be very committed. This is where you were put and what was done to survive. Very surprised to see this. Very painful and such is the result.

Having lived in 2 Cndn. cities in 2 different provinces, my experiences confirm your opinion...& I believe the situation is no different in the US. Anyway, in my country most Jews are fairly well-to-do, & often behave rudely & insultingly to their fellow Jews who are working-class. As a result, the latter do not feel comfortable in the Jewish community (can you blame them?) & therefore assimilate into the general (i.e., gentile) population where they feel more accepted. As one young friend told me, "I'd rather take my chances with occasional antisemitism among gentiles, than with the class hatred that's common among Jews."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTjw96-Z700

The digital revolution is part of the world. Especially the youngsters world. Are there problems with it? Of course, like fire, a car, or a kitchen knife; devices can be used or mis used. The mind holding the technology has to be reached by truth. Maybe we should embrace what are children embrace in order to speak in their language.
People are changing the world with these gadgets. They are changing what people are. Via gene manipulation we are the first species anywhere to have a direct hand in changing our own essence (our genome) This is all happening with digital life. To ban it, ignore, deplore it.... is denial of reality.

I know how to prevent and fix the problem but no one cares

We were told that the professionals were working on this and these trends could be reversed. We donated and then we donated again. It all seems to have been relatively ineffective. Despite the success anecdotes, the overall trend is accelerating. It's probably too late, but what might have once worked would be jewish ambassadors, not at shuls and "learning centers" but out in the community, every day, where unaffiliated Jews, especially younger adults, live and socialize and an active effort to form social groups centered around Jewish ideas and activities with the purpose of fostering a sense of belonging and attachment and facilitating friendships and relationships that would keep young Jews gravitationally attached and increase the likelihood of a lifelong connection. No amount of adult (senior) education can substitute for this at a later time, when as this survey shows, it's too late.

Why not ask the selected groups, why they want to marry out of Judaism, the Jewish nation. There could be just as much effort in dialoguing with the selected group, of the poll, which would achieve some results. There are parts of Torah where it is shown that instead of burying the offensive views, it is better to dialogue with it-check out Rabbi Sacks on parshah Korach. I am also an adult child of intermarriage. I strongly question the wisdom of such. I think even with two well-adjusted and well to do parents, there are going to be conflicts for the children.

maybe you can also speak with people when you come across someone in that situation as you know what you are talking about first-hand.

I asked my daughter who is now dating a very nice non-Jewish fellow, "why can't you find a nice Jewish boy?" Her answer: There aren't any. She is finishing her professional education in a big city in the Northeast US. And she tried and tried to find a "nice Jewish boy". But all she found were self-centered, narcissistic, spoilt little girlie-men, the living caricatures of the old Jewish-mother jokes and how they raised their sons to think they were the Second Coming. But it isn't a joke. We have a generation of arrogant males, who think they deserve an endless stream of beautiful blonde shiksas. Sadly, I'd rather have the non-Jewish fellow she's dating now as my son-in-law than one of those insufferable fools.

It's time to address how horribly we've spoiled our children. They are selfish, materialistic, ultra-liberal perversions of the American Dream. And we have no one to blame for this tragedy but ourselves.

We, your neighbours to the north, have the same situation. What you wrote about your daughter could apply 100% to my daughter as well. And nearly all my friends' daughter too, BTW. I commend you for your blunt honesty, & also Aish.com for having the boldness to publish your comment.

I don't think Jews set out to marry non-Jews. Rather, marrying in is not a priority. Many formerly insular groups have decided that as long as children will be raised in the faith, intermarriage should not be prevented. So it's not about Chaim saying, I want to Mary a non-Jew, it's about Chaim meeting Christine, who is a lovely person, and falling in love with her despite her non-Jewish heritage. And her pastor and his reform rabbi may be willing to co-officiate at their multicultural wedding.

(1) We need to move a little out of our comfort zone and share Torah with non-orthodox Jews and also learn more ourselves.

(2) Another issue is the corruption of orthodox-Jewish institution. Anyone who has had a part in orthodox Jewish life knows that dirt is swept under the carpet. The problem is that this is not the solution.

Unfortunately it's easy to remain in our comfort zones regarding (1) and (2) but I feel that if we do that then we don't have the right to complain about intermarriage. Sure other people are not doing their part (such as non-religious Jews whose children know almost no Torah) but are we doing our part?

It is said that he who doesn't take the time to understand the past is doomed to relive it. All people, now just Jews must look very hard at the past so that we truly understand what it it is that has brought us to this reality. The study of Torah, Talmud, Etc, is not enough, and if done exclusively, will also end us up reliving our ancestors reality over and over again.

We must weigh and discuss, with truly observant others, the road we have traveled in the past so that we can make decisions (or choices) now that will allow us all to be the recipient of more and more desperately needed light.

Only through the understanding of the past will we be able to direct our future. We must think about what has happened in the past to make good, informed decisions about our future.

Bob

May those of us who believed in Torah as the tree of life always call our brothers to come. If you don't do it, will the Americans who are happy do it for you?

I grew up Reform/ Conservative but have a love for traditional Judaism, Jewish people and Israel. Having grown up in the 'conservative / reform' way I can tell you those movements are utterly failing in retaining Judaism for future generations. At the end of this month I am attending a wedding of someone I went to high school (secular public school) who is Catholic who is marry a Jewish man she was introduced to through a Jewish friend. it is apparent that the guy she is marrying does not care that his kids if they have any will not be Jewish and that the Jewish chain will be abruptly cut short with this marriage. Intermarriage is the greatest threat to the Jews

Why are you attending the wedding at all? As a Jew, you may not participate in a religious ceremony outside Judaism - particularly one that involves a Jew violating the Torah (by intermarriage).

You can be nice to your friend, but gently explain that you are not allowed to attend such a wedding. I doubt she would go to a Muslim wedding. Hopefully she will understand.

Shalom.

Sadly, USA Jews prefer to be Anglo Americans and they are embarrassed to be Jewish. People do not understand why a Jew and a non-Jew cannot marry and sadly the Jews of the United States do not know what it means to be Jewish, and they do not know why they should not marry a non-Jew. If people are making a claim that it is racism what Jews are doing it is true our racism is constructive and the Gentiles racism is destructive. We have to save the world and that is what USA Jews wannbe Anglo-Americans do not understand. Plus the Jews of NewYork act more like newyorkers than they do Jewish!

I believe altered Judiasm is disappearing. I live in a Jewish observant town, and these towns are filling to the brim. It is understandable that belonging to and altering the laws of the Torah will bring these types of situations, as we are not permitted to. So, in my opinion, they will all fade away, and observant Torah Judiasm will be the only growth there will be.

The related article, "Will your grandchildren be Jewish?", features a long discredited graphic that has misled far too many in the kiruv community. The underlying statistics are valid; the conclusions are absolutely not valid. They assume 100% retention from one generation to the next.

In fact, there is migration between Jewish movements; loss from Orthodoxy is larger than many would admit. My more sophisticated statistical model takes account of this data as well. I too project an eventual Orthodox majority, but at a much slower rate. Eventually, Reform and Conservative will be sustained by dropouts from Orthodoxy.

The center does not hold, as the poet said. Reform and Conservative and so-called Open Orthodoxy are dropping Torah observance and belief. Only frum Judaism is vigorous in the Torah observant community, but loses people because of an overzealous (neurotic?) need to add to HaShem's own commandments.

Meanwhile, we put up cruel hurdles to those who sincerely wish to join us and observe mitz'voth. In my community, I have seen families and single women put on hold for years, even as they are trying to participate in a frum community. Their jobs and relationships are torn apart as they are held to standards above 99% of the Jewish community, while born Jewish openly flout the Torah and are still welcomed with open arms. This is not what Rambam advocated in his standards for conversion.

I am not optimistic about our fate. I am hoping that a centrist path will open up, committed to Torah observance, but smiling towards the world.

Your points are well stated. My Bais Yaakov educated nieces reluctantly confessed to me that more than a handful of their classmates are either no longer frum, or have no connection to Judaism at all. One can hardly see an upside to that situation. BUT, these nieces have become nicer to their lesser observant relatives as a result. I guess they realize it is better observe some than not at all.

Another survey showing the end of Judaism. As usual, the definition of "Who is a Jew" is taken to the extreme and then not mentioned. To say "75% of those aged 30-34 have a non-Jewish spouse" is nonsense if you exclude converts to Judaism by Conservative or Reform rabbis. If we exclude converts by non-Orthodox movements, then you exclude their children as Jews. It is interesting that Judaism consider Cohens and Levis by patrilineal lineage but Judaism is consider matrilineal. The anti-Semites who want to kill us do not ask what kind of Jews we are or whether I am a better Jew than you. It is the exclusionary tactics that threaten Judaism.

Getting panicy about marriages is a bit late. The problem started somewhere between birth and apprenticeship / college ages in a failure to explain why all this religious stuff matters or to show how it can be interesting. We are reaping an enormous drought in inspiring teaching methods besides a lack of substance in presenting Judaism /religion as more than quibbling over kashrut and marrying in. Teach an objective and purpose to being Jewish beyond mouthing prayers in a language most can neither understand nor use for daily purposes and you might have results.

The end of a diaspora is a forgone conclusion; only the details vary.

The end of the American Diaspora will be the same as that of all the other diasporas. The difference will be the difference between murder and assisted suicide...and the assistants will sadly be those who, knowingly or unknowingly, block or do not actively assist the aliyah of our poor lost members of the tribe in North America (let's not for get our fellow Jews in Canada and Mexico).
Sadly, when it come to the fate of diaspora communities, history and "herstory" certainly do repeat themselves. And, if you do not believe me, just read a little more history.
My advice: call the nearest Jewish Agency aliyah office, Nefesh B'Nefesh or some group or knowledgeable person who can give you reliable info about the advantage of making aliyah...that is if you want your grandchildren to be Jewish.
Marshall Keyes, MD
(made aliyah in 2004)

Unless their is serous racial antisemetism in the usa targeting assimilated jews and those of jewish descent i don't think it likely that non orthodox jewry will continue to be relevant for long. even regarding israel the younger generations of non orthodox are distancing themselves from supporting israel and just as likely to side with those fighting against the jewish state. i think that where major efforts should be focused are within israel where outreach to the larger less observant community is needed and the probability of turning the tide seems to me much more realistic. i'd still try in galut and birthright is a great step along with chabad, aish njop etc but again the forces encouraging assimilation seem so strong there.jews come home should be the campaign motto

The approach that needs to be recognized - the "elephant in the room" is that the non-Orthodox movements are transitional. They don't have "staying power" - no multi-generational influence. Those of the non-Orthodox movement from the early years will have today, either: descendants who are Orthodox (Baalei Tshuva) or non-Jewish. "Feel-good Judaism" doesn't last.

Therefore, in order to save the future of the Jewish nation, it has to be understood that there are only TWO branches of Judaism - the "religious" and the "non-yet religious". Those who think that they can pass off watered-down religion to their future generations are only fooling themselves with a self-vindicating attitude that has disastrous consequences.

I am European, and today the hate towards us is no more open. They pretend to love us.
European Jewry is facing exactely the same problems with assimilation and intermarriage, but we hardly have any Conservative or Reform. People just drop out...

It began with my father who went off derech. He prefered that Reform synagogues used more English. He never learned Hebrew or had bar mitzvah. I believe my mom came from more traditional background as grandma kept kosher, but mom followed dad, & we knew nothing of kashrut. I'm the oldest, & I was sent to Reform Sunday school in 2nd grade. I knew nothing of Judaism before then. Besides holidays, We studied modern Jewish history & comparative religion. Even at Torah study as an adult, the Torah was torn apart as to who REALLY wrote Torah & feel it shower be revised. It's no wonder my younger sister converted to Catholicism for her first marriage. She still wears a cross. My niece did marry a Jewish man, but very secular. They don't belong to any synagogue. So, I don't know their plans for their son. My sister's son, my nephew, denies anything to do with .Judaism. In college, he joined a fraternity that wouldn't have let him in if they knew his mother was born Jewish.
I moved to Israel & married a secular Israeli. We ended up divorced. My son remained in Israel & is married w/3 children all being brought up as secular Israelis although they do celebrate holidays, but go to pool on Shabbat. My current husband's mother was Orthodox & his father Methodist. My husband knows he's Jewish but never had real education but he did have exposure to kashrut & Orthodox Halacha. Thanks to Jewish Workshops/Aish webinars, I've been learning & becoming more Torah observant. Dad sees now that only my son & family will continue Judaism Into next generation. We attend Chabad now. Both Reform & Conservative have thrown out Leviticus & are openly marrying LGBTQ couples. I wish I knew the solution.